Mark. Pot-bellied. Short (when you consider my height), with a Hippo kinda look. He had a huge crush on me – an unnerving, lust-filled desire. He was in love. And I didn’t even like him. I had no interest in him whatsoever.

Mark is a typical Igbo business man (if you know what I mean). He agitated me with the way he chatted and talked. And Mark, God love him, could like to call and talk nonsense! Tufia!

Anyway, I was aware he genuinely liked me. I’d used this a little to my advantage while he was still in the country (he’s out to look for a greener pasture). So, he was chatting me up on 2go one time; a time when I was in need of a better phone. (These times come often though, as I always find myself owning one palasa or another. :|).

The chatversation:

Mark: fyn bobo, hw r u

Me: M fine. You?

Mark: I dey. I’ve miss u

Me: K…

Mark: what is it? Ur nt happy

Me: Cause m not happy.

Mark: what is the problm? Tel me

Me: Would you solve it if I tell you?

Mark: jst tel me…

And tell him I did, adding sugar and spices. I told him my choice, but received information about CNN and BBC as reply. He can chat like rubbish. But I played the Rubbish Chat Game too. In the end, he promised to get me one of his HTC phones. I was happy sha.

Me: Really?

Mark: yea

Mark: you know I luv u

Me: But Mark, I don’t love u. (I always made sure he knew this)

Mark: I luv u, fyn bobo

Me: Hope you r not expecting scratch my back I scratch your back…

Mark: no dnt worry. But I lyk u

Me: K. Thanks

Mark: what wud u tel ur mum if she ask?

That one na issue, but I wasn’t going to let that HTC android phone pass me be. I would lie! Duh. Everybody lies.

Me: I’ll say my friend dashed me, that he bought a new Tab.

Mark: k

So we were going to have to meet. He wanted to see me badly. I needed to have that phone badly.

And then, the day was upon us. It was to be our first meeting. Although shorter that I’d imagined, he was as I expected him to be. Not an eye candy. I couldn’t look at him. But he kept staring at me. I had a huge pimple on my cheek, and yet he stared, entranced. I was shy, even though I didn’t let that show. That is, until we got into the eatery that was our meeting place. The prying eyes inside there sef. Chai. Shame catch me. What would be going on in their minds? This short man and this tall, small boy. I told myself that some boys come into eateries with their uncles na. No biggie.

He ordered lunch and soft drinks. I wasn’t interested but he insisted I eat. I nibbled at first, and then ate hastily, wanting to get it over with. He talked and talked and talked, and I smiled and nodded accordingly.

I was bored. Then I interrupted his monologue. “Mark, I need to get on home. My dad is at home… I need to go and cook.”

“Eiyaa…” he replied.

And he brought the phone out of his pocket. My eyes gleamed at the sight of it! Chei. After blah-blah-blah about the phone’s quality, he handed it over to me, and I slipped it into my pocket. I smiled – a real smile this time.

The HTC was mine! Just like that. Just. Like. That!

But Mark can talk! He still talked. When we were leaving, I rolled my eyes at his back. One of the eatery’s customers saw me doing that, but I didn’t care. I had a HTC toy to show off.

That was the last I saw of Mark though. But we’re in touch and he’s still head over toes for Yours Truly.

Dear old Mark.

Written by Kizito

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  1. Ringlana
    June 12, 05:27 Reply

    “Rolled my eye at his back” what for? You don’t love/feeling for him but you want his goodies. dude like such are rare,once u don shakara ,you get dis phrase from them”they are so many B in the ocean

  2. Chuck
    June 12, 05:29 Reply

    Na wa. Are you a student?

    Let’s be kind, and not exploit people/ use them for material gain. Phone from someone you’re just meeting? O di nma

    • Dennis Macaulay
      June 12, 06:36 Reply

      Bless you chuck bless you!

      I flirted with this uniport boy for a few weeks and next thing his rent was expired and he was on the verge of eviction. I told him to contact the salvation army qnd he said something

      “Stingy man, you wan fuck but you no want bring out money, you dey find osho free”

      This particularly worries me because a lot of younger men have this mindset of bang me and solve all of my problems. Its just a mess

      • Chuck
        June 12, 12:07 Reply

        @Francis, these boys are not victims. If you have a healthy respect for yourself, you won’t attempt to live beyond your means by mooching off others

        • Francis
          June 12, 12:17 Reply

          @Chuck: victims ke? Victims dey rock authentic Versace and drive hummer jeep?

      • wondabuoy
        June 15, 14:47 Reply

        Yeas. That’s the problem. Those those one told me “If you love me, you have to do this for me”. He even didn’t recall the ones I had done already o. Greedy and materialists. Karma will serve them shortly or “longly”

    • Diablo
      June 12, 08:33 Reply

      In his defense he made it explicitly clear that he wasn’t in love with him. In think every idiot will get the writing on the wall but apparently not this mark dude. Some guys set them selves up so easily to be exploited…so u can’t blame the avg person when they take advantage of them.

      And some guys are so generous that, really they don’t see what Kaz did as anything.

      • JArch
        June 12, 10:23 Reply

        Thank you Dialo

        This is how I felt about the piece. Judging from the “chatversation” I am led to believe that Kizito has been avoiding a meet and like you rightly said, he told him before hand that the feeling wasn’t mutual. To which Mark agreed to 100%.

        Quite frankly I don’t see anything wrong a Kizito was honest from the onset.

        • Francis
          June 12, 10:47 Reply

          @JArch no one is saying he wasn’t honest about his intentions but taking advantage of the thought mumuness of the maga is another thing.

          If the nigga no gree you rest, can’t you just hit the delete button on his contacts or block him? #ImJustSaying

      • Gad
        June 12, 10:50 Reply

        As in ee. The man’s dullness doesn’t have part 2. Kizito was even generous in his description of the brainlessness and extremely stupid man who I’m sure can’t give his aged mum in the village 5k per annum.

        • wondabuoy
          June 15, 14:49 Reply

          @Gad who told you? How did you know? I was generous to a stupor at some point but it prevent me from sending something home.

          • Gad
            June 15, 23:15 Reply

            Are you the guy referred to in the post?

  3. KingBey
    June 12, 06:29 Reply

    Nice one….likeness is two way….and you no force am to buy phone.

  4. Dennis Macaulay
    June 12, 06:39 Reply

    An igbo proverb says

    ” Reject the devil and reject his gifts”

    I think thats the loose translation

    • pinkpanthertb
      June 12, 06:40 Reply

      But why sneeze at awoof when you can get away with it? 😀

      • Dennis Macaulay
        June 12, 06:53 Reply

        Its things like this that spoil the gayborhood. Biko shift

        Nwanyi awoof

      • Chuck
        June 12, 12:01 Reply

        Once you make awoof a habit, you’ll get in trouble. This is why boys disappear – the awoof asks them to come collect gifts in AMUWO ODOFIN

      • KingBey
        June 12, 15:06 Reply

        Inukwam eshieshi? Who spits out sugar placed on their tongue?

  5. Sinnex
    June 12, 06:52 Reply

    Am I permitted to hate you…just for today. You just reminded me of ‘That Warri Guy’.

  6. ronniephoenix
    June 12, 07:18 Reply

    o kizito, kizito,kizito, how many times did i call u, take ur time

  7. Mercury
    June 12, 07:34 Reply

    This was so funny, ” but mark i dont love you” you cruel bitch, you couldnt even lie to make him feel better Heu!!!, you’re mean bro, really mean.

    • trystham
      June 12, 08:05 Reply

      Nope. Not mean. Thats d kinda maturity and honesty we need in the gaybourhood. Puts everybody in their places.

  8. Ruby
    June 12, 07:38 Reply

    Someone just landed on Santa’s Naughty List.
    That’s by the way…
    I always advise, if you don’t fancy anyone, be nice, appreciate their interest in you and walk away because if you keep exploiting people because of the way they feel about you…
    Hunnay… Karma’s gonna make one hell of a Cameo appearance!!!!
    And it aint gon’ be pretty.

  9. Ace
    June 12, 07:39 Reply

    Hahahahaha… Kizito! Mehn so person fit give person phone for free in our gaybourhood with nothing in return? Kizito it is either you are fine as fuck, he is dumb as fuck or your juju is strong as fuck. Na so one Oga wey I been dey eye since for Naija that year wey dey form say “I only do this for the money” found out I no dey again. He searched for me on Facebook and started talking shit about how he was catching feelings for me and how he didn’t want his friends to know then he said ” can you please send me $400 for a new phone? And I will be eternally grateful”. I made the mugu know that I am just an app away from a quick fuck, so make he no think am. Nice read kizito as always.

  10. noel
    June 12, 07:54 Reply

    It happens like that, guys who like u so much but you don’t feel anything for them. but why waste their time? But exploiting them, buy this send me that doesn’t make sense bikonu. n you rolled eyes at his back? ah Kizito biko. Not all are mugus that way u know

  11. Teflondon
    June 12, 07:55 Reply

    One word that came to my mind was “Typical”

    I’ve met a lot of your types. They just want to reap were they didn’t sow. I’m extremely disappointed in the post to be honest (not like I have ever been a fan of any of your write ups). by putting up this post pinky are we now trying to glorify extortion? An opportunitist? To what purpose is this post? Are you aware a lot of young people are reading this blog and will think this is a reasonable thing to do. (In a different scenerio and circumstance) Don’t you think someone else might not be as lucky as the writer and would end up being raped or worse after extorting?

    Nways im not least bit surprised, as I mentioned at the begining of this statement. this was ‘Typical’ of the kind of guys I do.. (And I bet most people here know my type of guys)

    • #TeamKizito
      June 12, 08:00 Reply

      Chei. But Kizito why are you laughing at this comment?

      (I just can’t help it! Lmgbo!)


    • Diablo
      June 12, 08:38 Reply

      Haa. Typical? Someone’s playing a game of pot meets kettle today.

  12. Khaleesi
    June 12, 08:20 Reply

    I love to and will always help out friends who are in genuine need,but i cant stand opportunists who think everyone who takes a fancy to them is a dumb mugu. This was an interesting piece though, illustrates how materialistic and woefully short on values our society (which includes the gaybourhood has become)….

  13. Peak
    June 12, 08:23 Reply

    Its one thing for a guy to make you an offer out of the goodness of his heart, its another thing to see him as ur maga that u can play. Just know that you ve contributed you quota towards creating a monster in the gaybourhood. You played him, he is going to play a couple of boys down the line. You are likely going to meet a guy that is going to play you too in the future (no be swear). The universe has a way of giving back what we put into it. U ve no business moving forward with him, why milk him? You took advantage of him cos you felt u can, cos u know the power u hold over him and used it.

    Be as it may, I appreciate and respect the fact that you kept it real. U put ur flaw out there, showing that you are human and prone to mistakes and poor choices. Nice one. I hope we learn from this.

    Good morning

  14. Diablo
    June 12, 08:40 Reply

    I thought this was entertaining and you played your cards right. So, good for u.

  15. #TeamKizito
    June 12, 09:02 Reply

    I didn’t play Mark. I just didn’t ‘fancy’ him. And he knew that!

    I didn’t grab his balls or point a gun to his head for him to give me what I asked for. That wasn’t being opportunist; he willingly gave the stuff to me. (Infact, I also see it as trying to buy my love, body, whatever.)

    When one has tried all avenues and nothing’s working, then he suggests a ‘Lap fuck’? Konji is the bastard.

    Moral Lesson: Honesty pays! In all your dealings, always be an honest bloke. :- (Be truthful! You hear me; be T r u t h f u l!) Tsk.

  16. Vhar.
    June 12, 09:15 Reply

    I have exploited before… In the process, monsters were created.
    It’s not only material things that can be exploited.
    So I thoroughly understand this.

    Kizito, brush off typical comments from over-developed minds. They never miss an opportunity to be like Kanye sometimes…
    You know, senseless.

    Love you Kizito.

    • Chuck
      June 12, 14:04 Reply

      Your comment is hard to follow, Vhar. Material Exploitation is ok because non – material exploitation exists? And our comments in criticism are senseless? Please clarify.

      • Vhar.
        June 12, 14:35 Reply

        Chuck… I’m not advocating for exploitation.
        There are different forms of exploitation.
        Plus I also created monsters when I exploited guys for my selfish needs.

      • Chuck
        June 12, 15:30 Reply

        the fear of you guys is the beginning if wisdom. I learn a lot about the motivations of the gay Nigerian here everyday

      • Vhar.
        June 12, 16:07 Reply

        “You guys”?? Really Chuck?

        Don’t tell me you have/had no flaw(s) or did something you regretted?


      • Chuck
        June 12, 17:13 Reply

        I don’t defend the wrong things I’ve done. I identify the faults and work towards eliminating them. I’m still baffled by your decision to call those that criticize this rent boy/runs boy lifestyle “senseless”

      • Vhar.
        June 12, 17:28 Reply

        Chuck, please re-read my first comment and my reply to Dennis Macaulay again.
        Then focus on the word Typical.

    • Vhar.
      June 12, 14:22 Reply

      Dennis, you aren’t typical now… Are you?

  17. Gad
    June 12, 10:24 Reply

    Very cheap acts that guys thinks are smart.

  18. samsey
    June 12, 10:57 Reply

    Will these gay boys ever learn to live the life they can afford? Whatever happens to contentment being a great gain according to the Holy book. Na so so things wey dey out of their reach dem dey always covet. Now that’s a problem

    • Gad
      June 12, 12:01 Reply

      Did I hear you mention the holy books? Wait till they accuse you of shoving religion down their throats. An easy escape route for these guys is atheism where there feel not bound by codes of conduct.

      • Chuck
        June 12, 12:05 Reply

        I’m sure Kizito is a Christian. That’s one religion that teaches you hypocrisy.

        • Gad
          June 12, 13:05 Reply

          Hmm. Such brazen display of ignorance!

          • pinkpanthertb
            June 12, 13:35 Reply

            As is your view of things that are unChristian. Ignorance cuts both ways.

            • Gad
              June 12, 13:59 Reply

              Exactly the type of things an enemy tells you

      • samsey
        June 12, 12:35 Reply

        Na true you talk o Gad. But even if you’re an atheist, there are certain boundaries you should set for yourself, certain disciplines you should abide by. All these free me na kinda loose living…. Well, issorai

        • Gad
          June 12, 13:55 Reply

          Samsey,i understand you but just imagine a situation where the executive makes and executes laws by itself.

      • Chuck
        June 12, 14:07 Reply

        Christianity teaches you hypocrisy. Christians around you are among those lying, stealing, cheating and even sodomizing, all of which are banned by their holy book. IS that not hypocrisy?

        • Gad
          June 12, 17:46 Reply

          It’s needless to drag this because you will never understand as shown in your comments

      • Peak
        June 12, 15:35 Reply

        No chuck! That being human.

      • Chuck
        June 12, 15:48 Reply

        So what’s the point of joining the religion, if you won’t obey it

        • Gad
          June 12, 17:59 Reply

          Christianity is not about obeying of rules. Its about accepting and following Christ

  19. Lothario
    June 12, 11:13 Reply

    Dear Kizito,

    I know you will pride yourself on your honesty with this dude, which is admirable to a certain extent, and it really was totally his decision to get that phone for you, he could have gone the other way and not done it.

    Let’s look at things from his point of view. You have made it clear you don’t love him, which is OK, then you ask for a phone and he says to himself “You know what? I’ll get this guy I really like this phone, just to show him that I’m a good and kind guy and he really could get with me”. Please hon, do not fool yourself by thinking he was trying to buy your love or your body. The minute there is ANY hint of success around you, the boys would come running, even if it’s the local Onitsha Main Market boys (who take dick better than ajebos from what I’ve heard), they will definitely come running. He really was just trying to prove to you that he was a good guy by getting you that phone, and you exploited his weakness to your advantage. Since you were turning him down, you really should not have accepted his gift.

    Kids these days get into all kinds of messes with this “grab all” attitude. Last year, a young boy who was a student of Covenant University was found dead in a hotel room, apparently he went to meet market there, and it’s been over a year, still no word of the killer. Please, trying to exploit people for your personal gain will not get you anywhere, ask the ex-runs boys, they’re the ones looking for boyfriends now. You just end up getting a bad reputation and making some money along the way (if you’re smart, you would use the connections for jobs and tangible things but most of them fritter this money away on stupid things), and then, you’re 32 and crying to your friends about your latest heartbreak and how he wasn’t investing as much as you – duh!!! Of course no one will invest in a relationship with an ex-runs boy.

    Bottom line? It’s a vicious cycle, don’t be part of it.

    OAN: @Vhar some of the ‘evolved’ people have made this mistake before, hence the outcry.

  20. chestnut
    June 12, 13:36 Reply

    I see most of u are all up in ur feelings abt dis post,lol. From my point of view, Kizito didn’t “cheat” d guy o; kizito more or less told him: “I don’t love u,and I’m not going to have sex with u,so consider that b4 u truly decide whether u want to buy me d fone or not”.
    Kizito, u didn’t deceive anybody jor. If for instance, I needed a job, and d only person who could get me the job is a toaster,whom I’m not attracted to, and he offered to get me d job (even after I’ve made it clear that he shouldn’t help me if he expects love or sex in return, but he still decides to help),should I reject d job?(I know a job is not d same as a fone,but you get d picture…)
    I think it would have been wrong, only if kiito had been like: “pls buy me d fone, I love u so much; u’re my everything; I can’t wait to share a night of passion with u”( while doing ‘yimu’ at d back,knowing fully well that he plans to take d fone and vanish).

  21. Gad
    June 12, 14:14 Reply

    Though I don’t consider myself a hater, I cast the first countless stones. That was a cheap behavior by all noble standards

  22. Chuck
    June 12, 14:37 Reply

    My only note here is this – since there is definitely at leat one person that has committed every kind of crime/condemnable behaviour, does that mean we should not condemn anything? Or is every standard a “high horse”?

    • Chuck
      June 12, 15:04 Reply

      Got it! Hard to have those conversations on this blog though – Gad and his ilk (teflondon, etc) seem unable to argue properly

      • Gad
        June 12, 17:53 Reply

        Chuck you are so right. Gad doesn’t argue and will never argue properly because that’s not his intention. He is only aims to say the truth with pure motives. Just saying it as it is

  23. KingBey
    June 12, 15:24 Reply

    Gbam ! Ndii holy nweje, na dem still do pass.

  24. Chuck
    June 12, 19:54 Reply

    Hi Gad. How does someone follow and accept Christ?

  25. gad
    June 12, 20:58 Reply

    @ Chuck, its very simple. Just believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord. Put your trust in the finished work of salvation @ calvary. That’s all. I know that God’s word is foolishness to the perishing .

  26. ronniephoenix
    June 12, 22:27 Reply

    GAD, I have tried that countless times,it just doesn’t work. i have a dark side that even ‘GOD’ himself can not make clean (if he exists).

  27. posh6666
    June 13, 13:12 Reply

    Lmaooo so many self righteous person’s on this blog.Forming have never collected anything frm a man,i will never use a man to gain sumtin blah blah blah story for d gods!My dear kizito abeg carry go joor u let him know frm d onset u no like am yet he decides to bless u why will u reject it dem swear for u ni?the truth is in this life one way or d other we all use eachother most guys will use anything dey have to convert a boy or fuck him.This is taking of advantage,most guys r selfish dey will fuck d hella outta u but will never ever bless u with anything lets all face d truth most times in this gay lifestyle sex and love isnt free.Me back when i was in school yes am frm a comfortable home but anytime an opportunity shows itself i take full advantage and honestly life is much more fun and u get all u desire.To God be the glory today i also help out my boys in any little way i can.Please take note nobody is ever taken advantage of,when some1 asks u for something when u have choice of refusing yet do it nobody force u.At d end of d day some people r more blessed dan others so if theres anyway dey can help anoda why not do it?abeg shoutout to all the goodmen out there.

  28. mr sosc
    June 17, 14:22 Reply

    When u are old,its advisable u go for ur age mates to avoid exploitation,but when the reverse is the case.

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