IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 33)
December 7
My cousin knew I am gay long before any of my other family members knew. She is more of a sister than a cousin especially since she grew up with me and my brothers. I found out she knew when I was in 300 level or so, and there was this 6-month-long ASUU strike on. I had a boyfriend who told me that us being apart was taking its toll on him and he was always horny and wanting to fuck. I began to travel to school to go see him and we’d have sex (it was almost always great) and cuddle and shii.
Then – I’m not sure why – we decided to see if he could come to my place to visit me. Usually my mum would be at work and my dad would go out on business runs, and it would have been a great idea, except that my cousin was often around. If he was to come, we’d probably have to act like bros in front of her or something.
Then I found out she liked Glee and I asked what she thought of Kurt, and she was like, “He’s cool. I like his voice.” I waited for a “But he’s gay”, and it didn’t come. So, I asked, “You don’t care that he’s gay?” And she was like, “Not really.” So, I said fuck it to myself and told her, “Well, I’m gay too.” And with the most bored expression, she said, “I know.” And I was like, “Bitch what? How? When? Who? Where?”
That was when she gave her mischievous giggle and said that she saw porn on my Nokia E71 (same bloody phone that outed me to my family; still loved the phone though). She added, “Also, when Mummy found out, she called my mum to ask her to ask me if I knew anything about it.”
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I told her I didn’t know a thing.”
And I swear, I couldn’t have been fonder of her in that moment.
That was how we started talking about boys and I mentioned that my boyfriend wanted to come over and she was like, “Yeah, whatever.”
Asking her why she didn’t mind that I was gay, she said something that even my brothers say, “You’re my brother.”
It still warms my heart to think about. She did have her misgivings, especially since my being gay made my mum upset, but I think it’s cool that family blood was more important to her than prejudice.
I’m staying with her in the family house right now where I am serving and she has a friend staying with her. And the friend asked her if I’m gay and she told me what the friend asked. When I asked her what she said in response, she said she denied it, and I cackled (I’ve been cackling a lot lately. Must be the bitchcraft I’ve been practising), and I told her, “You’re free to say yes next time. Or rather just tell her to come and ask me.”
It’s not like the friend is going to come and kick me out of my own house, right?
Even my younger brother, while we were having an argument about him telling his soon-to-be fiancée almost everything that goes on in the house, said he hadn’t told her I’m gay. And I said the same thing I told my cousin. Refer them to me if they ask.
Having siblings who don’t care is nice and I’m grateful. However, call me greedy, but not caring because I’m their brother just doesn’t sit too well with me. It’s not enough. They could decide to care later on. They need to see how there is nothing wrong with me being me or anyone else being gay for that matter. I know most people will be like, “Why does it matter to you so much? Just cut them off if they misbehave.” But I’m not a pair of scissors, so I’m not sure how you cut off someone you’ve known all your life and seen at their best and worst?
It’s kind of working though. My younger brother asks about my boyfriend. My elder brother, upon finding out that I’m seeing a doctor, teasingly said, “I hope he’s taking good care of you.” And my cousin teases my boyfriend whenever he comes to visit.
It feels nice when things like this happen.
Written by IBK
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29 Comments
Resa
December 08, 07:23Wow
The best have read so far. Wish would turn out this way for me, but no
My fam thinks it’s just a phase n even after 2years they are literally choking me with having a bf
Mandy
December 08, 09:02I don’t understand… You’re out to your family and they know you have a boyfriend or…
Oh wait, you’re lesbian?
Delle
December 08, 12:37Seems very much like it.
Manuel
December 08, 15:39Shocking right..? I was about asking same question…
That’s unbelievable! Miracles do happen!
John Adewoye
December 08, 17:25@Resa; at least they know your sexual orientation. That is a plus for you. Final Liberation depends on you. In Nigeria, it comes through economic independence.
Malik
December 09, 02:37RT!
Mandy
December 08, 09:01I think the acceptance of your siblings is the universe’s way of offsetting your mother’s prejudice. You’ve got it bad here, you’ve got it good over here.
The day you’ll write about your mother accepting you is the entry of all entries that I’m looking forward to.
IBK
December 08, 09:29I implore you not to hold your breath.
Pink Panther
December 08, 09:38LMAO. Come on. Have a little faith na
KingB
December 08, 10:53Wow, you don’t know what God has done for you dear. When my parents found out about 2, 3years ago, all hell was let loose. My siblings also despised me. Surprisingly, my dad didn’t make too much noise about it. He only berated me that night they found out and NEVER mentioned it again. My younger sister also didn’t appear homophobic. My mum, younger brother and youngest sister were the ones that made it a duty to make sure I remained unhappy. Funny enough, the whole experience made me realize that in this world you just on your own. You create the kind of world you wanna live in. I went out there, got a job, got into school that and I’m currently getting there one step at a time. God willing, I’ll be done with my OND in Yabatech in Jan and would also be moving out by mid 2019.God has been so good I don’t even know why I deserve his mercy. I wish I could narrate all the horrendous experience I had.
IBK
December 08, 11:32You actually can if you want to. Just write and send to kitodiaries@gmail.com.
You don’t even have to be a writer. Narrate yiur story as best as you know and pinky will work his magic.
Delle
December 08, 12:43Or send the stories to pantherptb@yahoo.com
I’ll be looking forward to your entries.
Delle
December 08, 12:38My own is how you always seem to have a boyfriend! At every point in your life, you’re with someone.
How. Do. You. Do. It!?
#askingforacolleague
IBK
December 08, 12:48I have one bàbà like that. Enter my inbox so I can share his contact details.
Pink Panther
December 08, 13:34???? Delle, my dear, I’m this close to asking him to host a seminar for us single people to follow in his boyfriend-having footsteps
trystham
December 08, 15:21Please, when truly single ppl are talking, don’t talk o. We know ourselves
Pink Panther
December 08, 15:40Hey hey! I object. I’m a very truly single person joor. ?
Delle
December 08, 16:48Can this seminar hold already? And it’s so pertinent to me cos I can actually see myself attending! For reals.
Ibuks, how about we go visit this Baba together? 2019 must not pass me by.
PP get ready for my testimony ?.
Pink Panther
December 08, 17:22Hallelujah!!! ???
Michael
December 08, 15:23Me too ooo.. Person no go know when to shoot his shot.
nuel
December 08, 13:06Am just still afraid of telling my families but I think they already know…
Bee
December 08, 14:24must be nice
Michael
December 08, 15:27Part of my extended family knows. Immediate family doesn’t. I’m just waiting to hammer and catwalk to the abroad to meet my husband.
I pity my poor mum tho. But, see ehh, my happiness is paramount.
Non-Conformist
December 09, 01:25You are lucky. In my family, anything the extended family knows, that’s all. The whole family tree have heard it plus immediate family.
Francis
December 08, 18:29I no too send these days again sef especially online. You ask you get a yes. Coman beat me via the web. ?? Even my med school classmates stay asking one of my friends and she keeps denying and telling them to go find out from the source.
So we have new boyfriend and we re happy again. Praise the Living God. Hallelujah ? ?
Malik
December 09, 02:44My parents found out about a month ago by reading my phone chats. I felt so ashamed. A whole KDian! I’m still processing it all. Maybe I’ll send in the full story when I can breathe and assimilate all the drama. I find talking about my personal life scary, much as I appreciate IBK and everyone else who can.
Pink Panther
December 09, 08:14Writing about it can be therapeutic.
IBK
December 09, 11:40So therapeutic that it becomes all you talk about
Blue
March 15, 17:18Hi IBK, Thanks for writing this out here. Your journal has been keeping me in shape for a month now. My mum also found out about me and things have been pretty not the same here. Your story has a strong influence on me and I love it.