Dear KD: I Am In A Situationship With My Married, Heterosexual Colleague
When I got into the organization where I work, I stayed reserved for some time, choosing to subdue my usual outgoing self in order to study my environment and those I was working with. As time went on, I began to make friends among my coworkers and began to settle nicely in this workplace environment. In fact, I became such a force that I was able to kinda douse homophobia from our space and occasionally liven things up by introducing discussions about sex and sexuality.
Through all this, I noticed that of all my colleagues, the accountant was the nicest to me.
He’s married with kids, and an incredibly nice man, almost to a fault. Everyone in the office, even the married women, loves him. And he is often the go-to person for most people in the office. He was that person you can always count on to make you feel better about yourself, and pretty soon, I found myself always sharing my problems, worries and challenges with him. And he always came through.
He’d give me money whenever I asked, even when it seemed to be inconvenient for him, and he would always see to it that I was fine. Predictably, at some point, this made me start catching feelings for him. ???
In December last year, some of us in the office went for a hangout and I went a little too far with my alcohol intake, and began acting up. I would later learn that he took on the responsibility of my care during my inebriation and made sure I was fine despite the fact that I ended up messing up his car.
The fact that he didn’t mind any of this made me fall harder for him.
Recently, I came out to him and he was indifferent about it, only telling me to be careful. Following this though, our friendship has taken a turn so deep that he allows me touch him inappropriately without trying to stop me or giving any averse reaction. He wouldn’t flinch whenever I spank his bum in the office, and when we are alone, he’d allow me fondle his dick. Sometimes, this resulted in him getting a boner. One time, he pecked me, and this emboldened me to give him a quick kiss on the lips on another day.
And yet, whenever I ask for us to see outside the office and hang out, he’d smile and tell me he’s straight and that I should just let things be. He would also add that were I a woman, he wouldn’t think twice before giving me what I want.
The problem is that whenever I try to maintain my distance, he’d come over persistently to try to get our camaraderie back. But the thing with being all warm and friendly with him is that it doesn’t help the feelings I have developed for him.
And those feelings are a disaster waiting to happen. I know this. And I need to do something about it.
Please how do I handle this?
Submitted by Osei
About author
You might also like
Dear KD: How Do I Establish A Connection With My (Maybe) Gay Cousin?
A friend of mine hit me up one day and asked me if it was okay to give my number to an acquaintance he made on Twitter. He said the
Dear KD: Am I Being Too Paranoid?
There is someone I follow on Instagram. We actually follow each other. There’s nothing else to our online acquaintanceship though. We just like each other’s pictures, drop the occasional comment,
The Proposal: I Am Looking For A Lesbian or Sexually-Fluid Woman To Be My Partner
Hello I am a 25-year-old gay man residing in Lagos. As an only son, I’d always known the pressure to get married would come sooner rather than later. So, I
29 Comments
Francis
March 25, 07:26It will most possibly end in tears.
Unrepentant Homosexual
March 25, 07:31No doubt that your colleague is bi-curious, but still closeted. I wouldn’t advise you to start a relationship with this person because it will not end well.
Just keep it on a friendship level. Flirt with him when possible, do anything but don’t invest your emotions in it.
Bhaws
March 25, 07:43It will end in TEARS.
Have I said that IT WILL END IN TEARS?
Okay, it will end in TEARS, if not you, then him, or his wife BUT I WILL DEFINITELY END IN TEARS.
Black Dynasty
March 25, 07:58Ahh odikwa risky…. as someone said, it will end in tears.
Keep your distance and gather yourself together. You need to accept that this isn’t going to go anywhere and you need to do what ever you have to deal with it.
Loki
March 25, 08:09Huncle, remove ur heels and flee away o. D guy is bi-curious obviously and i tink dat wit time, u guys might actually hav sex. But like d odas hav rightly said, it will end in tears
Mitch
March 25, 08:10Mbok, if you know how to remove your attraction to him, do it. If you don’t know, a number of creative measures can be used.
(i) Imagine he’s a one minute man.
(ii) Imagine he doesn’t know how to kiss.
(iii) Imagine the feeling of the acid his wife will pour on you when she catches you.
(iv) Imagine the beating you’ll be given by his irate wife and the boys she’d get to deal with you.
(v) Imagine losing your job, your home, your security, your peace of mind, your means of income etc.
If all of these put together don’t kill your attraction to him, do this ritual:
Every morning after you wake up, walk to your mirror, place your right hand on your head and your left hand on your chest and say to yourself, “THIS WILL END IN TEARS! OSEI, THIS WILL END IN TEARS!”
After you dress up for work, go to your mirror, place your right hand on your chest and your left hand on your head and repeat to yourself, “THIS WILL END IN TEARS! OSEI, THIS WILL END IN TEARS!”
In the evening when you return from work, repeat the ritual again in front of your mirror.
At midnight, the moment the clock strikes 12, stand skyclad in the middle of your compound, a bucket of water at hand with some salt generously sprinkled into it. Pour a cupful of the water on your head and as it runs down your body, say “OSEI, THIS WILL END IN TEARS!” With each cup you pour on your head, repeat these words.
I guarantee you, within a week of this ritual, your problem will be over!
You’re welcome. ???
Pink Panther
March 25, 09:25?????? Why did I find this so hilarious?
Bryan
March 25, 11:05???????
Victor
March 25, 23:45Best comment on the internet ever! ???
Gaia
March 26, 17:37???????. You see what nollywood can do to somebody’s child???
Higwe
March 25, 08:21I think he’s a natural acquiescent.
You did mention earlier that he gave out money even when it was inconvenient for him.
Benevolent people are different from acquiescents.
Benevolent people even though they’re kind know when to draw the line ,an acquiescent doesn’t …. because he simply lacks the temerity to say no.
I suggest you stop taking advantage of him.
You people can still maintain good camaraderie without you fondling his dick and spanking his butt .
I honestly don’t see any situationship here except something veering towards a very parasitic relationship.
Stop it now before it ends badly.
Ikenna
March 25, 12:48Hi Higwe, I can’t love you less. You always know how to say it exactly the way it is.
Dear Osei, you are not being nice to that man. You are simply taking advantage of his inability to say NO. The way he lacks the power to say No when you or your work colleagues need his help is exactly the same way he lacks the ability to reject your fondling his dick. Now know this, getting hard or reciprocating whenever you make sexual moves towards him doesn’t mean he absolutely enjoys it, but it’s simply that he can’t say no to you. There are people that are naturally wired like that.
So, leave the man alone (sexually) and enjoy the good friendship he’s offering you.
Uzor
March 25, 08:26Lol! STOP SPANKING HIS ASS, FONDLING HIS DICK OR STEALING KISSES for starters! When he notices that you stop all that silliness I’m sure he’d end the signals he must subtly be dropping. You can keep reminding yourself that that relationship will always be nothing but platonic and at some point your heart will get. Remember that insta blog video of a young chick getting slapped around by a large woman for “giving her husband anal sex”? This would be you if you don’t take time
Ebube
March 26, 11:56Why do I have a feeling that I know this Uzor? ?♂️
Odi nma sha
Pink Panther
March 25, 09:28????
All these tears that I’m seeing everywhere… You guys are such Sad Sallys.
So not one person is even going to predict happily-ever-after for him? Una wicked o.
Phyneasphuck
March 25, 12:09Surely no good can come out of isreal or in this particular case your situationship, end it.
This can only lead to tears!
Ebube
March 26, 11:54Nazareth my dear!
Nazareth! ?
Malik
March 27, 17:02Nazareth… Isreal… All join
That dark-fair guy
March 25, 14:21“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.”
This is one of those things you can’t change and should not even try changing cos it will definitely end in tears. Leave the man alone, my guy.
Tman
March 25, 19:57Lmao. Everybody with their own wahala. The sad part is that after all these warnings of _it will end in tears_ and Mitch’s advice on how the young lad can rid himself of his lustful desires, he most likely will still continue his flirtatious actions with renewed hopes that Mr. Benevolent, or Acquiescent as Higwe opined, will one day just come around.
We know the struggle mate, we do. Wishing you love and light in your navigation.
Jinchuriki
March 26, 03:15This is sad.
Find a way to be friends without the attraction. He’s a keeper as he is right now. You don’t want what comes after the sex you’ll get with him.
Mariposa
March 26, 14:43So True with your words. They might ending up having sex and Gbam… The Sweet Loving Guy could become Evil
Mandy
March 26, 07:33I think you should have a talk with this guy. Open up about how you’re struggling with your feelings for him. You can’t get anywhere without communication. Communicate what you’re struggling through with him. Maybe he is an acquiescent, like someone said up there. Someone who will go along no matter the situation. Or maybe he is using you to learn that he actually has latent homosexual desires. Who knows?
But you need to straighten things out with him, so you and he can understand the boundaries you need to have in your friendship going forward.
And please, please, please, stop with the spanking and the touching and the kissing. You’re using your own hand to dig your own grave. Your feelings, you may not be able to control. But those actions, you sure can.
Mariposa
March 26, 14:38So true… But that part of Him talking to the Man… Left to Me, He should just keep his Distance… That Dude is Married with Kids.
I think we should learn how to just not cross the line Especially when dealing with Sexuality…
If caught, people would accuse you of destroying his married and He won’t forgive you ever…
Audrey
March 26, 07:38Una don try oh.
Jesus
March 28, 01:05you’re one of those types that reads KD but still ends up being in a Kito story.
he’s one of these types psychologists write often about – Red flag people who when they see you’re trying to cut them off, come back stronger to entice you.
it will end in tears. And kito.
Can you go find another office to work in?
Jay
March 28, 19:37I’ll say this once, do not ruin such a beautiful friendship simply cos your hormones are going haywire. He’s one of those friends that are forever, I have two of those. They happen to be my best friends. If he goes as far as letting you smack him and be naughty… Don’t ruin it. If he really wants to get down, he’ll let you know. And even if he does, you have to decide if it’ll ruin your future relationship, if yes, nicely decline.
MacMike
April 02, 22:00For me I would say you should stop thinking with your dick! Please know were to draw the line! Its best you have him as friend one that understands you and doesn’t judge your sexuality, try to curtail the touching, spanking and kissing! Keep a social distance!! There are others out there that would fill his position emotionally.
Bickersteth-K7
April 08, 01:12Falling for him Kwa? Please sometimes the people we like are not the people that are right for us. Try to get over it… probably offer him an apology sef… otherwise as the others have said, IT WILL END IN TEARS