KD’s Fashion Police: BET Awards 2015
Hey guys, its John Oceans again. Since my last post, I have met a guy, fallen in love, cheated on him and gotten dumped. So, I’m back on the market again. Any takers? *side eyeing PP*
Anyway, it was the BET awards last Sunday, and I was kinda, sorta disappointed with the Red Carpet. There was no Wow factor, nothing very breathtaking – like perhaps, a Kardashian getting a PhD. So, here’s my judgment of the Red Carpet. Check on it, and either send out arrest warrants for the offenders you agree with me or bail money for those you don’t.
THE GOOD
Zendaya Coleman
One word – Flawless, Amazing! Oh shoot, that’s two. Zendaya was all shades of fabulous in this dress. Yes, it’s a bit too short, but the former Patchouli-Oil-And-Weed starlet pulled it off!
Rihanna
This girl is a star after my fashion heart – a style savant. What is amazing about Riri is that clothes that other women would look trashy in leave her looking classy. She can show up naked at an event and still look classy – Oh that’s right, she already did that. She is a star!
Jeremih
Winner! So many trends going on in one outfit, yet it came together beautifully well. Can I give him head please? *lifts bandana print shirt*
Nicole Ari Parker
Two words: Bow Down. (I want to add ‘Bitches’, but I’m afraid those haven’t finished paying their respects to Queen Bey).
Machine Gun Kelly
Slay! I love when men rock some color on the red carpet. I love the red jacket and the skinny jeans. This one is a winner! Good one!
Flo Rida
Real men wear pink, but they make sure the length is perfect and they wear appropriate shoes.
Tracee Ellis Ross
She’s easily the best dressed for the night, hands down. She looks classy and elegant, but not Oscar-ish! Love, love, love!
Floyd Mayweather
And he is easily the best dressed man, hands down! Best use of color ever! I am officially in love.
Janaelle Monae
She looks like a sexy vampire! All shades of awesome. Good one.
Kendrick Lamar
I am in love with this guy to the point of obsession, so I may not be able to give an objective review. Something about this look is ruggedly sexy to me, and I just want to rip him to shreds. He can do no wrong in my rule book!
THE ERM…OKAY
Amber Rose and Blac Chyna
Yes, they made a political statement with their kiss and all, but how they end up looking like hoes in classic white pant suits beats my imagination.
Laverne Cox
I was very underwhelmed by this look. She does look good, but the choice is way too safe and the hemline of her pants does not work for me. I get that the BET is not her turf, but she doesn’t have to look like the side chick of a dead billionaire at his funeral.
Nicki Minaj
Biko, who put together this dress? Looks like the work of an obioma tailor. I like that she is wearing a clean silhouette and has done away with her ridiculous costumes, but the tailoring and finishing of this dress is just sad.
Brandy
I am on the fence about this look. The design looks less than perfect around the waist area. I am a sucker for natural hair, so she gets props for her hair. Plus her pink shoes are adorbs, she did not do the whole matchy-matchy look!
Bhet the big question is – What is going on with her career sef? The singing career, not the Broadway career…
Jussie Smollet
I mean he can afford an iron, no? Showing up to the BET in a rumpled outfit is a big NO-NO!
On the bright side, his shoes add a little whimsy to an otherwise classic look, but I still cannot get over the wrinkles!
Karrueche Tramp – sorry, Tran
She looks okay, but the bra looks like one of my mom’s baking pans for crusted cakes.
Lala Anthony
Bikonu who is this? Way too many trends in one look; it’s almost as if she collided with a rainbow. Less is more, honey!
LisaRaye McCoy
If she had lined the dress, it would have been one of my best looks of the night. But she looks trashy with everything hanging out for the world to see. Her ‘Olympus has fallen’ gazungos are worlds apart from each other. Trying too hard to look young, eh missy?
Michael B. Jordan
Oga, if you must buy a suit off the rack, find a tailor and get it fitted to your body! This is embarrassing. Nice shoes though.
THE WTF
Ciara
With her hot body and all, this is what Ciara chose to wear? 50 cents must have changed the settings of her brain with all that nacking!
This dress is ill-fitting and hideous, and I just wanna cut a bit of it out to wash the back of my grandmother’s pot.
Christina Milan
*sigh* Where does she shop? Whore ‘r’ Us? This dress is tacky on a scale on 1 to tacky. And it did not do justice to her amazing body.
Kelly Rowland
Hey, look guys, big bird was chopped into two, dyed black and sent down the red carpet. NEEEEEEEEXXXXT! *in Marki Costello’s voice*
Chris Brown
Look who escaped from Betty Ford. Where do I even start? If I saw this guy walking towards me on the street, I would hold close to me my wallet and smartphone. And those shoes? Yaba under bridge, anyone?
Angela Simmons
She looks trashy! Did she swallow a kid before attending?
Jazmine Sullivan
Oh look, it’s the angel from hoe-ven! This was an epic fail on all levels. First of all, peplum dresses are for women without hips to give the illusion of hips. Think peplum and think Blake Lively and Giuliana Ranstick – sorry, Rancic. But this one with her massive hips squeezed herself into peplum with her boobs spilling out? Sister, no.
This was one of my worst looks of the night.
About author
You might also like
Meet The Youth Pastor Behind #BoycottBeyonce
Originally published on madamenoire.com Meet Patrick D. Hampton. He is a married father of four from Chattanooga, Tennessee who is none too pleased with Beyoncé’s new song, Formation. Hampton was
Happy Pride Month, Everyone
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde Having pride isn’t about ego or power or being vain. It’s about loving yourself, and loving yourself warts and all, and
The Lie Of “I Love You”
You know what I don’t understand? Guys who are such pathological liars, they lie even when they don’t have to. How is it that you know someone, you both hook
27 Comments
Chuck
July 04, 05:07A cheater is someone who doesn’t respect you. Keep that in mind while matchmaking.
pinkpanthertb
July 04, 05:10Humour, Chuck. That was intended to be a humorous opening line to his post. Do you have but no sense of humour at all?
Yours_Truly
July 04, 06:45I truly wonder
Chuck
July 04, 11:42I don’t find cheating humorous. But then, that’s just me.
Max
July 04, 14:14@Chuk, are you the one whose pic was posted here few weeks back?
#AskingForAfriend
Chuck
July 04, 16:41Nope. I’m Chuck, not Chuks.
Ace
July 04, 05:12True, some were just epic fails. In fact, my timeline on the day of the awards was filled with comments about the horrible choice of clothes. The only thing that stood out was Tracee’s jumpsuit.
Mandy
July 04, 05:31‘Former Patchouli-Oil-And-Weed starlet…’
LMAO!
John Oceans, you’re insane.
#TeamKizito
July 04, 05:39Lol!
I love Frank – sorry, John Oceans’. You’re amazing, lawv.
Bet, Jordan is innocent oh. How much is his bail?
wytem
July 04, 06:07Floyd Mayweather’s best outfit is none @all.
I d rather have him naked!
Oluwadamilare Okoro
July 04, 06:15I am hardly a fashion person but I think I love what brandy wore.
I will forgive u for kendrick because u said u are obsessed. He looks like someone who broke out of jail.
Mercury
July 04, 06:42Love Zendaya, she can do no wrong, well maybe d hair, i hate short hair, unless youre Halle Berry. Nicki should have word d ither dress for tha red carpet, the white and black dress. And Tracee was hust gorgeous.
Masked Man
July 04, 06:43Christian Milan looked looked like an apprentice mammy water priestess. Olokun stylist.
Angela Simmons, olosho sef dey dress pass like this.
Who’s the wife of Hades in Greek mythology? Kelly Rowland?
What’s with Ciara and the maid look? You know all these maid you go to abakaliki to hire. Chai.
I love you Jussie, but that jacket can have inches taken away from it, and would still fit you. I know you’d make up for this on Instagram. I love you none the less. Yours affectionately, your stalker.
Laverene Cox looks like she’s missing her dick in that pose. What do I know sha.
Nicki Minaj, looking like meek mill had so fucked her that evening that she can’t stand straight again. That her dress, I can swear, Aba can do better.
Dubem
July 04, 06:56Well, I hear Christina Millian now has a reality show. So, I suppose it’s only proper for her to tailor her couture to the trashy image associated with reality stars
kacee
July 04, 06:57Omg Riri looks so beautiful
Sinnex
July 04, 07:01So, someone actually sat down and analysed what people wore to one Award ceremony in a faraway country…wonders they say would never end.
Anyway, since it has been posted here, lemme just say this, Florida is not supposed to be in the ‘Best Dressed’ list. Or is it because he wore pink, that’s why you decided to put him there? ‘Real men wear pink’? WTF is that?
This looks hurriedly put together. Like you just had to send something in to beat a phantom deadline.
Anyway, lemme leave this place for those who actually care about fashion to comment.
JaneTheVirgin
July 04, 07:46Being a bitch aint for everybody dear, so quit trying.
trystham
July 04, 07:53REAL men wear whatever they want to wear in whatever color they want, when they want to wear them without caring whose ox is gored. As u have rightly pointed out, leave the fashion to we who care and keep ur arse loving, shit eating hole quiet. Imagine? Real men don’t wear pink??? Ode!!!
pete
July 04, 07:14for someone who can’t understand why people analyse what others wore to a ceremony, you ended up doing the same. we have different interests & nobody should feel smug about his own interests.
ruby
July 04, 07:46Is it me or did I just blank out looking at these shildren on the red carpet *well besides Floyd, Riri, Nicole, Jeremih *swoon* Zendaya *borderline ashawo couture*
As for the rest *in RuPaul’s voice… That’s all
Sashay Away
trystham
July 04, 07:48Zendaya – Wow
Rihanna – Different
Jeremih – Regular
Nicole Parker, Tracee – Mature
Machine Gun – Not much difference with Jeremih
Flo rida – Looks like a skirt suit
Floyd – Is that a dick straining against the fabric?
Kendrick – So ‘The Matrix’-ish
La Verne was ok
Nicki needed a Witch’s pointy hat to complete her ensemble
Brandy can do no wrong jare…except the shoes but I think I see ballerina effect???
Haba, Karaueche was ok na. Hian!!!
Polar (Bear) Kelly. The ice got to her face but left the rest of her…warm
The rest tho…nothing spectacular. You were kinda unfair about ur judgement on Jordan and Simmons
Diablo
July 04, 07:55For the most part they all dressed well, even the so called WTFs weren’t as catastrophic. Floyd’s is by far my favorite…and Kendrick’s oufit is sooo me!! ..
Peak
July 04, 08:421st of all, the BET awards is no longer what it use to be. From the red carpet to the norminations, to the performance, down to the winners sef. Every thing is a snooze fest. So if u are looking for mind blowing fashion Statements/choices then BET awards is the last place to look.
Zendaya; I love miss coleman’s look. Very playful,nothing over the top,simple but managed to look super sexy. Andthe short. Hair is appropriate4 this dress, a long do would have muddled up her look, and it allowed for Better appreciation that graceful long neck. Short hair to enhance to look and flaunt her neck, short dress to show of those LEGS!!!!!!!
Rihanna? Lol, My bish hardly disappoints. The girl is a fashion goddess. She makes it look so easy, she some how manages to look flawless without even trying. She could wear a paper bag and still look like a million dollar baby. Still patiently waiting 4 that R8. Everything that has been rolled out so far has been bleh. Bish I got ur money, when u are ready to bring ur tour to this part of the world.
Nicky Garbage! This girl’s 15 minutes of fame is almost up. She has failed to secure a memorable red carpet moment, I mean with all that blown up doll body, one would expect u to slay efforlessly
Kendrick; I love kendrick and all, but showing up looking like a jail bird is not cool. I understand he is try to look deep and all that bull. I need him as the old clean-cut-cute-boy-kendrick
Kelly rowland; john! U will do well to be mindful of how u address my baby mama in the future! I can cut u cos of this chick! She should ve done Away with shawl. I saw a pic of her without it and she look gorgeous. Besides she is one if not the only risk taker on the carpet. Feathered black dress? Yes! An odd but interesting choice
Machine gun kelly: I don’t know how I feel about that guy talk less of how he looks on the carpet
Flo rider: that guy should ve been shot right where he stood with that damn mess getup of his
Mayweather; I quite agree! Surprisingly he looked great. Nice shoes.
Nicole ari parker: she is one of the best dressed if not the best dressed. Simple classic while that hugged and clung all the right places.
Tracee elis ross; looked great too in white, another person that brought home the white look 4 was latoya luckett
Brandy: I actually love brans look. Its very youthful, I would ve gone 4 a nude pumps or black straps like the one lala had on, to give it a dark and edgy feel, or just had the dress in a brighter colour. Bran has been dropped by her label, her songs and album sales has been pitiful 4 years now, so I think her recording career is on hold. She is rumored to appear on empire and has a show in the works with BET.
LaLa; that girl has good fashion taste. Love the dress, love the shoe even more, but the colour was just too much 4 my eyes.
Jussie my boy toy smollet: honey we need to get someone to dress u like yesterday! Stop being so cheap.
Angela simmon: looks fine to me. She has always been thick.
The carpet was boring, no body takes BET awards seriously anymore. And Bad boy reunion performance was the highlight for me, especially when the original queen bee came out in her signature hardcore squat pose.
valray
July 04, 13:56John OCEANS I wld jst say u trying to be funny I get…now wat makes a good fashion police is one that can even criticize her/his own person….but I just rememberd this are JUST ur opinions and dey really dnt count….I mean chris brown,and the trash you said abt peplum haven’t you seen queen B and kim k in peplum…and john its plain silly to say that suit is rumple I mean common man the wat u said abt amber rose outfit is just crap…
BRYANN
July 05, 06:35pink panther………I’ve got a gist……how do i reach u for publishing??????
pinkpanthertb
July 05, 19:41Send your gist to my email: pantherptb@yahoo.com 🙂
Tristam Shandy
July 05, 15:46your use of adjectives like hoe, trashy etc. got old quickly. Maybe more fashion and less moral policing next time? Peak does a way better job btw.