JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 55)
January 15
Sex.
We love sex, don’t we? It’s even becoming like a favourite past time for some guys, sort of like taking a hike or knitting or something. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn’t interfere with your life too much and it’s done by consenting adults.
However, I think a major issue is that since it’s become so free, we tend to forget that it’s not just a physical activity. It can also be a way to strengthen the bond between two people in a relationship.
I looked back on a relationship I had when I was in my second year in school. I had practically moved in with the guy and it was fucking great. From the random making out to the play fights to actual fights, it was really great. And when I had sex with him, it was one of the most blissful experiences I’d ever had. He’s not the best in bed, not by a long shot. But it was something that I felt brought us closer in ways other things couldn’t have. Whether we were just making out or fucking, it felt nice. The way I needed/wanted him was mirrored back and it doesn’t get more awesome than that.
Then there was a strike and I had to go home and I didn’t know when I would see him. We talked about what we would do concerning our libidos and decided that we would let the relationship be open. I remember feeling a bit ecstatic about it, and a few days later, I’d arranged a hookup. But when the time came, I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t guilt or anything. It just didn’t feel enough. It was like moving into a Boys’ Quarters when you used to live in a castle. And trust me, the hookup guy was foooooiiiiine! With pink full lips and puppy dog eyes that made me want to melt. I didn’t know what it was then, but I called my then-boyfriend and told him the open relationship thing couldn’t work out for me. I actually started to sneak away from home to get to school so I could hang with him. That was for many reasons, a story I’ll perhaps tell later.
When you treat sex as something purely physical when you’re in a relationship, when you continue to see it as something shallow or a conquest of some sorts, I feel it’d then be easier for you to cheat on whoever you’re with. I mean, I basically didn’t cheat not because I didn’t want to hurt my guy but because I simply didn’t want to do it. Because when I looked at it, the random hookup was earthly compared to the heavenly experience I’d had with my guy.
Maybe it’s just me (I highly doubt it’s just me). It’s more difficult to think of cheating when you realize that you’ve got a better deal in someone you care about than the next random hookup. I think people keep it physical because of the level of vulnerability it gives you when it’s emotional. It’s easier to break up and think that: Well it’s not like I was entirely faithful, than realize that your “sacrifice” of being chaste was for naught. Heck! Why would you even think it’s a sacrifice? I know relationships aren’t always rigid but more often than not, we want someone we are sure belongs to us as much as we belong to them, and if you’re not ready to give up your trysts just to be with that one person as totally as possible, maybe you should rethink getting into that relationship.
Basically I think if you don’t trivialize sex (especially with your partner), the likelihood you’d cheat (or be a hoe) is less.
The message you send out to your partner when you cheat is that they are not good enough to satisfy you. It doesn’t help if they are a bundle of insecurities. It’s most likely true that they can’t satisfy you completely, but sex isn’t oxygen. Allow your partner satisfy you in other ways. Talk, stay under a blanket and watch a movie. Lodge into a nice hotel and fuck on all the furniture with the blinds open at the topmost floor or something. And if it isn’t working, communicate and be ready to work to make things work. This shii isn’t always a fairytale. It doesn’t always come easy. There are nights when you’d hate the person sleeping next to you and days when you’d just want to up and leave. It doesn’t mean you should. Whatever is worth having is worth fighting for.
What happens if all else fails and whatever raging fire you had for each other is gone? Hopefully it would have become a steady flame that you can count on to always keep you warm. And sometimes, when you stoke the flames, the flying embers will remind you of how things used to be and why you chose to be with that person in the first place.
What if all else STILL fails though? What if you no longer feel it’s worth fighting for? Do you hold on to something just because the other person is still holding on or because of the time you’ve spent together and all that even though in your soul, you are unhappy? I can’t answer that for anyone, even myself.
I guess it just boils down to love. You can’t go far if there is no love. I’m not talking about that puppy love that occurs in the first few months of knowing and discovering the person. I’m talking about the one that binds you even though you’ve seen the appalling parts of the person. The type that occurs as the person becomes familiar like the back of your hand (I wonder where that expression came from. I couldn’t, for the life of me, recognise the back of my hand if it was chopped off).
This is what I feel those who believe in relationships and love should aim to achieve. It won’t guarantee you unlimited bliss but it would help ensure you have something that lasts and is strong enough to withstand whatever blows the universe throws at you.
Have an awesome week ahead of you, guys. Don’t forget to give random hugs to the ones you love. And if they tense and say things like, “What do you want?” you really need to step back and take a look at your life.
Written by James
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26 Comments
Eddie
January 17, 07:01Makes sense….
#TeamKizito
January 17, 07:32Yes, Gem. I understand you. Been there.
Francis
January 17, 10:23?????????????????????????? Do I continue? Lol. Beautiful piece ?
Absalom
January 17, 11:06I agree, Francis; it’s a beautiful piece! ? I’m not sure, though, why you had to fist (?) him so much to make that point… ?
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Francis
January 17, 12:26???? Not to worry. I think we have a surgeon on board. He’ll be just fine
michael
January 17, 10:54I see your point sweat heart….
posh6666
January 17, 11:35So just read about two guys that were stoned to death on Mike’s blog in lagos which was caused by the landlady who heard the two guys moaning,she peeped saw them then went to alert opc members and other people.
Seriously why does life have to be so hard?its not enough I guess to be careful about hooking up with a potential kitoer now we have to be worried also about nosy neigbours.
This could have happened to anybody.Only in nigeria can such infringement of privacy happen.I wonder how she sleeps at night knowing she caused the death of two people in her house,killed just like that like dogs without harming anybody.
Francis
January 17, 12:29I saw the gist and had to unlook as it worsened my present health status. I still dey hope say person go talk say this isn’t true. ??
posh6666
January 17, 16:28Eya get well soon…Its true obviously thats the sad reality of the kind of country we live in.Probably the guy was even very nice to the useless woman but all that went out of the window the moment she witnessed an “abomination”.You now begin to wonder if your own housemates aint got your back who will.
Francis
January 17, 21:30Dem don retract the gist ???http://www.nostringspodcast.com/our-apologies/
keredim
January 17, 23:10Rush to be the first to spread gist.
Sensationalisation. it kills journalism.
At least he retracted and apologised. Its a step in the right direction
Mitch
January 19, 09:45Kere, get off of Mike’s case. Let the guy be! Jesus Christ! Is that too much to ask?
Max 2.0
January 17, 13:14That’ll happen when you live in Ikotun or Egbeda where the wall is as hollow as a hoes ass and where you have uncouth neighbors. Personal safety starts with where you choose to live, not just about where you go.
Keredim
January 17, 16:16@Max, I think that is a bit insensitive. Are you now saying the less privileged cannot also afford to have sex in privacy??
Max 2.0
January 17, 23:12@Keredim, you should try to keep hush hush while having sex with another man in such environments or don’t have any at all.
Pink Panther
January 17, 13:40Just like that, two people lost their for no crime but what they were doing in the privacy of their own lives. The thought is just distressing. There has to be a special kind of hell here on earth for all the people whose hands led to their deaths.
Max 2.0
January 17, 13:11“When you treat sex as something purely physical when you’re in a relationship, when you continue to see it as something shallow or a conquest of some sorts, I feel it’d then be easier for you to cheat on whoever you’re with. I mean, I basically didn’t cheat not because I didn’t want to hurt my guy but because I simply didn’t want to do it. Because when I looked at it, the random hookup was earthly compared to the heavenly experience I’d had with my guy.”
This paragraph is everything.. Thank you very much for this @James… This sermon right here is all we need ..
Preach!!!!!… #BetterThanChurch
Davitch
January 17, 15:45preach it pastor…. word of the day
those of u that think sex is food, keep eating u will soon be full, probably with STD.
Pink Panther
January 17, 17:29But sex IS food. 🙂
Davitch
January 17, 21:19What re do ingredients ?
Pink Panther
January 18, 10:08Oh ya still looking for ingredients? Hian! You mean you haven’t seen all this market selling everywhere? 🙂
Davitch
January 19, 10:29I have seen o and they re marvellous in my sight.
Ichie RedEyes
January 17, 16:16@PP what’s mike’s blog address?
Dredsh Maliq
January 17, 18:19Nice one, James.
And PP,abeg I need that Mike’s blog address too.
sensei
January 18, 21:53*applause*
IBK
March 22, 23:21Me reading this in 2023… How the mighty have fallen. I’m a hoe now everyone!