KD’s Fashion Police: MTV Video Music Awards 2016
Hello everyone! It’s good to be back! So the VMAs happened this past weekend, and I must say that the fashion was mostly a bore, just like that Britney Spears performance, which was a test in endurance.
Anyway it’s my court again and I get to play judge and jury and y’all can sound off in the comments section. So let’s see the Good, the Erm…okay and the WTF.
THE GOOD
NICKI MINAJ
My girl pulled off this dress which quite frankly is very difficult to wear. It’s like eating eba with chopsticks; anything can go wrong. But of course, Nicki is not your mate in this fashion matter. JLo had worn a shorter version of this dress, but Ms. Minaj rocked the longer version with aplomb. The color is rich and complements her lovely skin. This dress straddles the thin line between slutty and sultry, but Nicki pulled it into the sultry garden. I say she nailed it!
FUTURE
Love! Love! Love! Very well coordinated! The black kept things demure and allowed his jewelry to shine through. The polka-jacket added some whimsy to the look! Me likey!
SEAN COMBS
B for effort! I like the all-black ensemble, which helped balance all the bling, saving him from the “I am a rapper so I must be noticed” look. He looks okay.
RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE ALL STARS
These drag queens were a big hit for me. They all wore iconic dresses pulled off by celebrities in the past and they nailed it. All hail the queens!
DESIIGNER
Take away the shoes and this would have been my best dressed man of the night. Any man who can rock his pastels is a certainly a man after my own heart. And those abs…*fans self* Plus it certainly looks like he went commando. Jesus, take the wheel!
DJ KHALEED
Amazing! This is how you dress when you are plus-sized. He looks absolutely slamming and the detailing on the fabric is just delicious. Just look at the kind of confidence he exudes; sometimes it’s not by 6-pack. Notice how everything is just the right size; it’s not by squeezing yourself into undersized clothes! Note to certain Amala people: DRESS YOUR SIZE! (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
BADDIE WINKLE
YASS! Look at that body at her age! This look is dazzling, and then she threw in a bedazzling walker? And those shoes! She did not come to play! This is one happy old chick having fun and loving it. (BEST DRESSED NOMINEE)
*
THE ERM….OKAY
BRITNEY SPEARS
I’m a bit torn with this look; it is way too safe and downright boring, like she belongs on the cast of the Real Housewives of Alabama. This was a big night for her, her reintroduction into the world of divas, and her look fell flat on its face, just like her performance.
NICK JONAS
Oh look! It’s Kanye West… Or not!
LANCE BASS
This one looks like he stepped out of a 90s high school movie to be here! Bros, abeg shift let me see road.
HEIDI KLUM
Beautiful girl, beautiful dress, not good together. Her skin tone doesn’t compliment the dress (or is it the other way round?). The color completely washes her out. She kinda looks like she had a bout of flesh-eating bacteria infection.
CHANCE THE RAPPER
Not a fan of this look, but I get that it is playful and fun, and I always love people who have fun with their clothes. The color suits his skin, and is that an eggplant I see? Can I get an ‘AMEN’, somebody?!
JADEN SMITH
I think that sometimes this kid tries too hard to be eccentric and out of the box. I want to see the style without seeing the effort behind it! This did not werk for me.
NAOMI CAMPBELL
When I saw her, I was going to shout “SLAY!”, but then the dress parted and I saw her legs and snatched my Slay back! The VMAs is not the Oscars or Golden Globes, so you can get away with some risqué. She is a model anyway not a musician, so it’s not really her night.
The dress however is such overkill; she should’ve chosen between showing off her shoulders or her legs, you really can’t do both.
*
THE WTF
BEYONCÉ
I try to keep an open mind about Mrs. Carter and her fashion, but she makes it so darn hard. Something is going on with her style-wise and we should honestly all be concerned; she keeps stumbling from one red carpet to another and it’s such a shame.
I was very confused about her look. Why ruin what would have been a very lovely dress with that hideous thing around her neck? Is this an ode to that Chimamanda book? She looks like a snow flake witch who goes about during winter suffocating children in their beds.
Unless, Beyoncé broke her neck while fighting Becky with the good hair, and so her stylist found a way to hide her neck brace, there is no justification for this mess. This look may have worked for the Met gala – but for the VMAs? NO! (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
KIM KARDASHIAN
She looks like she just finished a routine dancing on the beach before coming to the VMAs. The dress looks tacky and cheap. And what’s with the wet hair? She just looks ridiculous, like those girls at Kuramo beach.
AMBER ROSE
Why is she attending again? Oh yes, she was a video vixen 12 galaxies ago. This look is very disturbing please! Where did she get her outfit from – the Salvation Army?
RITA ORA
*sigh* Where do I start? She is no longer a starlet, so why does she do this? She looks like a homeless person who was caught up in a hurricane and barely made it out alive. Even Katy Perry has dropped the theatrics for serious fashion. Rita honestly should too.
ALICIA KEYS
I guess she thought she was making some sort of political statement by not putting on makeup. And that’s fine. But her dress is another matter entirely. Where did she pick this horrendous get-up from – Yaba under bridge (Deeper Life Sisters’ stand)? The dress is ill-fitting, the print is horrible and the look completely swallows her.
I know she is mourning the demise of her contract with Blackberry, but she doesn’t have to look like this na! Even MFM choir mistresses look better than this. I also think that if you are on a red carpet (or white carpet, as was the case with the VMAs) with a man, and he looks better than you, you should be very worried. (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
ARIANA GRANDE
I think she likes BDSM and likes to be choked as well, so she had to devise a way to hide her choke marks. She was also confused on what way to go – Mexican dancer, or wear the pants that Michael Douglas left at her place? So she just wore both.
HALSEY
Auntie, fitting is everything. What is going on in her crotch area please? Obioma couture *scoffs*
TINASHE
She should know better than to swaddle herself in so much fabric while being petite. Then what’s with the scarf which clearly does nothing for this look? Except she plans to hang herself for not being nominated.
CASSIE
Trying to desperately resurrect what’s left of her moribund career, I see! Is it just me, or does she look like a sex doll? The kind made in China and typically ordered by 52 year old men who still live in their parents’ house. (WORST DRESSED NOMINEE)
FARRAH ABRAHAM
I think she must have been shooting porno in a scene called President Trump, after which she came to the VMAs. She looks like the knockoff version of a street walker; the kind that gives head in exchange for booze!
*
My BEST DRESSED for the night is Baddie Winkle. I mean, at her age, she could have this much fun with her clothes. Also BEST DRESSED for me is DJ Khaleed. Looking great and confident when you are plus sized is the hardest thing.
My WORST DRESSED is Alicia Keys! She just looked pathetic!
Do kindly sound off on your opinions of the VMAs fashion in the comments section.
Written by John Ocean
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20 Comments
First Person
September 03, 04:49Oh. First. Nice.
Mandy
September 03, 05:03If only Beyonce had lost all that fluffy contraption around her neck, she would have looked really stunning to me. I mean, seriously, what was that? some sort of wings waiting to spring open and carry her and Blue Ivy off to heaven, should the trumpet sound while they’re at the VMAs?
And Alicia Keys… *sigh* I get that you have a statement to make with your makeup-free looks, but is there anything in that manifesto that says you should dress like a grandmother who’s about to go to bed for the night? At least endeavour to make your dress make up for the sophistication that has been lost from the makeup-less face.
I love Kim’s look! ????? She can get me with all that slutty ‘I just finished fucking my husband’ look!
Pink Panther
September 03, 05:08???????? Someone has graduated from the school of John Ocean’s Scorn, I see.
Mandy
September 03, 05:06My best dressed is Nicki Minaj. Mehn! She looks like the dress was flowing down her curves like a waterfall. And my worst dressed is a struggle between Alicia Keys and Rita Ora. That girl looks like the unsteady mess that is her career. Ptueh!
ambivalentone
September 03, 05:29I wonder if the VMAs was themed “My-favorite-super-heroine(S)”. The super girl+wonder woman costume of Farrah had me in stitches. She hoping for disaster or what?
Funny, I am quite satisfied Beyonce’s…dress? got such scathing remarks from John. But while not in the Beygency, I can’t not smell a conspiracy.
DJ Khaleed looked like all dem gospel artists. He looks nice and all, but I half expected he’d be going “Glory glory” in a falsetto each time he opened his mouth
That mama’s outfit is cringe worthy, but that is my conservationist me speaking. I keep darting looks at the picture and Aha!!! Now I know why I keep expecting her to do a jiggle. She looks like dem old school tap dancers on broadway.
Desiigner’s outfit is vintage, not so? Bleh!!!
The rest, BORING!!!!
Pink Panther
September 03, 05:52???????? @ ‘but I half expected he’d be going “Glory glory” in a falsetto each time he opened his mouth’
I’m going to die today from too much laughter.
GRÏM
September 03, 06:18Beyoncé’s dress was beautiful from different angles other than the front… Am I the only one who thinks that dress was meant for a photoshoot? Where’s Blue Ivy on your list?
Francis
September 03, 06:21I would say Britney slayed ’cause her Red carpet looks are regularly trashy but it’s like she decided to dress up properly for once.
I was anticipating a disaster when I heard she was to do Make Me but I ended up loving the performance as it flowed beautifully well and the remix sounds nice (does anyone have a download link). This is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her in ages on stage. Her carpool karaoke set the tone I guess.
Best dressed was most definitely Nicki Minaj. I agree with the Naomi assessment though those lips by Pat were everything.??? She almost suffered a boob slip in her other dress as the fitting was off.
Peak
September 03, 07:00You loved Brits performance? You must really enjoy being mentally tortured then, cos that’s all I got.
Bad lipsynching
Hideous choreography. She looked cute twirling around alone, but when the back uo dancers joined it, disaster struck. The moves were not in sync, she wasn’t hitting the angles right a hands and legs were either moving too fast or too late.
Francis
September 03, 07:08LMAO. My dear I watched the video on repeat so tey I had to download it sef. There was just something about the performance sha that just flowed. Most importantly it wasn’t that Gimme More disaster.
Peak
September 03, 06:53This Years VMA’s red carpet is nothing but an EPIC FAIL!
The VMA is where you can pull all kinds of stunt and gimmicks that the Golden globes and Oscars bounce you for. It’s The “Razz and Crazy” version of the Grammys”. Its all about aesthetics and visuals and this year’s red carpet FAILED woefully to capture the true essence of the VMAs.
Nicky was relatively close to what is perfection and I was going to applaud her for finally getting it right, but who shows up at a major award show wearing a dress another person wore for her 2015 birthday? Did I even mention that the other person wore the black version and slayed a thousand and one lives while at it? Her version of the dress just looks like something you can pick uo from one of those boutiques at Ikeja under bridge. Seeing her, just make me wanna break out sing Aaliyah’s try again.
As for BeyNOce! I still don’t understand why the hives have not gone after her stylist! Like Who tha Fuq is doing her like this. How do you leave ur house in one of the biggest nights of ur career looking like a tree from the north pole. I guess she thought the show had a Halloween theme. Other than Bey’s hair, everything fell flat, makeup included.
Kim is just looked like a low budget hooked that just made it out of the rain. There was simply no note worthy effort in what she wore. None at all!
I thought Future, Desiigner, Ms Campbell, Khaled all slayed in my book. Naomi is like 101years old and she just looks impeccably stunning every time. Most mini dresses are usually designed to cling to the body so that u don’t expose ur self any how. But not miss Naomi, she threw in a dangerous slit and did away with the clingy rule book. I love the cut on the dress. I love the colour, I love the length. A little longer and it would have looked like a day dress. It’s a very playful but flirty dress. How she sat down in that thing and managed to remain covered up beats me.
I love rita’s shoe, I actually do like Cassies’ s entire Ensemble. It’s has this retro-old school disco feel to it. The pant, hair I find really interesting. She finished her look with this chains she wore over her boobs was fucking sexy. And that boob job is a money well spent.
Jaden smith, I love his look, but the print area on his jacket ruined the look.
As for the Drag looks, the only iconic and memorable look out the bunch is the Lil kim’s purple onesie and Gaga’s meat dress. Every other dress is either forgettable or random.
Overall, the red carpet was a bore fest.
Pink Panther
September 03, 07:12‘And that boob job is a money well spent.’
LMAO! Come on, Peak. Cassie is young. She can’t be having boob jobs already, can she?
Francis
September 03, 07:16He probably hasn’t seen good tape in action.
Peak
September 03, 08:06PP & Francis, if you think those kegs are real, then you still have a lot 2 learn. Kylie Jenner is less than 20 and she has had a complete overhaul with changed and new parts. Cassie is 30, just signed a new record deal and trying another go at fame. I think a boob is not that big a deal.
Francis
September 03, 08:31My dear goan find YouTube videos on taping and wonder bras. Two of my colleagues had boys going crazy with those shit in med school.
Peak
September 03, 09:04Go and watch her old videos, start with me and u, follow it up with long way 2 go and u will begin to understand what tapes can and can not do
Francis
September 03, 09:28So I just googled and she’s actually admitted to getting work done ??
oys
September 03, 07:46Bey’s dress was dope…don’t know what y’all talking about
She slayed that night
BlurryFace
September 03, 23:34Beyonce had two other outfits that were stunning. this would’ve been best without the feathers though.
KingBey
September 05, 02:03And the Queen slayed as usual with Princess Blue Ivy. ???