I AM NOT THE PROBLEM

I find it extremely patronizing when people tell me to tone it down, to soften my speech, my words are too corrosive, shit like that. And indeed I understand the logic behind it.

If I present my arguments in a way that is not combative and non-judgmental, then homophobes—and straight people in general—will be more likely to consider it, as opposed to taking it as an attack on their culture and their identity.

I get this, I swear I do.

But frankly, it’s not practical. I can’t grovel for what I know should be mine. I can’t help but think, “THEIR culture and identity? What about MY culture, and MY identity?”

Why am I to give a fuck about people’s sensibilities, even when these people are busy going on sprees on social media, spreading falsities, using hate speech about and against me? Why am I to beg for what should be mine?

And if you let it get into your head, it screws you inside and turns you into someone that actually puts up with straight friends who expect a trophy for being tolerant.

Maybe it’s because I’m a massive bitch (or so I’ve been told), but it nauseates me to even think of this. Even the verb “tolerate” irks me the fuck out.

Tolerate (v)

: to allow (something that is bad, unpleasant, etc.) to exist, happen, or be done

: to experience (something harmful or unpleasant) without being harmed

: to accept the feelings, behavior, or beliefs of (someone)

And most people in this case actually use the word in the context of its first definition because if not, why do I need to be grateful to straight people who tolerate me? I mean, bitch, I tolerate your straightness – where’s my own fucking gratitude?

When have you ever stopped in your life to remember that you have me and I still talk to you even though I know you’re straight? When have you ever stopped to acknowledge that I don’t judge you for your ‘lifestyle’?

‘Cause since we’re handing out trophies for having basic human decency, I really want mine.

And no, it’s not excusable because you were raised in a homophobic family. I was raised in a homophobic family too. In fact, if you go to my father’s Facebook timeline, you’ll find homophobic posts there.

And I know it takes some effort to overcome these instilled prejudices, but can we all acknowledge that the problem is in how you were raised and not the way I was born? Can we? Because that would be nice.

We can’t just keep being silent. This issue has to be addressed. If you’re not homophobic and even have gay friends, well, congratulations on being a human being.

Look, here’s the ish. Convincing people you claim to empathize with, people whose rights you claim to support, that you’re the one making concessions for them—even if implied—is a whole new level of physiological violence.

We are normal people that you were taught to think are deformed. We are normal people you were taught to hate.

And this is even for straight people that “tolerate” gay people. Outside that, there are the homophobes. I’m also supposed to be civil with them. Lol. Tell me when you spot a civil sentence in the sentiments presented below.

“Gay people want others to accept their disease as normal.”

“Homosexuality is an import from the West and should not be allowed in our society.”

“You faggots like whining on Facebook. Can you meet me real life and talk your nonsense before me?”

“Gayism (THIS IS NOT A FUCKING WORD) and lesbianism are caused by demons. If you want to change, God can cure you.”

Homophobes lack any capacity to hold up a coherent argument against homosexuality. Just to spew hate and showcase to the world that they are brain-damaged twats.

And someone will tell me to be civil. I’m not being civil? Really? What would count as me being civil? I should grovel in the dirt and pretend like their opinion is valid? That they constitute some sort of authority on a topic with which they have no emotion, personal or academic connection?

For crying out loud, there are laws put in place specifically to target members of the LGBT. And it is an absolute shame that there really are human beings that are in support of these laws. And this includes religious clerics and ultraconservative people.

But here’s the thing: it takes an utter lack of humanity to support a legislation that specifically strives to dehumanize other humans for simply being human – for loving or having sex or kissing or holding hands with lovers of the same sex under the sunlight. Is it not enough that marriage is impossible for gay men and women—two consenting adults? Is it not enough that this single freedom, this thing you can do easily by walking into any marriage registry and paying a small fee to get done, is still impossible for them?

How can you be proud of a country because it sanctions such violence against a community over something they cannot control, something they didn’t choose, something that is perfectly natural and perfectly beautiful?

Do you know how dehumanizing it is to live in the closet – ashamed of yourself, wondering if you can trust your own family, wondering if you can trust your own friends, wondering if the woman who carried you in her womb for nine months would still love you if she knew? Do you?

This is a country where parents say proudly that if they discover their children are gay, they would personally turn them over to the police.

Just imagine having to deal with this sort of personal trauma.

Is this not enough punishment for a sin which only exists in your bigoted religious books? Why would people still go ahead to support legislation that goes further to aggressively hound members of the LGBT community?

I’m indeed ashamed of this country. And I don’t mean just its leaders or failed system. I mean its people. It is a disgrace that we lack empathy so completely. That we condemn so swiftly without regard for humanity. Is it that Nigeria cannot see that LGBT people are humans? Or is it that they forget?

How do you sleep knowing that here in your own turf, you are making life miserable and unbearable for your own people?

Really, how do you reconcile that with being your brother’s keeper or loving your neighbor?

It’s not as though this thing actually affects your life in any way. It’s not as though it hampers your productivity.

Read a book, no. Okay read an informed online article, no. Listen to someone that actually knows what they’re saying, no. Get sense, no! You would rather bottle yourself up in your bigotry and make assumptions that reinforce your already held misconceptions.

And I’m supposed to play nice, be civil? I’m supposed to be polite and endure an actual “debate” with someone whose every premise is false and egregiously insulting?

– So that I will not piss them off, so that they will listen to me, so that I’m not tagged too corrosive or too combative.

Bullshit!

Written by Kayode