Random Questions: About A Bisexual Cheating On You
If I had a penny for every time I heard a gay person say how much they detest dating bisexuals, I’d have a net worth that would make Dangote green with envy.
But what about those who have no problem dating bisexuals?
I have a lesbian friend who resented most every moment of her relationship with her bisexual girlfriend, because the woman would always go sleep with her ex-husband and expect her to understand that it didn’t and shouldn’t mean anything. That it was just sex. With a man.
I also have a friend who recently had a falling out with his boyfriend. What was the problem? His (bisexual) boyfriend had not only gone out there to have sex with a girl, but hadn’t even bothered to hide it from him. And when he confronted him over that, the boyfriend didn’t think he’d done anything wrong. He didn’t think he’d cheated, because, according to him, it was with a girl and sex with a girl was different. My friend went ballistic, especially when he saw that his boyfriend genuinely believed this: believed that sleeping with a girl didn’t count as him cheating on him.
And this mentality is prevalent amongst many bisexuals. There is this separatism that they place on their same-sex and opposite-sex attractions, which makes it okay for them to sleep around with opposite-sex people even when they’re in committed same-sex relationships, and not feel like they’ve done anything wrong.
My lesbian friend broke up with her girlfriend eventually.
My gay friend also broke up with his boyfriend. And they stayed broken up until somehow, his boyfriend finally got it and came around to apologize for his mistake.
I do know that not every gay person would mind this, the way my friends did. I do know that some gay men also think the way the bisexuals think: that sleeping with women doesn’t count as cheating in a gay relationship.
So, who are you: the queer person who doesn’t think anything of your bisexual other half sleeping with a member of the opposite sex? Or the one who would have a real problem with your bae if they stepped out on you with someone of the opposite sex?
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24 Comments
Beth Porter
March 06, 06:52Cheating is cheating, don’t go sleeping around and telling me its different bcus its from the opposite sex…my girlfriend who is bi had ds guy she was flirting with, on calls nd in person.
I called her out a couple of times but she really didn’t see anything wrong with it..
I hands down on bisexuals, they have a mind of their own mhen.
Loki
March 06, 07:49I second u Beth. Wether its with a guy or a girl, as long as u are in a relationship and u hav sex outside its cheating. Hopefully not all bisexuals hav this mindset
Saucebutton
March 06, 08:45If the relationships spelt out exclusive. Cheating is cheating regardless of the person’s sex. Defining a relationship this days is important.
We can’t have a one sided exclusiveness.
Vally
March 06, 08:54If you are bi , please don’t ever come close to me.
You cheat on me with a lady? How do I beat that, I don’t have a vagina/boobs. Mcheew
Wut
March 06, 09:33Stop using cheating as an excuse to further a biphobic agenda. Cheating has nothing to do with being bisexual, and being bisexual doesn’t make one more likely to cheat; cheating also is neither worse nor more understandable with someone of a different gender. Why do Nigerians have such an ingrained aptitude for pro-fascist sentiments?
Mandy
March 06, 12:17This is biphobia now? So Pink Panther is now furthering a biphobic agenda?
Boy, you people sha don’t know how to be part of a conversation without getting triggered.
Black Dynasty
March 06, 14:10I agree with you, the topic and discussion has been framed in such a way to stereotype bi folks which is phobic to be honest and i imagine a bi person reading this might be offended.
A cheat is a cheat, doesn’t have to be gay, bi or str8. I’ve had convo with bi folks who think this way but they seem to be the minority.
Mandy
March 06, 18:43I still do not understand how this post is biphobic. Pinky narrated the experiences of two gay people who were wronged by their bisexual partners. Yes, everybody cheats, but the conversation isnt talking about the cheating of everyone. It is addressing the cheating of bisexuals. It is a specific time of conversation. It addresses a topic from the (very valid) point of view of most gay people. Go to the Facebook page equivalent of this post and see the comments there. See bisexuals dropping comments that make this post a very valid conversation to be had.
Plus the post quantified. It didn’t generalize. It didn’t simply blanket bisexuals as cheats. It said “some” and “many”, and that is a purely subjective view. If Pinky or whoever Pinky is speaking for has met 10 bisexuals, and 8 of them were cheats, of course they are going to talk about how “many” bisexuals are cheats.
I don’t understand this unnecessary triggering that seeks to shut down conversations even when there is nothing prejudicial said. Tomorrow, if we start talking about how “some” Tops are assholes or “many” Bottoms are always looking for who to take care of them, are we going to come up with, I don’t know, Topophobia or Bottomophobia to attack at the person expressing the view?
At this rate, we’re all just going to start suffering in silence and not being able to speak, because one phobia accusation or the other.
This reminds me of women having valid conversations about men being scum, and outraged men attacking them as man haters.
Oftentimes, there is a reason why single stories emerge. And instead of shutting them down with lamentations of prejudice, maybe we should have the conversation anyway to correct them.
Black Dynasty
March 06, 21:14Sighs, not sure what the rant is about. We do not have to agree but I’m fully entitled to express my views and I will call out double standards when i see it.
I said what I said..?
Pink Panther
March 07, 06:01Double standards? I’m curious, what’s the double standard please?
Black Dynasty
March 08, 19:07It’s a stereotype, the narrative of the article doesn’t help the stereotype that gay folks have of bisexuals. When gay men are painted with a broad brush strokes, we do not agree with it… eg gay sexual preferences and hetero normative behaviour. Even when it includes “many bottoms do this and that”…. still a stereotype.
I think questions can be asked and discussions can be had without a boxed narrative…
Deni
March 06, 18:00He didn’t say all bis r cheats he was only speaking of the ones dat don’t see anything wrong with cheating with an opposite sex. Dsame thing, when I say dat the most homophobic gays I v met r bi doesn’t in any way say dat all bis v homophobia. I hope u get.
trystham
March 06, 09:35Cheating on me with either man or woman is still cheating, and I HATE it. I can’t say my dislike for bisexuals is rational, but I believe it comes from a place that they feel their bisexuality is license to be polyamorous, which I am even learning are supposed to be two different things.
Mitch
March 06, 10:03tHiS pOsT iS biPhOBiC!
???
Vally
March 06, 12:51No one should be with a bisexual
I said wat I said
Gif
March 06, 14:44Mtcheeeeew
Elima
March 06, 13:09This is my story, it hurts like nothing you can think of, especially when you are so in love with the bisexual. But then, you don’t tell your heart whom to love. I don’t advise anyone on this part, it’s not a pleasant experience. Worst of all, they don’t even see anything wrong with whatever they do… If I can pass this, hmmmmm
Black Dynasty
March 06, 14:18As I’d previously expressed my view that the article is bi phobic in nature, i will answer the question.
Infidelity with either sex would be one of the things that will fall under the deal breaker category during the discussion of expectations and boundaries prior to the relationship.
Rudy
March 06, 17:33To begin with, Cheating is Genderless!
That said, I wouldn’t put myself in a situation of dating someone bisexual.
As a gay man, I always try to understand the world outside the boundaries of black and white in an unbiased way by asking questions where I find myself lacking. And to ask the questions from the sources where I know I’ll get the unadulterated answers.
Bisexuality as we all know is the attraction towards both genders, but it doesn’t seem to end there(at least if you have spoken to a bisexual) as I have.
There’s the attraction and there’s the quantification of that attraction. So you’ll find some bisexuals attracted more to females and others more to males.
Some however might have equal quantification of attraction towards both genders.
That said it still doesn’t end there. So from my conversations with bisexual friends of mine, they always describe the feeling as some sort of a “switch- like” form of expression.
In perspective, a male bisexual will find himself attracted to a guy and at another time that attraction towards a guy totally/partially diminish or vanish so to speak, instead there’s a complete attraction towards the other sex. This could go on for days only for things to switch back as they were before(ie. the attraction towards the same sex comes back again and that of the opposite sex diminishes partially/entirely).
I have confirmed this analogy with a couple of bisexual people I know and they all say the same thing.
So I feel it’s necessary for gay people and straight people alike to know the intricacies of the bisexual identity before committing themselves to any form of romantic relationship with people who identify as such. I feel ideally it will be less stressful for a bisexual to date another bisexual, however if it isn’t the case the other party should be upfront with their expectations.
They should be willing to ask the tough questions in the early stages before anything serious commences.
After all is said & done, Communication should be the bane of it all when one finds themselves in any form of relationship/situationship.
As for me, I will rather be with someone who loves my entire being without any exceptions.
So side eye to Straight and bisexual guys, but I’ll pass!
Francis
March 07, 11:31Instead of you people to sit down and educate your Bisexual friends that own this fuck up and refuse to change, you are shouting BiPhobia. How is the post biphobic bikonu?
I get some of us don’t like these type of posts as it creates an avenue for some people to spew their biphobia and I get that BUT still the bisexuals that have this mentality need to schooled.
Mandy has said it all sha.
Mike
March 08, 15:33it’s not a switch per-say more phase, a gray area or something. Regardless one gender will always be preferred over the other. Another thing about bisexuality is, something triggers it, it’s not just about the sex but the mood, emotion something one is trying to avoid or haven’t come to terms with, which makes bisexuals very unstable. Bisexuals are unstable people, there is no debating that fact.
In my case, after bunking with a guy for a long time. I’ll just feel like I’m not getting what I really want or I’m feeling boxed in, vias my attraction to ladies, it’s like an escape out the window, it’s a genuine distraction from being myself for while. Like have you ever gotten tired of yourself like being yourself?. Yep I’ll just flip. My attraction to guy is solely based on strength, I just appreciate that God given strength in form and by identity, now all that power and strength in being a man, yet submissive. Now that shit turns me on, doesn’t matter effiminate or not.
Back to the post, hmm I will even join him, or I probably set it up, or gave him hints on how to woo the said Lady. If my boyfriend sleeps with a lady, I’m all Kool, now it’s another issue if it were with a guy, now that’s personal and that defines cheating. No offense but I am right here, a man with a dick, if my boyfriend goes outside to get f..ked, then there is a problem. Sex with a the opposite sex is totally different, take it or leave it, it does not involve the same level of intimacy, now sex with another guy is pretty much the same thing and if it’s not, it means your relationship lacks something say, a bigger dick or your boyfriend is just a hoe, depends.
Again I don’t think any gay person should be getting pissed off, why?. Gay sex is actually way better than .. but then to the bisexual it’s not necessarily about sex, which spells trouble in low waters.
Rexxy
March 09, 01:20Dear Mike kindly confirm that you agree that there is a problem witb you abi?????
Cheating is cheating sir, you are talking as though gya people don’t get attracted to other guys outside their relationship…
It’s not about sex or konjiii,it about respect and homo for the damn person you are dating….
Bisexuality shouldn’t be an excellent to cheat.
If you know you cant stay faithful get the hell outta that relationship and be the fuckbiy that you were born to be.
Sleek Creamy
March 09, 14:40If am dating a bisexual guy I should also still have it in my head to know what comes with it and then I will strike a balance with him.
If am a dating a pure gay guy I should also still know that we both are going to be faithful to the relationship.
Anonymous
April 16, 04:25It’s funny how we want the world to understand we’re gay, yet we do not want to understand bisexuality. ‘cheating is cheating’ is the anthem here. When the straight bigots condemn gay, we’re quick to want to enlighten them how being gay is registered in the DNA and how it can’t be helped. My questions now: Is bisexuality a lifestyle? Is it in the DNA? can it be helped?
In the long run, the real enemies and selfish individuals are not the straights. They live amongst us just like the kito guys.