Now, this is a story about how my life almost got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute to just sit right here
And tell you how I almost allowed raging hormones to ruin me.
Every time I think of this story, I seem to always have the theme song of the hit TV show, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, playing in my head. It does seem apt, seeing as what I’m about to narrate happened decades ago, when my raging hormones was in the driver’s seat.
I’m not particularly a sexually-adventurous man; I don’t do risky. Heck, I still find BDSM funny. I’m not saying it is out of my scope, but then, I find it stressful to learn new tricks in my old age. This is why when I was having this gist with Pink Panther, he just couldn’t believe it.
OK, I think I’ve deviated way too much; now, on to the story.
I don’t particularly remember how old I was but I know it was in my teens, probably reading up for WAEC at the time. We had a relative living with us; he was not too fantastic in the face department but he had a body to die for. He was into sports, football mainly, so his muscles appeared toned in all the right places.
I honestly don’t even remember when my crush on him started, and I don’t think it was the kind of infatuation that lasted for long, definitely not the type that kept me awake thinking of how to ravage him. It was just there and it had its moments of ferocity.
This night however, it came in all its ferocious glory. I was – still am – usually a late sleeper; if I wasn’t reading, then I was watching TV. On this particular night, I was reading, preparing for an exam. I’ll like to think I was reading, but in all honestly, I was not. I was thinking about my cousin’s body. Some moments before then, I’d entered the bedroom which he shared with me to pick up a textbook, and he was lying there, bare chested. Nothing else mattered to me after I saw that, not the chemical equations in the chemistry textbook and definitely not all the inhibitions I ever had.
But I did what any self-righteous Catholic boy would do; I said ten Hail Mary’s, one Our Lord’s Prayer, and I went to bed.
LIKE HELL I DID!!!
I tiptoed to the corner of the bed where he was, and with a heart that was beating so hard, it sounded like a school band in my ears, I slowly unzipped his shorts, enough to see the lump of meat underneath that promptly caused my mouth to water. By this time, I’d lost every inhibition I had, as I bent over him and took his penis in my mouth.
I’d never seen porn before then, but somehow, I knew what to do with my mouth. Go figure. After a while, he began to get an erection, something my teenage brain did not expect would happen. The slow hardening of his dick startled me. I panicked and stepped back, actually left the room and hurried back to my books.
I barely focused before, after about a minute, I swear I heard Gay Jesus tell me to go back, to make sure he was at least covered up.
Well, of course, he wasn’t all covered up. And as I stood over him, watching the penis that was semi-hard, I realized what a shame it would be to zip him back up without actually finding out what bursts forth from a throbbing dick. I sent my mouth to work again, slowly at first, then matching my speed with how fast the dick got erect. Faster and faster until liquid gold came bursting out, right into my mouth.
Finished with the task at hand, I stood up, carefully zipped him up and then left the room. There was not going to be any more reading for me that night; I didn’t need any distraction from replaying the image of what happened in my head.
I wish this was the end to this story. But it’s not.
What came next tested my bullshit-O-meter; my ability to call bluff.
The next morning was a Saturday, nothing out of the ordinary. I woke up early to do my share of house chores, and when I saw my cousin, nothing felt out of the ordinary. We had our regular banter, argued about who was supposed to do what and bet our breakfast on whoever finished their chores first. Everything seemed peachy; this was an adventure I was going to take to my grave. At some point, I started questioning how possible it was for one to receive a blow job, release a load of cum and still be so unaware. Did my cousin know and wasn’t talking? Or was this the manifestation of one having sex in their dream? Did what I did to my cousin come to him as a dream where he had sex with an evil spirit?
Oh well, I’d had my fun, and no other person was any the wiser.
That reality shattered in the afternoon when my twin brother said he wanted to have a word with me. He sounded very serious, something he rarely ever was. I was the serious one, the one who barely joked around, while he was the jester, the life of the party.
So, to see him look so grave, telling me he wanted to talk to me slammed my heart straight to what I did last night. Clearly, he knew. How did he know? I had no idea. This wasn’t a case of twin telepathy. We might be close, but I didn’t see him in my head while I was gobbling that dick.
I casually told him I would be with him, all the while managing with some sort of superpower to not give off any look that betrayed how frightened I was. This was going to be a game of shadows, calling each other’s bluff. For those who have seen Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, you’ll remember the epic mind battle that went down between Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock and Jared Harris’s Moriarty. My twin brother was smart, but necessity was going to make sure I was smarter.
We met at the balcony. He looked me straight in the eye and told me he knew what I did last summer – wait, sorry, last night. Without so much as flinching, I asked him what he was talking about. I was up reading; when did that warrant a summons? He kept insisting that he knew what I did and I kept asking him what it was. At some point, I very imperiously told him that if he didn’t speak up instead of grandstanding, I would have to walk away from the inquisition.
I might have been giving off a cool demeanour but I was battling emotions inside. It felt like my stomach would collapse and my feet turn to jelly. My brother believed that as the goody-two-shoes who always told the truth that I was, I would break down and confess everything. He didn’t know I was all grown up mentally. My reluctance to use my words most of the time at home meant I lived in my head a lot. I plotted graphs in my head. I’d been gay in my head. Heck, I knew how to give a banging blowjob for the first time because I’d already done that in my head. There was no way I would lose this game of wits to my puny twin brother.
He revealed his cards eventually, when he let it slip that “our cousin said…” – Well, hot damn! My brain immediately went into overdrive. I imagined how my cousin must have come to my brother with a story he wasn’t so sure of. My brother, trying to be the smart one here, decided to make it seem like he saw everything. This would be a classic case of my word against theirs, and I was bound to win. We might have all been in the same age group, but I was the one who had more to lose here. So now even more than ever, there was no way I was going to own up what I did last night.
And I had to make my case beyond every reasonable doubt.
So, I turned into a market woman. The son, whose voice was hardly ever heard, transformed into a very loud person. I called my cousin and demanded to know why he didn’t bring this horrible accusation to my face. I threatened that the moment our dad got back home, I was going straight to tell on both of them. Tell him of how they were ganging up to accuse me of such nonsense! Me! The one person who stayed up at night reading, and still woke up early in the morning to clear the dishes and wash the toilets!
Me! How dare they!
My indignation was magnificent. I was in my element, blasting them with a diatribe that would rival that of Olivia Pope. For a moment, I even believed myself, that there was no way I sucked dick.
The two boys just stood there staring at me, probably wondering how their plan, whatever it was, blew back up in their faces. How did the accuser now become the accused?
When I was done unleashing my fury, a show of temper for which I accepted an imaginary Oscar for, I stalked away from their presence and went straight to the room, banging the door to further exclaim how upset I was. At this point, I knew I’d won and I knew what would happen next. And so, when the door opened a few minutes later, I was beaming a satisfactory smile inside me when I saw my brother and cousin walk into the room and start apologising to me. They told me to please not tell our dad anything about what happened, as they weren’t even sure. My cousin said he’d had a wet dream, and since he knew I was up late, he assumed I’d had something to do with it.
After a little posturing on my part, I assured them that I was fine, all was fine, and we could go back to being OK. How magnanimous of me, I know.
But that evening, I went to church and said ten Hail Mary’s and one Our Lord’s Prayer.
Written by Colossus