“I Was Sexually Abused Twice.” Bisi Alimi talks about his experience with sexual misconduct
On Saturday, Bisi Alimi revealed on Facebook that he had been sexually abused. Check on his story below.
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Since the case of sexual harassment and abuse broke, I have been hanging on the cliff. I am not sure if being open about it is the good thing to do as I am afraid it might go far and this is the first time my husband will be reading this.
For over a week now I couldn’t get the image of what happened out of my head.
In 2014, I was sexually abused twice in 24hrs and this broke me completely. This story I am sharing is not for pity. I am sorry, I don’t need anyone’s pity. However I hope for me it might be for closure, though I know I will possibly never find closure.
I had gone to visit my childhood friend in Switzerland. We used to be very close in uni. Short story, he went out that day and I was in alone with his husband. His husband and I had a complicated back story, but not one to warrant what happened that evening.
His husband is a very powerful man in the city of Luzern. I know my friend might be reading this, and I hope he forgives me for ending his marriage. I didn’t mean to but I couldn’t carry the shame for long.
He groped me, my best friend’s husband groped me ‘expecting me to like it’. I was staying with them, my friend would not be coming back home that night, I was going to be alone with his husband. I was scared, I couldn’t sleep, I was conscious of his movement all through the night, I was scared, wishing for my friend to come home.
The lucky thing was, that was my last night. I packed my bag and left earlier for the airport. I rang my best friend in Berlin and I was on the phone crying to him.
During this time I was homeless in London, and I spent time on the couch of friends. So I came to another friend’s house to pass the night.
He had come back home with a guy he met on Grindr (I didn’t know this as I was fast asleep already, but he told me in the morning). I was tired and passed on the couch. I guess while having sex, they were screaming and my friend had told his date to not shout cos I was in the living room. I guess during the conversation my sexuality came up, I have no idea but at some point in the night, I thought I was having a dream, it was not clear to me, but it also felt real, I had a feeling I was having a blow job, it was not clear.
Then from this dream I woke up to see my dick in the mouth of a man I had never met before in my life. There was this man, on his knee with my dick in his mouth. I screamed, I had no idea what was going on. Then he told me that he thought I might like it.
In 24 hours two men had access to my body without my permission but on the assumption that I might like it.
Reading this, you might think I am a very strong person as I come across as such and to some degree you are right, but think about it for a second, if this can happen to me who is seen as assertive and in control and I couldn’t deal with it, how much more others who are very vulnerable?
I left Luzern thinking: “Being sexually harassed or abuse is damaging and soul destroying, even more complicated when the person is the husband of your best friend and you are powerless. Also knowing telling your friend might either end their marriage or end your friendship. The guilt you carry.”
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17 Comments
Black Dynasty
November 12, 09:01This! I don’t understand why some gay/bi men think it’s ok to touch up another man and assume he will like it because he’s also gay/bi. Same applies to women harrasing men.
Some men really have no interest in being touched up by random people. Though tbh, both men would have ended up with a black eye and charges would be filed against the idiot giving a BJ.
It annoys me when i read stories of gay men who cannot quench their thirst and think it’s ok to touch up their str8 friends when he’s drunk or sleeping etc. They then play the victim when they get beat up, talking about homophobia(i don’t tolerate homphobia) but sexual harrasment is never ok, gay or str8.
Foxydevil
November 12, 12:42? ? wow!
Nice one.
trystham
November 12, 09:38The liberties ppl u trust attempt to take/take with u sef…this life af taya me
Mitch
November 12, 09:51Hmmmmmm
Bloom
November 12, 09:52*rolls eyes*
himbo
November 12, 11:39This man’s thirst is unquenchable.
Tobee
November 12, 17:09I think there is a gay hook-up script in which once it is acknowledged that both men are gay, there is an assumption that they would both have sex.
In my early days of coming out to myself, I met a guy on gay.com. We chatted a bit and he told he would be visiting the town where I stayed and that it would be nice to meet. Naive me felt there was no problem, and brought him over to my place. (I’m sure you are wondering what else I had in mind if I brought him to my place; well, I didn’t know about these things then.) So we talked a bit, and he asked if I was in the mood; I wasn’t. He touched me to check if I was really not having an erection; I wasn’t. But private parts are private for a reason, so I reflexively smacked off his hand. A few minutes later, he said he had to be on his way, and that I had wasted his time. I said sorry and drove him to the park.
When I narrated this to (gay) friends months later, they told me that when guys hook up, it’s usually to have sex, and that he wasn’t wrong to have assumed.
The other reason I feel there is that script is that often, on gay chat/dating/hook-up sites; one of the first questions I get asked is what my role is. I usually interprete this to mean that sex with me is going through the other person’s mind, and they are doing a quick assessment of my suitability.
I do not in any way condone what happened to Bisi. Still I can’t help wonder if there is something about ‘our’ collective attitudes to sex that facilitates such events.
Odogwu
November 12, 19:51Maybe if they thought us about this sexual abuse thing from
Child hood,I won’t be doing it, I never knew that touching another guy’s dick was sexual
Harassment, growing up we did it a lot,guys do this to other guys ,I mean the str8 ones sef,it is hard to see someone that has not done or been a victim,I became used to it,to some people it is not a big deal but now I see it is a problem and I wished I never got used to this nonsense,I have done it to u countable people,friends and non friends, in Nigeria and in overseas, nobody has ever screamed assault, I remember in jss3 we were told to stop molesting gals by pressing their breast lol. It nobody said anything about boys, Sexual education and consent should be taught to children, I was abused by both boys and girls while growing up,I was attracted to both sex while growing up, I found guys easy because nobody will ask questions back then if ur follow guy visits you so I practiced more with the guys and less with the gals and now it Is a problem,another problem is that I am only attracted to str8 guys,well as long as u don’t seem gay, the adventure in me comes out. Anyway I don tire to type. I have touched people without their consent and I don’t know if that will ever stop..don’t curse me out, I wish I can stop but hey some like it and some don’t like it.The society caused it.We need to educate our children from the start so they don’t become a victim of abused,most abuse victims becomes abusers too especially when they don’t see anything wrong in it till when it overwhelms them. God help us..
Simba
November 12, 20:43Most of the things u said, are right.. And nobody has a right to judge ur sexual preferences until u start getting ‘kito’. Every one has once touched each other, Hello watch Super Sport.. But when ur in a position of authority it becomes a harassment. My flatmate can touch my dick, my friends can touch it, my Drs can touch it too.. But the intention differs too, they ain’t touching it to get me aroused or to fuck me. I ll rather say Bisi, is a poor writer or a storyteller, he needs to clearly tell his readers/audience what happened to him… This is not a fiction so no room for guessing…. Happy Sunday guys.
Malik
November 13, 18:14Firstly, Odogwu, I can relate. I have engaged in dick-touching without permission and I have a slight preference for “straight” dick. But in the wake of emerging, all-inclusive definitions of sexual harassment please do like me and start asking first. Ours is a world that doesn’t forgive… Before someone will use a 30 year old allegation to end (y)our career.
To Bisi Alimi, your storytelling could be a lot better. But my main question is about the purpose of writing a story that won’t give you any pity or (I bet) closure. Secondly, why are we reading this before your husband? These questions are from my heart. I mean no offense.
Francis
November 15, 10:11Like Malik said, it is in your best interest to seek a shrink to help you stop touching people. No go carry your hand spoil your destiny one day.
Victor Ukpa
November 13, 17:39Says the same Bisi Alimi that used to pimp underaged boys to older men back then. I hope you know how many countless underaged boys you sent to their early graves pumping them to older men who had unprotected sex with them and infected them. You have done worse things than what you experienced in this your cooked up assault story.
Francis
November 15, 10:07Hmmmmmmmm
Norman
November 13, 19:43I’ve had an experience this happened last year, I don’t know if I should call it rape or sexual harassment. I went to see a guy with the intent of having sex. Skip to the fucking part he became rough and I was in pain. I told him to stop he didn’t and I tried to get him off but I couldn’t. He held me down and continued even while I struggled and pleaded. Finally he stopped and I left. I’ve always wondered if that was rape because
1) I wanted to have sex with him,I mean I came to his house with the intent of having sex
2) he stopped even when he didn’t ejaculate
3) he acted nice afterwards
Pink Panther
November 13, 21:04It was rape.
Black Dynasty
November 14, 01:21In a court, that would be rape… this being the key sentence “I told him to stop he didn’t”.
For future reference, I understand how vulnerable being in the receiving position can be… so, use your elbows to inflict pain if you’re lying facing your stomach or use your knees if you’re lying on your back and he will get off if he cannot listen to “stop!”
Lopez
November 15, 06:46That is a serious allegation Ukpa