IT WASN’T ME
Now, this is a story about how my life almost got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute to just sit right here
And tell you how I almost allowed raging hormones to ruin me.
Every time I think of this story, I seem to always have the theme song of the hit TV show, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, playing in my head. It does seem apt, seeing as what I’m about to narrate happened decades ago, when my raging hormones was in the driver’s seat.
I’m not particularly a sexually-adventurous man; I don’t do risky. Heck, I still find BDSM funny. I’m not saying it is out of my scope, but then, I find it stressful to learn new tricks in my old age. This is why when I was having this gist with Pink Panther, he just couldn’t believe it.
OK, I think I’ve deviated way too much; now, on to the story.
I don’t particularly remember how old I was but I know it was in my teens, probably reading up for WAEC at the time. We had a relative living with us; he was not too fantastic in the face department but he had a body to die for. He was into sports, football mainly, so his muscles appeared toned in all the right places.
I honestly don’t even remember when my crush on him started, and I don’t think it was the kind of infatuation that lasted for long, definitely not the type that kept me awake thinking of how to ravage him. It was just there and it had its moments of ferocity.
This night however, it came in all its ferocious glory. I was – still am – usually a late sleeper; if I wasn’t reading, then I was watching TV. On this particular night, I was reading, preparing for an exam. I’ll like to think I was reading, but in all honestly, I was not. I was thinking about my cousin’s body. Some moments before then, I’d entered the bedroom which he shared with me to pick up a textbook, and he was lying there, bare chested. Nothing else mattered to me after I saw that, not the chemical equations in the chemistry textbook and definitely not all the inhibitions I ever had.
But I did what any self-righteous Catholic boy would do; I said ten Hail Mary’s, one Our Lord’s Prayer, and I went to bed.
LIKE HELL I DID!!!
I tiptoed to the corner of the bed where he was, and with a heart that was beating so hard, it sounded like a school band in my ears, I slowly unzipped his shorts, enough to see the lump of meat underneath that promptly caused my mouth to water. By this time, I’d lost every inhibition I had, as I bent over him and took his penis in my mouth.
I’d never seen porn before then, but somehow, I knew what to do with my mouth. Go figure. After a while, he began to get an erection, something my teenage brain did not expect would happen. The slow hardening of his dick startled me. I panicked and stepped back, actually left the room and hurried back to my books.
I barely focused before, after about a minute, I swear I heard Gay Jesus tell me to go back, to make sure he was at least covered up.
Well, of course, he wasn’t all covered up. And as I stood over him, watching the penis that was semi-hard, I realized what a shame it would be to zip him back up without actually finding out what bursts forth from a throbbing dick. I sent my mouth to work again, slowly at first, then matching my speed with how fast the dick got erect. Faster and faster until liquid gold came bursting out, right into my mouth.
Finished with the task at hand, I stood up, carefully zipped him up and then left the room. There was not going to be any more reading for me that night; I didn’t need any distraction from replaying the image of what happened in my head.
I wish this was the end to this story. But it’s not.
What came next tested my bullshit-O-meter; my ability to call bluff.
The next morning was a Saturday, nothing out of the ordinary. I woke up early to do my share of house chores, and when I saw my cousin, nothing felt out of the ordinary. We had our regular banter, argued about who was supposed to do what and bet our breakfast on whoever finished their chores first. Everything seemed peachy; this was an adventure I was going to take to my grave. At some point, I started questioning how possible it was for one to receive a blow job, release a load of cum and still be so unaware. Did my cousin know and wasn’t talking? Or was this the manifestation of one having sex in their dream? Did what I did to my cousin come to him as a dream where he had sex with an evil spirit?
Oh well, I’d had my fun, and no other person was any the wiser.
That reality shattered in the afternoon when my twin brother said he wanted to have a word with me. He sounded very serious, something he rarely ever was. I was the serious one, the one who barely joked around, while he was the jester, the life of the party.
So, to see him look so grave, telling me he wanted to talk to me slammed my heart straight to what I did last night. Clearly, he knew. How did he know? I had no idea. This wasn’t a case of twin telepathy. We might be close, but I didn’t see him in my head while I was gobbling that dick.
I casually told him I would be with him, all the while managing with some sort of superpower to not give off any look that betrayed how frightened I was. This was going to be a game of shadows, calling each other’s bluff. For those who have seen Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, you’ll remember the epic mind battle that went down between Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock and Jared Harris’s Moriarty. My twin brother was smart, but necessity was going to make sure I was smarter.
We met at the balcony. He looked me straight in the eye and told me he knew what I did last summer – wait, sorry, last night. Without so much as flinching, I asked him what he was talking about. I was up reading; when did that warrant a summons? He kept insisting that he knew what I did and I kept asking him what it was. At some point, I very imperiously told him that if he didn’t speak up instead of grandstanding, I would have to walk away from the inquisition.
I might have been giving off a cool demeanour but I was battling emotions inside. It felt like my stomach would collapse and my feet turn to jelly. My brother believed that as the goody-two-shoes who always told the truth that I was, I would break down and confess everything. He didn’t know I was all grown up mentally. My reluctance to use my words most of the time at home meant I lived in my head a lot. I plotted graphs in my head. I’d been gay in my head. Heck, I knew how to give a banging blowjob for the first time because I’d already done that in my head. There was no way I would lose this game of wits to my puny twin brother.
He revealed his cards eventually, when he let it slip that “our cousin said…” – Well, hot damn! My brain immediately went into overdrive. I imagined how my cousin must have come to my brother with a story he wasn’t so sure of. My brother, trying to be the smart one here, decided to make it seem like he saw everything. This would be a classic case of my word against theirs, and I was bound to win. We might have all been in the same age group, but I was the one who had more to lose here. So now even more than ever, there was no way I was going to own up what I did last night.
And I had to make my case beyond every reasonable doubt.
So, I turned into a market woman. The son, whose voice was hardly ever heard, transformed into a very loud person. I called my cousin and demanded to know why he didn’t bring this horrible accusation to my face. I threatened that the moment our dad got back home, I was going straight to tell on both of them. Tell him of how they were ganging up to accuse me of such nonsense! Me! The one person who stayed up at night reading, and still woke up early in the morning to clear the dishes and wash the toilets!
Me! How dare they!
My indignation was magnificent. I was in my element, blasting them with a diatribe that would rival that of Olivia Pope. For a moment, I even believed myself, that there was no way I sucked dick.
The two boys just stood there staring at me, probably wondering how their plan, whatever it was, blew back up in their faces. How did the accuser now become the accused?
When I was done unleashing my fury, a show of temper for which I accepted an imaginary Oscar for, I stalked away from their presence and went straight to the room, banging the door to further exclaim how upset I was. At this point, I knew I’d won and I knew what would happen next. And so, when the door opened a few minutes later, I was beaming a satisfactory smile inside me when I saw my brother and cousin walk into the room and start apologising to me. They told me to please not tell our dad anything about what happened, as they weren’t even sure. My cousin said he’d had a wet dream, and since he knew I was up late, he assumed I’d had something to do with it.
After a little posturing on my part, I assured them that I was fine, all was fine, and we could go back to being OK. How magnanimous of me, I know.
But that evening, I went to church and said ten Hail Mary’s and one Our Lord’s Prayer.
Written by Colossus
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28 Comments
Francis
April 29, 07:19Deny deny deny and deny some more! They didn’t caught you! ???. I wonder what would have happened to me if I’d been caught doing this to my bunk mate back in boarding school. Chai! The shit we did sha ??♂️
Rex
May 04, 11:13I’ll sincerely like to hear more and trade stories, I have my high school escapades too… How can I reach you . PP please help!
Mandy
April 29, 07:24????? Gosh, how hard I laughed at this. Good one, Colossus.
This story proves that in life, gay people are the best actors. When you find yourself having to hide who you are from the world around you, you best believe that you’ll be earning a few Oscars and Golden Globes for your performance when you have to deny deny deny.
Modd
April 29, 14:16Our desperation has made us great actors. Its a life of such desperate situations, one does build such talents fast! Or else, gbege…
Olutayo
April 29, 07:29“My reluctance to use my words most of the time at home meant I lived in my head a lot. I plotted graphs in my head. I’d been gay in my head. Heck, I knew how to give a banging blowjob for the first time because I’d already done that in my head.”
THIS!!! This was me as a child. I didn’t talk a lot. Still don’t. But in my head, I was a totally different person. And that much mental activity oftentimes made me feel so much older and superior than my peers whenever I observed the shenanigans of my primary school and secondary school mates. In the playground, I’d sometimes hear the reason that two boys are fighting and be like, “I’m too old for that childishness.”
But I was 10, like them!
Yeah!
April 29, 08:36This was sexual assault and not something to be proud of,consent wasn’t given before you performed oral sex on a person and the framing of the story glorifies how you got away with it….this is how rape culture continues to fester do better in the future
Francis
April 29, 09:12He’s not proud of it. He’s just happy teenage hormones didn’t ruin him.
Yeah!
April 29, 11:14Telling us how violating someone’s bodily autonomy and then narrowly escaping accountability undermines the impact of his actions not to mention remorse was not expressly stated in the write up nor how he is making amends articulated.
This article serves no purpose and is actually triggering because something similar to what op did to that guy also happened to me in boarding School anyways there’s a lot more I want to say but imma just end it with always seem consent before you touch people.
Francis
April 29, 12:11So sorry you had to go through that and you’re still dealing with it ??. Pray you heal some day ??
Growing up we’ve done shit we ain’t proud of as we now realize how wrong the acts were. Sometimes I wish I could have a conversation with the person involved in my case but at the same time I wonder what if he wasn’t aware OR what if he was aware but has trashed the memory and me bringing up would be triggering ??♂️
Higwe
April 29, 11:40So basically you raped your cousin , got away with it and it’s worth writing about ?
Imagine if you were heterosexual and you did this to a female cousin living under your parents’ charity …I’m sure the whole world would have been calling for your head..but of course it’s only a straight man ,so all is well under the rainbow .
*Rainbow “Jesus” definitely came through…eh * ??
Hopefully you’ve stopped raping people .
Let’s just write this one off as a teenager’s hormone playing up .
Although psychology does say that the chances of one recommitting a crime they once got away with facilely is relatively pretty high .
Let’s just hope the hail Mary will keep the next victim asleep again … because if he wakes up and hits you and possibly kills you …the last thing I want to see trending on Twitter is #JusticeForLGBTInNigeria ?
Assuming the next one is only the second that is……. look at me trying to discount someone’s stats .?
You go tiger ! ??
Colossus
April 30, 01:54Hahahahahahahaha
Oh, this comment killed me. Oh Higwe, you really never disappoint.
“Although psychology does say that the chances of one recommitting a crime they once got away with facilely is relatively pretty high”
Which psychology textbook did you pull this out from? So basically, stealing a pencil and not getting caught means I’ll forever be a thief? Stealing pencils as I advance in years?
He wasn’t living under my parents charity but let’s leave it at that, I won’t bother explaining my family history here.
I have actually stopped raping people. Imagine I still was, a much older man sneaking into boys bedrooms, that would mean phychologist were right. Thank God I broke that hold.
*Phew*
The hail Mary was not a joke, not even in the slightest. That was a scared little boy in a church, asking Jesus what the fuck is wrong with me. Maybe I should tell that story, you know, the “regular” story of acceptance. The road to getting to where I am, who I am, accepting all that I am. Damn it that I have to say something about the mistakes of the past.
Oh well, let me head on to bed before I start prancing around, looking for boys rooms to invade.
Yeah!
April 30, 05:53You do realise that your actions could have led to criminal charges brought against you if you lived in the us,UK etc and the fact that you didn’t penetrate said victim doesn’t in anyway disavow the fact that you sexually abused your cousin,by the way your response doesn’t in anyway indicate remorse like your enablers keep communicating
Delle
April 29, 17:27You see, there’s clownery and there’s the nagging, but unnecessary most times, need to talk smart. Or let’s just say, like a good friend of mine once told me, a lot of us are simpletons.
But alas, the world isn’t so simple. Heck, if it were!
The stories, especially the ones with the tag ‘Our Stories’, are true-life events that are put up for reasons ranging from the need to educate, to entertain or just the desire to unburden. No more, no less.
He was a teenager.
He was a pretty horny teenager.
Guess how many other people were pretty horny teenagers? YOU AND I!
Do you know how many uncouth, pathetic and mind-boggling things you did at that age of adventure? That age when your testosterone is more at the wheels than your brains? Oops! I bet you don’t.
In your haste to lambaste the writer, you totally and conveniently so, forget many had such an experience or even worse, but do not have the guts to put them up for the exact reason as one can clearly see in this comment section.
This persistent (and disturbing) need to appear better, saner, purer that’s seeming to be the next-big-thing amongst community members is baffling. Who the hell made you judge?
Did he tell you, in any paragraph of that writeup, that he is proud of what he did? He made it comical, to serve the purpose of entertainment (by all means bite him for seeking to make people laugh in these times. Colossus has always been one for wit, but you can also forget this conveniently), does this mean he isn’t remorseful?
That one sniveling, good-for-nothing less-than-deserving, obsessive East-based street urchin who is fortunate to have an internet-enabled device and can afford 750MB per two weeks, will have the temerity to call him a rapist, come for his PRESENT person, is beyond me.
Oh but it’s not so much a surprise. Big, lengthy words scribbled on a daily has never been a criterion for brilliance. We been knew.
Guys, so many awful things happened when we were much younger. Some perpetrated by us and others done to us.
Let’s tell them. That’s what the blog is for.
What you were doesn’t and should not define who you are.
But I’ll think we already know this.
Pitiful.
Pink Panther
April 29, 17:40Couldn’t have said this any better myself. ✔️✔️✔️
chubbylover
April 30, 06:44That one sniveling, good-for-nothing less-than-deserving, obsessive East-based street urchin who is fortunate to have an internet-enabled device and can afford 750MB per two weeks, will have the temerity to call him a rapist, come for his PRESENT person, is beyond me….”
This punch get as e be ooo…..easy bro.
Kobe
April 29, 19:02I actually enjoyed this narrative.
It was done with wit!
So this happened decades ago and it was told so that readers can see how uncontrolled hormones nearly messed up the writer’s life.
It was told to teach the younger folk. The least we can do is to LEARN.
At no point in the story did I see the writer express pride in his actions… This story seeks to teach and entertain us. Heck many of us have done worse stuff and many of those who haven’t have at least wished they had more balls to practicalise their innermost desires.
Why are we here pontificating?
Please take it easy, life’s not that serious.
Yeah!
April 29, 22:19A tale of sexual assault and and gaslighting is now comical and entertaining?,nna na wa oooo
Isn’t this the same blog that rained fire and brimstone on a gay man that revealed his past of kitoing people and expressly stated his remorse and asked forgiveness I don’t remember this muc leeway given to him,its like you people don’t understand the far reaching effect of sexual assault especially with the added dose of gaslighting and using being horny as an excuse for it really?Wow I am really shook and unintentioned harm doesn’t cancel out harm and I’ve sent this article to two female friends and they agree the writer wasn’t holding himself accountable and using his supposedly raging hormones to deflect blame to his predatory actions
Francis
April 29, 23:26Hmmmmm, you guys are stepping into the territory of the victims don’t matter.
We’ve started weighing crimes and deciding which ones get proper outrage and which ones get a pass *exits stage*
Net
April 30, 00:50Well congrats for sexually assaulting your cousin
Vaughn
May 01, 07:36The vacillating opinions of this blog’s owner leads me to question why he bothers to posture as a progressive LGBT rights advocate. How dare you endorse that hateful tripe Delle wrote? Did you not see that he twisted the narrative to normalize rape and the gaslighting of victims? It invalidates whatever work you claim to do for the LGBT community. Rape doesn’t stop being rape when the rapist recounts their version of events in witty and fluid prose. The culture of letting your friends get away with murder on this blog must stop, you cannot pontificate while you enable the same things you preach against.
Pink Panther
May 01, 08:46Delle was speaking to somebody, and I was endorsing that.
You are entitled to your opinion about what I do, and I’m not going to bother with defending myself or my motives to you.
Mandy
May 01, 08:56Simply put: Delle was targeting Higwe. Higwe doesn’t like Delle. Higwe doesn’t like PP. PP doesn’t like Higwe. PP was hailing Delle’s targeting of Higwe.
This grandstanding is just unnecessary when you understand that what’s at play here is the politics of people’s loyalties.
Mandy
May 01, 08:52“The culture of letting your friends get away with murder on this blog must stop…”
Could you point out instances where he let his friends get away with murder?
Bauer
May 01, 14:46An unremorseful predator came to post a story chuckling at how he got away with sexually dehumanizing and gaslighting his cousin and tried to undermine the vileness by attributing it to his raging hormones,there’s nothing we will not see and whoever posted this is complicit
Mr robot
May 02, 13:18There’s been a growing conversation on Nigerian Twitter in relation to all facets of sexual assault and the concept of consent while on a blog advocating for the rights of lgbtq members gay men are kikiing and making light of sexual abuse,while its not anybody’s place to absolve an abuse not done to them leeway could have been given if that article was remorseful and your age could have been taken into consideration which doesnt in anyway undermine the vileness of your action but you purposely stated in the article your actions were you being sexually adventurous,being adventurous sexually requires consent and then you came and doubled down in the comment by continuously undermining the severity of your actions please deal with your entitlement issues and stop burdening people with trauma and take accountability for your toxic action. My heart goes out to the cousin I hope he’s doing fine wherever he is nobody deserves what you did to him
Jinchuriki
May 05, 10:07WTF? And the comments that approve too? Haba ma na!
Community makes a difference
May 08, 19:18I can’t believe that sexual assault is been defender on kito daires with lines like “its our stories” , ” He was a teenager ”
Y’all should be ashamed of yourselves !
To think that these things are coming from people who wage wars on twitter against rape apologists and rapists is mind blowing !
“Who you were don’t define who you are” … What happened to that line when Y’all tore kelvin hart apart during the Oscar saga ?
Defending sexual abusers especially those who are not showing any sign of remorse is evil and its even worse when such defense is coming from this community.
Tufiakwa !
@ the writer; what you did was very bad , how you told the story is disgusting and the defense you offered yourself is an act of wickedness .
To everyone defending this or endorsing comments that defended the abuser ! … We shall see at twitter when you start your hypocritic wokeness and kindness should be the least of things you should expect from me then.
Bye
Bennet
May 19, 20:33I’m late but sorry, this is rape, and I will be disappointed if an apology is not offered over taking this lightly.