The Issue Of Too Many Skins On Skin

The Issue Of Too Many Skins On Skin

The gay community has developed quite the reputation for promiscuity over the years. It wasn’t long ago that homosexuality was a shameful, unspeakable evil, best left to anonymous trysts in public restrooms. The idea that gays were even capable of having relationships was completely foreign. Through the mid 1970’s homosexual behaviour was thought to be the result of a psychological disorder, and that those who engaged in them were incapable of love the same way heterosexuals are.

Because of this, the ideas of same sex behaviour and homosexual orientation were separated, a notion that conservative Christians still champion as “love the sinner, hate the sin.” And the gay community has done little in the way of a cohesive voice to alter these perceptions. The debate continues as people ask if gays are even capable of monogamy, and liberal outlets are championing promiscuity as a defining feature of what it means to be gay.

Despite this fact, strides have been made toward equal rights as countless numbers of our brothers and sisters have fought relentlessly and even died for our cause. We no longer have to settle for anonymous sex in a rest stop bathroom, and in a growing number of states and countries around the world, gays and lesbians are even winning the right to marry. This is enormous progress. In this context, casual, indiscriminate sexual behavior could be seen as an affront to the very foundations of the gay rights movement, or at the very least disrespectful of the fight we’ve been through to get to where we are today. This promiscuous reputation is even giving fodder to the religious right and harming the push for marriage equality.

So why do we do it? Well, there are at least five possible reasons… I think.


Intellectualized Detachment Of Sexual Behaviour From Romantic Intimacy:

There is a solid camp of liberal intellectuals who believe sexual exclusivity is not a necessary component for a complete romantic relationship. They tend to believe that territorial emotions such as jealousy and belonging are toxic and should be eschewed for the more favorable Huxleyan idea that everyone belongs to everyone else.


The Belief That Humans Are Naturally Promiscuous Animals:

Some have come to the conclusion that humans are by their nature promiscuous animals, and society’s attempt to tame their desires is either unwarranted or unnatural. Since gays and lesbians are already excommunicated from greater society, they are no longer burdened by the social and religious pressures that are the only things keeping heterosexuals monogamous. It should be noted, however, that scientific research is inconclusive whether humans are promiscuous or monogamous by nature, but there is general consensus that the depth of connection and relationship humans share is unrivaled in the animal kingdom, thanks to our enormous… brains.


Using Sex To Get What We Want:

I’m sure I don’t have to elaborate on the phenomenon of the rich old millionaire with the hot young bimbo at his side. This archetype is not exclusive to our heterosexual friends, but another common form of indirect prostitution in the gay community is to climb the social ladder in pursuit of the elusive “A List” status.


Psychological Trauma Affecting Sexual Behavior:

We are all well aware of the proverbial high school popular girl with daddy issues, using sex to fill an emotional void. Well she’s not alone. Many of us resort to promiscuous behavior for a variety of psychological and emotional reasons, from abandonment issues, to loneliness, need of acceptance, fear of inadequacy, and many more.


Internalized Self-Loathing:

This is related to the previous point, but worth breaking out on its own, as Homosexuals are particularly at risk for this. Many of us spend a large portion of our formative years in the closet and/or desperately trying to change a natural part of who we are. We constantly hear our friends, families, and many religious conservatives denouncing a fundamental facet of who we are. Even after we’ve come to terms with our sexuality, latent self-loathing can still exist. When this happens, our sexual behavior follows a degrading or defiling pattern rather than a mutual, healthy expression of intimacy.


These seem to be the five most common causes of promiscuity in the gay community. Some have even suggested that those who fall into the more logical explanations are attempting to intellectually justify behavior that’s actually caused by one of the more emotional motivations.

In light of this information, it is important to step back and examine the current chorus from sources that would attempt to normalize promiscuity as the quintessential gay trait. Just because a certain behavior is statistically common doesn’t mean it’s the best option for all. At the end, it is up to the individual and couple to determine whether monogamy, promiscuity, or something in between is right for them. It’s about being honest and upfront with your partner and finding what works for you. But there needs to be room for everyone. Rather than attempting to establish propaganda about what it “means” to be gay, the message from the community really should be one of open inclusion and respect, regardless of personal beliefs, choices, and relationship styles.


Written by Vhar

Previous DEAR KD: I Have A Bothersome Health Issue
Next Photo: Caption This

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 61 Comments


This is not a work of fiction. It happened on the 18th of July, 2014. It was 6:25pm and I had just closed from work. Auditors had been around from

Our Stories 20 Comments


It started when I was in secondary school, in JSS3, and almost fully aware of my sexuality. It was 2007 and I was in a mixed sex, boarding school. At

Our Stories 22 Comments


So, last Sunday, my sister woke me early in the morning, at about 6 am. She wanted me to go with her to a church that she was invited to.


  1. kendigin
    May 18, 05:32 Reply

    I dont care how progressive or “open minded” you are. But humans, whether gay or str8, are not designed to share our spouses. The only way a guy will permit his partner to cheat is :

    1. He intends to cheat as well.
    2. Doesnt love his partner that much
    3. Has resigned himself to the fact that this is bound to happen sometime, so the permission is like a mental coping mechanism.

    My ex once told me I could cheat if I wanted to. It hurt like hell! Theres nothing more painful when you partner doesnt care whom you sleep with.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 05:33 Reply

      ‘Has resigned himself to the fact that this is bound to happen sometime, so the permission is like a mental coping mechanism.’

      That is something I can relate to. lol

      • kendigin
        May 18, 05:46 Reply

        I know right.
        The only problem is that you suffer in silence, secretly hoping your partner doesnt take you up on the offer. Lol

    • trystham
      May 18, 05:51 Reply

      Even ur 1st point is wrong. He doesn’t ‘permit’ as much ‘revenge’.
      Nobody wants to share. He doesn’t ‘permit’ his ‘partner’ to cheat even if he doesn’t love the partner that much. Your number 3 is d ONLY one I see valid.
      As for ur ex,…I will keep mum

      • kendigin
        May 18, 06:08 Reply

        @trystham darling, u see, it helps when u state your own position rather than critique another. No be exam nau…

      • trystham
        May 18, 06:47 Reply

        I actually shouldn’t made it sound definite. It just contradicts the whole point u made where human beings are not designed to share.
        I think its like this; Someone doesn’t wanna share HIS cake, but wants to have some of others even thinking he has a right to their cakes. Thats the way I see it with humans, relationship-wise.
        As for ur ‘ex’, I can’t say exactly what d dynamics of ur relationship was like, but I really don’t think he musta thot u guys were in a relationship like that. He prolly just wanted an open relationship from d set go and didn’t think of u as ‘his partner’. Side bobo things or just FWB. I have bin in ur situation as well…though it kinda progressed to the whole exclusive thingy. And it hurt as hell when he asked for an open relationship at the beginning.

      • trystham
        May 18, 06:55 Reply

        *av made

        So to correct that, the only time a man will permit his PARTNER to cheat is NEVER even if he doesn’t love them or has resigned himself to his partners oju kokoro where he loves them too much

    • Lothario
      May 18, 06:08 Reply

      I agree with you on this one, especially the ‘coping mechanism’ part….. You don’t want to seem like that boyfriend who’s holding on for dear life and sees it as a do or die affair.

    • Max
      May 18, 07:29 Reply

      Love your comment @Kendigin.

  2. Mandy
    May 18, 05:34 Reply

    Where’s Absalom. His favourite topic is on the chalkboard. Kinda surprised Vhar is the one who whipped this issue up. Dude, I thought you were all about lyrics and music in words. 🙂

    • Dennis Macaulay
      May 18, 05:44 Reply

      Assin eh! I was about to buzz absie say him don try when I saw it was Vhar.

      Oya uncle absie come and give us orgasmic lecture

  3. Max
    May 18, 05:42 Reply

    Nicely written @ Vhar. Now all you hoes can find your spot in the five csuses stated above.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 05:56 Reply

      *flipping the pages of my bible to the Book of Max chapter 5 vs 16*

  4. enKAYCEd
    May 18, 06:07 Reply

    Finally, here I am!!!
    After months of forced exile, here I am back in my unbridled glory.
    I would love to thank Pinkie who took time out to check up on me, trying to find out I was gone. A new job took it toll and I had to really, really live up to certain expectations.
    Firstly, I don’t understand why you want a relationship when you have made up your mind to literally sleep around with every Tony, Dike and Harry!
    Once dated a MGM who, in addition to having me, would invite guys over any weekend he knew I would be at the office althrough.
    I simply noticed he wouldn’t check up on me frequently whenever his sluts came to town. When I gave up was the day he had sex with one of his flings even though I was in the house, just in the master bedroom. He snuck out to the visitors room and did his thing.
    For MGM, maybe it’s because they see the gay outlet as just an outlet for sex and quick release, nothing emotional.
    For single guys, they are most probably the ones who are living ‘in the moment’
    But if at 26, you’re still living in the moment, then the regular Allen Olosho has nothing on you.
    If we are dating, I will be faithful to you. 100%. I hope you will be same to me.
    ION I am officially single now.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 06:14 Reply

      Kayce, so you have your life back now, ehn? Good. Now gimme a holler. We have much to catch up on

  5. keredim69
    May 18, 06:12 Reply

    I am not excusing promiscuity, BUT all 5 courses of promiscuity in the post afflict straight people (both male and female) as well. There are hookup sites and apps for heterosexuals just as there are for homosexuals and these fuel promiscuity.

    Is anyone up in arms about that? I mean how else can you explain the increase in teenage pregnancies and single motherhood?

    As for the so called Christian conservatives, one has to look no further than their backyard to see adultery and fornication flourishing.

    I don’t believe promiscuity is a homosexual trait, but a human one as stated in write up and the focus should not be on homosexuals.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 06:22 Reply

      Even in our ranks, gay guys buy into the school of thought that we’re all about shagging indiscriminately. Compared to the homosexual, the straight man’s promiscuity is tamed. And that doesn’t even help the part of the LGBT movement that preaches the existence of loving relationships amongst gay men.

      • D-boy
        May 18, 08:24 Reply

        i agree that promiscuity runs rampant in heterosexual relationships, but not up tot the point where exclusivity is considered a myth.

  6. enKAYCEd
    May 18, 06:13 Reply

    And Dennis, I noticed you started a new series.
    I have been trying to catch up since last night. In fact I’m at work now and I’m constantly scrolling my phone to catch up on all that happened when I left ‘Castle Pink’
    Noticed there was a new Lipstick Gang… Whatever that is, do include me.
    And for those who would want to follow what I do for a living, pls follow me on Twitter @deejaykayce.
    Go on and ask for a follow back. It’s the things we would do for a brutha, or a sista.
    How is Simba, Khaleesi, Max, King, Chizzie, Legalkoboko and the rest? Hope business and work is going on fine?
    BTW Dennis I saw the article on your breakup. Hope it was amicable.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 06:18 Reply

      Wow. Someone’s being busy dusting out his room in Castle Pink (I love that name. Lol)

  7. Lothario
    May 18, 06:20 Reply

    I’ve always stood my ground that promiscuity doesn’t make anyone bad. Ask the Allen Avenue ashewo, she does want to get married too. Some people are in relationships where their boyfriends haven’t got high libidos like them, they love their boyfriends but want to also get it on more than four times a month. So what happens then? They should keep it together? Even when you try so hard to keep it together, employ all the self-discipline you can muster, the camel’s back will definitely break one day.

    Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for promiscuity, I’m just pointing out that there are many reasons people cheat in relationships, but as long as his heart is in the right place, I think that’s what’s most important.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      May 18, 06:22 Reply

      Sweedie pie, ofcourse you are up in arms defending the subject matter…lol

      **runs as fast as my EN legs can carry me**

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 06:24 Reply

      Lothario, just you wait till Saint Max comes down from the heavens for you. You go hear am. 😀

    • enKAYCEd
      May 18, 06:53 Reply

      Looool… Max is the one with the Wolverine Adamantine claws now?
      By the way, Hugh Jackman has quit the set of XMEN. So we should be anticipating a new Wolverine.

      • Brian Collins
        May 18, 11:40 Reply

        Not a new Wolverine really. Any other person would only try hard literarily. He could be written out of the story easily. We have had too much of him really with them dedicating two whole movies to him. Now that is too much when we have a lot of fan favorites like Storm and Nightcrawler they can mine good stories from. He ‘wasn’t’ in First Class, he doesn’t have to be in Apocalypse or any other. Though it would be great to see him as one of the four horsemen. Where is Deola sef?

    • Mercury
      May 18, 07:10 Reply

      That der is exactly the point made in number 1, love and sex should go hand in hand. You can’t love someone while fucking around and claim its ok as long as your heart is in d right place. My dear… in a relationship wholely or be an all out slut-muffin, just pick a side. Sadly our greed won’t let it happen, we want to eat our cake and have it, we want the novelty of being in a relationship but lack the commitment it takes to be in one. Trust me libidos can be tamed, if you truly love someone you will find a way to adjust, love is all about sacrifice abi….

    • Max
      May 18, 07:26 Reply

      @Lothario, you sound like another dick hopper trying to rationalize what you do. You can’t eat your cake and have it. I have many things I wanna do(murder people, crush people on the road with my car, castrate some people, pluck out people’s eyes with a fork, slice balls with a meat cleaver), But I don’t do it. Its called “having control”. You can’t allow your body control you. I thirst daily for ass and D, but I don’t act on it. Its a constant struggle which you have to live with.
      Don’t make excuses for people sleeping with the entire Lagos. Its not healthy.

      • Max
        May 18, 07:44 Reply

        Dennis nwa Macaulay, remove your eye for my matta oh. I’m not slut shaming anyone. I said he “sounded like one”.
        Listen to words of reason and stop being a dick head unnecessarily.
        Agwasikwaam GI

    • Brian Collins
      May 18, 11:42 Reply

      Anyone who has a higher libido than their partner and cheats just because is just a Cheater. That should never be an excuse. What happened to being in love and content?

  8. enKAYCEd
    May 18, 06:51 Reply

    Up with work? I also agree with your view that Govt civil servants are some of the most annoying. Working with the state govt now, I can totally relate. Someone eating breakfast on their table at 10am. And boldly telling you to wait… It kills me.

  9. Chris
    May 18, 07:10 Reply

    Homosapiens are promiscuous or have tendecies to be. It is a different kettle of fish for
    people in relationship, though i dont wanna be judging anyone. The Ayilara or Allen olosho
    are not in relationship with anyone, their hussle is just real that is all.

    • enKAYCEd
      May 18, 07:27 Reply

      Exactly what I meant when I said an Allen Olosho had nothing on any person in a relationship who decides to sleep around. How would we be in ‘love’ and you’re in ‘fuck’ with the rest of the gay+straight+bisexual+trans world?
      Chim oooo! *drops gold-plated wireless mic*

  10. Max
    May 18, 07:18 Reply

    Yeah Dennis, I do sound like that sometimes, so do you. ☺.

  11. Dimkpa
    May 18, 07:53 Reply

    Monogamy isn’t natural. We can pontificate all we want and shout from here to the high heavens but it won’t stop anything. I have been thinking about this lately and what I find difficult to understand is why sexual fidelity becomes the meter by which a relationship is judged. Forget time spent pursuing common interests, forget the emotional support though difficult times, companionship and all, once someone has sex outside a relationship everything else is sacrificed. There is no going back. The most hurtful things are said just because of that one act.

    Part of the reason for this idea of faithfulness and exclusivity came from men wanting to be sure an offspring from their wife is really theirs. That’s how virginity before marriage became a thing. It is a social construct not biological in the least and as we all know when the two collide, biology wins all the time. Good example is ‘don’t have sex before marriage’ as if you expect the young men with huge dicks and raging hormones who can’t get married for financial reasons to just keep staring at their dicks.

    I think that if we were meant to be with only one person then a lock and key mechanism should apply. The body has all sorts of receptors that only allow the molecules they are meant for bind to them. Nothing else will fit. That should have been the case for dick and anus/vagina if monogamy is what we are meant to practice. The body and whatever it is that causes sexual arousal doesn’t recognise only one person. If it sees the right ass, abs, face or whatever it kicks into action all other considerations are secondary and man made.

    Variety is the spice of life and therefore no one should think he can be everything sexually for anyone else. If you guys like to be rimmed and you think it is a dirty act, he most likely will get it somewhere else. If you have so many hang ups and he can’t discuss his fantasies or have you help play them out then it will happen with someone else.

    Sexual desire is a very powerful force and most people can’t resist it. No one is perfect. I think a lot of us buy into this idea of Hollywood love and happily ever after and in the quest for that fall in love with an idea not a person. We only cast people in the role of boyfriend with a script already prepared for them and when they fall foul of that we promptly discharge them, play the role of the victim and then look for the next actor. In the bid to ensure all is right people get into the most despicable behaviors snooping into phones, stalking another person, nagging etc all to ensure that the relationship is as it should be. But who defined what it should be? Why must it be one man to one man? Whose purpose does it serve? Our forebears married many wives and the world didn’t end, where did this idea of fidelity as a standard come from?
    It is a well known fact men are moved by what they see and in the gay world populated by men seeking men, it would be understandable that things happen. What I feel is people should first know themselves, know if you’re the type that can settle for a ‘committed no-outside-runs’ relationship, and if you’re not be up front about it before you get into anything with anyone.

    • Max
      May 18, 08:14 Reply

      Good points, however, the average human is jealous and doesnt like sharing.

      “Our forebears married many wives and the world didn’t end”- The world certainly didn’t end, but they were miserable in the relationship. Men were given veto power and the women served as slaves to cater to their selfish needs, the women suffered physical and emotional trauma which has trickled down for decades.
      And also Dimkpa, man learn from his mistakes . And our forefathers made a lot of mistakes which we’ve learnt and grown from, so we shouldn’t try and emulate our forefathers. I don’t see you tying ogodo(wrapper around the waist) and going to farm in the morning. Man evolves.
      We’ve evolved to the extent that we’ve come to see monogamous relationships as the norm which is better, and is emotionally satisfying.
      So Dimkpa dear, if you wanna keep doing things like one who lives in the stone age, pls feel free.
      Monogamy will always be better.

      Short note- ISIS thinks they’re right and they’re doing the world a Favour and they’re forwarding a cause they’re willing to die for.
      Should we leave ISIS to continue thinking that way and destroying lives?

      • trystham
        May 18, 08:44 Reply

        Max, u r such a darling.
        Its more annoying where the ppl scream Monogamy is not in d human nature only when they are not at the recieving end of the bargain. Eish!!!
        The reason for faithfulness and exclusivity Mr Dimpka is just because of the realisation of man’s propensity to be jealous and totally be in control. He thinks “I didn’t hit that first” and hates on his wife subconsciously, irrationally jealous of who took his wife’s virginity. blah blah blah

      • Dimkpa
        May 18, 12:45 Reply

        I once heard in a show that Normalcy and sex are two words that shouldn’t be used in the same sentence. I agree with that. Sexual appetites differ, some like threesomes others don’t, a lot of people have different fetishes, some like leather, S&M and what have you. Tauting something like monogamy as a norm will try to box all humans into one category which is not possible. We read sometime ago about the man with two penises who is in a relationship with another man and a woman, is their relationship less valid because it isn’t monogamous? And going by the argument of normalcy then gay people should stop having gay sex because Nigerian society doesn’t consider it the norm.
        If monogamy was so satisfying why are divorce rates increasing? Why do people both straight and gay alike keep having sexual relations outside of their homes. Like I said we need to confront some truths. If you are with a partner and everything is going well just for the straying, do you throw away the baby with the bath water?
        Jealousy comes from having expectations of another human being to be perfect or depending on his actions or inactions to define your self worth. Then we get angry because he does something we feel diminishes our self worth. It all starts with the unrealistic expectation learned from fantasies we’ve been fed which have nothing to do with the actual human experience. I’ve not known jealousy to be a trait we should aspire to. What’s even worse is the acts that the suspicion and jealousy drive the ‘faithful’ partner to do. Which in some cases is even worse than the infidelity.

        Like someone already said having a good sexual appetite or being promiscuous doesn’t make anyone a bad person. Being monogamous doesn’t make you good either. It takes all sorts to make up the world. We can champion monogamy all we want but it is not going to stop anything moreso for gay men. There is a reason HIV is common amongst us and it is not because of fidelity. We should realise that and use the knowledge be it in prevention programs or in discussing the type of relationship we want with potential partners.

    • McGray
      May 18, 11:49 Reply

      Dimkpa u deserve a glass of Organo Gold Tea, Nice Points!! BUT my Dear, even if u give me all d points in this world, Anyday my Laughtometer (ur correction is seen, thanks) tells me ur amount of laughter with sum1 else is more than d one with me, WE ARE DONE! Nt to even tok of u sleeping with someone else at my bk. Call it Jealousy Raise to power 10, achoghi m ima

    • sensei
      May 18, 20:48 Reply

      how do you want it? the hug, i mean. hehe

  12. Dennis Macaulay
    May 18, 08:31 Reply

    You fuck once in a leap year and I fuck every weekend, how does that make you better than me? Oh okay that makes me a hoe and you a saint ba?

    Odiegwu oooo!


    • pinkpanthertb
      May 18, 08:36 Reply

      Hahahaahaahaaa. Dennis, you’re just needling Max this birrifuu Monday morning, ehn?

    • Max
      May 18, 09:06 Reply

      Dennis, last warning. If the hoe thing is pissing you off, you know where to find me.

      • Dubem
        May 18, 09:37 Reply

        Max, you are fond of trotting out these your ‘last warnings’ as though from a stern parent to an errant child. I’m saying this with no contention at all, but you need to tone down on the patronizing attitude. You can say what you want to say or react to what other people say without being nasty about it. Whatever contention you and Dennis obviously have should be handled before it gets ugly, as it looks about to be.

      • Max
        May 18, 09:58 Reply

        People are issued warnings before caution is thrown in the wind and all hell let’s lose, thats the purpose. It serves as a deterrent when people start crossing certain lines. I have no problem with Dennis, but its obvious he has one with me (and I don’t know why).

    • Max
      May 18, 09:13 Reply

      Oh and pls stop being a hypocrite. Few months ago you were bickering about being cheated on, and now you’re championing the same cause.
      And also you talked about “being fresh off the runway”- you jilted a dude because he was a hoe.
      You were cheated on, so u got damaged and now doing anything with anyone who’s available abi? Find a spot on that list fast.
      And please get over it already, you were cheated on, yes
      It wasn’t fair, yes
      But please move on and stop championing the opinion that makind is/should be polygamous.

      Say something and stick with it please!!
      Don’t be a lover boi/saint today and a hypocritic hoe tomorrow.

      • trystham
        May 18, 09:59 Reply

        TA!!! *beats ground with broom several times* Evil spirits, trying to scatter LipStick Gang, SCATTER.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 18, 10:00 Reply

          HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! I’ve even started packing to go to MFM to start praying and fasting. Howkwanu Lipstick Gang go scatter like this, ehn?

      • trystham
        May 18, 10:04 Reply

        Hian!!! As we can see; no be only money dey scatter President and Gen Sec matter o.

      • McGray
        May 18, 12:06 Reply

        Lipstick Gang Must scatter in d name of Ezenwanyi Ngene….iseeeeeeeeeeeeeee

      • Khaleesi
        May 18, 12:40 Reply

        LMAO!!!! You guys are insane … hahahahahahhahahaa!!!!

  13. Tobby
    May 18, 09:55 Reply

    Humans are naturally promiscuous. It’s just easier for two males/females to shag. There’s no societal pressure on how homosexual relationships should go

  14. Diablo
    May 18, 11:21 Reply

    Internalized self loathing? Thats the tautology of the Year.

    I think it has little to do with our sexualities and more to do with the fact that we are men. As men monogamy or the concept of it just is’nt hardwired in our DNA. It also explains why the male of most species mate with multiple females concurrently . Also there’s this lil ol’thing called testosterone. I remember a documentary I saw on E! on Chaz Bono’s female -male transitioning. On it he describes how his sexual appetite increased tremendously the moment he started taking testosterone and he wanted to hump anything he saw.

    So there you go folks : Testosterone.

    • Brian Collins
      May 18, 11:53 Reply

      I think it was because Oestrogen was formally present. When you have Testostrogen what do you expect? You might want to ride a fuel pump nozzle even. (i have often wondered about that)

  15. Khaleesi
    May 18, 12:37 Reply

    Great piece Vhar, your brain is hott!! A major driving force behind promiscuity in this part of the world is the realization by most gays that a committed relationship here has an expiry date and is therefore a road that’ll eventually lead nowhere … As for fidelity; when you really love someone, i mean really love, its not such a huge burden to remain faithful but then that leads back to the question of “Do feelings of romantic attachment have an expiry date? and if they do, what happens when that date comes? does it become an unbearable burden to maintain fidelity?” Internalized self loathing is also a direct spinoff of the homophobic environment which leads to seeing sex as an avenue for uncommitted release – a game to be played only for a time.
    As for the innate promiscuity of men; thats debatable … i dont think am competent to comment on that seeing as we are all unique with our individuals quirks and twists … But personally, if my feelings and emotions are invested in a man, staying faithful and committed just seem like the natural course to follow as i’d by then have built my world around him ….

  16. sensei
    May 18, 13:27 Reply

    Are homosexual men more promiscuous that heterosexual men? i wanted to know what the statistics say so i took to Google. I found a paper that put together the results of several studies on the matter. The result is as follows: About 85% of gay men have similar levels of sexual activity as heterosexual men. The remaining 15% are more promiscuous than heterosexuals. what this means is that when a gay man is promiscuous, he is likely to be more promiscuous that a promiscuous straight. I found this very interesting. Perhaps the perception about the gay man and sexual activity is a case of “one bad apple that spoils the bunch”? The minority that are promiscuous are REALLY promiscuous and give the rest a bad name?

    Meanwhile, i hate the word “promiscuous” because it has a moralistic undertone. Why should i be judging anyone for their lifestyle? i am not them and i do not know what it feels like to be them. It has been proven that sex drive differs from person to person. Other factors such as personality traits and genetics are important. How about early life experience? This is precisely why every time we make sweeping assumptions about human beings we are most likely to run into problems. We love to have things well defined. What is “bad” should be clearly bad and what is “good” should be clearly good. We love to have everything properly grouped and classified. We want to force groups of people into neat little boxes and stack them to the ceiling; a reflection of our fantasy of what the universe should be like. it is at best, a personal universe and in reality a LIE. The universe every time breaks itself free from our strangle hold. why? Because variety is the spice of life. Variety is a direct consequence of the innate freedom in nature and the universe. That is why it is our natural instinct to fight when we feel our freedom is taken from us.

    Before we decide what is “right” or “wrong” concerning a particular issue, it is perhaps expedient to consider the idea of “rightness” and “wrongness”, in other words, morality as a whole. Where does our sense of morality come from? How does it arise? How is our morality compass calibrated? History has the answers but we have refused to look and learn. Right and wrong are not and have never been constants. Google for porn pics from the Elizabethan era and you will know what i mean. In some cultures, men share their wives on special occasions. And in those situations, it would be WRONG not to do so. Consider even homosexuality which even in the world today is LEGAL in some places and ILLEGAL in some others. It is pretty obvious. When you consider immorality, you have got to ask, where? when? And we would also have to ask WHY?

    Why is a person promiscuous? (oh! that awful word again). why? The real answer is that YOU DONT KNOW. But everybody is capable of forming an opinion, so you are entitled to one. I think it would be intelligent of you to realize that you do not really know why a person is how he or she is. Maybe you cannot stand them. That is just you. Maybe there is someone out there who will love them just as they are. Even after psychoanalysis or psychotherapy, the best you can come up with is a GOOD THEORY. You cannot bet your life on it. Therefore it would be presumptuous of you to think you really know why people act the way the do. And like i said, you are entitled to your opinion. But be smart enough to know also that this is just YOUR OPINION. And there is possibility of error.

    Life is short. We can either invest our time and energy into creating a personal oasis for ourselves (if possible) where everything is as we want it. Or you could leave your garden untended, then trot the globe screaming from a “judgement throne” on other people, telling them how to live their lives. If you are not exceptionally skilled in BEING HAPPY, why should anyone listen to you?


  17. Max
    May 18, 14:47 Reply

    Whoring around is now considered a “healthy sex life”?
    There’s nothing I won’t hear on KD.
    **struggles not to pass out from shear shock**

  18. GOld
    May 18, 14:52 Reply

    Max it’s sheer not shear.

  19. GOld
    May 18, 15:09 Reply

    Hahahaha.Pinky u are crazy

  20. GOld
    May 18, 15:11 Reply

    McGray adjust it very well. The movie is about to begin.

    • Max
      May 18, 16:39 Reply

      Sorry honey, the theatre is closed till further notice.
      For those who bought 3D glasses, come next week for a refund.

  21. iamcoy
    May 18, 16:39 Reply

    vhar your grey mater is really grey sir

  22. GOld
    May 18, 16:54 Reply

    Max hon,the theatre is still very open YOU DON’T have any right to close it.But u could just run along if u don’t wanna watch anymore.

    And, those who brought their glasses don’t need a refund.they are getting the full value for their money.

    Thanks much.

  23. PrinceKel
    May 18, 20:30 Reply

    From all the comments seen here and for people giving unnecessary excuses for cheating in a relationship,all I can say is NO EXCUSE for your act of cheating in your relationship(relationship should be 100%faithfulness from both parties).If you are not fit for a relationship then don’t go into it.Be the single flirthy one to hump from one D or Az to another.”Faithfulness do pay off afterall”

    • Chuck
      May 18, 22:38 Reply

      Endorsed! Please don’t break someone’s trust – it’s a form of corruption!

    • Kel
      May 19, 10:36 Reply

      PrinceKel kwa?.
      Hope we won’t have problem of mistaken id sometime in the future

  24. Chuck
    May 18, 22:42 Reply

    In fact, cheating says something about you – your respect for others, how seriously you take promises, and how far you can be trusted in your professional and social life.

Leave a Reply