A WORLD OF PAIN (Part 2)
Previously on A WORLD OF PAIN…
*
In my new flat, we all strived to live as a family. But things were about to change with Nnamdi.
One day, I was in a female flatmate’s room in my briefs, watching a movie, when someone called my name from Nnamdi’s room. I went over there to see that it was Jay who’d called me. Nnamdi was also there. Jay and I exchanged pleasantries and talked for a while, and then he announced that he was leaving. I walked him as far as the entrance to the flat because I wasn’t properly dressed, and then was on my way back to my movie when Nnamdi called me over. I went again to his room and he asked if I had a hammer. He was still in the process of setting up his room. I fetched a hammer for him and watched him hang his speakers.
And then, as I turned to leave, he pulled me back from behind and began kissing my neck. I hadn’t seen that coming and struggled a bit, but gave in when his hands and tongue began roaming my body, totally weakening my willpower. We made passionate love right then.
However, when we finished, I felt really bad. Even though he and my cousin were broken up, I felt like I’d violated some form of trust my cousin had in me by sleeping with her ex, especially one she possibly didn’t even know was a closeted gay man. Observing my distress, Nnamdi apologised and told me that he felt something different for me from the first day he set his eyes on me. And then he began to talk to me about us dating as he couldn’t get his mind off me. I asked for time to think about it, but he wouldn’t have it, saying he was already crazy in love with me. His persuasion melted me and I said yes.
And so, we became a couple. Things were great. He was a dream boyfriend: good in bed, a good listener, caring. He was almost everything I wanted in a man. As lovers, we settled into traditional roles to keep up our relationship. I assumed the “wifely” role of cleaning up our rooms, because I’d begun to spend a lot of time in his, and cooking our meals, even as he provided the food stuff that I needed. We were our perfect little family unit. And I was happy.
But I wouldn’t be for too long. The cracks of course soon began to appear, starting with his unfaithfulness. As my cousin came to discover, Nnamdi was a serial cheat and he did so with reckless abandon. He didn’t even have a type; dude could fuck any guy who could spread his legs for him. And he lied through his teeth every time I confronted him, even in the face of his obvious guilt, even sometimes attempting to gaslight me. He would accuse me of sleeping with any guy he saw me hanging with to make me feel like I was the one with the problem in our relationship. He played a ruthless game of emotionally manipulating me, oftentimes telling me that he wasn’t even gay and that I was the one who was pushing him into it.
He was a staunch Catholic and leader of a church group in his parish, and would always have guys come around to the flat posing as his church members. He was also active in his departmental politics and had guys coming over who he claimed were his coursemates. They would stay in his room in the name of “they are having meetings” and would spend the night, which meant I had to stay in my room on those nights. I didn’t know I was giving room for my boyfriend to shag these “church members” and “coursemates” of his.
However, I soon began to have my suspicions, and no matter how many times I confronted him, he always denied and would turn the tables on me, accusing me of stepping out on him, that my guilt was the reason why I was always accusing him of cheating. Other times, he would insist that these idea of him cheating was all in my head.
But my suspicions were strong, and for the peace of my mind, I decided to investigate him, to find out for myself. So, I set him up with a friend. This friend was a friend of his friend, and I confided in him my plan. My friend went along with it. It only took a few visits before he got my boyfriend’s attention, because of course, Nnamdi was just a dog. He began to get friendly with my friend, and after the exchange of hellos every now and then, and some conversations about school politics, he began asking my friend over to visit him.
The day he had sex with my friend, I watched them do it in his bathroom, from a vantage spot outside his bathroom window. His room faced a pavement that usually had a lot of traffic in the daytime, and he often feared that the slapping of skin against skin when having sex in his bedroom during the day would alert people walking past or hanging out on the pavement to what is going on in his room; so if we had sex in the daytime, it always happened in his bathroom. But even that bathroom had a window through which you can see whatever is going on in it from a certain position outside. And that was where I stood and watched my boyfriend confirm my pain over his cheating as he fucked my friend.
I confronted him with what I witnessed after my friend left, and he predictably denied it, saying I was talking rubbish. During the fight, I lost it and took up a knife, brandishing it before him as though I intended to stab him. I didn’t of course, and he snatched the knife from me, and proceeded to beat me. I say “beat me”, because I didn’t fight back. At some point during that confrontation, he had broken me, turning my anger to misery, and so, all I did was try to hold on to him as he punched and slapped me repeatedly in his rage, before eventually pushing me out of his room.
My boyfriend was now not only a cheat but a physical abuser.
Things got worse. He was very malicious, and began to use sex as a weapon against me. Whenever we had a fight, he would stop talking to me, and when I came to make up with him with the intention of sex, he would shut me out, denying me the intimacy and making me have to beg for it. Sometimes, especially if we were alone in the flat, he would leave me locked out outside his bedroom, begging him through his door for us to get together. Then after some time, he would open up, degrade me some more by calling me derogatory names, then let me in for us to have sex. After which he would throw me right out of his room.
We were months along in this relationship, and I was starting to become a shadow of myself, to the point that my friends and neighbors noticed and began to show concern. I would cry at the smallest issues, became withdrawn and began skipping classes. I even began nursing thoughts of taking my life.
Days after that physical altercation, Nnamdi came crying to my room, begging for my forgiveness, pleadingly telling me how his life was empty without me. He had my mumu button, that boy. I loved him too much to shut him out, and so, I gave in. But the peace lasted just a few weeks, and he was back to his philandering and wickedness.
We fought about virtually everything and his cheating didn’t help any. Our incessant fighting began to become loud and apparent to our other flatmates, who would intervene to ask us to calm down and stop being at each other’s throats.
At this point, we had been together for about eight months. It was around this time that I began to notice him actively avoiding sex with me; I also noticed he was often changing his boxers. And so, I snooped and discovered that he was battling an STD. When I confronted him, this guy didn’t surprise me with his reaction. He didn’t try to deny or offer any explanation – oh no. Instead, he turned it on me, accusing me of infecting him and threatening me that he was going to kill me before I kill him.
Even though, I hadn’t noticed any sign of infection in my system, I was apprehensive and afraid for myself because of all the times we’d been having unprotected sex. Yes, even when I knew my boyfriend was dipping his dick inside every ass that moved, I still entertained him bringing that dick back to me raw. I was petrified by the consequence of my foolishness, and it took a lot of courage for me to go to the hospital for a thorough blood workup. My results miraculously came out negative for STDs and HIV.
I was at first relieved, and then enraged when I remembered that Nnamdi had tried to pin his infection on me. Armed with my result, I confronted him, and he began to cry, telling me he was sorry and that he was ashamed because he was too broke to treat himself. And because I loved him, I produced the money for him to get treatment. However, I swore to myself that I would never let him go inside me unprotected anymore.
This would turn out to be another issue in our relationship. He got better and wanted us to get back to our regular programming of unprotected sex. However much I tried to reason with him that we couldn’t do that, that his health scare was a wakeup call for us to do better, he resisted. We would be in his bed, about to make love, and when I said no to him penetrating me without a condom, he would attempt to physically overpower me, hitting me, punching me, and then eventually asking me out of his room when I wouldn’t give in.
Nnamdi was bad for me. But I couldn’t see it for a very long time. Instead, I made sacrifices to hold on to him. I would travel back to school before resumption date, just so we could spend time together alone in the flat. And when the holidays came around, I would leave for the break late simply because he said so. Whenever I shopped, I spent money to buy things for him just to make him happy. I cut off friends simply because he didn’t like them.
Then I overheard him telling a coursemate of his, who’d asked him why he always spent too much time with me, that I am gay and was always hitting on him. I was devasted by this new low of Nnamdi; he had not only misrepresented us toward an outsider, but had outed me to him. I got to my room and sobbed like my heart was breaking – which it probably was. This was some sort of breaking point for me. Without even realizing it, I was starting to fall out of love with him.
I didn’t bother confronting him over what I heard, but for the first time since I started dating Nnamdi, I began to entertain the thought of being with other guys, if not for anything but to spite him. I began to get close to other guys in the lodge, choosing to keep my flirtations close so it would hopefully get back to him. At some point, I was shagging four boys at once in my lodge. I’d stopped having sex with him and was becoming a darling in my lodge. I was barely in my room and whenever he asked to see me, I would have a reason why I couldn’t come over. I stopped cooking for him, and when I celebrated my birthday, I didn’t extend any invitation to him.
I had this close friend, who is straight. He was an only child of millionaire parents and he really liked me. So much, he once asked me to move in with him, insisting that he wouldn’t mind still paying for the rent of my place while I stayed with him. When Nnamdi noticed how close I’d gotten to this guy, he got really jealous. His spite overflowed as he began spreading lies around the flat about how I am gay and was moving in with my lover. Surprisingly, no one he told seemed to mind. Word got back to him of course that “Nnamdi was saying this and saying that” about me. And when I went to him to tell him to back off with the lies, he threw the accusation to my face, demanding that I admit that I was fucking my best friend. This was of course not so. I mean, this guy was even straight. When I was adamant that nothing sexual was going on between us, Nnamdi got incensed and slapped me.
At this point, I was no longer the lovelorn boyfriend he used to beat up. This time, I reacted with rage as I snatched up a knife and slashed at him. I cut his left arm – a wound that turned out not to be deep, thank God – before he fled from me. He’d initially tried to fight back, thinking I would back down. But when he saw me come at him again with the knife, ready to strike him again, he ran.
That day, by the time I returned to my friend’s place, my anger had dissipated to be replaced with sadness. I cried in my friend’s arms as I told him what had happened. He got really angry, wanting to make calls to people who he promised me would deal with Nnamdi, but I begged him to let it go.
My exams soon came around, and I went back to my flat because I wanted to avoid distractions. I saw that Nnamdi had a few of his friends now staying with him as study partners for the exams. I wasn’t finished with being spiteful toward him as I got friendly with his friends, ending up with shagging three of them separately.
Now, remember that guy I overheard Nnamdi tell that I am gay and was pestering him? The conversation I overheard that made me begin to fall out of love with him? Well, the guy was visiting our flat as well, and he and I began to get friendly. He was one of Nnamdi’s people that I was targeting in my “Fuck Nnamdi’s Friends” mission. One night, he came to our flat and Nnamdi wasn’t around. It was raining and he asked if he could crash in my room. I agreed, seeing this as my opportunity to seduce him. I didn’t even know whether he was straight or closeted.
In my bed, I made a move. He resisted at first, but then later gave in. However, the moment he came, he pushed away from me and ran out from my room. He went to bang on the door of one of my flatmates, and when the guy came out, he began to shout that I am gay and had tried to seduce him. This was late in the night and my flatmate, out of irritation over the disturbance, told him to shut it and get off his doorpost, slamming his door in the guy’s face for good measure. You should know that at this time, because of how close I’d gotten with my flatmates and because we lived like a family, I’d come out to them. So, these people knew about me and they had my back.
I don’t know where this Nnamdi’s friend ended up spending the night, because he sure as hell didn’t come back to my room. But the next morning, he resurfaced in my lodge, increasing the scope of his homophobic rants about how I am a faggot who had tried to get into his pants. It was incredible, what happened. Maybe my lodge mates didn’t like him, maybe they were just a bunch of open-minded people who liked me – whatever was the case, the hateful reaction this guy was undoubtedly expecting wasn’t what he got. Someone told him to stop shouting in a compound where he did not pay rent for, and he must have said something rude in response, because that soon escalated to an exchange of words and blows, and before long, everyone had stormed out to throw him out of the compound, threatening him with bodily harm if he ever showed his face around.
I don’t know if these people did this for me or because they didn’t like this guy. But whatever was the case, I felt very warmed by what happened.
When Nnamdi came back and was told what happened, he called a meeting in my flat, telling us that no one had a right to stop his visitors from coming to see him. He turned on me too, telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for what I did to his friend. At this point, a flatmate, a girl, cut him off, calling him out on his bullshit. She told him that he wasn’t fooling anyone, that she knew he fucked boys too, and that she was disappointed in him, not because of his sexual orientation but because from the way he treated me, it was obvious he wasn’t here to back up his community against homophobic people like his friend. The other flatmates made varying sounds that showed that agreement with what she was saying, and Nnamdi was left to confront the fact that everyone in our flat knew him for who he truly was.
After that meeting, I followed him to his room and officially broke up with him. It was time for me to heal, to focus on myself, to stop living my life for him, whether I wanted to love him or hurt him.
He got into several other relationships, but a few months after, when he was single again, no doubt because none of his boyfriends could take his bullshit, he came to me to beg me to take him back, for us to become exclusive again. I turned him down.
Guys he’d been with called me at different times to tell me that he really did love me, that he often talked about me to them, but I wasn’t about to concern myself with that information.
After graduation from school, Nnamdi and I still kept in touch. We’d even gotten back to shagging whenever we could, but no matter how much he asked for us to get back to being a couple, I refused.
I still love him. Deep down, I still love him. But I am afraid of the power he has to wreck me, should we get back to being together. He has come very close once before.
Written by Audrey
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79 Comments
Ken
October 20, 08:46My dear u better grow sense and cut off from this viper. As u escaped HIV so never do u? Stop playing Russian roulette with ur destiny
Mandy
October 20, 08:56ASWEARIGOD!!!!! I expected to read at the end of the story that he cut off from the guy. To see that he’s still hooking up with him is the most disappointing thing I’ve ever read. Like, oga, you haven’t learned your lesson at all. You clearly do not love yourself enough or have much value in your life. Because if you do, Audrey, you will see yourself as more deserving out of a guy than this toxic shit this guy is serving you.
Slender
October 20, 19:36Audrey, i am not sure you are well at all? like you need define intervention(an occasion on which a person with an addiction or other behavioural problem is confronted by a group of friends or family members in an attempt to persuade them to address the issue) this thing you are doing is not normal, perhaps the gaslighting has really done a number on you and i hope he wont end up harming you or worse.
RandomReader
October 21, 07:41Honestly I was irritated reading this story. I usually read stuffs here and not comment but this is annoying af. Someone did all of that to you and you are there still hooking up and claiming to be in love with who?
I don’t know if you have low self esteem but I wonder why we keep losing ourselves in the name of having to keep one dirty relationship. God has saved you from HIV and STDs but apparently you need them in your life.
What does this said boy even do for you ? Take away the stupid sex and then what? Someone who doesn’t even respect you , na wa , I love eh but I know when to draw the line. This is you being stupid sir with due respect. All the best sir #whew
Mandy
October 20, 09:05There are so many things that are blowing my mind from this story.
So let me get some things straight: there’s an actual relationship where you played the wife to his husband? Really? You cooked and cleaned while he, what, bought food stuff???!!!
And then he serially cheated on you, to the point that you actually SAW him fuck your friend, and wasn’t contrite enough to confess, but instead tried to gaslight you – and that wasn’t a deal breaker for you???!!!
He beat you up and you LET HIM??? As in, you two got physical and he was BEATING YOU UP while you just held on to him? You didn’t fight back because love???!!!
He tried to blame his STD infection on you, and you were still generous enough to pay the bills for his treatment???!!!
He made you beg for sex, called you names, threw you out of his bed, degraded you, spread lies about you – and you’re still cool with him??? You’re still shagging him??? As in, there’s a world where you have overlooked all these things to still be able to get intimate with him, to still let him see and touch your nakedness???
This is a WAWU!!! Like, my mind is just blowing up here. This isn’t love. I don’t know what it is, but it isn’t love. You have serious shit to deal with within yourself, Audrey, if this is the kind of thing you accept in your life. If a man can get away with things like this with you.
Audrey
October 20, 22:12Dear Mandy I sure as hell do not have anything to deal with as you’ve stated and I trust your self esteem not to stand anywhere close to mine(Those that knows me outside this E-space would attest to that)so I plead of you not to try to subtly throw shades all in the name of giving advice.
And YES I still Love him but I’ve made my decision on the matter and it’s final.Deal with it
Mandy
October 20, 22:53LMAO. So prickly. First of all, honey, you don’t know as much about my life as I now know of yours based on the story you’ve told. Which makes it very apparent to everyone reading that you’ve got serious self esteem issues.
For one, I’m a man. I would never be the wife to another man in a relationship that’s supposed to be a homosexual partnership. But that’s what you did for Nnamdi. So no, please don’t talk like you somehow have a sense of self worth that is not flawed. Unless your story here is a lie.
This your boss bitch act is apparently just that: an act.
Lyanna
October 20, 23:47“..you don’t know as much about my life as I now know of yours based on the story you’ve told”. Really? This is so gutter low!
Audrey
October 21, 06:33Hey dearie it’s fine and I appreciate the fact that there are still a few of you out there with a good head on your neck.
I for one have clearly passed on my message to that Thwart of a person that calls himself Mandy so if he decides to go gutter low,suck away lower or even canal lowest that’s his kettle of fish but him thinking I’d come and roll in the mud with him would be an effort in futility.I just hope he keeps up same energy whenever he happens to see me person.
Thanks for trying to school his ignorance but I’d advice you allow him keep menstruating here in the comment section afterall that’s what Woke,very confident do.Cheers and once again thanks for pointing out the obvious.
3stan
October 21, 08:20Do you, Audrey. You don’t have to explain yourself to rats with faux lofty ideals. It’s your life, you’ve lived it, you know what’s best. I’m glad you’ve learned from that and have forged a better path for yourself. Love and light boo.
PS, who says wifes must cook and clean? It’s not written in stone. Cooking and cleaning isn’t necessarily a wife’s role.
Lyanna
October 20, 23:54So because he took on “wifely” duties in a homosexual relationship, he has self-esteem issues??? Then it stands to reason that gay men who love to cook and who cook for their men do so because they feel worthless and insecure about themselves not because they love to cook. You know what? I like the way you think. Infact, you’re truly wonderful.
Higwe
October 21, 21:53Shame on you !
You’re low . Stupid and may I add a disgusting ,arrogant, empty headed vacaous dingbat.
What do we know about your life ?
*Based on what you put out *
We know you’re a failed editor that still lives with his parents .
I’d take low self esteem over a full grown adult “male ” leeching off his aged parents .
Mandy
October 20, 22:57And look, whatever decision you make about your life and love for this guy is your business. You don’t tell me to deal with it, because I’m not here to concern myself with your life. You put up a story and I weighed my opinion on it. That does not mean I’m having sleepless nights over your life. Do with your life and relationships as you wish. Whether good or bad, the consequences ultimately stay with you. Wetin consign me? ?? I’m just here to comment and move on to the next story.
Malik
October 21, 18:45Lol. You’ll still unblock him when he messages you on IG. Just know that cutting off someone you have such sexual and emotional ties to is not half as easy as you think. Because you will miss him in a weird twisted way that you can’t explain to anyone. Because you will call him or have a casual meet up when he’s in town. Because you will make excuses for him. Because your heart will melt again.
trystham
October 21, 19:34PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lopez
October 20, 09:08The things people do in a relationship… Drama drama
Colossus
October 20, 09:31My goodness, this story did a number on me. Not about Nnamdi, guys like him abound but about you. Honestly, you need huge doses of self esteem, like a lot.
You broke up with Nnamdi but still wanted to shag everybody around him just to hurt him? For the love of God, why?
I do understand shagging to get liberated but his friends? His own circle? The dude got his fangs so deep in you, its hard to pull it out.
I have been in this situation, i know what it feels like but how to break free was not having anything sexual with his friends.
Still be friends if you want to but let the sexual liaisons rest. I hope you break free, i really do.
Audrey
October 20, 22:19Thanks dear and I appreciate your kind recommendations but I recently cut him off totally(Even had to bar his line from getting to me) cos he’s incessant demands of taking back to Egypt in the name of a relationship became Repulsive and irritating.
I just thought it wise to share my story so that anyone who is presently in such situation would know that it’s impossible to fix what’s broken and learn from me and maybe officially announce that I’m back in the singles market.Lol
Bee
October 20, 09:43Lmao what’s it with the knives though? That kind rough play, abeg. And ofc, please cut the guy off (absolutely no pun intended).
Audrey
October 20, 22:23Lol…
And the funny thing is that I’m not the’Weapon Carrying’ kind of fighter but that nigga brought all the negatives I had in my system.
Thanks for reading and I promise to stay far away from sharp objects.
Zoar
October 21, 07:44Thank God ?? you finally decided to heed Tacha’s warning all these while.
People should always stay away from SHARP OBJECTS especially when they are emotional.
Lorde
October 20, 10:06Like…… where do I begin, you two have problems…. I don’t even know who’s more problematic, the serial cheat and gaslighter and abuser or the one with anger issues, who couldn’t rise above the bullshit and decided to go on a revenge spree,
Audrey
October 20, 22:25I’ve risen far above the BULLSHIT and I’m glad you are concerned about my Emotional and Mental health.Kisses from this side
Segun
October 20, 11:23I don’t think I’ve read any story on here that made me hiss so loudly and roll my eyes so much that my pupils nearly became crossed.
Audrey, you still need some help. I could detect some patterns in your stories and comments on this website (yes, I’ve read that many). You need therapy so that you don’t keep falling into this trap. Please seek it.
Sending you love and light. Blessed be.
Audrey
October 20, 22:28Good thing your pupils didn’t get crossed but hope you’ve lived a life with no regrets in all your years of existence.Sending Love and light your way too.
Optimus
October 20, 11:29“My exams soon came around, and I went back to my flat because I wanted to avoid distractions. I saw that Nnamdi had a few of his friends now staying with him as study partners for the exams. I wasn’ t finished with being spiteful toward him as I got friendly with his friends , ending up with shagging three of them separately”
Now how about that for a major distraction? So many things don’t just add up for me in this story, but one constant here is that you are hopelessly in love with this Nnamdi fellow and it’s only a matter of time before you get back together again – Cue disaster!
I’m glad you came out of the whole fiasco in one piece and that you’re safe health-wise. But please do not give the devil room to attempt another shot at you, flee! There are a thousand other better guys out there if you can search or better still get yourself busy with your academics or job whichever the case to help keep your carnal cravings in check. Goodluck
Audrey
October 20, 22:34Feel free to send a rejoinder as ‘So many things didn’t add up about the story’ cos I don’t understand why I’d sugarcoat what really since I’ve decided to bring myself out for public scrutiny.
All the same thanks for the good wishes and I hope you’ve never been a fool for love.Danke
Blair
October 20, 12:47First and foremost I’d like gave it to Audrey for being candid enough to tell the story as it is.. many won’t go this far telling it as it is because of the fear of being judged..
Many would also remove the weakness part of them having to go back to the same guys multiple times because you where in too deep in love with him..
This is your type of person. Would I say…. is the type that is too soft for love and not matter how the guy treats you , Just his face alone after an altercation melts your heart.
What someone like you needs is a true friend who would advise u. So u don’t have to decide on urself always cos u are weak for love
And I’ll admit you have to be extremely careful about unprotected sex when cos if u get that stuff dat comes with it you will blame ur self for not letting go earlier. Cos am a testament to that
#LoveandWar
Pink Panther
October 20, 14:04True this. It takes a very courageous person to get this vulnerable on a public space, to air the good and the bad in an space where he can be judged.
For that much, I commend Audrey.
Audrey
October 20, 22:40Thanks dear and it’s good to know you care and wish me happiness.Funny thing is that I’ve always had a strong support system(Straight Friends) and I’m surprised how they’ve been able to able to keep up with my plenty drama eight years and counting and Yes Unprotected sex ended as far back as I can remember.
Once again thanks for your sincere care I’m full of appreciation.
Tristan
October 20, 12:50That’s what you do when you are stupidly in love, but shagging your abuser and his friends is self-deprecating.
What some people have failed to realize is that you don’t beg for love. Was that even love? While he used you, you were just obsessed with him.
Do yourself a huge favour by detangling yourself from that toxic person.
Audrey
October 20, 22:44Thanks for your concern and it’s good to know that you took out time to read my story.Gracias
David Kamdili
October 20, 13:10I’m the only one who thinks the writer was damn too careless. We aren’t perfect, but this was way too far from imperfection
Audrey
October 20, 22:59I guess you are the only one with such school of though.Holy nwa’eche shift make I see front
Gaia
October 20, 13:10Pseeeeeeeeeeeeew.
Keeva
October 20, 14:36How on earth is the fear of being infected with HIV & STDs not enough to scare you away?
And back to this Nnamdi character, I know there are good ‘D’ you meet and you have flashbacks of the sex even during an important meeting, but c’mon… After the first slap or toxic behaviour,you should have like you said – ‘walked into his room and officially broken up with him’ when it was still early. Right now y’all have the occasional fling, I hope you’re using condoms, or At’least you’re on Prep. Cuz it seems like the sugar in that ‘D’has done a number on you.
Please walk away, mark him in your head like someone who’s dead,i mean who’s to say that he won’t out you again to a random stranger who asks if he knows you, these are all to be considered,and there are other fine dark skinned men out there even though closeted,but who won’t hit you or hold medals for being serial cheats.
My dear Audrey,please get help in form of therapy if you can.
The above scenario,even though in the past,can leave an emotional or psychological effect on you.
*XOXO*
Audrey
October 20, 23:04The contract for occasional fling self has ended and you needn’t to have stated the obvious cos I’m sure you read up there where I said that after he contracted an Std ‘Skin to skin ended’.Some of you should really learn how to criticize constructively and be less judgemental.Xoxo nke gi kwa
trystham
October 20, 14:43Well, its like being a goat. You will never learn until there is that point where you can’t change things. That’s your business.
My business at this point is “Do you keep up with those flatmates?” Those ones are rare gems. Hold them tightly as you go down that path of devastation you have chosen. O d’igba
Audrey
October 20, 23:13My ex flatmates are still part of my biggest support system even till date and NO I’m not keeping them because I’m headed the path of devastation but because they truly are rare gems as you stated.I wonder if some of you don’t taste your words before spitting em out cos C’mon for someone seeking advice this would be the wrongest place to come to simply because most you do not know how to sound like adults I.e Being constructive with your advice.*Pun Intended*
Your Advice might carry sense and be Valid but the way you let it out goes a long way to determine it’s effect in the life of the Advicee.
trystham
October 21, 19:25I’m not kuku surprised really. You want to be babied and sugar talked into common sense, which has apparently not worked for you otherwise, you will not currently be in the position that u r in, fucking the dude who put u thru so much.
Wake up to the hard truth. YOU ARE WALKING THE PATH OF DISASTER.
Blue
October 20, 15:05Ewoooooooo!
That was my initial reaction when I finished the story.
AUDREY I must commend your courage FR I can’t pull this stunt Laye Laye. I used to think i was soft but this one drained all the thoughts of me being emotionally weak.
I recommend Therapy for you o like serious one because you need it and you need to be strong. I didn’t even expect you to keep shagging to him even if you guys aren’t dating anymore.
Friendly advice: do everything in your power to protect your SPACE cos your mental health is important and ion know if there are pills for boosting self-esteem because you sure need a whole lot of it.
Finally y’all should take it easy on him because I know there are other queer folks out there who have gone or going through worse and for them to share their experiences with us the backlash in the comment section on this is a huge Red flag.
Audrey
October 20, 23:18Thanks dear I think I’m better now and as for the judgemental lots I certainly do not even give a second thought to their hateful comments.It’s evident that I’m not the only one that needs the so much talked about therapy in this space cos the bile of most of their lips is what it is…BILE.Tueeh!
Mitch
October 20, 15:54….He would accuse me of sleeping with any guy he saw me hanging with to make me feel like I was the one with the problem in our relationship….
This was exactly what I faced in my 3rd relationship. Every single time I confronted him with the stories I heard about him, he made me the villain. And, the worst part was, I believed him. I always felt I was the problem.
Until the day he fucked my friend in front of me after a quarrel we had. Like, I was on the bed with him and my friend and he fucked my friend there. And when they were done and my friend stepped out to clean up, he turned to me and said, “This was just to show you that I can get sex anytime I want it and from anyone at all. You’re not important.”
I did the same thing you did. Fucked around as a way of mending my broken heart. And, just like you, most of the guys I fucked were his friends. I went through a record 10 different guys in 2 weeks, never seeing anyone more than twice. Some, I met and shagged just once.
But, ultimately, I got to realize that I was hurting myself. That he wasn’t worth the pain and heartache and stress I was putting myself through. It took me time to get back my sanity but I fought for it and got it back.
You may still need to fight for yourself, Audrey. You need to lose that love you still have for him. Because people like him only excel at one thing: wrecking other people completely.
Trust me, I know this for a fact. When I made the mistake of thinking everything could be forgiven and we had both gotten mature and could be an actual beautiful couple, I got into the fight of my life. It’s a battle I’m still fighting. And, trust me, it’s not a battle you ever want to fight.
So, please, for the sake of all you love and hold dear, purge him and that toxic love from your life and system. You’d be much safer and better off for it.
Blair
October 20, 17:08@Mitch am blown away…. life is nothing but a journey
Audrey
October 20, 23:21Thanks dear,it’s safe to say that he’s purged out of my system and this time it’s for good.I’m glad you were able to pull through your own SITUATIONSHIP at least you learnt a thing or two from it.Kisses from this side
Tristan
October 21, 22:40@Mitch, you told this story on Kd. I can rmbr it.
slim
October 20, 15:57Could this be love? Or is this your love what a Hausa man will tag ” makauniyan soyaya” (blind love) .
Quincy
October 20, 16:50Hmmm wetin pesin no go read for here
Delle
October 20, 17:24How you can still love him despite all he did is what I do not understand. I absolutely do not.
Audrey
October 20, 23:23I didn’t understand too but I’m glad I took the bold step of ending it for GOOD.
Black Dynasty
October 20, 17:32Hmm reading this upset me in a lot of ways but i have to give you kudos for being brave enough to put your story out there.
Everything you’re going through with this man ultimately boils down to a low self esteem and not understanding your self worth.
I don’t know if you enjoy reading, but check out this book. “Emotional first aid” by Guy winch. He’s a clinical psychologist who delves into common emotional traumas we face and offers practical solutions. A whole chapter is dedicated to self esteem.
We don’t get to choose who we fall in love with, but we certainly get to choose who we let into our lives. This man is no good for you, life has given you enough chances to get away from the toxicity. Don’t let him leave you with permanent damage…
Audrey
October 20, 23:25Why do most of you attribute so many happenings in a persons life to Low self esteem?
Thanks anyway and I’d look out for the books at my spare time.Daalu rinne
Bee
October 21, 02:25Good question, though. Giving someone chances doesn’t mean you have a low self-esteem; they’re two different things. My own is that his chances would have run out long before they did with you.
Black Dynasty
October 21, 07:36Primarily because I’ve been there @ low self esteem and the signs are easy to spot, therapy was able to change the mindset.
Examples include letting a man use and walk all over you repeatedly because you loved him even when his words & actions proved time without number that he didn’t love you, staying in abusive relationships, staying in toxic and 1 sided friendships etc etc. Basically not caring about yourself enough to allow people get away with things they shouldn’t do.
It’s not a personal attack, @ least not from me. But if you do get around to the book, you’ll see what i mean. It addresses Rejection, loss/trauma, guilt, failure, loneliness and low self esteem. Excellent book really.
unusual sam
October 20, 19:52Hmmmm
wetin Adele no go see for the other side.
Eva
October 20, 20:41I don’t know if my comments are welcome here but Audrey, I really hurt for you. You’ve just chosen the cheapest and easiest path to self destruction. As long as you keep company with this Nnamdi guy, you’ll continue to question your self-worth. Darling, you’re worth so much and Nnamdi is doing NOTHING for your self-esteem. He’s a taker and a user. He’s poison. Please and please…walk away. Shut him off…COMPLETELY. That’s the only way you can heal. And please don’t even rush into another relationship because you feel lonely or something. You need time to heal, rediscover yourself and learn to love YOU. I pray you find the love you deserve.
Kelvin
October 20, 22:00*It was incredible, what happened. Maybe my lodge mates didn’t like him, maybe they were just a bunch of open-minded people who liked me – whatever was the case, the hateful reaction this guy was undoubtedly expecting wasn’t what he got. Someone told him to stop shouting in a compound where he did not pay rent for, and he must have said something rude in response, because that soon escalated to an exchange of words and blows, and before long, everyone had stormed out to throw him out of the compound, threatening him with bodily harm if he ever showed his face around*.
This is hilarious, How I wish every Human being in Nigeria could react the same way those people did.
I would like to ask about JAY it seems he was cut off from your life as the story cos he was actually the forerunner of this and fate did its job by bringing you and Nnamdi together.
My advice to you is, you should cut every sexual encounter with him. Friends Yes, Fuck buddy Hell to the No
Audrey
October 20, 23:34Jay became a silent hater(Arranged other guys for Nnam) who did everything to destroy my relationship with Nnamdi as he was annoyed that I came and collected a TAG whilst he had just been a bootie call in all his years of service so I had to cut him off.But now that I’ve severed ties with the User they can have themselves for all I care.Thanks for your sincere concerns
Bussy
October 20, 23:5440+ comments so far
At least one or two have commented on what i had in mind
But the sex part in this story is what I really don’t understand, from unprotected sex ,to fuking who knows who ?
As in the way gay people feel they’re entitled to be sexing anyone who’s gay is what I don’t understand. Them carry sex swear for queer people ?
A and B are friend ,B introduces C,D,and F to A ,suddenly A goes about fucking C,D,and F.
And C,D,F fully aware that A’s friend with B but they don’t care ,they all keep fucking anywhere. ?? my issue with gay people.
ChubbyLover
October 21, 09:39As in…..
So this friend I’ve not had anything to do with (thankfully)and will NEVER had a visitor (presumably on transit).
This visitor kept shooting his shot which made me a bit uncomfortable. My “friend” kept going on about another guy who his visitor is expecting. I was a bit confused because I know he was grinding it out with this his visitor……so why arrange another fella for him. This his visitor kept flirting but I was smarter and kept punishing him. Asked for number and I gave him a lesson on why being that cheap isn’t alpha!
My point is that the web of inter-intra shagging is just rife these days.
Zoar
October 21, 07:39This is really painful to read.
That you went through all these with a guy and still choose to love him is disheartening.
I can’t even understand it here.
Well done Angel? Audrey…….
Audrey
October 21, 07:46The heart chooses who it wants to be with my dear but that’s where the availability of having a brain comes to play.I’m over him now and I’m thankful for your concern.Gracias
peace
October 21, 11:45woah ! Audrey nna m. That was quite an interesting read. Shebi they say that it is the person wearing the shoe that knows where it pinches, love could be tricky bitch and we can’t be all the same. First of I’m sorry you had to go through this, and I’m happy that You’ve kicked him out. let me also tell you that its not strange that you still harbor feelings for someone that brought you pain. After all there are people in abusive relationships who still love their partners regardless, in situations like that we try to physically detach from the person, which you have clearly done and then take time to heal all round. I don’t know how long ago this was, but I hope you’re in a better space now, and please never for one day think that you have a low self esteem , if you are disabuse that thought biko. Just jisie Ike nna m and keep being the loving human you are.
sending you love and kisses from this side of the planet
Peace ………….
Audrey
October 21, 23:56Chim gozie gi now and forever nwoke oma.
J
October 21, 19:35He’s toxic. You should have moved out that apartment very fast. Distance kills a lot of fake shit. People like him are narcissists with so many insecurities, you shouldn’t waste your time with them.
I had a crush on one before, he knew I really cared about me, so he decided to manipulate and abused me emotionally… I kicked him out of my life very fast. Develop a strong hatred for people like that and you will be free from their bondage. Don’t make excuses for them, they’re very selfish and heartless.
I don’t know how you guys do it, I will never try to have sex with someone who has mentally or physically abused me. It’s the worse thing I can do to my self-esteem.
Audrey
October 21, 23:51And here I was thinking that Distance made the heart grow fonder.Nawa oh
Adele has really seen and heard a lot from the other side.Thanks all the same I appreciate your sincere good intentions for me.
J
October 22, 20:25Distance makes the heart grow fonder in this case only if one is delusional ? Not when all the red flags have been indicated and shown to you. He has shown his true colors, but yet you were still hopeful… That kind of faith that can turn things around for your good.
If you are too easy and forgiving, a man will take you for granted. Most people like psychos, the ungrateful and not easy to get/pleased, so give him pepper. Let him count his mistakes one by one.
Higwe
October 21, 22:02Audrey sweetie you’ll be fine darling .
The heart wants what it wants but self preservation is key ….
Do what’s right by you .
The Nnamdi creature has proven he doesn’t deserve your adulation or love …
Put the rabid dog out once and for all .
The saddest thing about this story is that I knew almost all the people involved .
Honestly , didn’t know it was this bad.
You’ll be fine …
Sending you strength , love and kisses .
Audrey
October 21, 23:48My brother it was DEEP oh and even when I had better looking guys with reputable backgrounds struggle to get my attention yours truly was still forming hard to get all because I was in a SITUATIONSHIP but the good thing is it’s lessons learnt for me and no regrets(Sincerely).
So if you truly know me you’d understand why I laugh when people peg it at me having low self esteem(Moi nke’a low self esteem).The Dycking was good while it lasted but like we’ve all agreed,my sanity and peace of mind is importantEST.
And biko don’t let some people who ain’t worth your second glance drag you from your olympian height to their place of macabre dance by you dignifying their washed out opinions with a response.You deserve better nna.Thanks for always being you and regret not coming so close back in the day.Cheers
Sworld
October 21, 23:23Some claimed to be master of Love,pls help me ask them who there Teacher is. Novel? Lmao
No matter how strong you claimed you might be, If love strike you!. Your unknown Mumu button will be activated.
Love is a crazy feeling, you do things that you much aware could damage you.
I felt the acrimony as I read through your story. Time heals darling,you going to be fine but I hope you truly learnt from this that Where love is no longer served,You get up!.
Never stop loving Audrey! Stay bless
Audrey
October 21, 23:54I won’t stop loving dearie but I think right now and as it has been over the years I’m more focused at Loving Myself.Truly issues of the heart can be very tricky.Thanks for caring.
Malik
October 22, 08:15Thank you Audrey for a story that got us all talking.
Zizi
October 22, 19:00To be honest, the kind of backlash that is given here scares people like me from sharing our experiences here.
Everyone makes mistakes in life. It’s good to know you have stepped up from yesterday’s errors. Love is a 2-edged blade.
As you have blocked him off your life, may it be permanent. I always tell myself that nobody is worth crying for, because those who deserve your tears will not make you cry. Cheers!!!
unclothe
October 23, 09:32first off, no amount or type of dick can make me that stupid. usually when i find out u cheat on me, i confront you about it, then shag you afterwards to let u know i can get it and remind you of what you would be missing. Then i ghost you, bye felicia. we may still be friends but no way in hell are you gonna dip your biscuit in my chocolate jar. na ah
Jinchuriki
October 23, 18:29What the actual fuck?
First, traditional roles.. what is that even?
Then caught him have sex.. and you stayed?
You escaped HIV and/or whatever STD he had to deal with, he accused you of infecting him… and you stayed??
He beat you and you stayed?
He degraded you and you stayed?
WOW!!!!!! You still went on to keep in touch, and not just that, you also keep shagging?
Wow!!!
You were astoundingly obdurate.
I hope you won’t continue being Obdurate.
Even goats learns.
Cuddlecake
October 24, 12:46@ Audrey biko that guy is not good for you. No give am chance again o. Na God I take beg you. I have been there before. Asin him not worth am at all. Love na bastard o e go blind you soteeee you go shuck hand inside your eyes comot am.
Biko ehn my darling move on, transfer the energy to some other things and build a business empire for yourself you here.
God bless you my Pikin.
Lyanna
November 24, 09:39Might as well say this. 5 years now since we broke. A year since we last saw. And one or two hook ups in between.
I still have vivid- very vivid dreams about my ex indeed. Last night was this graphic scene where she was performing something that looked like a ritual, chanting around me in circles that I can’t leave her. This unfinished business that we have, if only she wasn’t so taken with herself to talk about and not around it.
Pink Panther
November 24, 15:03Hello Lyanna, isn’t it about time you sent in some of these your stories? ?
Lyanna
November 25, 08:43Haha…these dogs that are sleeping, let them continue to lie in peace o.