‘I Thought Sex Was Bad.’ – Binyavanga Wainaina

‘I Thought Sex Was Bad.’ – Binyavanga Wainaina

In a Facebook post, Kenyan writer, Binyavanga Wainaina, reveals his earliest turmoil as a gay man.

‘In my 20s, I wanted to be asexual. I let my body grow very fat (safe from desire). I become the group rustic – big dreads to hide under, oversize clothes, never shave, a story of huggable bear who never lets anybody close. I decided to love groups, buddies, cliques. Like many queers, become the class clown. Nobody asks you who u are with. U make sure they have no reason to ask you. You put out the vibe that u are beyond sex and loving. U are available to advise everybody. U are a public person, in your room you wank a lot. Alone. I did the work diligently of guiding everybody to not see me as a sexual person a person needing love. I was the highest defender of all closets. I made all those who love me expect little of me. I expected very little of me. It nearly destroyed me. I buried a friend who died of shame ..I would have expired the same way, slowly degraded again and again. Until I was thirty I really thought kisses were dirty. Every women I kissed sexually left me feeling wrong and dirty. So, I told myself sex itself is bad. It was a male escort who kissed me and made me feel I deserved to tingle from a kiss. Imagine that. A French Canadian man in Montreal. Imagine that. Fucker saved my life.’

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  1. Francis
    June 13, 05:43 Reply

    Eeeya! #ThatJoyousMomentWhenYouFinallyLoveYourself 🙂

    • pinkpanthertb
      June 13, 05:45 Reply

      Something a certain KDian really REALLY needs. *still shaking my head at his comments*

      • Francis
        June 13, 05:48 Reply

        @pinkpanthertb lol. Hopefully he or she will get that golden opportunity before checking out of this life 🙂

      • Colossus
        June 13, 11:43 Reply

        Haba! What is happening here? “A certain KDian?” Nna call the name jor. You people would just be walking on egg shells, call the name make I… err, some of us know who you’re talking about.

        • pinkpanthertb
          June 13, 11:45 Reply

          Here. A compass to yesterday’s Father-son post comment section will enlighten you.

      • Colossus
        June 13, 11:54 Reply

        *rushing to said post* I’ve got time this Saturday

      • Colossus
        June 13, 12:12 Reply

        Look eh, did you want to spoil this my beautiful Saturday? Why did you send me on a suicide mission? What was some of that thrash I read? Look PP, you now owe me, you now owe me big time.

  2. Ringlana
    June 13, 05:58 Reply

    And Who. Says we don’t know how to do it better?we are unique,that’s why there are afraid of. Us

  3. keredim
    June 13, 06:02 Reply

    The guy is so fine!!!!!! The French Canadian escort must have found it very easy to do his job☺️

    • pinkpanthertb
      June 13, 06:03 Reply

      *narrowing eyes at Keredim*
      *sniffing for the hint of shade*

    • Francis
      June 13, 06:05 Reply

      @Keredim the appropriate post for this kind of comment is coming soonest. Trust me. 😛

  4. pinkpanthertb
    June 13, 06:05 Reply

    Hahahahahahahahahaa!!! Touche. I’ll get you for that, Kere.

  5. JArch
    June 13, 06:29 Reply

    Kere is on a roll this morning

    There must be something in the air around London today

  6. pete
    June 13, 06:30 Reply

    breath the air of freedom

  7. JArch
    June 13, 07:02 Reply

    You should be asleep by now then

    Abi jetlag is a bitch

    • keredim
      June 13, 07:06 Reply

      Yup it’s a real bitch, but there are nice distractions

    • Ace
      June 13, 08:43 Reply

      Is it appropriate to say I am still praying? No? I think God is answering me by not giving me an answer. Lol

  8. Diablo
    June 13, 08:36 Reply

    Well im glad he got to love himself…might not be the brightess bird in the flock ( yellow eyes and black lips , the ultimate turn off. *shudders*) but, atleast he loves himself and that’s all there is – Loving yourself! Its something we all have to aspire to attain. Its apparent when ppl dont love themselves, it shows, even on an anonymous gay blog like this

  9. sinnex
    June 13, 08:53 Reply

    You think your case is bad until meet one whose own is worse.

  10. Max
    June 13, 10:32 Reply

    Lol… Sinnex take note..

  11. ronniephoenix
    June 13, 17:38 Reply

    i can totally relate, i am bipolar,depressed and suicidal.
    yes i can relate.

    • Sinnex
      June 13, 19:57 Reply

      Only you?
      That is serious.
      Be strong!

    • shuga chocolata
      June 13, 21:25 Reply

      Well I’m a bit BiPolar, depressed but I can never be sucidal, RP *hugs from me to you.*

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