That Piece About U.S. Support of Gay Rights in Africa Possibly Doing More Harm Than Good
Originally published on New York Times
Suspicious neighbors and landlords pry into their private lives. Blackmailers hunt for victims on the social media sites they use to meet others of the same sex. Police officers routinely stop them to search for incriminating images and chats on their cellphones.
Since an anti-gay law went into effect last year, many gay Nigerians say they have been subjected to new levels of harassment, even violence.
They blame the law, the authorities and broad social intolerance for their troubles. But they also blame an unwavering supporter whose commitment to their cause has been unquestioned and conspicuous across Africa: the United States government.
“The U.S. support is making matters worse,” said Mike, 24, a university student studying biology in Minna, a town in central Nigeria who asked that his full name not be used for his safety. “There’s more resistance now. It’s triggered people’s defense mechanism.”
In Nairobi, Kenya, activists demonstrated against gay rights this month, and plan another when President Obama visits.
Four years ago, the American government embarked on an ambitious campaign to expand civil rights for gay people overseas by marshaling its diplomats, directing its foreign aid and deploying President Obama to speak before hostile audiences.
Since 2012, the American government has put more than $700 million into supporting gay rights groups and causes globally. More than half of that money has focused on sub-Saharan Africa — just one indication of this continent’s importance to the new policy.
America’s money and public diplomacy have opened conversations and opportunities in societies where the subject was taboo just a few years ago. But they have also made gay men and lesbians more visible — and more vulnerable to harassment and violence, people on both sides of the gay rights issue contend. The American campaign has stirred misgivings among many African activists, who say they must rely on the West’s support despite often disagreeing with its strategies.
In Nigeria, Africa’s most populous nation, the final passage of the 2014 law against homosexuality — which makes same-sex relationships punishable by 14 years in prison and makes it a crime to organize or participate in any type of gay meeting — is widely regarded by both supporters and opponents of gay rights as a reaction to American pressure on Nigeria and other African nations to embrace gay rights.
“The Nigerian law was blowback,” said Chidi Odinkalu, chairman of Nigeria’s National Human Rights Commission and the senior legal officer for the Africa Program of the Open Society Justice Initiative, which supports gay rights on the continent. “You now have situations of gay men being molested on the streets or taunted. That was all avoidable.”
“I’ve said to U.S. diplomats privately as well — the risk is causing more harm than good,” Mr. Odinkalu added. “You don’t want an infusion of good will to actually do harm to the community that you think you’re protecting.”
Anti-gay sentiments are widespread across Africa. Same-sex relations remain illegal in most nations, the legacy of colonial laws that had been largely forgotten until the West’s push to repeal them in recent years.
Fierce opposition has come from African governments and private organizations, which accuse the United States of cultural imperialism. Pressing gay rights on an unwilling continent, they say, is the latest attempt by Western nations to impose their values on Africa.
“In the same way that we don’t try to impose our culture on anyone, we also expect that people should respect our culture in return,” said Theresa Okafor, a Nigerian active in lobbying against gay rights.
American officials defend their efforts, saying they are mindful of the many risks gay Africans face.
“If it’s important to advance the human rights and development of these folks by being discreet, that’s a position we’re perfectly comfortable taking,” said Todd Larson, the senior lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender coordinator for the United States Agency for International Development. “Our goal is to support them in their efforts and not necessarily take front and center, particularly when highlighting U.S. support might endanger our partners.”
Shortly after Nigeria’s law went into effect, Animashaun Azeez, 24, a university student here, arranged to meet somebody he had chatted with on Manjam, a social network for gay people. The person showed up, along with three plainclothes officers. Mr. Azeez said he spent three days in jail and was released only after his father, fearing publicity, paid off the police with about $900.
“Many L.G.B.T. people are getting into trouble day by day,” said Mr. Azeez, who after the episode became a volunteer for the Initiative for Equal Rights, a gay rights group in Lagos.
Violence against gay Nigerians has increased significantly, according to the country’s National Human Rights Commission. Most are attacked in the open by groups of men, some of whom call themselves “cleansers,” rights groups say.
But victims often do not report attacks for fear of being outed. Even men infected with H.I.V. are often reluctant to seek treatment at hospitals, fearing that the authorities will be called, said Stella Iwuagwu, executive director of the Center for the Right to Health, an H.I.V. patient and rights group based in Lagos.
“Before, these people were leading their lives quietly, and nobody was paying any attention to them,” Ms. Iwuagwu said. “Before, a lot of people didn’t even have a clue there were something called gay people. But now they know and now they are outraged. Now they hear that America is bringing all these foreign lifestyles. They are emboldened by the law. The genie has already left the bottle.”
The United States’ role comes as longstanding foes in its culture wars continue to move their fight to Africa. Many private supporters of equal rights for gay people in the United States, after landmark successes at home, are increasing their funding of gay causes abroad, especially in Africa.
American conservative and Christian groups have also turned to Africa, where the vast majority of people still share their opposition to same-sex relations and marriage.
“There is an intentional effort to coordinate with Africa specifically because we don’t want them to make the mistakes we’ve made here in America,” said Larry Jacobs, managing director of the World Congress of Families, an umbrella organization of social conservative and religious groups. It is based in Rockford, Ill., and is active with Ms. Okafor in Nigeria.
Gay Africans are becoming increasingly caught in the American culture battles being waged in Africa, said the Rev. Kapya Kaoma, an Anglican priest from Zambia who is a researcher at the Massachusetts-based Political Research Associates.
“When two elephants fight, the grass will suffer,” said Mr. Kaoma, who has documented the ties between American evangelicals and the anti-gay movement in Africa. “This is what’s happening in Africa. African L.G.B.T. persons are just collateral damage to U.S. politics on both ends.”
In late 2011, the Obama administration made the promotion of gay rights an integral part of American foreign policy. Since then, it has pushed for the decriminalization of homosexuality overseas, working with the United Nations and private groups.
Since 2012, U.S.A.I.D. has spent more than $700 million on the effort globally, starting new programs related to gay rights and incorporating the promotion of such rights into existing ones, according to American officials. Agency officials declined to release details of the programs in Africa, citing security concerns.
But tying developmental assistance to gay rights has fueled anger across the continent. After Uganda’s president signed a tough anti-gay law last year, for example, the Obama administration announced that some aid money for the Ugandan police and health agencies would be cut off or redirected.
“This is an abuse of power, and that’s why many are turning around and saying, ‘Keep your money,’” said the Rev. George Ehusani, former secretary general of the Catholic Secretariat of Nigeria, adding that Nigerian Catholic charities had stopped applying for American government grants that promote gay rights.
For many African activists, American backing is a double-edged sword.
At the office of the Initiative for Equal Rights here, a small community center has served as an oasis for gay Nigerians in this megalopolis. But they were unsettled by the red, white and blue stickers once posted throughout the hall.
The stickers — with the message: “U.S.A.I.D. From the American people” — underscored the Nigerian gay rights movement’s financial dependence on the West. For some, they also inadvertently gave credence to the widely held belief in Africa that homosexuality is a foreign lifestyle foisted on the continent.
“It really affected our advocacy efforts,” said Michael Akanji, director of programming for the group. The group was granted a waiver by the aid agency to remove the stickers late last year.
One of the founders of Nigeria’s gay rights movement, Dorothy Aken’Ova, began organizing in the mid-1990s after living in France, where she saw broad acceptance of gay people. In 2000, she opened the International Center for Reproductive Health and Sexual Rights, which provides services for gay men and lesbians in Minna.
“There was a veil of silence in the country over L.G.B.T. issues,” Ms. Aken’Ova said, “and people could even boldly hit their chest and say there are no gays in Nigeria and no lesbians in Nigeria. I knew that was wrong.”
In the early 2000s, an American foundation gave a handful of Nigerian activists support, she said, “so that we can make the movement political.”
But over time, the growing recognition of and pressure for gay rights in the West led to a reaction in Nigeria. Calling homosexuality “unnatural” and “un-African,” Olusegun Obasanjo, a former president of Nigeria, backed an anti-gay bill in 2005 that seemed to be going nowhere.
But as the United States and other Western governments fiercely condemned the bill — and a similar one in Uganda — Father Ehusani, Ms. Okafor and others lobbied aggressively in support of it. Lawmakers, reacting to what they felt was egregious interference by the West, rallied behind it. The legislation passed unanimously in 2013, the first bill to do so since the end of military rule in 1999.
In what was considered a major setback to gay rights in Africa, Nigeria’s former president, Goodluck Jonathan, signed the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act into law in January 2014.
In retrospect, Father Ehusani said that Nigeria’s law was too punitive and an “overkill.” Without the American pressure, he said, “the law would not have come in the form in which it did.”
Many African activists say that efforts should be focused on quietly educating the public about homosexuality and changing social attitudes.
The Initiative for Equal Rights, the group Mr. Azeez volunteers for, is planning to raise private funds inside Nigeria for the first time to reduce its foreign dependence.
“Then it actually feels like we’re owning the process,” said Pamela Adie, who sits on its fundraising board.
Ms. Adie, 31, lived in the United States for several years and returned to Nigeria last year to work in ExxonMobil’s communications department. She said that despite the 2014 law, the early signs of a gay culture were emerging, at least in parts of Lagos.
Now, she said, “masculine-identifying” women like herself were freer in the way they dress. “That never happened 10 years ago,” she said. “Now people are more open. They might not come out and say they are L.G.B.T., but you can tell.”
Ms. Adie and a couple of hundred others recently attended the 10th anniversary party of the Initiative for Equal Rights, an event that would have been inconceivable just a few years ago.
People gathered in October to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the Initiative for Equal Rights, a gay rights group in Lagos
Abayomi Shoyinka, 27, a fashion blogger who went to the party, said later that pushing “too fast” and “too hard” for gay rights could only make things “bad or worse.”
“As time goes on, we will get there,” Mr. Shoyinka said. “The patient dog eats the fattest bone.”
About author
You might also like
Random Questions IV
There is an ugly truth that exists amongst us in the gay community: the fact that some people may believe we should be allowed to live and let live, but
KITO DIARIES IS FOUR YEARS OLD
“Four years gone. I still remember the first time I saw this blog, and in my mind, I was like, two weeks and it’ll quit…” – KDian. And indeed, there
The Piece About The Body Image Struggles Of Men
Originally published on huffingtonpost.com The fruitless quest for a “perfect” body isn’t unique to women, though based on the body image conversations we tend to hear, it’s easy to think
41 Comments
Brian Collins
December 28, 05:23Well said, and very detailed too. Have a lovely week ahead people.
Mandy
December 28, 05:32“Before, these people were leading their lives quietly, and nobody was paying any attention to them,” Ms. Iwuagwu said.
Says who, Ms. Iwuagwu? At no time were Nigerian gay men and women leading undisturbed lives biko. The law merely added more vigour and impetus to what was an already existing hostile environment for the gay community. These people be laying blame on the US doorstep to mitigate their complicity in making life difficult for the Nigerian gay community.
Dennis Macaulay
December 28, 05:35Thank you mandy! Where can I kiss you abeg?
Did Kito start with the law? Before the law were gay people not being hounded and harrassed?
The law only gives the police the impetus to ask for 300k! Mstchew!
Dennis Macaulay
December 28, 05:32I completely disagree! Yes it gets worse before it gets better. What makes me glad about this is that now the gay conversation is happening very often. People no longer pretend that homosexuality doesn’t exist in these parts, they now know and they now tall about it.
Hardly any week goes by without my colleagues and I arguing about a gay character on TV or about Caitlyn Jenner. That my friends is a very good thing, because visibility is part of progress.
This article is a clear case of “dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t “. If America or the West keeps quiet and doesn’t respond now the Internet will be awash with articles about how the west looks away while gays are being hounded into prison or even killed on African soil.
Having said that, the West has set the ball rolling and the second phase of this war will be fought by us ourselves. This is why everybody has to ensure they have a voice and success is what gives you a voice.
We can make Nigeria a better place for gay people; we can pull funds together and set up scholarships for gay Nigerians, we can set up an enterprise fund for those who need seed capital for business. Has anybody heard of “My g-work”? It’s like LinkedIn specifically developed for LGBTI persons to help them advice their careers.
America and the West has done a good job, we have to take up the baton ourselves and run the last lap of this journey.
ken
December 28, 08:54Dennis, its like u just read my mind sha! The earlier we stop complaining, looking for how to blame others and start organizing ourselves, the faster we are able to achieve equality for all.
There is no nation that achieved equal minority rights like piece of cake. The struggle is never easy, but victory (which is inevitable) makes it all worth it
Peak
December 28, 09:11WORD!
Jeova Sanctus Unus
December 28, 07:17LGBT rights groups direct 99% of their resources to;
1. Lobbying the government for policy changes
2. Providing (sexual health, legal, etc) services to LGBT persons.
Most political office holders lack the qualification to be in their respective positions, they’d rather not get themselves noticed. The same people who discriminate based on religion, ethnicity, language, status, etc are certainly not ready to end homophobia. What good can come out of NASSville?
What we need is to gradually change public perception through media exposure–positive media exposure. Some years ago, there was a period Nollywood made a lot of movies about females in heterosexual relationships finding out about they partner’s sexual orientation. It was painted as a perversion. It’s still being painted as so. I once saw the opening scene of a movie, it had ‘our dear brother who was sexually molested by his aunt next door’ in a sexual bout with another man. What a way to start a movie. Who’d be less homophobic after seeing that horror? People need to know it’s not about acceptance, but about respect. That they’re free to personally hate someone or a group but they shouldn’t keep from them rights/privileges others enjoy.
People only know the sexual part of the attraction. They need to know it’s also about the head giving and the heart receiving, not just about the dick giving and the ass receiving. They need to know that our sexuality is just a part of us (albeit important). Imagine making Gideon’s or Gbenro’s Tinsel character gay, or making any female lead lesbian. The public already love them. Gidi Up broke my lovely heart with the Segun Arinze played sex-for-favor character. The October 1st ish kept with the ‘Western import’ narrative.
We need massive PR movement and improvement in our educational sector to make good changes. An educated homophobe is better than an uneducated one. Also, more of us will need to come out to our families. Eburu ozu onye ozo na-agafe odi ka nku.
Finally, we need to strike out corruption and put qualified and passionate people into public offices. If the average Nigerian has their basic needs; education, mortgage, health insurance, job, enforced rights, security, adequate utility supply, etc. you’d be surprised how much difference it’d make. Personal wealth is the yardstick for measuring paradise here. As a healthy, middle-class, happy young adult, what’d your religious leader, colleague or FAF blame on your sexuality, premature ejaculation?
**The truth is both sides of this argument are truly western imports. Homophobia came from the West. LGBT rights activism came from the West too. But the tenets of human rights are universally accepted principles. Let’s find local solutions to this naturalized problem.
Dennis Macaulay
December 28, 08:18I was in lagos recently and was having drinks with some friends and someone started drawing the correlation between poverty and “kito”. Initially I laughed him off as being silly but he started asking when last I heard that someone got kito-ed in banana island or VGC? He said that kito always happens in certain parts of town!
I don’t completely agree with him, but I do agree with you that when the average Nigerian lives in a system that works, he will be less angry and more likely to mind his business!
ambivalentone
December 28, 08:10I am of the opinion that a ‘second colonization’ is what all these enforcing of gay rights by the West on Africa is viewed as, and Africa still hasn’t got over the 1st yet. Percieved loss of traditional values, western education, and foreign religion…Really, if the US wanted to go the whole length, they shud av learnt from Europe. Sneaking up, bribing the ‘chiefs’, making homosexuality ‘attractive’. That would work, with Africa being none the wiser. We can be gullible like that.
But on the other hand, the US is not to blame for the hate. How many other programmes in health, technology advancement and economy has the US tried to force on Africa? Na only when na sexuality matters, hypocrite Africa will make noise.
Uziel
December 28, 08:16Typical. Point guilty fingers at everyone but ourselves. We’re even going after the only people helping us. *scoffs*
We’re the bad guys here. Not the West. Not the organisations that react to the law. We’re the bad guys here. Right below the legislators that made the law. Why? Because we didn’t resist. We knew they were making the law, but we chose to hide, cower in fear and hope for the best while only one or two groups wrote the National Assembly and made effort to stall the bill. When we could have joined hands to resist, to protest, to ask our lovers and sugar daddies that were part of the law making process to stop the bill, we stayed home and drank ice cream, and cuddled in hiding.
We’re our worst enemy.
Even after the law was passed, we quietly submitted to it. We all took up the idea that we have no choice than to submit and pay the ransome when the police nabs you. We do have a choice. There’s always a choice. It’s just that we’re not about to look toward The Road Less Taken. We’re all so comfortable lying to our parents, to ourselves. We’ve gotten used to our misery.
So, don’t blame The West. Lets blame ourselves for not doing our part. For choosing to continually not do our part. For sitting ducks while we wait for a Messiah. Lol. There’s this thing Ibo people say, “While you’re pointing one finger at someone, you’re pointing the other four fingers at yourself.”
Good morning.
Dennis Macaulay
December 28, 08:21Edakun ooo! I don’t have sugar daddy in the Senate ooo! If I had I would have blackmailed him that if he endorses that bill I will send his noods to Aunty Linda!
Peak
December 28, 09:54Uziel, a Good morning to you.
As much as I’d like to agree with some of the points u (tried to) raised, I couldn’t help but disagree.
In trying to justify how we as Nigerians like to lay problems at everyone’s feet but ours, you ended up reminding me of another inviolable trait of most Nigerians and Africans as a whole. “We” are always busy or rather dwell and rolling around in muds of problems while apportioning blames instead of devising a way forward. The bit about sugar daddy made absolutely no sense to me. How many queer sugar daddies are in the senate, and how many of us have access to their beds? Do u have proof or stats to back up that claim of urs? That was a very bogus statement you made there my friend.
I have over time come to see the law as a gift and a curse. Its a gift because it has raised the issue of visibility. Political and religious leaders can no longer hide under the gloss that homosexuality doesn’t “exist” within its shores. Like Ms Adie “despite the 2014 law, the early signs of a gay culture were emerging”. People are becoming more aware of who they are, thanks to visibility and various discussions going on about sexuality, people are becoming more aware. With awareness comes a quick sense of identity for young confused game man and women. They feel a high sense of not being alone. With awareness comes eduction! Which is key in the fight towards mitigating homophobia and suppression of ignorance.
A post was put up a few days ago about a TIER workshop/conference. That is a clear cut example of how change is being effected. No matter how little it may have seemed, its a step in the right direction. Change is coming, the real question is When are we all going to stop apportioning blames, and ask in what capacity we can assist in fast tracking that change.
Thank you.
Uziel
December 28, 10:27In raising those issues, I had tried to point out solutions. It’s left for you to see them, or think of one.
I don’t know why you decided to take the sugar daddy bit personal, but I don’t need to prove that such people exist, or that we have people that read KD who are their friends and lovers. This isn’t a Court of Law and this isn’t what the post is about.
Kritzmoritz
December 28, 08:39Be wary of journalists, who through their writings, tries to shape public opinions rather than inform. This is a classic case. It is dangerous, misleading and self serving. For all the concerns about western interferences, no one can deny that the west has brought more good than hard and there are a million reasons why. I have spoken to the top executives at TIERS and we agree that this piece was poorly served. Whoever wrote that piece hasn’t done justice to anyone
Pink Panther
December 28, 11:19True that, Kritz. Absolutely true.
CriXXus
December 28, 09:16First of all, some ppl just need to shut up! Just shut up and quit ranting about this culture nonsense! It is not our culture, it is not our culture! Helloooooooo! FYI, Our ancestors ran around naked! Maybe that was a borrowed culture from the early men! Nigerians will just get introduced into stuffs and now overdo it more than their teacher! Nonsense!
On this ish, let’s just say that the night is always darker just before dawn. Its not going to be easy, our generation might suffer the brunt of it but the future would be great.
A great society is one where the elders plant trees that wouldn’t necessarily serve them but the future.
Good morning!
Diego
December 28, 10:25í ½í¸hw I hate long storiesí ½í¸
Mitch
December 28, 10:50First of all, can we not blame the U.S here? I mean, they are merely trying to spread the gospel of equality around the globe, especially in Africa which is renowned for its flagrant abuse of human rights.
Then again, if the U.S really wants to help, they should simply play underground politics. Take Nigeria for instance. The senators and HOR members that passed that idiotic bill into law are the same people who go around fucking boys and girls young enough to be their grandkids. Hell, I’ve got friends who go for Abuja runs ni. To pull that bill out and de-legalize homophobia in Nigeria, simply mass blackmail these idiots with the many skeletons in their closets. Coming from a superpower like the U.S, its bound to leave them quaking in their boots and you’re sure to have more than a two-third majority of the house to co-operate and sign such a bill. When this is done, halle-fucking-lu, the President has no choice other than to sign it or risk being impeached.
If the U.S wants to help, this pattern would not only save time and money but would also make them look like the best people in the world, the government that takes a non-intervention stance in matters of international politics.
*drops pen*
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 10:56Abayomi Shoyinka, 27, a fashion blogger who went to the party, said later that pushing “too fast” and “too hard” for gay rights could only make things “bad or worse.”
“As time goes on, we will get there,” Mr. Shoyinka said. “The patient dog eats the fattest bone.”
Enough said.
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 11:11Blood too dey hot some people. The gbazaqueens too much.
It’s a gradual process.
By the way I ve been to police station to secure release of a few guys and all of them had to do with the suspect trying to seduce someone they know is straight(we call it converting). I get tired of explaining to these guys to stick to people they are sure of, tb don full everywhere now.
This article is making it look like guys are being arrested on the road just because people suspect they are gay. I know we haven’t gotten to this stage yet, or maybe I haven’t come across such cases.
But what so I know.
Pink Panther
December 28, 11:45The arrest part based on suspicion of being gay… The recent experience of our dear Delle will tell you that yes, that indeed does happen.
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 14:06Lol. PP, that’s nonsense. That arrest is so unlawful. There is no known law that says the police has power to arrest anyone on suspicion of being gay, wtf?
Anyway, Delle can sue them for infringing on his rights. But from experience most gay peeps don’t want to sue anyone.
Pink Panther
December 29, 08:02Most Nigerians don’t want to sue anyone. It’s what gives these uniforms the impetus to oppress, because they rightly believe that no Nigerian understands his rights well enough to fight for them.
Mr. Fingers
December 29, 08:18Then part of the blame is on us, not the govt or any law.
Delle
December 28, 11:02I think it’s a step. Do we really want to keep being anonymous, even though it has no repercussions? Is that the best? The awareness should be there. Nigerians are pros at ignoring things even when it slaps them in the face. The rebuttal isn’t unforeseen. I didn’t expect the Mugabes and Buharis and other religious bigots of the world to open their arms in acceptance to us in the first place. I support the US government in whatever it is they are doing. Patience people, patience. They’d tire out.
I came across a post on facebook the other day on some students who were captured in Asaba, Delta state for being supposed homosexuals and the post had garnered hundreds of comments and a handful of likes. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided 2 pay the post a visit. Accessing the post, I was kinda overwhelmed at what people were saying but I sieved all out (no be Nigeria again?). But I was struck by some comments, people were actually against the captivity, people were speaking against Nigeria and it’s idiotic laws. It dawned on me that people were becoming vocal. People were talking. I read some of them and got tired, apart from the fact that MOST homophobes are uneducated and can’t construct a proper clause, they really had no point. All were just talking from the religious stand-point. It was tiring abeg, don’t they have more to say? On the other hand, those on the side of gays were not only eloquent (flips hair and adjusts bra), they were bright with their contributions even going religious.
So yes, I like the USA’s involvement. It’s going to be tumultuous but what in life isn’t?
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 14:20Lol. Most homophobes are uneducated?
For u to beat them sometimes u don’t need to ignore what they say.
Timi LEO
December 28, 13:06hmmmmm… I would not to really ascribe the blames to the American aids..but our own power soughting politicians who supported the bill because they don’t want to look odd, I know we have the LGBT people in every arms and stages of government, yet it’s only the poor LGBT that are affected, or should I say the law bows to some heirachy or what?? Because I have never heard that the sons or daughters of the Nigerian politicians were arrested or don’t they have manly daughters or effeminate sons…. I even heard of the case of a guy that was taken to the café, the police told him to buy airtime with his money and he should print out all his messages in the last five years,WTF right?? and he was arrested for being Gay…. Na Naija we dey sha
Ichie RedEyes
December 28, 13:28You know these kito situations. I think there’s a way to own it.
If you suspect a kito situation or find yourself in one always try and be confident. don’t cower in fear.
Your courage will throw your blackmailers off balance.
Then you can turn the tables on them and say you’re also like them and only agreed to meet up to treat their fuck up as a gay. Tell them your friends are around and are waiting for the signal.
also, keep at least one friend you can trust and always let them know about your hook ups. have pictures of the hook ups if possible.
Basically, just play the player !
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 14:12Or how about u don’t go for hook ups with unknown dudes in the first place.
How abt restricting ur activities to only those in the community that u are sure of?
Haba. Una too hook up. Most times after chatting with someone for just 20mins he wants to hook up and am like receive sense son, u don’t even know if am a set up or not. Smh.
ambivalentone
December 28, 14:51Bwahahahaha! Azzin ehn! Loads of times, that ‘where do u stay?’ question popping up 2s into d convo is the very 1st indication that I’m chatting with an idiot…and I am seldom wrong. ‘Receive sense’ na d prayer o.
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 15:14“Do u live alone?”, “can we meet?”. Smh.
Abeg we should encourage our people to be more responsible and reasonable biko.
Stranger
December 28, 14:56This hook up word sef is disgusting. I can’t even meet someone (in public), until after we’ve talked for about 3 months.
Mr. Fingers
December 28, 15:17Dear Stranger, the local and international gay prostitute can’t wait for 3 months na. That would be bad for business.
Pink Panther
December 29, 08:06Fingers, when you say ‘restricting ur activities to only those in the community that u are sure of’, it makes me ask: is anyone ever really sure about anyone? Surely you’ve heard of gay guys getting set up by their gay friends, right?
Mr. Fingers
December 29, 08:24The vindictive gay guys setting up their gay friends do so when they ve disputes. The other type of gay dude that would set up a fellow gay dude is the one that is useless, a lowlife and has no future.
All the more reason why we should watch the kind of people we call our friends.
I still maintain, u need to be sure before u hook up.
peaches
December 28, 16:54Chineke knows i am sipping my Strawberry yogurt and am like “If they like, they should scrape dia teeth on lagos-ibadan expressway, LGBT has been and has come to stay. Them no block road for you.
Bryannn
December 29, 09:23I just thank God this write up came at the right time…It was only yesterday night, i was chatting with an old time straight friend of mine, whom i happen to be staying with now in lagos……we abruptly got into a gay talk, he narrated to me, how he hated and used to set gay guys up at IMSU, Owerri, coz he was handsome and desirable…….He came in a package most of us wud drool at…
He went ahead to explain how much accepting he was now, how he had succumbed to the usual bible quote “THOU SHALL NOT JUDGE”, I offered a quizzical look, while remaining aghast (internally) as to why the sudden change, i swiftly quizzed him on how the change came about, he is an entertainer, an MC, a singer, dancer, comedian etc, he told me it was ONLY gays that have advanced his career and he has sought to remain grateful and loyal to them….He said, initially he thought gays were this group of idiots, low lives, ugly and annoyingly feminine fools, who wudnt seek anything useful but a good dick in their asses….I was completely apoplectic with joy…..Now the morals here is this, someone have actually stressed on the essence of education, financial stability and overall success and independence for all gay Nigerian men…We are generous people, atleast to the straights we love, we actually need to seize the opportunity to educate them on what gay is really all about……Honestly i would like to wake up one day, and meet a society were all gay men in Nigeria are successful, independent and making rounds in the country and beyond……
Mr. Fingers
December 29, 09:30Spot on. Empowerment is the key.
Pink Panther
December 29, 11:32…And gay women too. 🙂
sensei
December 30, 08:13Like someone already said, it gets worse before it gets better. That’s just the way it is. Looking at human history, whenever there is an uprising, the death toll of the people fighting for their right increases.
Alves
December 31, 16:46This is actually true, on some levels.