Dear KD: How Do I Save Myself From His Blackmail?

Dear KD: How Do I Save Myself From His Blackmail?

I have always wanted to share my thoughts and experience with this great community, but time won’t let me. However, after what happened last night, I find myself urgently needing some perspective from you guys.

There is this guy I used to be well-acquainted with in the hood (let’s call him X). I really can’t say how we became fuck buddies because that happened a long time ago. But what I can say is that every time he came around, we’d have sex and then I’d give him some money and he’d be gone. This was our routine.

Things changed however after one night in 2016. He came over as usual, but this time, instead of me topping him, I made him mount me. He fucked me so hard and so well. I loved it and was thinking this was good, only for me to later realise, after he left, that my Nokia C1 was missing.

Since I didn’t know where he stays and who his friends were, I let it pass.

A few weeks later, I was indoors when I heard a knock on my door. I went to check and it was him. I let him in. Before I could say anything, he pushed me to the bed and became violent. This was new to me and I was trying to understand what was going on. He began saying that I had initiated him and that I want to use him for rituals. I couldn’t believe this was the same guy who had fucked me like a wild horse days ago. My neighbours were outside and he was starting to raise his voice. I didn’t want the embarrassment, so I begged him to keep his voice down. We talked and I tried to reason him out of whatever distress he was going through. However, this criminal left and next thing I realized, the 40 thousand naira I had in the house was missing. He had stolen that.

And because I had no one to open up to, again I let this pass.

Since that day, he’d come to see me but I won’t let him into my house. He would plead with him for cash and I’d give him. Then after a few visits, he disappeared and I didn’t see him again for a very long time.

Until a few weeks ago, that is.

Upon a knock on my door, I opened it to see him. I was very surprised and dismayed. He started talking about how he went to Edo to do rituals to make himself impenetrable, but he was rejected by the shrine. According to him, the priest there called him a woman for letting himself get fucked by a man. The priest also told him that he would remain frustrated all his life and that he should go to a pastor, confess and request to be prayed for. I knew all these were fabricated tales, but when he demanded that I give him money to go sort himself out, I gave him 5k and he left.

I thought that was all, but I was wrong. On the Sunday of that week, he came again, saying he wants to do weed business and that he needs 7k for it. He pleaded with me to help him, promising that he won’t bother me again. I thought he was being honest, so I gave him the money.

Three days later, he was back, accusing me of being a ritualist, otherwise why did he lose the money I gave him just like that? He demanded that I give him another amount or he wouldn’t leave my house. Because I didn’t want anything more to do with him, I gave him 5k and warned him not to come to my house again without first calling me. He agreed and left.

Then last night happened. He came again, this time with a friend who he claimed was an army officer from Bori Camp. X was just making noise and creating a scene in the hood. People were outside and were getting interested. His friend was threatening to arrest me while X was “pleading” with him to allow me settle him instead. He claimed he was bleeding from his anus and that it was as a result of what I did to him. Neighbours were asking me what happened, and I sorely wanted to expose the fool for his lies. But doing so would also make them know who I am. Most of these neighbours have, in my presence, expressed their disdain for homosexuality. How then do I let them in on this matter? As much as it pained me, I had to settle this guy and his fake soldier friend with 15k before they left.

I know that this won’t be the end, hence my coming here to ask for advice. As I write this, my business capital has been so reduced because of this. I have considered relocating, but doing so will affect my business. But then, if I stay on here, I’m afraid this blackmail will not end.

What do I do?

Submitted by Preston

Previous CARDBOARDSEXUALITY: Another Sexual Behaviour?

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  1. Lopez
    September 29, 08:37 Reply

    Arrange some thugs, when he comes back tell him you’re not giving him a dime, shout to his face. If he leaves peacefully fine, if he doesn’t let the thugs handle him. The negative side of this is you will be outed. Otherwise even if you relocate he can still find you. Just make sure you don’t give him any money again or it will never end.

  2. Mandy
    September 29, 09:42 Reply

    Whatever decision you make to stop this will cost you something, I feel. There’s no way you will get out of this unscathed. I want to suggest that you relocate and how exactly relocation will affect your business. Because, in the end, you have to weigh what relocation will cost your business against what continuously giving this fucker money will cost your business.

    But if you absolutely do not want relocation, you have to put your foot down and refuse to give this guy any more money. For this to happen, you have to brace yourself to get outed to your neighbours. And if that happens, what will it cost you? Is it something you think you will survive? You have to think objectively and not with fear. Because sometimes, fear makes us imagine the worst that may not happen if we’re outed. So if your neighbours knowing will really not affect you much or endanger you, then you need to shut it down with this guy the next time he comes. Refuse to give him money and allow him shout all he wants. He needs to see that you no longer give a shit.

    I’m truly sorry you’ve had to go through this. It’s such a shitty society we live in that such criminals go scot free at the expense of gay people.

    • Sadiq
      September 29, 15:33 Reply

      I support you on this.

    • Iremide
      October 11, 15:50 Reply

      I support you and if you need help Holla me i have a Police friend who is a community. Let’s deal with this fucker.

  3. Yusuf
    September 29, 13:37 Reply

    If you have a military or police officer friend, now’s the time to involve them. Personally, I’d lock the door and beat him an inch to his life…when people ask, tell them he was trying to touch you inappropriately…or you could turn the table around. Hmmm…how about this, next time he comes, tell him once to leave and never come back, if he doesn’t, insist a second time. If he starts to get rowdy…help yourself, borrow a page from Portipher’s wife. Alert your neighbors, scream out you’re not interested in having sex or whatever, you better be fucking convincing, like Oscar award level convincing…. control the narrative, your neighbors should believe you than him…home advantage. Tell them he’s been wanting to habe sex for money but you’ve been kind to not take advantage and stuff…I dunno, it might be crazy enough to scare the shit outta him. Personally I’d beat the crap outta him.

    • Koby
      September 29, 19:26 Reply

      Scream at him whenever he comes to your house, shout that you’re not interested in having sex with him. Tell him to stop trying.
      You may also want to find out where he lives and take the fight to him. He always comes to your residence to make noise, a place which puts you in a position of vulnerability.
      Any how you choose, you have to outplay him in his own game.

    • Demi
      September 30, 11:21 Reply

      Preston, I agree with yusuf.. involve a police ally or an army ally…
      1. If you shout at him when he comes around and a scene is made, he will be so angry u won that he will take the matter to the police ghen ghen thus u av to anticipate his best move (taking the matter to station), that your home advantage will be against you as people/police will say u lure him to your house to rape him or juju him ghen ghen..

      2. I hope there is no chat evidence against you with him as this might compound your woes..

      3. I wished you hadn’t let him back into your space, someone so diabolical and probably a junkie shouldn’t be taken lightly.. they will drag u down.

      So my dear, involve a police or army that is probably queer and will understand ur plight right now so that when the mofo comes back, u will call them on him, they will know how to handle him most preferably taking him into custody and beating d shii outta him and he signing a restraining order. and also think of relocating because u wouldn’t want that guy to come and jazz you or stab you after the ordeal is over and the beating he would have gotten.

      This is the best damage control I can muster. Love and light

    • King
      October 06, 16:08 Reply

      It’s so amazing how so many of us go through similar situations . I’m 30 and I’ve managed to live a level headed life so far until I moved to my new home in Lekki and met this kind of thug. He had been trying to lure me for weeks and I never gave him the attention.
      I’m drunk one day and we have sex . He wants a job and some money. I give him money and secure an interview for him . Then I see him trying to get closer or coming to my house talk to my friends and I stop it totally. He’s fired from the job and all of a sudden I become the guy tha promised him Heaven and earth and failed. I become the guy that jazzed him to having sex . He get a fake soldier to threaten me and starts to talk to my neighbors.
      What did I do:
      I got my soldier friend to threaten all the security persons on the street and warn them not to allow him close to my house, I talk to the neighbors to be careful that he’s a criminal and I don’t know him from anywhere that I only tried to help him(thankfully he’s a beggar and most of the neighbors have experienced him).
      Current Situation;
      I still see him on the street, I don’t fully feel safe , if my window looks funny I’d think he came into my compund. I just moved here and I’ll definitely move once rent is due . My soldier friend slept over last night . It’s been one week and I feel much better now but I’m at alert than ever before.

      But the best advice that I got was ,” what’s the worst that can happen?????”

      Brother do not give anyone power over you. No one has that power!!!!!!!!! We will all die one day and all this nonsense will be over

  4. Shaga
    September 30, 05:58 Reply

    The neighbors most like have an idea already

  5. Bliss
    September 30, 07:59 Reply

    I think i can act that good (turning the tables around saying he want to have sex with you) since this is a critical situation. But i think u should involve a military that is queer friendly, ur queer friends should stay with you most times (incase he comes with his fake army friend).
    Do the math, either to be giving this guy money (he will definitely get tired and out you when you least expect it) or letting him know you are fed up.
    If he eventually out you and you have settled the case. You can stay there after your rent, then move to a new location.

    Note: Be the one to attack now, do not be on the receiving end… You can also find his place and threaten to expose him to his family and/or everyone.
    I know is easier said than done but nwanne you ghats do am

  6. Gozie
    September 30, 13:08 Reply

    Send me your number
    I can help you

    • King
      October 06, 16:09 Reply

      Hi. How can I reach you sir . In a similar situation

      • Audrey
        October 07, 10:03 Reply

        If you are in Lagos send your number to mail cos that’s something small to handle.
        Would have also helped this guy but he’s in far away PH abeg I no get that kain strength.

        Ps: Your neighbors already know but have only chosen to mind their business.

  7. Ronaldo
    October 01, 08:42 Reply

    As long as you are not ready to be outted the best is to relocate temporarily to a Friends house and operate your business from there until things are properly sorted which includes final relocation out of his reach. He is desparate and dealing with a desperate person is suicidal. Even if you have a military ally it may not solve it much because he too has an interest to protect. Next he comes around before you pack out try and steal his own Phone and get contacts or arrange someone to do that for you. That your Phone he stole is a big threat to you. He has gathered all your important contacts which may include family members so you need a counter Attack otherwise be prepared for a LONG thing to come but i Pray its doesn’t get to such extent.

    On General note its important that one doesnt take sex as a casual commitment because many will come back to haunt. Do always be patient enough to know who you are acqainting with before going down with him in case Things turn out better or worse in most scenarios.

  8. Tariq
    October 01, 13:41 Reply

    I will be blunt with you.

    You sound a lil weak…..from not addressing ur stolen phones n money the next he showed allowing him extort you whenever he feels like it??? The nerve!

    If u have a good rapport with ur neighbors u can arrange with them to send him off the compound whenever he comes around…or better still fabricate something and say he’s blackmailing you because of it ….. fight fight and fight now….!

    Don’t be quiet!
    Don’t stay weak!!!!

    Be the attacker, don’t let him keep u at the recieving end….

    He saw that u are acting weak n not fighting back and that’s why he keeps coming back for you….

    Pls man up n take ur life n peace back!

    • ChubbyLover
      October 10, 14:20 Reply

      He is down already. I am sure he can do without stuff like this.
      We are here to support one another.

  9. Hoyeh
    October 02, 22:16 Reply

    You are in the best shoe to understand the problem than any other person here. One thing I want you to know is, this is a challenge and you have to face it. If otherwise it will overcome you. But trust me, it’s going to cost you something. So sorry you have to go through this.

  10. JoJo
    October 04, 01:40 Reply

    Here’s what you can do…

    First step.

    Delete his number and `chatversation’ from your phone (any prior trace of him).
    Then find one of the most homophobic persons in your neighborhood that you’re cool with. If you don’t have any, find someone and make them your Friend.

    Tell this person that there’s something that had been bothering you that you want to share. Tell them you have a sick uncle. Also share that there’s a friend of yours that you found out was a devilish homosexual (use these exact words) that wanted to have sex with you. Tell them you’ve tried talking to them to save their souls but they wouldn’t listen. Sound very convincing. Ask them for their suggestion. Listen. Look worried.
    You’ll need this person for the next step.

    Step two.
    Text the mofo. Invite him to your place. Sound very horny. Then on that day, call and reschedule. Like all blackmailers, he’ll get impatient. This is what we want.
    Call again just to chitchat. Keep the convo completely clean. Tell him you just got a business deal that is making you excited.

    He’ll show up.

    When he does…

    You have three options.
    1. Lure him into sex for pay and record him. (Search for `How to place a camera in your bedroom at a position that wouldn’t show your face’ on YouTube.) Blackmail him with it later.
    2. Hire thugs that would lie in wait for him. Beat him up, GET his phone and flush it down the drain. Then call your neighbour guy. His tongue will roll off when we need him.

    Whatever you do, you have an Alibi. Use it.

    Any questions, reply to this.
    Good luck!

  11. Dunder
    October 04, 09:46 Reply

    I’m sorry about your plight. What I know is that people will keep blackmailing because there is an incentive. If he realizes the tap has gone dry, he’ll look for another victim.

    Cut him off. Tell your neighbors not to allow him enter the compound. This social amputation may very well mean accepting the fact that you’ll be outed and this will leave a target on your back for fake and real uniformed men to make money from and wicked neighbors who’ll also join in to extort and harrassm you so make the first move. Start scouting a different location and in the meantime, try running your business remotely. Delete previous chats with this animal and block his number and social media. Completely ghost him and any friends you have in common. He is obviously a junkie so he’ll end up pawning any phone with chats or links to you. Your change of address is what’s important. If you ever meet him on the road, dismiss him as a never-do-well from your former area who does drugs and borrows money without paying back.

    If he ever accuses you of trying to sleep with him, act bemused and wonder aloud what he would be doing serially opting to visit someone who wanted to “initiate” him into sex? Why would he keep visiting you? The visit with the soldier was to extort you by claiming you were using your business as a front to sell the drugs he is addicted to- he was the blackmailer who betrayed you instead of refunding your money- something like that. To save your business, you gave the soldier some money but vowed to cut off from him and his addict antics after that.

    • JoJo
      October 04, 12:34 Reply

      This is really smart and well articulated.

  12. Rexxy
    October 12, 13:45 Reply



  13. Earl
    October 12, 23:19 Reply

    Kill him.

    It’s what I’ll do.

    • Jason
      October 30, 15:17 Reply

      On God, this is not something to negotiate with an oppressor especially the one who’s bent on making your life a living hell. Just flip the switch.

      Besides getting away with murder in Nigeria is easy.

      • Sea_Warrior
        January 29, 15:22 Reply

        Use antifreeze, make cake and share with him.
        Kill or be killed bcz he won’t stop draining every blood from you until your dead.

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