WRITER’S NOTE: This is not a work of fiction.

We had been Facebook friends for quite some time before he finally sent a message to my inbox. I recognized him as one of those who made random comments on my status updates. He was one of those Facebook users with no pictures of themselves in their gallery. His profile picture was a photo of the Manchester United football team. Normally, I’m automatically turned off by such Facebook profiles, as ghost-chatting isn’t my thing, but after I got his message, before I replied, I went through his page, and on his timeline, I came across a post he updated:

“Hard drilling machine – I’d drill you so well, you would be stuck.”

For some seconds, I stared at the update, nonplussed, stunned by the intensity of those words. I got curious. Titillated.

With these emotions curling inside of me, I hurried back to my inbox and replied him. The conversation kicked off from there with him doing more of the inquisition and me responding accordingly. He introduced himself as Emerald.

Maybe luck was on his side or maybe I was just super turned on by the erotic words I read on his timeline, but I kept on with the intermittent chats despite his ghostliness of his profile and off-putting syntactic errors, a combination that immediately throws me off a chat.

I was sexually fueled to keep chatting with him, so that when he asked for my location, I obliged him with the information at once. As fate would have it, he was close by. Just a fifty naira bus ride away from my house and I’d have this driller. The thought of this fascinated me, as well as the understanding that this could be a potential kito. The latter won over, so that when he suggested a meet, I proposed an initial casual meet at a popular junction close to our locations.

He agreed without hesitation.

The day soon came for our meet. I got to the junction before him as it was closer to my house than it was to his. The sun was blazing hot and people were going about their normal businesses, totally oblivious to the potential gay hookup about to take place.

I stood somewhere against a brick wall, hoping he would show up without delay. Soon, restlessness began to creep in. The sun wasn’t friendly and I’d begun to sweat profusely. I called him. He promised to be there in no time as he was held up by traffic. Placated, I decided to look for shelter from the sun. I found a motor spare-parts shop; inside was its elderly proprietor, who I pled with to let me wait inside for my friend. He agreed.

Ten minutes later, Emerald called.

“Hello,” I impatiently answered. “Where are you at? I’ve been here for over an hour.”

It hadn’t been up to 30 minutes, but I got the desired effect of my berating. He began apologizing profusely for his lateness. He was a nice man, good-natured and always ready to apologize, even when he wasn’t at fault. His mild manner and that Facebook post had been the reasons I agreed to meet this ‘ghost’ of a person.

“I’m there already,” he said after the flurry of apologies. “Cross over to the other side. I’m putting on a yellow top.”

With a sigh of relief, I did as I was told. When I sighted the man wearing a yellow top, an involuntary gasp escaped my lips. I quickly took out my phone and dialed his number to be sure he was the one, and with a sinking heart, I watched him pick. Right there and then, I was almost pushed to turn back and flee.

My God!

He wasn’t what I had in mind at all. Granted, he wasn’t exactly facially ugly, but he wasn’t handsome either. He was tall, looked to be in his forties, slim, dark-skinned and was putting on a faded yellow jersey and an equally faded pair of black trousers. The trousers weren’t even sewn to fit his legs well. He looked so unattractive. I mean, who leaves his house dressed like some local champion?

But he was smiling. He had on this very warm countenance as he walked toward where I was standing, transfixed.

“Hey, I’m Emerald,” he said in that familiar baritone I had become acquainted with, consequently shaking me out of my physical state of shock. “You don’t seem pleased to see me.”

“I-I-umm…” I stuttered, trying really hard to gather my scattered thoughts. “Of course I’m pleased to see you, Emerald. I’m just surprised –”

“Surprised that I’m twice your age?” he completed with a half-smile.

Well, for someone who was expecting a drilling machine, he sure was way older than me.

“Anyway,” he continued, still smiling, “I must say you are not quite what I thought also.”

The force with which the response hit me was unforeseen. I staggered back a step. Embarrassment washed over me as I stared at him with utmost disbelief. Apparently, the shock on my face was well-scripted because he quickly added, “Oh no, that’s not what I meant at all.” He took my hands in his, and then gently said, “You are a pretty boy.”

I was instantly flooded with a feeling of self consciousness. My cheeks burned as I bent my head. I couldn’t believe this man.

Soon, we began conversing. As we talked, I decided then that I wasn’t going to let physical appearance take prominence in this acquaintanceship, not when I’d been interested in him all the while I hadn’t put a face to the man behind the erotic timeline post. In person, he was an undoubtedly nice man.

We talked about how he was presently out of work and searching, about the gay clime in Nigeria and how hook-ups are becoming more difficult to come by. And then we talked about that erotic Facebook update of his.

“That’s the only reason I get requests without my pictures on my profile. I’m not very photogenic,” he admitted with a shrug.

Well, that much was obvious, I thought. I mean, no offense intended, he probably would look worse in his pictures, but this I kept to myself.

We talked some more and then he proposed we have sex. I wasn’t surprised he asked. I was however surprised that I didn’t hesitate to accept. He appeared more surprised though when I agreed, and even made to lift me up in gratitude, not minding that we were in view of the public.

Emerald was that much a character.

I promised to chat him up on when I would be ready to invite him over. Our meet ended on a good note.

It was the third week after our meet that he came over. My parents had traveled and my younger siblings had all gone to school. I sent him directions via chat, stipulating the time he should come.

This was going to be just sex and nothing more, we assured each other.

With an anxious mind, I waited. Straining hard to contain the enthusiasm I felt on my impending drilling experience, as cobwebs were beginning to fight for dominance in my bugaina.

Soon, I heard a soft knock on the gate and rushed outside to open it.

He looked better with his fez cap, white polo shirt and blue jeans. He didn’t even look so old (or maybe I was extra thirsty). His physical appearance heightened my carnal senses, and without further ado, we got down to the business of the day.

He was a pleaser, that type that does not let you do anything, totally doing all the work to guarantee your satisfaction.

The sex was pure bliss.

After sex, totally spent and satiated, we proceeded to the parlor to make small talk. He settled on the three-seater while I took the two-seater opposite him. He asked for a glass of water, and I had just gotten up to go fetch it for me when he dropped the bomb.

“I’m married.”


Written by Delle

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  1. shuga chocolata
    October 29, 05:54 Reply


    Married ? keh
    I’ve a friend who will drop ? his thirsty ass off ASAP.

  2. shuga chocolata
    October 29, 05:56 Reply

    Chill did I just read “the sex was pure bliss?”

    ? tell mbok

  3. Orlando
    October 29, 07:50 Reply

    Like you are one bit attractive yourself. Please, was that last part meant to put us in suspense? You failed though. When i imgine your face from your facebook profile i have seen and this your fellow ‘unattractive’ fuck buddy, all i just needed was for this story to stop. Unattractive effeminate boy being pounded by an unattractive old man. I imgine posting such video on pornhub. Skip!!!!

    • Delle
      October 29, 15:57 Reply

      Lol. All I’m gonna say is this: Biko, stop stalking me, mbok?

    • Bain
      October 29, 18:40 Reply

      as if your one bit attractive yourself,baboon calling a better looking person, ugly….Oga pack well n free delle….cuz u really sound like u hit on delle n he rejected ur burnt face.

  4. Lopez
    October 29, 08:06 Reply

    Orlando do u have a personal score u wanna settle with d author? This isn’t high school. Grow up

  5. pete
    October 29, 09:08 Reply

    I’ll love to see how this panned out. Delle, I want the next episode tomorrow.

    • Delle
      October 29, 16:00 Reply

      There now, Pete hun. You know whats said about the proverbial patient dog ?

  6. ambivalentone
    October 29, 10:01 Reply

    I was so happy as the story went on; man realising true self, love conquering age, ‘happily-ever-afters are not only for the beautiful’ n all that shii UNTIL he said he was married. Bia, what other lies did he cook up? Wretched cheapskate. I imagine he wanted to fuck for free.

    • #Chestnut
      October 29, 10:57 Reply

      @ambi:as opposed to paying delle for the sex?

      • ambivalentone
        October 29, 11:04 Reply

        perhaps if he had come out plain on that front, I wouldn’t put any blame on him but on Delle for being a whore

    • Delle
      October 29, 16:02 Reply

      It’s not about him wanting to duck for free (I don’t have sex for money either), but you have to know that until he said that, I was clearly in lust.
      No pressure from his end whatsoever. As for being a hoe… Well, once in a while, our inner Kim K rears its head ?

      • ambivalentone
        October 29, 21:49 Reply

        Well, I’m finding it hard to believe it was only lust. I mean everything pointed to the fact that there was a connection…or maybe I am being a sappy old goat looking for love in every story…and that is what is annoying me. I had even thot he had dressed shabbily on ur 1st encounter to scare-off gold digging sticky paws. I had such high hopes???

        • Pink Panther
          October 30, 00:00 Reply

          There there, ambi. Sob no more. Perhaps he’ll divorce his wife and wed Delle. And boom! Happily ever after! 😀

          • Delle
            October 30, 10:23 Reply

            I’d very well pass biko

  7. Mitch
    October 29, 11:40 Reply

    Delle? DELLE?

    How? When? Where? Bikini, somebody tell me I’m dreaming. Pinch me and wake me up oh!

    Boy, yo ass’s got much explaining to do when you get back. I’ma be waiting

    October 29, 13:22 Reply

    Delle I don’t hate you.. as such, however I just think you try too hard / too much to be a household name here. Via your comments and posts. There is always this bit of drama littered all of over.
    Back to your post, assuming this actually happened, clearly you are a hoe. The type that fucks anything with a third leg. I know it might be difficult for effe guys to get their buguaina serviced once in a while but there is no excuse for you doing someone you were clearly not into initially. This story was as boring it gets really and then to end it with “he dropped the bombshell, I’m married” to be continued. Really? To be continued what? Are we or rather am I suppose to be eagerly anticipating the next episode? Pfft. I’m sorry but this did not have the desired effect. Try harder next time not that am looking forward to it.


    • Delle
      October 29, 16:13 Reply

      Okay firstly, I really do not know what you mean by me trying so hard to be a ‘household’ name. Like KD is now Broadway or Hollywood?

      If you have issues with my commenting regularly and putting up posts here, should that be my problem?
      Definitely not.

      If you know me on facebook, it would be telling that I love to write. A little event, incident, I pen down. For educational purposes, entertainment, trouble-making, whatever the reason may be. You do not have a right, none whatsoever, to complain about my incessant posts cos things won’t stop happening, therefore, I won’t stop penning notes down. That’s who I am. It’s what makes me happy. I do not owe you a slice of explanation as to why it’s that way.

      So maybe when next you come across an article written by me (you’d have to start scrolling down articles so you don’t read mine accidentally ?), skip. Trust me, I won’t notice.


    • ambivalentone
      October 29, 16:16 Reply

      Looool. Your attempts at being a critique is a miserable fail. Every typed letter oozes ur ‘as such’ hatred of the writer. That’s your business, but I desperately hope u find peace truly, and soon.
      My issue however, is your pathetic generalisation of effetes. We (at least I do) KNOW WHO YOU ARE- a pathetic, ratchety piece of work. I’ll bet the effetes around u know this, desperate for dick as they are, won’t even glance at u. That must cause so much heart-ache. Again, I pray for a balm to your smarting soul.

    • Delle
      October 29, 16:17 Reply

      And what’s that you said about effete guys not being able to get laid? SMH.
      Jeez Tef, apparently you could only change your pseudonym, your brain wasn’t part of the package. ?

    • Arabian Princess
      October 30, 02:02 Reply

      see the person that is talking ooo…i didn’t have a connection with you, yet I fucked with you…its nice to see you haven’t grown up.
      BTW, how’s felix

    • posh6666
      October 30, 09:05 Reply

      Lool pls is this not Tefmushin?The same one who is ready to spend his last dime on area boys aND thugs just to fuck him calling someone a hoe?The same Tefmushin that has his Kito story archived somewhere here on kd in which he was fucking two guys the same time and actually consulted a native doctor to harm one of the boys that stole your properties cos he was mad at you for sleeping with two of them at the same time!

      Is this not Tefmushin the ugly overweight loser who consulted a native doctor over a mere tv game?

      Trust me someone like you has no right whatsoever to judge someone like Delle or anyone else cos ur shit stinks too.

      So don’t come here acting all brand new for the newbies.We kdians never forget and for the fact you changed your monicker doesn’t mean you are now a better person.

      You are still the disgusting,overweight,ugly and annoying piece of shit You stupid bitch!

      Someone pls go through the kito stories and post a link of this assholes episode for the world to see how worthless you truly are.

  9. Eddie
    October 29, 14:00 Reply

    post your own damn story, YouKnowWho and stop raining on his parade…if he’s a slut(according to you and others) then its his business and not yours…talk about slutshaming smh…so much nastiness around and yet y’all wonder why newbies keep mute and just observe without participating…

  10. Drone
    October 29, 14:01 Reply

    KDians tho ? joyless fiends ?

  11. Lopez
    October 29, 15:07 Reply

    If we really need to carry everyone along these really need to stop. How do u expect anyone to be in a home that doesn’t feel like home?
    U r so mean like bitches, u attack every innocent soul becoz u have ur own issues, u keep being judgemental yet u think u r freedom fighter
    What is this place? Some platform for becoming a celebrity or what? Trying too hard to be a household name? WTF? Who cares. Honestly we need to change, we cant go anywhere with that bitchy attitude

    • Bain
      October 29, 18:59 Reply

      bless your meek soul oh Lopez… 🙂

  12. Mart_Mara
    October 29, 17:18 Reply

    Jehovah! Delle! ???OMG. I av always been a silent reader on KD, but this post by Delle and the advice from the pink queen to start commenting made my fingers itchy!
    Delle. Delle. Delle! You have been a bad bad girl. Go to my room now!

  13. iAmNotAPerv
    October 29, 20:01 Reply

    I don’t know what i enjoyed reading more, the post or the comments. KDians are such lovely people! I want to chook mouth but i know some people will school my ass here. 😀

    Delle, it’s a nice piece but please my imagination needs fine faces in it. Maybe his wife is hot?

      • iAmNotAPerv
        November 01, 19:35 Reply

        It’s possible na! lol
        Yes, yes i am but shhh. don’t tell anyone ;D

    • Delle
      October 29, 23:34 Reply

      LMAO! Please o, I shall not know the wife through Christ my Lord!

      • Pink Panther
        October 30, 00:01 Reply

        Really? Not even if over a can of acid? A kettle of hot water? You really don’t want all that scintillating drama? 😀

        • Delle
          October 30, 10:34 Reply

          Waka biko, Pinky! Not even over a hot bowl of steaming drama

      • iAmNotAPerv
        November 01, 19:37 Reply

        Ah no o! you must know her! I must know if she’s hot and i want the gist of all the drama that comes with it 😀

  14. Whitney
    October 29, 22:47 Reply

    I’m witness to this drama. I can’t say anything more. Bonne nuit.

    • Delle
      October 29, 23:36 Reply

      The thunder!
      Better start talking!

  15. Chizzie
    October 30, 12:32 Reply

    So Delle you do married, unattractive, unemployed men, who judging from your post do not have rides and prefer to rendezvous at Bus Stops while you wait for them under the burning sun . The men you allow penetrate you are a reflection of how you feel abt your self so it’s safe to assume you think very little of yourself. I for one would never allow an unemployed, sexually unappealing man penetrate me, but I guess one man’s trash is another’s gold as they say.

    One of many reasons why Bobrisky is better than you.

    • Delle
      October 30, 13:01 Reply


      Jeez such blatant show of burning foolishness. If you had just an atom of sense in that skull of yours, you’d have comprehended from the post that I didn’t know he was married until the show went down.
      But seeing as your cranium is predominantly occupied by fat and it’s counterparts, it’s not so surprising how you reason like a semi-mad feral dog.?

      As for me thinking low of myself…well, just like the hot trash you spewed up there, that’s another hot bowl of mess. I sleep with whosoever I deem fit. It goes to show that aesthetics do not matter so much to me unlike your vain self (owing to the trillion insecurities you have locked down in you). That makes me a much better person than you can ever hope to be.

      So why don’t you do yourself a favor and go improve on your persona and just maybe, you won’t die a bitter and confused fat slob. ?

      • Chizzie
        October 30, 14:24 Reply

        You saying aesthetics do not matter to you, is you excusing the fact that you aren’t really presented with that much of a choice.

        You lack affection and attention from the same sex so much so that anything, regardless of how unattractive they are, that shows any form of interest in you, is worth sleeping with.

        You are so used to ridicule and scorn that you are quick to spread your legs for such calibre of men that you’ve just written about.

        You let the opinion of insignificant, men who have nothing to offer society get to you, judging from how apparent your reaction was when the unemployed vermin of a man, said you weren’t what he was expecting.

        Delle, you are scum.

        • Delle
          November 01, 13:19 Reply

          *facepalm *
          I’m not going to grace you with an epistle cos that would mean I take you seriously and that what you said made sense (I’m sure Bobrisky would have typed down something more graceful) but slowly I say this:
          Chizzie. You. Are. Quintessentially. Daft.

          Ciao now. ?

  16. Kvng Hosan?
    October 30, 13:39 Reply

    Eloquently scripted,

    Do not mind the Haters, they got nothing on you baby,
    Can’t wait for the part 2•

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