The Proposal: I Want A Lesbian For A Wife
Being a successful gay guy who’s on the downlow in Nigeria is a huge challenge. The persistent questions like “When will you marry?” “What are you waiting for?” “Your mates have children o, what about you?” or phrases like “Chief bachelor” are not only annoying but also very depressing. When these comments come from the colleagues I have to work with from 8 – 5, Monday – Friday, it leaves me with no hiding place. I have developed a strategy to deal with family and friends over the years. I simply just stay in my house and don’t call or pick their calls.
I am a 35-year-old gay man who lives in Lagos, Nigeria. The only senior manager in the department of a multinational company that’s not married. I have a few friends that have gotten married to straight women all in the name of family and society pressure – while they keep their man on the side. But I believe that’s just really unfair to the women involved.
I don’t want to relocate outside Nigeria, and I am not ready to come out of the closet. I have had the opportunity of working abroad for a while and realised that it’s not my thing. I found it hard to survive. I really struggled.
The plan.
I am looking for a Yoruba, working-class professional lesbian for an arranged married or co-parenting arrangement. Yoruba, because my father will just disown me if I bring home a woman from any other tribe, and since I am doing this to keep my parents satisfied, there is no need to rock the boat. Working-class professional, because I have an image of the kind of mother I want for our children. (Pregnancy would of course be through artificial insemination).
The arrangement.
It would most likely be a cohabiting kind of arrangement. You can keep your money and your lover, while I do the same with mine. If we decide to have a kid together, like I said, it would most likely be through artificial insemination. And I am willing to be responsible for the child’s upkeep.
I am really not emotionally available and I really, really HATE phone calls except for emergency and when I need to gossip. I added the phone call part because a few ladies have backed out of this arrangement because I didn’t call them regularly.
Any interested party who would like to pursue this arrangement can reach me on nelson.adegboye@gmail.com so we can move on to the next level.
Thank you.
Regards, Nel.
About author
You might also like
Dear KD: I Desperately Need Help To Get Rid Of These Hemorrhoids
Hello, guys. So I have had hemorrhoids since April. When I noticed this, I went to pharmacy to complain and the staff prescribed Daflon and Anusol suppositories, which I used
The Proposal: Here Are Two Nigerian Men Seeking A Queer Woman’s Hand in Marriage
1. I am Danjuma, a Nigerian gay man, in my mid 30’s, and I am seeking for a lesbian, bisexual (heck, it doesn’t matter where on the spectrum she identifies)
Dear KD: I Need A New Purpose
I tested positive for HIV in 2016 at my mother’s office health centre. They wouldn’t let me out of the health center until they’d asked my mother over and informed
53 Comments
Deremi
May 28, 06:32So…
Can gay guys equally slide in the mail? ☺️?
Earthlord
May 28, 06:56I am a queer woman who at a point in my life said I can marry a gay man if that would help him get family and society off his back. I also have planned to birth a child with a gay man as I like the idea of co-parenting, it gay dads are cool.
But Nel, this your life movie looks too stringent. A part of it is totally selfish. You might just keep searching for a while.
I totally understand your situation, but please go out there and make real friends with lesbians. Let them understand you, then maybe your plans .
Net
May 28, 07:23Lol Exactly what was going through my mind, from the way he sounds on the post it doesn’t seem he is willing to be friends with his co-habitant
Pink Panther
May 28, 08:26Perhaps, in communicating more with any interested lady, he might open up to being friends.
Nel
May 28, 12:14Hello Earthlord,
Please send me an emial, would like to discuss with you and share your thoughs.
Earthlord
May 30, 09:55Ok Nel. Check your email.
Sim
May 28, 15:24Can I have ur contacts pls.. no time to waste.
Thanks.
Pinky I will be sending my own wishlist soon.
Nel
May 28, 19:16Pleaae send me an email to nelson.adegboye@gmail.com.
Bells
May 29, 18:04Hi may I please get ur email address. We got some things to talk about
Lorde
May 28, 08:52Are crossdressers allowed to apply??? I’m almost believeably good in drag
demi
May 28, 09:44Lord jesus!! Can’t stop laffing here.. Just kee me
Lorde
May 28, 08:55In all seriousness though, i feel this is an arrangement you’ll make with a close lesbian friend that understands you….. cos i feel it’ll be worse divorcing a gay lady than a straight one….”hell hath no fury…….”
Pink Panther
May 28, 10:12“cos i feel it’ll be worse divorcing a gay lady than a straight one…”
How, pray tell.
Vina
May 28, 09:19I wish you well on your endeavors and I pray that you have the sense to make sure the lady is Lesbian and not bisexual because it can get nasty real quick when your wife falls in love with you? That said, this is an elaborate deception tho, lots of family members in asoebi dancing and eating and making merry to a grand scame. You guys must be good actors to pull this off.
As for me, I still want to raise a family with my wifey. No compromise.
Pink Panther
May 28, 10:16Perhaps spread the word for him to anyone you know who might be interested…? 🙂
Vina
May 28, 15:36Sure. I’ll do that.
PHOENIX
May 28, 09:26Okay ooo, Any ‘Yorubanian’ lesbian to marry any yorubanian Gay so that you can can do cross multiplication with Nel…if only he finds his yorubanian lesbian wife.
But oga Nel you have to revise this your book oo, come back with the 2nd edition????. Thank you
Francis
May 28, 09:30I am really not emotionally available and I really, really HATE phone calls except for emergency and when I need to gossip. ????????
Story of my life minus getting married even if na arranged marriage. E go hard to find wetin you dey look for sha as people like us seem to be very rare.
Best wishes in your search ????
Canis VY Majoris
May 28, 10:07Cc’ed – incase she has a friend too I am interested. Not for marriage but a long term friendship simply because I don’t know or haven’t met any Nigerian Lesbian in my entire adult life.
Net
May 28, 10:45Really, you haven’t? Ask Pinky for my contact details then
Canis VY Majoris
May 29, 07:37Pinky!…where do i log this request?
Pink Panther
May 29, 08:10You know your way to my email. 🙂
Vina
May 28, 15:37Lol. How is this even possible? An!
trystham
May 28, 10:31Did I ever tell u about The Chef? Please don’t let anyone pressure u into getting married. Good luck sir
Rex
May 28, 11:13Please while you marry lemme be your main boo mbok, I need a senior manager in my life.
BRYAN PETERS
May 28, 11:33Lmaooo. Don’t we all? ???
Alfred
May 28, 11:37Errrm Mr Neil abi kini oruoko eh.. why dont u go to the market and buy u a lesbian. What sort of advertisement is this. Ur looking for a life partner… Not a furniture to pick up and keep in your house. Arranged or not this ur instructions will never get u anybody. You have to ar least have some kind of friendship or care for the person ur supposedly trying to marry and have a child with. Everything is about you and you and you. Oga Neil ur a selfish Gay man.
Delle
May 28, 12:08Can I be sincere with you, Nelson? This is bad advert ???. I mean, if I were a lesbian, I’ll just throw a generous hiss and put my data off.
Really? You do not seem like you want to even be friends with this person. Take it or not, if you’re going to put up a marital front with someone, you both have to at least, BE FRIENDS! Surely, you know friendship isn’t sexually inclined (always). That’s the only way the sham could work.
My dear, if you’re going into marriage, arranged or natural, you see that bit of not being emotionally available? You got to work on it! You’re going to have someone else in your life, and heck, possibly be a father!
It’s just all bad advert and I really wish you work on yourself seeing as you really NEED TO PLEASE PAPA AND MAMA.
?
mike
May 30, 13:34Emotionally not available, doesn’t mean he can’t make friends. Friendship is something that develops over time, some people are instant friend makers, while others take a little more time.
No matter what his personal disposition is, there is a lady that can match it. So its better he puts it bluntly.
Dunno, I think we should all remember that, it’s not exactly about others, it’s about us, ourselves.
You are the one who lacks the ability to scale the fence, but there are people who can jump over that same fence, effortlessly.
In other words, there is a lady whose personality matches and compensates for his. That is what partnership is about, we can’t all be the merry go weather type.
Exactly how emotionally available do you think a man should be as a father?.
There is no right answer to that question, cause there is no exact standard to measure, there is just want you think, and your opinions. So let him be.
Higwe
May 28, 12:16I absolutely love your honesty .
I admire your principles.
Butiiiiiiii…..
I don’t think you should go looking for anyone to go through this arrangement with you , until you have the willingness to make a few adjustments.
You say you want to do right by your kids -by giving them the kind of mother you have in mind –
Children are not idiots .
They catch on pretty quickly.
Soon they are gonna sniff out the farce .
……and that will leave you with angry kids who will become damaged adults.
Popping out kids and footing their bills is not all it takes to be a parent .
Parenting is a full time job …so is marriage … whether scam or real .
******************
Many MGM have raised wonderful kids.
Do you know their secret ?
Using remunerative excess to make up for every part lacking.
*A lesbian woman is not a robot , she needs affection too *
You can’t LOVE LOVE your wife , but you can be a- Friend .Companion.Soulmate ….
She may not be the one that gets your dick erect , but she’s the one undertaking your greatest journey with you .
“The journey of parenthood ”
Trust me – this is the most important journey in the life of anyone that chooses to undertake it.
***********
It seems to ME like you want to eat your cake and have it …but sadly , life doesn’t work that way.
Sacrifices will always be made .
Don’t just go looking for a business partner ; look for a friend and companion .
Communication is absolutely important , don’t undermine it.
What you have may never be real …but you owe it to the innocent kids you’re planning to bring into this world to think it is – until they’re mature enough to know the truth .
And for you to succeed @ ? …you’d need to make a lot more concerted effort.
It takes a lot more than “freedom of affairs ” to keep a FRUITFUL union going.
If you’re not willing to do this much … please remain the gay bachelor you’re .
Chizzie
May 28, 12:52I still do not understand the obsession Nigerians have with marriage. The fact remains, we can’t all get married, whether gay or straight and there is absolutely nothing wrong in staying unmarried. I find that Nigerians, gay and straight cannot wrap their heads around this concept, so they don’t even try hard enough to not succumb to this unhealthy obsession we have with marriage, some gay guys ( not bisexual) would even explicitly tell you that they want to get married and to a woman . The option to remain unmarried is completely out of the question. Which is what I find very puzzling and troubling about Nigerians.
Do you really want to raise your children in this type of arrangement? Do you really want to live the rest of your life that way with someone? The fact of the matter is you can decide to remain unmarried. You won’t die if you chose not to or would you? Neither would your (tribalistic) parents.
We are on the same boat to a certain extent but I always go out of my way to educate (ignorant) Nigerians that it’s perfectly fine and sane to remain unmarried or not want children, and some actually begin to see reason with me.
I don’t think you should go ahead with this arrangement thing. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to remain unmarried, let that be your mantra, and if your parents aren’t fine with that, that’s their problem.
Kayode
May 28, 13:43Please I also need a lesbian lady for a wife preferably Fair within the age 21 – 29
Illiana
May 28, 19:28You need another one ?, Ah oko MI is cheating?
Kayode
May 29, 08:51please oooo
i forgot
please send me a mail on slykp@yahoo.com
christie
May 29, 08:53how can I reach out to you?
khristianahoni@gmail.com
ROCK
May 28, 14:06I need a lez too.
christie
May 28, 15:29I am interested and also straight
ken
May 28, 17:47While wishing u luck in your search, i have to say your requests are very strict and a tad selfish. You forget everybody (including lesbians) have their own needs and interests. wish u the best tho
Illiana
May 28, 19:27Next!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kristopheux
May 29, 08:37This issue of marriage is a big issue here in Nigeria, I am young but boyfriend wants us to get married though my parents no about me and my homosexuality but they live in denial, boyfriend is freaking serious but I don’t know if this is what I should do, I am in a quagmire, I should be sending in my story soon because it is entangled with different issues. I love my family and would want them to support me during this time.
J
May 29, 11:19Forget family, live your life! Adopt and be a single parent if you want, but I don’t support the idea of gays getting married to lesbians. Why are you punishing yourselves people? Stop lying to yourself! Please don’t start what you can’t finish. Your happiness depends on every decision you make,
so please be careful. You can give up on marriage, but there’s no giving up on children once you have them, it’s better to regret not having children than to regret having them. Family can’t erase your mess when you pretense starts fading up or when your children start getting bullied by ignorant folks because of your sexuality. You have to be ready to raise these children to be strong people because definitely they will have to face societal ignorance.
Society should stop policing unmarried people, marriage shouldn’t be forced! Tell them you don’t want to marry and they should respect your decision and never mention it to you again, be very assertive with people. Don’t allow anyone to push you to the wall.
Mario
May 29, 20:07I like how “should” is littered all over your comment.
You speak of the ideal, and we all know the ideal. Echoing ideals repeatedly provides no solution. The reality is different. People are looking for ways to deal with this reality. Remember this.
J
May 29, 20:58Any gay person that accept and honor themselve fully will never live a life of fear or pretense. I will understand if you want to have children and a family that’s if you’re a bisexual, but if you’re gay and you’re just trying so hard to please your parents or society then I really pity you.
As we all know Nigeria has a long way to go in accepting homosexuality, it might take centuries, but definitely this ignorance will wear off in generations to come, but not in this age and time. The best way to handle society is to be your authentic self, live your life without fear or pretense and society will adjust and adapt to your kind of person.
Look at Bobrisky, she is being celebrated now. All the haters saying stuffs about her can do nothing when they see her in person, I bet they would even want to take a selfie with her. When you accept yourself the way you are, the world recognises you. It all starts from within.
Mario
May 29, 21:04Hmm.. word J, word. ???
J
May 30, 09:57Thank you Mario ☺
Persimmon
May 29, 18:51Bro! This is my life right here… No body even suspects I’m gay. I’m an overchiever academically, worked hard for everything I own. Valued by those close to me and the type of guy that puts in the dedication for what he believes…
However, I definitely know I want children (love love them) + a family, but would like to meet a lady who’s mature and understands my sexuality, as I do not want to lie to my woman. This will mean a mutual respect for both of us, even if we decide to have extra marital affairs. This will also imply, growing together as a family, complementing ourselves and being friends.
I have also never been with a woman before, but it is not something I am anxious to try but can’t say ? that I will not enjoy.
Irrespective, I am very affectionate, honest and inclined to love if everything falls in place… I’m not perfect or looking for perfection. Preferably a mature lady 20 – 29 from eastern Nigeria, educated, ambitious and willing to develop a relationship built on a honest footing.
oliviamendez444@gmail.com
christie
May 30, 09:37Anyone can reach me here khristianahoni@gmail.com
Sent out mails but I have received any yet
mike
May 30, 13:50Mehn, good speed and good luck. I am still far from that age, but when I get to that bridge, I think imma prefer a straight lady, who knows about this things and doesn’t mind, whether or she’s gonna keep affairs, I don’t mind or care, and she shouldn’t mind my mine.
I prefer a straight lady or preferably bi cause the gist should flow biko, and there was this incident where a lesbian, I was just getting to know, stripped in front of me to take a shower. That night was not funny for me. The next day I told her if you try that shit again, I go rape you o, a man is a man, the dick does not exactly have a brain.
Patience, you will find your right Eve, maybe you should try reconsidering that tribal stuff, it might improve your results
J
May 30, 18:41Chai
Francis
May 30, 22:14???????♂️??♂️??♂️??♂️?♂️?♂️?♂️? ? ? ?
Kay
May 30, 21:45Mehn
I’m scared
Jinchuriki
May 31, 08:38Oh I have a friend, mid 30s. He’s fulani and looking for a lesbian (not bisexual) partner he can get married to and raise kids with.
He’s reeeeeally comfortable financially and would prefer to have a working-class professional that’s Fulani (obviously).
If you’re interested, you can get my deets from Pink panther. ?
Seun
June 05, 10:12Interesting comments by everyone.