HIS COMING OUT STORY (Edition 12)

Two years ago, I talked about my dilemma over the issue of coming out to my best friend, Dominic. (Check HERE for the full story).

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Dominic is my best friend and I’d been torn over coming out to him, especially after another friend of ours, Wilson – who I’d come out to and became closer to as a result – encouraged me to be open with Dominic too so he would know who the real me is.

Then I discovered Dominic was homophobic, and simply decided not to do it – at least until he leaves Nigeria, as he was planning to do.

Well, fast-forward to a year later, and it was a regular Monday afternoon that day. I was chilling at home. Dominic had travelled for over a year ago and he would call everyday to check up on me. We would talk for hours, a minimum of one hour every day. So, on this particular day, he was telling me some personal things about his life abroad and about how he’d recently learned some things about a mutual friend of ours and how she’d been hiding things from us. He sounded really bummed about it, and as we kept talking, he suddenly said, “Only God knows what you’re hiding from me, Mannie.”

It took a split second for me to make the decision. I didn’t even think about it. I simply replied, “Nothing, except that I’m gay.”

He went silent for some minutes, and then said, “How is that possible? We’ve been friends for over five years and I have never suspected a thing. Are you sure you are really gay?”

I almost laughed at that. How does one admit to a big secret like this if they are not sure? But I supposed it was his shock talking. I replied in affirmation to his question.

“Why did you keep it from me?” he asked.

My answer was to remind him of his homophobia, giving a few instances where he’d exhibited negative behaviour toward the issue of gay people.

When I finished, he said, “I know that I’ve been homophobic, but if you’d told me, I would have tried to understand what being gay is, seeing as my best friend is gay. I love you enough to want to know more about who you truly are.” He waited a beat, during which I felt something warm filling up my heart. Then he said, “I am sorry for having said all the things I did that were hurtful, and I promise to love and support you always. I’ll always be accommodating and caring. Even though, I have to admit that I’m hurt that you would ever think I’d cut you out just because you’re gay.”

We talked for another two hours, with him asking me questions about how I was able to cope in our school without anyone suspecting. We talked about the hate that gay people endure and he told me about how I should be careful out here. He reminded me to always use protection during sex. Lol. Then he joked about how I must meet a rich man to marry.

We talked about so many things and he was very kind and supportive. In the following days and then weeks, he increased his calling to twice or thrice daily. We would talk everyday as we went about our activities, whether driving, cooking, working or in the gym. We talked about everything, with him even advising me to quit my long-distance relationship so I can have something more realistic and in close proximity with me, so I wouldn’t be so celibate. Lol.

One day, Dominic called me to ask if I’d come out to Wilson. I said yes. He asked when. I told him. He was hurt by that. He said he couldn’t believe I’d trusted Wilson more than him. I apologized and we moved forward. I then asked how he knew to ask about my coming out to Wilson, and he said the two of them were talking about how he likes Lil Nas X, and Wilson asked, “So you don’t mind that he’s gay?” To which he replied, “I don’t have a problem with him being gay. I love his good music.” Wilson then asked him how he would react if he found out his close friend was gay. Dominic said he didn’t respond to that, because he didn’t want to be tempted to talk about me to anyone. So he ignored the question.

Then he told me to be careful with what I tell Wilson because Wilson is young and he acts the age. Wilson and I are age-mates though. Lol. But I appreciate Dominic’s efforts at being protective of me.

These days, Dominic talks to me about how I’d fall in love when I come overseas, about how beautiful the gays are over there, and how people openly express their love without inhibition.

So far, my friendship with Dominic has been beautiful despite my coming out to be. And I pray it continues to be this way.

Written by Mannie