Let’s Discuss . . . About How We’re All Having Sex With Everyone

Let’s Discuss . . . About How We’re All Having Sex With Everyone

It’s already a known fact that because of the small percentage that the LGBT community make up of the Nigerian citizenry, it is safe to assume that everyone knows everyone. And everyone’s shagging everyone.

And so, when – in a Facebook gay group I belong to – a friend came hyperventilating with the panic-stricken post below, a lot of us in the group were bewildered while some others echoed his sentiments. This variance of opinions led to a conversation that I’d like to share.

The friend (who I’ll refer to as Soma) updated:

“The community is so small. And kissing and telling is not even news anymore.

Trust me, the moment you shag a guy, it’s not a secret.

The moment you slide into a DM, you know some people are reading your chat as you do your wooing.

It’s a cycle. In the end, we are all recycled.

We have sex with people who have had sex with people that we’ve had sex with. Damn! More reasons to roll up a condom.”

And then the comments went thus:

CEO: Things we know…

Soma: It’s fucking annoying. The way we are all connected scares me.

CEO: Why you stressing though?

Soma: I met someone whose boyfriend is a dude from way back. His ex is someone I used to flirt with too.

CEO: Well…

WASP: I swear, CEO, your puzzlement is my puzzlement. Soma, exactly why is this a reason for freaking out?

Soma: Why is it hard to understand? Everybody is fucking everybody.

CEO: Hian! But this is no news. So you need to chill.

WASP: Nna, Ike gwuru o. Why is this pikin acting like he just discovered the gay community yesterday?

RAIN: This is the reason why I’m becoming a prude. The fact that my business is gonna be on everyone’s lips isn’t something that particularly makes me comfortable.

KIN: We’re not that small. Gossiping about who slept with whom and who’s sliding into whose DMs is normal-ish. Idle and uninteresting most times, yes, but whatever. Why should it bother you if A hears that you had sex with Q?

CEO: My sentiments too. Why bother?

RAIN: I am bothered abeg.

WASP: OK. So we’re a community of guys having sex with guys who’ve had sex with other guys that we’ve had sex with. Then what? Can someone tell me why I should scatter my perfectly-saloned weave over this?

RAIN: I don’t know. I guess I like to fantasize that I’m still a saint.

KIN: RAIN, you are one of those guys that even if you’re not looking for sex, sex will be looking for you. You’re that good looking and … easy-to-spot gay-wise. Your body count should rival xxxxxxxxxxxx’s own! 😛

RAIN: KIN, thank you for the compliment but therein lies the problem. People often see me as a sex object. Or assume I’m a flirt. And that is something I have tried but can’t seem to shake. And because of that, I’m always worried that by fucking every guy that comes knocking on my door, I’ll be giving some people the “evidence” they need.

WASP: Question is, are you suppressing your sex life because you truly want to, or because you are worried about the public perception of gay men who have lots of sex?

RAIN: A bit of both.

CEO: This is not an issue actually.

DELLE: Just because it’s the reality doesn’t make it any less scary. I share Soma’s sentiments. Everyone has done everyone and the annoying thing is they are talking.

WASP: Wait a minute. It’s scary? Annoying thing is they are talking? What kind of naiveté is this? Forget the gay community. What you are talking about is the way of the world. People sleep around with people. People talk about the people they’ve slept with. Guys. Girls. Everyone talks. Why are y’all acting like this knowledge is brand new to you? Hian! Una get energy to fear o.

CEO: Unnecessary drama

IBK: We are like, what, 10% of the population. Not like it’s a big pond, and really though, why does it matter? And if it does matter, don’t fuck anyone. But if you can’t keep it in your pants, stop complaining.


And on and on it went.

But enough about what we were saying; we’d like to hear from you guys. Let’s discuss about this gay sex culture where everyone is sleeping with everyone and nobody is keeping quiet about it.

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  1. Black Dynasty
    May 06, 06:40 Reply

    🙂 it’s definitely not limited to Nigeria. Lived in the states, the UK and the middle east…. all the same, particularly within the black gay communities (same applies to Asians, white folks and the arabs)

    When you’re new and walk into the gay clubs in any of the cities of those countries, you will be noticed cos you’re fresh meat and no one has had you yet ?.

    I do echo Rain’s views though, whilst it’s pretty much the norm…. I’m not a fan and generally limit sexual partners.

  2. OJ
    May 06, 06:53 Reply

    This one pass me biko…
    I’d simply go get iron pants.

  3. Jo
    May 06, 07:16 Reply

    I swear this is true. I was on Badoo recently, after a long hiatus, every guy that hits me up has either shagged my friends, or they know whom he had shagged or who he is currently with. Immediately I get this information I just zone out.

    I know the average gay guy may have shagged somebody, but that knowledge, especially if it is somebody you know, makes one very uncomfortable.

  4. ambivalentone
    May 06, 07:22 Reply

    I’m with rain on this one. I feel like I av bin EVERYWHERE when I get to know someone I slept with has slept with the rest of Africa. I wanna introduce a potential bf and next u hear is “Oh. I know him!”. Its such a morale dampener.

    • Dumdum
      May 06, 07:49 Reply

      But “I know him” doesn’t necessarily to translate to “I’ve shagged him”.

      • ambivalentone
        May 06, 08:01 Reply

        Poor poor Jon Snow. Its not even that it is said. It is how it is said.

    • Pink Panther
      May 06, 08:41 Reply

      So what if he ‘knows’ him, does that reduce bae’s market value?

  5. Delle
    May 06, 07:28 Reply

    Okay, yesterday I went to the market with a friend. Whilst buying stuff, two corpers walked in. I was going to get a particular condiment that happened to be close to where the corpers were standing when one of them, the darker one, whispered to his friend, “I’ve had sex with this dude before…”
    I didn’t get all he said cos I was already too stunned to pay any more attention.

    Like seriously, I haven’t even seen nor met this guy before! And here he is telling his friend, with some sort of pride that he has fucked me. Had we not been in the market, I would have given him some serious telling.

    I don’t know mehn, but I don’t think I appreciate being disseminated as regards sexcapades (My body count isn’t outrageous sef). These gay men are annoyingly flippant and it’s off-putting. Both the truth and false stories, they tell.

    Also, like Rain said, I like to think I’m a saint. Lol.

    • ambivalentone
      May 06, 08:12 Reply

      Welcome to the club. The slander and lies…they make me weak. That hearer too will reach somewhere and be telling someone else how he also ‘knows’ u.

    • Pink Panther
      May 06, 08:40 Reply

      But should his lies matter to you? I find it cumbersome, upon every other stressful thing it takes to be a Nigerian, to also take on the offense of worrying over who is adding me to his body count.

      • Mr. Fingers
        May 06, 10:49 Reply

        Thank u PP. Hian,people worry over nothing.

        Gay people brag a lot abt their sexcapades and i ve learnt not to believe everything i hear.

        @Delle the only one who actually knows ur body count is u,every other person will just be guessing.

  6. Johnny
    May 06, 07:57 Reply

    That is why I would like to date someone outside my world. You fucked A, A has fucked B, B has fucked C C has fucked A, you fuck B. Everybody fucking everybody.
    It’s weird. I don’t pray any of my gay relative to fuck someone I have fucked.
    I will poison my self

        • Icarus
          May 06, 20:06 Reply

          Then you find out your gay relatives now live in Jupiter.

    • FJ
      May 07, 12:31 Reply

      ? Or u patiently wait for a male sex robot. He can never kiss and tell. Oshisco!

  7. Ives
    May 06, 08:17 Reply

    I think I can relate with Soma’s point of view. We are consciously aware that it’s a small community but it’s not like we’ve slept with everybody, at the same time, it irks me beyond compare when someone who should know better is busy doing “Kiss and tell” just so that everyone knows you’re part of his body count. Nowadays too, with the realization that being gay doesn’t mean infidelity continum, you’d like to know that what happens in the bedroom (or your preferred location) stays there and not some shared recipe on food network.

  8. Ziti
    May 06, 08:53 Reply

    TBH yeah! If there’s one reason I’ve not been out there like visible its because of this stomach turning culture and it’s just fucking annoying and we’re all suppose to be mature in a way yeah! If you kiss and tell shame on you!

    And the fact that some of us sees this as a norm is irritating too.

    But come to think of it o can you even get a lover in this 2017 that hasn’t had something to do with just one person you know?
    The struggle is real Yo!

    TBH we brought this upon ourselves and no thanks to the ever solid and strong hook up culture in the community.

    Biko when it’s time I will sign up to be a father.

  9. IBK
    May 06, 09:07 Reply

    I’ve come to the point in my life where I feel sorry for people who treat having sex with me like it’s some achievement or some stain or something other than two people finding each other attractive and exercising their liberty to act on that attraction.

    Like I said, if you have a high sex drive and aren’t interested in keeping it in your pants the probability you’ve slept with someone who has slept with someone who has slept with you and one other someone you know is very high. The community is small. Not everyone can be fresh off the runway.its just what it is. Whatever reservation you have probably stems from the fact that you think sex is a dirty little secret and being sexually active is a no-no. Some false sense of purity.

    If your worries is STIs, practice safe sex safely. Or abstain. Or have one trustworthy partner. But to worry about tongues wagging. M’ba. Even people you have not had sex with are saying they’ve had sex with you. Leave people to their gossip cause they always will gossip. You can’t let that get in the way of living your life how you want to live it. Biko hoe away.. With condoms of course.

    • Regal Sweetheart
      May 06, 15:50 Reply

      I was actually about to raise this in a group. I need to know if what the crime or the bad thing is, about me having lots of sex with lots of people. I don’t understand why it’s a bad thing. Really.

      If anyone wants to debunk it, I need a plausible WHY it’s bad. And don’t give me the “morals” lesson. What has morals bought in the market?

      • ambivalentone
        May 06, 19:18 Reply

        I really don’t care if one has a libido to rival all the horses on the prairie. It’d be comforting to know I slept with a man and not a boy who can’t keep his darned mouth shut.

  10. beejay
    May 06, 09:26 Reply

    I think that if you’re mature enough to be having sex, them you ought to be mature enough to be classy about it, period. Discussing the details of your sex life just so you’d earn social points or some sorta validation or whatever else twisted satisfaction comes there from just isn’t tasteful.

  11. Canis VY Majoris
    May 06, 09:35 Reply

    “Kiss and tell” is a common behavioral trait amongst Homo sapiens, distinguished from other animals by superior mental development, POWER OF ARTICULATE SPEECH, and upright stance.

    Please let’s find something more intriguing to talk about, like why Most Nigerian Gay Men are mentally unstable and full of shit.

    • doe eyed monster
      May 08, 07:36 Reply

      Hmm.. ..thats another topic o.. .a big one.. .i used to make excuses for people and I try not to insult people but recently it’s really true that “many are mad, a few are roaming” ….Ahh!!! There are mad people out there o… I have learnt.

  12. Quinn
    May 06, 09:38 Reply

    Shit happens! stay away from it if it offends you. I’m not a fan of fucking around at all and honestly I don’t care much about it or people who do it. I think it’s best to just look for a committed partner and settle…but that’s just me?

  13. Colossus
    May 06, 10:56 Reply

    What’s the fuss?
    This is the social media age, hooking up is easier now and people key in sharply. If you’re in a committed relationship, remain in it. If you’re not and you want to sleep with as much guys as you can, go ahead but be safe.
    Now it’s almost impossible to meet a guy who hasn’t shagged someone you know, that doesn’t make him evil. That just makes him a guy that’s had sex with someone you know. Simple.

  14. Enigma
    May 06, 10:56 Reply

    The root of the problem(which I don’t see as a problem anyway) is the hook up culture of the gay community and not a question of whether the community is small or not.
    If you do not want to be that person that has slept with someone who has slept with another person that you have also slept with(how does this even sound) then stick to one man.
    But if you want a very active sex life and hence sleep with different men then you shouldn’t be complaining.Yes,because kiss and tell is something that is characteristic of humans and also happens in the heterosexual world;a man that flirts will be known in a particular circle of the women he does it with and vice versa.
    This issue becomes a problem when you still see sex as something very ‘divine’.As for me spurting that creamy white juice after the ‘do’ is like going to the toilet to pass faeces.

    • himbo
      May 06, 17:07 Reply

      bahahahHa! We should be friends enigma.

  15. Jide
    May 06, 11:03 Reply

    The last time I engaged in such was back in high school when my best friend and I would sit in the room and just gossip about the boys we’d ‘known’ in the Hostel.

    Presently, I don’t even discuss my escapades, although they’re not a lot gan, with the few gay friends I have, and I don’t even care to ask about theirs. I just have this mindset that the older you become, the more discreet you should be.

    And even if I do get someone’s gist, I just absorb the info without passing it on to a third party.

    • Francis
      May 06, 16:14 Reply

      That last paragraph.?? Some people will be dropping rehashed gist as if they were there when it happened meanwhile na all lies started by person wey get beef to settle. I know we are supposed not to worry about what people say but let’s be realistic, we secretly do worry about the impact of those yarns even if it’s just a tiny bit!

      • Pink Panther
        May 06, 20:26 Reply

        No. We are not all secretly worried. Not even the tiniest bit. I don’t see why I should worry about what faceless people say about my sexcapades.

        • Francis
          May 08, 07:46 Reply

          @PP: You never jam were person take sexcapades block person long awaited promotion or job hire ?

      • doe eyed monster
        May 08, 07:41 Reply

        Ahh.. ..usually, I form “I don’t care” till I heard one rumour about me that made me google “how to handle rumours” ..it shook me mehn… What was baffling was why someone would say such about me…

        • Francis
          May 08, 07:44 Reply

          ??? It could be something as basic as “Hi man, I like you can we hook up *as an irresistible hottie that I am na*” “No, thanks but I’m not interested”

  16. Hilanzok
    May 06, 22:40 Reply

    If kissing and telling, shaming and bashing are seen as normal in heterosexual relationships, I don’t see any reason why peeps in the LGBT community are complaining. I feel LGBT relationships are as legal, justifiable and right as heterosexual relationships, so whatever that is regarded as normal and applicable to the Latter, should be relative to the former. what is good for the geese is good for the gander.

  17. Bain
    May 07, 13:50 Reply

    Is the community that small?…

  18. KingBey
    May 07, 23:43 Reply

    Human beings will always talk. that’s part of our nature. This is not about us being gay or about the age. I have been in the midst of straight guys…..friends and cousins and seen how they discuss about the girls they fucked. So it’s general. Even those coming here to claim they don’t kiss and tell do have that special friend they do spill tea to….who in turn also have his own tea mate too…..and so the cycle continues……so chill, relax and focus your time and energy on something more important. This is actually not an issue.

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