So, Thunder told me he was Muslim.

Honestly, I was bummed because I didn’t see my parents accepting that. I wasn’t really bothered by it, because I think he’s Muslim in the way I’m a Christian; by parental association.

I plan to come out of my religious “closet” before I’m 30. I’m generally unimpressed by religion.

Previously, Thunder and I had talked about kids, and I did say I was open to whatever method. Some people would prefer artificial insemination, which I don’t mind in the slightest. However, he said we could simply have sex and make them, which I surprisingly didn’t mind; and that was how I knew I liked him. You see, he wasn’t the only one who’d suggested this. Most of the other guys that responded to my request had suggested the idea of having sex to have children, but with Thunder was the one time I didn’t internally balk at the idea.

So, I absorbed that information about his religion for a few days.

Then I called him to say how I felt, and the fact that it wasn’t going to work on my end. He told me that half of his family is Muslim and the other half is Christian. This was slightly better, I thought, but I wasn’t optimistic, because my parents are as thick-headed as I am, and that stubbornness comes with their devotion to Christian religious practices. I remember when I started wearing trousers, and my father waged such a war on me, calling me lots of unpleasant names whenever he felt like it; and this went on for years until he finally received sense and accepted that my trouser-wearing style was here to stay.

Anyway, Thunder did say that in spite of all that, he would like me to speak to his mother. She’d apparently been bugging him for a while over a potential love match, and I suppose I was the peace offering. Lol. I didn’t mind though.

He gave me her number – or maybe, he gave her my number. I can’t remember how that happened, but we talked on the phone. She sounded nice, and I gave her the story we’d come up with about how we met and all.

I liked Thunder’s mother. She came off as a really cool person, without all the nastiness you’d expect in a woman who would be a mother-in-law someday, especially given how those are portrayed in Nollywood movies. She seemed to like me too. She is also a very inquisitive woman, which I could relate to. I’ve been calling her occasionally since then, and she likes to bless me when I do. The first time it happened, I was grinning like crazy.

Thunder and I live in different states, and I planned to go visit him last December, but MBA took away all my money. I’m temporarily broke for now, so that’s been postponed till later this year. For now, I’m focused on graduating with a grade that is not disgraceful to me, that is.

His mother was bummed when I couldn’t make it, as she’d been looking forward to seeing me. I didn’t tell her I was coming. Thunder did. That actually put some pressure on me, because I didn’t want her first impression of me to be someone that doesn’t keep to her word, because I actually do.

Then my phone went bad. Ironically, my phone going bad made Thunder and I communicate more, because we had to actually call each other to know what was going on. Not through WhatsApp statuses or checkup texts.

Then everything went downhill when his mother talked to my mother. I didn’t want that conversation to happen. I should have come up with a clever excuse, but she’d been asking to speak to my mother and I didn’t want her to start wondering why I was not making that happen.

So, first, I told my mother about Thunder, about how he was someone I was interested in, and how we like each other, and all that jazz. My mother asked about his family, and I told her he had just one surviving parent: his mother. Then she wanted to know if she was Christian. I said yes (Thunder’s mother was the Christian half of his family that he told me about). And so, my mother wanted to know what denomination of the Christian church that his mother belongs to. That I didn’t know, and I told her that I didn’t ask, because such things don’t matter to me.

Then they finally spoke to each other, and I utterly regretted it. First of all, my mother absolutely objected to the church Thunder’s mother attends, which is the Celestial church. Then she was unsettled by how forthcoming Thunder’s mother was about her religious background. Apparently, they have a history of marrying across religions in their family (this makes sense, seeing as she was able to marry a Muslim man), and my mother had a problem with that. To say my mother was disturbed after that call would be an understatement. She even told my father, despite me expressly telling her not to. And they were both hysterical about it. My mother was frustrated with me for “taking it lightly”, and the only reason she could think of was that my name was on some altar somewhere, being used to beguile me. My father called the church “an African church” (read diabolic) and believed that they would try to convert me if I marry into Thunder’s family.

It was all so hysterical, especially because they didn’t even seem to mind that Thunder is Muslim. They were more bothered by the fact that his mother is a Celestial church worshipper. But then, that may have to do with the fact that Thunder isn’t what my parents would call a “Northern Muslim”, because my mother absolutely hates religious Northerners. Her resentment stems from the fact that they nearly killed her when she schooled in Kaduna about thirty years ago. The trauma has since become manure that feeds her dislike of Northern Muslims.

I was so saddened by all this. I cried. I couldn’t even speak to Thunder that day to give him feedback about how our mothers’ interaction was received on my end. I was too sad. But I called him the next day and told him how my parents took it. He had to tell his mother not to call mine again, and I was really just embarrassed for everybody. His mother called me right away and was apologizing for whatever she might have said to make things difficult for me with my family, which was touching. This woman was mother-in-law goals. I apologized to her as well and begged her not to be offended.

I feel sad for her. She has such grandchildren dreams, and that may just not happen as soon as she wants. And I think she’s just excited that her son had finally introduced her to someone, seeing as he had never done that before.

So, that’s where we’re at right now. Thunder and I still talk a lot, and his mother is still optimistic that my parents will come around. I know they won’t. Except I decide to go against their wishes; but I am their only child and they are good parents. There’d be no point antagonizing my mother especially like this. Thunder and I realize that this arrangement may never happen, but we have decided to preserve the façade for his mother’s sake. Plus, I really like him and am hoping that something will give in the near future.

So yeah, that’s how my “Dear KD” story has been. When I’m closer to the age where I’ll be ready for marriage ASAP, I may write again. This time, I’ll be more “religiously specific.” My best friend is gay and I have been lamenting my woes to him. And he joked that I should marry him then, since his own mother is in a church that my parents would be cool with. Lol. We’re both crazy people and we would make a super outrageous couple. The thought of getting into such an arrangement with him had me laughing through tears that day.

I worry about Thunder. I hope he finds someone deserving and understanding to get married to, someone whose family will be cool with his. There are many people out there who are just wicked, and I pray he never comes across those. It’s a stressful world for people who are different from society’s mould.

Written by OB-Girl

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  1. P. Mitch O.
    April 14, 09:41 Reply

    I really wish things had worked out between you and Thunder. Yours would have been a marriage based on friendship and a mutual understanding and trust for each other. But family had to happen 🤦

    PS: Am I the only one who feels like religious/denomination segregation amongst Nigerian Christians is just too much? Every one with their own over-bloated sense of importance to God.
    Stupid lot!

  2. Mandy
    April 14, 10:59 Reply

    Gosh. Nigeria is a mess with its religious obsessions and discriminations. So it’s no longer enough to just be a Christian for acceptance to happen. You gotta be a particular denomination of Christian. Smh. Everyday, we see how religion is ruining our society.

  3. Lonny
    April 18, 17:42 Reply

    I would love to have this kind of arrangement.
    I am in my twenties, somewhere on the asexual spectrum and a feminist.

  4. Cocomontreal
    April 18, 08:08 Reply

    So, you’re agnostic or atheist, but still allow your fundamental decisions to be determined by the religious misgivings of your parents?

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