Let’s Discuss…About Homophobia

Let’s Discuss…About Homophobia

Below is the Facebook post that was brought to my attention by a KDian. He just wanted to let me know that a mutual friend of ours was being homophobic and was clearly ignorant about it. I clicked over to the said post, read it, started out nodding with appreciation at the expressed sentiment–

Until I got to the last line.homo

I will never support gay anything but homophobia is sickening.

And when a commenter called him out on the oxymoronic makeup of his post, this fella, who would like us to believe he’s not homophobic, turned around and lashed out.homo2

(‘Binya’ is famed and out writer, Binyavanga Wainaina).

Now, I brought this post up in the Facebook LGBT forum I belong to, and was surprised when views supporting this guy’s standpoint were expressed in an ensuing comment thread. Check on it below.

BM: Well here’s my take, that you don’t support gay activities does not mean you are homophobic, I believe there is more to being homophobic than not supporting gay activities. I may not like the act, but that doesn’t mean I hate the person. That’s called tolerance. You can’t force a person to like what they cannot like but they can be tolerant, that’s what we are aiming at, isn’t it? Let us not become what we are trying to get rid of in the process of our struggle for tolerance. We are becoming more intolerant than the homophobes. What’s that called, heterophobia?

SU: Homophobia (as defined by World Web): Fear or dislike of (Prejudice against) homosexual people and homosexuality. So when someone says ‘I will NEVER support gay anything’, it seems to me like he is prejudiced. And THAT, my dear, is Homophobia.

BM: I’m entitled to my thoughts, dearest, but at the rate at which we are going, we would soon have the word heterophobia, when the real aim is for both parties to live side by side.

SU: Did you even get my point? I’m not heterophobic, kindly refrain from throwing that word in my face. I just have a problem with people masking their prejudice with faux concern and others making excuses for them.

BM: Let’s agree to disagree

MO: I am with BM on this…there are Hetero guys who aren’t exactly fans of homosexuality but are tolerant albeit of gays.

SU: If Hymar belongs to that category (and that’s a big IF, because that guy gives me major antigay vibes), then he should word his opinions on gay issues more carefully.

MO: SU, let me paraphrase, is Hymar a fan of Homosexuality? Definitely not. But will Hymar be among a mob that will lynch, attack, physically hurt, or maim a gay man for living his life which has nothing to do with him? That I sincerely doubt. It’s a matter of live and let live, which is the basic principles that should guide our humanity.

SU: Right, because homophobia is only homophobia when people are killing people.

CT: Gee, I should be grateful that at least he WON’T mob and kill me. Thank you Lord!

HH: There are people who neither support homosexuality nor homophobia. These sets of people are those who believe homosexuality is an aberration and homosexuals need help. They don’t support jailing or killing gays, but they’re not out to vote or speak in support of gay marriage either. They’re not indifferent to the subject either. Some believe homosexuals need therapy. Others are religious and believe Jesus loves the homosexuals like he did the adulterous woman immediately after which he told her to go and sin no more. After all, it is said, Jesus came for the sinners. Given my little knowledge of the OP, I am inclined to take the latter explanation. And though we can all agree that this position is more benign than outright homophobia, at the root of it is a condescending empathy that I find insulting.

CA: Homophobia = Fear/hatred for gays or gay activities. It’s different from supporting them. That’s why we have open-minded people, those that don’t have any issue with your sexual orientation. Doesn’t necessarily mean they have to support you. So the Facebook poster is right.

HH: CA, did you say he doesn’t have any issues with your sexual orientation? You need to visit his wall. He makes it clear he finds homosexuality repulsive but finds homophobia even more repulsive. I don’t know if there’s a contradiction there but it appears so.

SU: Leave CA let him be talking. It’s people who don’t know Hymar na. Na today we sabi Hymar?

CT: Homophobia encompasses a range of negative attitudes and feelings toward homosexuality or people who are identified or perceived as being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT). It has been defined as contempt, prejudice, aversion, or antipathy, may be based on irrational fear, and is sometimes related to religious beliefs – Wikipedia. This isn’t rocket science.

OS: Okay let’s assume he is not homophobic (it doesn’t even feel right in my head to assume he is not)…if there is to be a vote for or against legalizing gay activities in Nigeria tomorrow, would he vote for or against it? I think the later will be the case. That he “doesn’t support” being gay means if he gets a gay son tomorrow, he won’t support his son. He won’t accept him. This right here is homophobia, my people.

HH: And here’s another one: “I have a gay friend. One that’s so close that peeps close to me that might know about his preferences think I might play for that team. Their business. In fact I have gay friends. I tell them – my gay padis – from my side of the fence that “Oshi len ba kiri.” I like women. I believe opposites attract. Physical opposites. Yin yang. That type of ish. But if you wanna play for that team, it’s YOUR business. Doesn’t mean I don’t consider it rubbish.

“I think about the fact that a girl might lean on me one kind and nobody gives a shit. I might even like it. But a guy? Peeps are already guessing. Now if I know he’s gay, there’s no way that idea wouldn’t cross my mind. I’ll be careful even if I don’t want to be because I can’t be certain if we’re just friends or if he kinda looks at me that way.

“I’m being honest here. Still, it’s his business. Doesn’t matter if I consider it a sin. That’s my business. When my Lord said, “Love your neighbours…” I believe he meant gay people too. I don’t have to condone all that you do to be friends with you. Hell, I don’t like drunks too. We share our humanity first before anything else.

“So I’m your friend. I will not put up a rainbow for you. I will not march for you. I wish you well and will deal with anyone who wishes to bring you harm though. And if you can’t deal with that, well fuck it. Simply means you’re the one who doesn’t understand that I also have the right to pick my struggles. It’s that simple.”

CT: ‘Doesn’t matter if I consider it a sin’? Ogbeni, are you without sin??? Smh

OS: ‘But if you wanna play for that team, it’s your business, doesn’t mean I don’t consider it rubbish” … I didn’t know one can still consider something he doesn’t care about rubbish.

HH: It’s homophobia, my dear.

There was so much back-and-forth as views were expressed and people dissented over the opinion of whether this Facebook poster was being homophobic based on his update. I used to think homophobia is clear-cut; just like CT in the thread said, “It’s not rocket science. Homophobia is the feeling of contempt, prejudice, aversion, or antipathy, expressed against members of the LGBT, emotions which may be based on irrational fear, and is sometimes related to religious beliefs.”

How then does recognizing this lead to the LGBT individual being heterophobic? And what does it mean for a heterosexual person to be TOLERANT of the homosexual person? This is something really important that I’m genuinely interested in us clearing up. How does one differentiate between a tolerant heterosexual and a subtly homophobic one?

Let’s discuss.

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  1. Ray
    March 19, 06:03 Reply

    Dude b real tho… I love doing me shit on the downlow, but never would b one to match for a gay pride or support legalization nor gay marriage.

    Can’t we love us some ass without wearing an approval tag on we forehead?

    So i dont get this gay right n’ homophobia shit….if you mind your business and b discreet about your trips, no fella out there would discriminate you.

    Really ds all BS.

      • Absalom
        March 19, 06:07 Reply

        Max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ? In here!

    • Mandy
      March 19, 06:42 Reply

      You know, Ray, the topic is homophobia. Not internalized homophobia.

      • Ray
        March 19, 07:00 Reply

        Take a chill pill mate. There’s no such thing as internalized homophobia… Don’t b here conjuring up vocabs just to make conversation.

        • Pink Panther
          March 19, 07:11 Reply

          You really should go to Google to educate yourself before you come here to show off your ignorance for everyone to see, Ray.

          • Ray
            March 19, 07:35 Reply

            Ignorance at what exactly?
            At playing the victim of a supposed homophobic bashing?

            Seriously its saddening how you ladies continue to make issues of the non-relevants!

            Homophobia is as defined. Internalizing homophobia is a drop-down… The latter being different from the former is like you taking a pee in a toilet n’ you taking a pee beside a truck…

            Putting grammer to test doesn’t push forth the damn gay right bill nor would it make the multitude of Nigerians approve of your been queer.

            And as the admin, its a concern of mine and others who haven’t told you; that this blog is too pink… And the theme FAB?…. is a let down for them bros!
            Please modify as adviced, this aint a gathering for the out and proud; is it?

            • Pink Panther
              March 19, 07:37 Reply

              Ignorance at what exactly?

              ‘There’s no such thing as internalized homophobia… Don’t b here conjuring up vocabs just to make conversation.’

              That’s the ignorance I was talking about. Since you do not support the ideals of Kito Diaries, perhaps you should spend your time getting some education from Google instead. And not bother coming to the blog that preaches what clearly doesn’t go down well with you. Frankly we could do without poison like yours.

            • Eggsy
              March 19, 07:53 Reply

              You didn’t have to create an account, you know. Next time you feel the urge to comment on a pink, fab blog, repeat this mantra as loud as you can: “must. not. be. a. giant. goat.”

            • Marc Francis of Chelsea
              March 19, 12:19 Reply

              How is this the first thing I read here this morning?

              How dare you come on here and question the admin of this site as to the layout? How many “out and proud” marches have you attended in Lagos? He’s created this platform for the supposedly invisible Nigerian gay community to be free and be unashamed, and you’re here bashing it as “too pink.”

              What are you and “them bros” doing to curb homophobia? You think you’re safe because you’re masculine and hiding? Blood is gushing out of a wound and your solution is to turn the wound out of sight? Have it at the back of your mind that the day you are caught in Nigeria engaging in some form of homosexual activity, whether you are as masculine as a drug lord pimp daddy of 10 rapper from Compton, you will be lynched alongside the “pink” people you’re discriminating against in your own community.

              Your argument is interchangeable with a house nigg*r telling another black man that he is too afrocentric and so will never be accepted by white people. Fuck you and them. He will be as pink as he likes and if you don’t love it, GTFO!

              • TheMagnus
                March 20, 14:23 Reply

                TheMagnus likes your post
                ?… Very much.

      • Absalom
        March 19, 07:18 Reply

        Mandy, chop kiss. ??

        #SayNoToGayShame
        #SayNoToSelfHate
        #SayNoToIndifference
        #YouCouldBeAkinTomorrow ?
        #SayNoToDL-Shit

        Mtscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! ?

    • ambivalentone
      March 19, 07:29 Reply

      I see. You don’t want gay ‘approval tags’ but being downlow, when among your straight pals, your voice is probably loudest when they talk about smashing HER arse. That seems to me you sure as hell want the straight tags…desperately

      • Ray
        March 19, 07:43 Reply

        Stil doesn’t make you a better being!
        Nor clarification of my stance win you the pink crown.

        Just do your thing behind a door!

        • Eggsy
          March 19, 08:00 Reply

          And I’m pretty sure that you’re the type that believe that this is all a “game”; asking questions like “how long have you been in the game” or “when did you get into the game” and such nonsense. I’m pretty sure you don’t believe you guys or girls can love each other. True, genuine love. It’s probably all about getting your dick wet. If you have one.

        • ambivalentone
          March 19, 08:28 Reply

          It prolly won’t get me that tiara (you wish tho), but I sleep better at night knowing that I wouldn’t break down heteros doors while they are fucking were homosexuality mainstream. I am happy knowing that I will say ‘awww! how cute’ when I see love expressed and not utter words disgust. Yup! Makes me a better person

        • Terra
          March 19, 08:36 Reply

          Let’s say, for instance you are “doing your thing” in your apartment. And in the heat of it someone is a little too loud, just as your neighbour’s wife is passing by. Your curtains are open a crack and she peeps in and sees you riding a dick with gusto. She recoils, horrified. Then she goes to call another friend. And another. And another. Until a small mob has gathered. People look on, their outrage growing until someone can’t take it anymore and yells in annoyance. You look to the window and see the mob through the crack. By this time, the mob is mobilized, and they head toward your door. They knock repeatedly with increasing force, until someone decides to force your precious door open and beat you up for the very thing you claim is safe “behind your door”. You get chased out into the street in your nakedness and you are lynched and you are killed. But this is all hypothetical of course, it’s not like anyone has ever been dragged out of their home and lynched because he was having gay sex in public, right Ray? Oh, wait…

    • Eggsy
      March 19, 07:50 Reply

      Wow! The hits just keep coming with you, huh? That you are so far down the rabbit hole of internalised homophobia (yes, that is a thing) that not even Depp could find you doesn’t mean everybody is. You just need to take a chill pill bro and try to disengage your head from where it’s lodged so far up society’s wazoo.

    • Francis
      March 19, 08:00 Reply

      Na these kain pipul go dey fuck ynash and chop dick on the DL while bashing gays physically/emotionally in public. Oniranu. Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

    • ScarFace
      March 19, 08:23 Reply

      You are part of what is wrong with the Nigeria gay scene. There is no DL anymore. Don’t you get it?

    • Delle
      March 19, 09:53 Reply

      Huh? Oga Ray, are you for real? You sound more pathetic than some of the religitards up there, this is me being sincere. I mean, how foolish can someone be? You do your thing on the DL, in other words, this isn’t an issue? We all should cower in pitiful shame just like you? You aren’t even brave enough to admit you like ass. It’s your type (ugly as fuck even) that bash gay men in public just cos you want societal acceptance. You know what beats me? The fact that you feel you’re a such a MAN with all you just spewed. You’re nothing but a slimy, disgusting, whiny, girly scarecrow! I feel for those who’d let you come close to them not to talk of sleeping with them. You don’t fit in this community, your types should be eradicated…I’d stand by Mugabe on this one, just this once!
      You are so homophobic, I literally flinched at every syllable you typed. Just so you know, this whole macho, trying to be overly manly shit you exhibited is just not working. The homophobia within you is so intense, I’m sorry you’d drown and gag in it, with no help of course. You’re not ignorant, no you’re not…you’re just a hybrid of stupidity and daftness!
      That the blog is too pink? Did you even read before posting? What has pink got to do with all of these? Where is it a law that pink is for ‘girls?’ A let down to the ‘bros’? You think you’re a man? Now this is the height of self-deceit and idiocy! You’re no man Ray, just a male Indian feral dog. Yes, that’s what you are. If you think being a man is all in the words and physical attributes (which I seriously doubt. Dwarfs are notorious for this too), then you’re irredeemable. Having a two-inch ding-dong makes you no man, it only makes you ‘male’…so you could as well be a male hyena. Men, that I know of, are brave, good-natured, tolerant, educated and if not educated, wise enough to know when to shut up! Men are tolerant. Men are definitely all that you’re not and would never be! So next time you stumble upon a ‘pink party’, remember not to wear a dirty green cos it doesn’t go well with it! Or better still, turn back, I don’t need such IQ draining comments. My exams are fucking tough! Silly Mofo!

      • CriXXus
        March 19, 11:56 Reply

        Burn baby!! Burn! ??????

        Delle on fire! ??????

      • Mitch
        March 19, 12:13 Reply

        Sweetheart, don’t get yourself riled up for this no good mo-fo! It ain’t worth it.

      • TheMagnus
        March 20, 14:31 Reply

        Delle binu oh!!! Even stupid enough to give advice how our KD should look like?! Yeye boy.

    • Candy Man
      March 19, 10:00 Reply

      emmm.. looks okay to me. wait, bs? Go back to Pluto.

  2. KingBey
    March 19, 06:29 Reply

    Over-flogged issue. It’s not like crying everyday will change anything in Nigeria. We should know this by now. So currently, I just do my thing and mind my business. Simple

    • Pink Panther
      March 19, 06:45 Reply

      I don’t think you understand the thrust of this topic. I wasn’t asking about identifying homophobia in the gay community. So talking about doing your thing and minding your business is moot.

      • KingBey
        March 19, 07:03 Reply

        Still doesn’t change anything in this Nigeria. Reason why I stayed out of all the drama going on since last week on social media. What’s the point of doing something which we know won’t have any headway. I rather focus my attention on more serious issues like queuing for petrol, staying out of Nigeria’s scorching sun, and staying cute for my Bae. ???

        • SIMPLE
          March 19, 07:12 Reply

          Omg!!! This line got me. Hahahahahahah. @staying cute for my bae… that’s wessap!!!!

        • Pink Panther
          March 19, 07:13 Reply

          You often talk about relocating out of Nigeria, don’t you, KingBey. You think those tolerant countries you want to run off to got to where they are today by keeping quiet and not raising dust? Sometimes you disappoint me the way you talk. Things are bad currently in Nigeria as it was in the past for the Western LGBT. and they achieved their liberty by actively fighting for their rights. ACTIVELY! Not by being passive and ‘focusing on more serious issues like queuing for petrol.’
          If you don’t wanna talk about it, kindly refrain from discouraging those who actually want to do something about the situation.

          • KingBey
            March 19, 07:30 Reply

            Nigeria has no hope. Haven’t you realized that yet?

            • Pink Panther
              March 19, 07:33 Reply

              That was probably what the Western gay men said in the days of Alan Turing when their governments were subjecting them to inhuman treatments. My dear, the hopelessness you see today may very well turn out to be the acceptance you may or may not see tomorrow.

              • Francis
                March 19, 08:03 Reply

                Why waste your time on KB when he already has it all planned out. Enjoy dem lads and when the time is right, find some beech to marry and continue with dem lads or lad (if he has found that special one) on the side.

                Easy breezy.

          • Brian Collins
            March 19, 08:04 Reply

            I get that there is no redeeming Ray but Kingbey you too? The disappointment I feel right now is incredible. After watching “stonewall” I decided that Khaleesi pessimism about Nigeria becoming more tolerant could very well be a thing of the past. I watched Normal Heart too and it was incredulous for me when that white House guy didnt want to help Ned Weeks because he thought HIV/AIDS affected only gay people. That was serious homophobia right there. So saying Nigeria has no hope is just plain wrong.

            • KingBey
              March 19, 08:15 Reply

              What exactly are you redeeming me from? Nna, park a ofuma abeg. My point has already been made. No need to dey yank off your weaves.

    • Ray
      March 19, 07:07 Reply

      Good one KB.
      It’s really not rocket science… Just do your thing behind a door! ?

      • ambivalentone
        March 19, 07:49 Reply

        In case you missed the memo, CLOSED DOORS are not stopping homophobes these days.

      • Eggsy
        March 19, 07:57 Reply

        Sure Rey, and when your unpink and unfab closed door is kicked in by an angry mob frothing at the mouth Akin-style, what happens then? One thing you should know about doors, honey, is that they are always opened. Now it’s either you direct the narrative; open it in a way that might be favourable to you, or God help you.

    • Max 2.1
      March 19, 16:25 Reply

      For someone who is in the business of gay for pay, you sure have some nerve coming in here to mouth off at every article here. One day you’ll get exactly what you deserve.

      You’re one of the scums in the gaybourhood spreading your internalized homophobia around while damaging young boys along with it.

      • chuck
        March 19, 17:42 Reply

        Are you referring to KingBey or Ray, Max? Who’s gay for pay?

  3. jaja
    March 19, 06:48 Reply

    That guy, as at last year, was posting that gays would go to hell. Homophobia is homophobia, it can take many forms.

  4. chuck
    March 19, 07:00 Reply

    It’s funny when these homophobes aak us to tolerate their intolerant beliefs. Oshisco.

  5. chuck
    March 19, 07:04 Reply

    Also, to the relativists out there: this is where your “tolerate all things” ends. From MGM to unsafe sex practices to IH and hypocrisy.

    • sensei
      March 19, 13:08 Reply

      Hi Chuck! Hope you’re having a nice day. *waving*

  6. Absalom
    March 19, 07:08 Reply

    Hymar is homophobic.

    Not “supporting gay activities” means that, fundamentally, you consider them wrong, invalid. You think they shouldn’t be; the only sexual activities that should exist should be heterosexual in nature.

    Hymar does not say homosexuality is not for him as an INDIVIDUAL, no. Hymar says homosexuality shouldn’t even be a thing – for anyone.

    Hymar will find it difficult to accept that his child is gay. He will be like the colorist parent who wishes their child wasn’t “too black” and he will do everything in his power to reverse such a child’s identity.

    Hymar claimed if he hated gays he wouldn’t have put in money to save a gay man’s life. He was referring to the fund-raiser we had when Binyavanga was sick. That fund-raiser was about an AUTHOR in need; it had nothing to do with LGBT issues. Would Hymar attend the same event if it was about supporting a gay rights organisation? Or if it was a TIERS event?

    I do not begrudge him his right to feel the way he feels. At this point, I have ceased to care. But if he says he’s not homophobic, then he has no idea what homophobia means.

    Stop jumping through hoops to defend people who will be more worried about their image and tastes before committing their time and resources to help you. All ye gay boys and girls, have some dignity! #SayNoToCrumbs

  7. ambivalentone
    March 19, 07:38 Reply

    The “I’m not gay, I can NEVER be gay” part confirmed he was actually homophobic. I tried it with a couple of other words in my head and I realised I use the word ‘never’ when I am angry, disdainful, in denial, afraid…yup. He is homophobic.

  8. Mandy
    March 19, 07:57 Reply

    The issue here was to address the subtleties between homophobia and tolerance. And somehow, self-loathing internalized homophobic individuals have hijacked the conversation.
    PP, please can we not see any more of this Ray character’s comments? We don’t need another Tef London here please.

  9. Ray
    March 19, 08:10 Reply

    Ladies ladies ladies…..

    A nigga can’t make conversation up in here no more?

    Mustn’t always be the affirmative you know.

    We goin cohabit in here, or u wanna come out as been phobic to a deviant… Aint that what this thread is about!

    • Francis
      March 19, 08:21 Reply

      Bia could you please cut that Ladies shit out?! In fact just come and go and leave the site for us. Ain’t nobody got time for this mess. I believe there are blogs/sites that cater to your specie.

      • Pink Panther
        March 19, 08:23 Reply

        Didn’t you know, francis? When you’re fighting for recognition and making LGBT noise, you’re a lady. the real MVPs, the men, the niggas, they are those who do their thing behind closed doors.

    • bruno
      March 19, 09:04 Reply

      lmao! where did this one come from again? ??

    • ambivalentone
      March 19, 10:25 Reply

      I need confirmation as to what you are tho. A wannabe macho street thug??? ‘ladies’, ‘nigga’, ‘dl’??? On some, its endearing in a ‘are you crazy?’ sort of way. On you, its irritating in a ‘Oh God! Of all the problems facing Nigeria now’ sort of way. Oga, back up and approach this place with sense

    • CriXXus
      March 19, 12:20 Reply

      Bia nwoke m!
      Dis your “I wanna gonna” and I just got back vibes you are dropping is nauseating!

      Like seriously! You sound like a broken igba! An onye ara ogbete!

      If you don’t like the heat, you leave the kitchen! Exactly what any sensible human being would do! But you are still here and that says a lot…..

      Since you like the pink heat and you are still here, I would like to know, what makes una ” them bros” on black(definitely not pink! Tufiakwa) who are on the DL any different from the out and about guys or we the “ladies”? Last I check, you are both gay and if caught in a homophobic/ignorant society, lynched! So, what?

  10. Absalom
    March 19, 08:18 Reply

    What “conversation” are you making abeg?

    You’re trying to convince us to be self-loathing and to never think we deserve full rights and respect?

    To remain in hiding?

    Nigga, go and take care of your shame and come back strong, PINK and ready to talk about how you can be recognised as a full person not a terrified scurrying cockroach. You hear?

  11. Brian Collins
    March 19, 08:24 Reply

    Let me say that it may be rather too harsh to say that Hymar is homophobic. Pls hear me out first. He may have expressed himself wrongly as a lot of people everywhere do. Us gays have that down ourselves. The way some of us talk about bisexuals and even transexuals is alarming. Some of us are disgusted by shows of affection between heterosexuals and then scream homophobia what they say they don’t like the acts gays engage in. And that is a fact.
    Some people are verbally homophobic, some physically, for some it is a thing of the mind. I believe if every one cannot erase the phobias they have but can at least push it to maybe their subconscious so that it does not affect the way that relate with everyone then we would all be better for it.
    What really matters is the way we relate with one another and not necessarily how we may see each other.
    I don’t know if anyone understands my point here but I am hoping at least one person does.
    I dislike TefMushin and sometimes say hurtful thing to and about him
    Max dislikes MGMs and sometimes says hurtful things about them.
    Chizzie dislikes DM and says hurtful thing to and about him. I hope we see where I am going with this.

      • Francis
        March 19, 08:28 Reply

        Me too. I probably need to read it over again a few times to get it

      • Tiercel de Claron
        March 19, 09:35 Reply

        I get where he’s going and to a large extent,he’s right.’Egbe bere,Ugo bere’,they don’t like each other,but they TOLERATE one another.Tolerance doesn’t equate liking any or all things about one,but recognizing the fact the world is big enough for all to co-habit.

        I guess that’s what Hymar meant with “I don’t have to condone all that you do to be friends with you. Hell, I don’t like drunks too. We share our humanity first before anything else.
        “So I’m your friend. I will not put up a rainbow for you. I will not march for you. I wish you well and will deal with anyone who wishes to bring you harm though. And if you can’t deal with that, well fuck it. Simply means you’re the one who doesn’t understand that I also have the right to pick my struggles. It’s that simple.”
        Couched in inelegant language,yes,but it really is that simple.

    • Francis
      March 19, 08:39 Reply

      @Brian I don’t see anything harsh in calling Hymar homophobic. Abi we should start grading homophobia? Grade 1 to Grade 4. Grade 4 being the “burn them all” type.

      He doesn’t get a pass just because we have “biphobic” and transphobic gays amongst us.

      I don’t believe in pushing things into the subconscious as they have a subconscious way of affecting everything we do until Sensei dem bring it out into the open for us.

      Issues are best tackled and not packed into a corner until such a time when they are let loose to ruin a good thing for us.

    • Brian Collins
      March 19, 08:58 Reply

      I hope this clarifies a bit.

      I am saying acceptance is the important thing. If someone does not do something but accepts that others do it and is ok with it and does not judge them in the process, then it’s all good. When we say someone has internalized homophobia it means that the person does not accept that he or she is gay and we hope that they can change that. We may not be accepting of what everyone does but if we are open to tolerate them, I don’t think it is a very bad thing. Verbal, emotional, physical and fatal abuse excluded.

      PS: The last part of the comment above was absolutely unnecessary.

      • Francis
        March 19, 09:08 Reply

        My dear I don’t have an issue with internalized homophobia oh…..until it starts affecting others as you rightly mentioned. We’ve all been there.

        //PS: The last part of the comment above was absolutely unnecessary.// You lost me.

        • Brian Collins
          March 19, 09:24 Reply

          I should have written the last part of ‘my comment”. The people disliking people part.

  12. Ray
    March 19, 09:21 Reply

    ?
    This lot tho, they don’t know shit!
    They don’t know shit!

    • Francis
      March 19, 15:29 Reply

      This your Ray-Ban na the real deal so? Too much UV light exposure don dey affect ya vision ??

  13. Delle
    March 19, 09:30 Reply

    This is pretty intense. The points there may not all be true but so many were valid.
    Although, it’s quite pathetic at the amount of contradictory premises I read, it shows that it’s an argument amongst people who are still ‘trying’ to understand, that alone would douse my irritation a little. At least these arguments are being made, right? Which to me is better than not acknowledging something at all. I don’t know what’s up with the one that said he finds homosexuality repulsive, but homophobia more repulsive, this to me is total balderdash and in as much as I wouldn’t like to engage him further, the level idiocy in this statement won’t make me. Then telling me you can’t let a gay man lean on you just cos you think he’d come on to you is the Insecurity I’m talking about! I’m gay, (very gay), but I peck, hug, dance and do all sorts with girls. Even if they come on to you, are you so unsure of yourself as to not know how to handle the situation? A simple, ‘I’m not gay’, would do. Nigerians are fickle-minded and that’s why I don’t blame them whenever I hear some disgusting remarks…it’s innate. That’s why there really are no straight guys out there, except those with a high level of exposure and open-mindedness. So many guys who claim to be straight, at the slightest seduction, they fall. In as much as this has perks (there’s something about the Straights *giggles*), writing this, I just shake my head. Why are they that lily-livered? This is prolly why they won’t want to support homosexuality fully. The fear of turning out to be gays themselves…smh.

    Well, after all said and read, I ask myself a question: What do I really want as a gay man in Nigeria? A country filled with mind-boggling spite, hate, ignorance and insecurity. A country where majority would cling to that little Holy book at the slightest hint of what they feel threatens their religious beliefs, completely oblivious that they are more evil than the people they make out to be evil. A country where a group of youths would lynch and kill an individual, going against a vital law in the Bible, but still under the pretext that they are fighting in accordance with what the Bible says. So what do I want for myself in such a country? Seeing as I cannot eat my cake and have it, I resort to TOLERANCE. Acceptance, as juicy and wonderful as it may be, seems far-fetched in a country filled with hypocrites and religious fucktards. If I can get all my friends, family, distant relations, acquaintances Tolerate me, I guess I’d live contented in this country. Making do with what you have is all that there is. Let’s start somewhere first.

    • Colossus
      March 19, 09:49 Reply

      I have started viewing your comments like a newscast. Like you’re ending the conversation with your own brand of summary. Why is that? You work for NTA?

      • Delle
        March 19, 10:08 Reply

        Maybe, or probably just you.

      • Mitch
        March 19, 15:49 Reply

        Colossus, quick question.

        Do you have a thing for Delle?

      • ikhines
        March 20, 07:18 Reply

        For someone that looks the way delle looks he has a very big mouth and talks too much.

        • Delle
          March 20, 07:58 Reply

          Someone that looks the way Delle looks? #stalkeralert

          • chuck
            March 20, 22:37 Reply

            Are you only allowed an opinion if Ikhine thinks you’re hot?

            Mr. Ikhine please respect your shameless vurhin chasing self and try to reason without getting in the gutter. Your Ibadan exploits are legendary.

  14. bruno
    March 19, 09:40 Reply

    my question here is, is a neutral stance a valid one to take when it comes gay issues?

    is everyone who isn’t our ally necessarily our enemy? make no mistake about it, we need allies among straight folks but we don’t need all of them to be on our side. from his comments above, this guy sounds like he is at worst, a benign homophobe.

    i don’t think we need everyone to like us. what everyone needs to do to do at the very least is recognize our humanity and afford us our dignity and rights. beyond that, what each person chooses to actively support is her own prerogative.

    • Tiercel de Claron
      March 19, 09:52 Reply

      Thank you.

      We don’t need and have never needed everybody to approve of or like us,but to recognize the humanity that is us.
      If we then can’t wrap our heads round this basic fact,I wonder…..

    • Dimkpa
      March 19, 19:14 Reply

      I agree we need allies and that not everyone will like us. I also agree that not everyone who is ally is our enemy. However in the context of the Nigerian society where almost everyone is quite religious, I am inclined to believe that any straight person who doesn’t support us publicly most likely will be against us.
      I wonder if this character were at the tragic lynching what his reaction would be. Would he act to stop the mob or just stand idly by which is just as bad as it lends tacit support to the lynching. So even if it be benign homophobia I don’t think it would help our cause much.
      His anger is directed against the taking of human life which is a good thing but it doesn’t make him an ally or supporter in any way. He no doubt rejoiced at the antigay law and would neither support repealing it, gay rights nor legalising gay marriage. He doesn’t sound like he would remain friends with an openly gay man. So I will pass on whatever it is he has to offer.
      I understand that in a very homophobic clime like ours he may seem like a step forward but I would reiterate a sentiment already expressed earlier #say no to crumbs.

      • bruno
        March 19, 23:01 Reply

        by all means, say no to crumbs but i guess what i’m trying to say is no one really owes you bread

  15. Colossus
    March 19, 09:52 Reply

    But hymar is hot nah, all those muscles.
    Absie, don’t you think you can tolerate hymar’s slight homophobia? For all that muscle, won’t you melt?

    • Absalom
      March 19, 10:10 Reply

      Except the sex will be too stressful, as I will be thinking of his #hate posts.

      And you know stress blocks conception, right, Colossus? ?

  16. Khaleesi
    March 19, 10:09 Reply

    Hymar is a homophobe, but a tolerant one. As a gay man, i really dont need everyone to like nor support me. You have a right to like or dislike whatever u want to like or dislike just as i have a right to be who i am so long as it hurts no one else. Its called Tolerance! I don’t particularly like organized religion but i would never under any circumstances harm a person on account of his religious beliefs or practices. If we can get the homophobes to see things in this light, and get them to understand the concept of tolerance/live&let live particularly where it concerns gays, then a great deal of progress would have been made. In summary, Mr Homophobe, you NEED NOT support or approve of me as a gaY man, but you NEED TO respect my basic and fundamental rights, if you don’t like gay marriage or homosexuality, then simply don’t do it, but you absolutely have no right whatsoever to seek to harm me physically or mentally no matter what your 4000yr old book of dubious origins says!
    @Ray, you’re such a nauseating worm and i was genuinely puzzled to see your comments because I thought by now we’d all collectively on this blog exterminated the vocalisation of such crap on this blog! You need to seriously educate yourself and embark on intense reflection, DO IT- for your own sake!!

    • SomeoneBorrowed
      March 19, 15:27 Reply

      Tolerance is not the end goal of the gay rights movement, acceptance is. Tolerance doesn’t eradicate hate. Tolerance leaves room for contempt. Why won’t you people educate yourselves? This is so tedious.

  17. Brian Collins
    March 19, 10:19 Reply

    Read up a lil about that Hymar David guy and I must say he really is something.

  18. Candy Man
    March 19, 10:24 Reply

    Ray, receive common sense, then wisdom, your birthrights. Broham, being a man has a lot more to do wth acceptance of ones self and courage, than fear of society and desperation for fake acceptance. Now, how would you like to tie your extensions, pony tail or in a bun?

  19. Mitch
    March 19, 12:30 Reply

    “There are people who neither support homosexuality nor homophobia. These sets of people are those who believe homosexuality is an aberration and homosexuals need help. They don’t support jailing or killing gays, but they’re not out to vote or speak in support of gay marriage either. They’re not indifferent to the subject either. Some believe homosexuals need therapy. Others are religious and believe Jesus loves the homosexuals like he did the adulterous woman immediately after which he told her to go and sin no more. And though we can all agree that this position is more benign than outright homophobia, at the root of it is a condescending empathy that I find insulting.”

    That’s all that needs to be said on the subject of homophobia! If you “don’t support gay anything”, it simply translates to dislike or prejudice against being gay. So what in blazes are we arguing about? The guy is clearly homophobic.

  20. CriXXus
    March 19, 12:44 Reply

    You saying that you dont support anything gay but you are not homophobic doesn’t make you any different from the raging homophobes that lynched that poor guy. The only difference is that you or too Lilly livered to put your lack of support into action and turn it into visible hate. Actually, you are a time bomb waiting to explode! And when you do, the homophobes you condemn now would actually cringe at the actions you take!

    So, should Hymar be avoided like a plague! HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!

  21. sensei
    March 19, 13:34 Reply

    I have learnt recently that there will never come a time in my life time when I will have EVERYONE agree with my perspective or my definition of who I am. I have come to accept and embrace this. To believe the reverse is delusional and unrealistic. I’m glad that I grow daily in this realization because I will not lose my inner peace when I encounter dissenters and haters. Peace is everything. I guess I am learning to tolerate those who don’t tolerate me. I must be true to my own philosophy.

    I also realize that the world which we live in has not evolved to the point where it can agree and embrace LGBT completely. The next best thing, not a good second, is tolerance.

    I would say one is tolerant if he disagrees with his friend’s lifestyle yet he is able to be as true a friend as he would if that lifestyle were not the case.

    The terms “homophobia” and “internalized homophobia” are important terms but I fear they have also becomes too emotionally charged. Applied so broadly and sometimes one wonders about their true meaning. Sometimes I fear these terms have become instruments that express our own intolerance. It’s a sensitive topic. Too much subjectivity involved.

    • Francis
      March 19, 14:23 Reply

      I would say one is tolerant if he disagrees with his friend’s lifestyle yet he is able to be as true a friend as he would if that lifestyle were not the case.

      I get your point but in Hymar’s case it DOESN’T apply at all. You can claim to be a true friend but march ahead to vote against my rights as a human. It doesn’t add up at all.

      • Absalom
        March 19, 15:40 Reply

        Sensei, there is nothing like true friendship when a person disrespects your IDENTITY.

        Case in point: Hymar and I move within the same social circles and are likely to run into each other. Of course I’ll say hello – we’ll even hang and share a drink and gist well-well! ? But I cannot set aside the fact that he discredits who I am and make him my BFF and brother from another mother. Not gonna happen. I can only promise him politeness. You don’t tell a black man to ignore the fact that his white friend is racist just like that. It is personal.

        * * *

        Secondly, even when a person does not AGREE with something (and by agreement, I mean understand it or like it) they can SUPPORT it. I don’t have to agree with a type of religion or a different type of consensual adult love (including incest that they like to throw up in our face all the time) for me to carry placards to fight for the rights of the adherents of that religion or the adults in the type of sexuality under threat. I will march for the rights of close relatives to date…(I know some of us won’t like this one. ?)

        Hymar and co often say they will never put a rainbow for us etc. Fine! With or without them, we will get what we deserve one day. But please they shouldn’t complain when we call them out on what they are. It doesn’t mean we are crying or hysterical – we’re simply stating things as they are.

  22. Mr. Fingers
    March 19, 15:13 Reply

    HETEROPHOBIA? that’s a good one.

    Some peeps are filled with so much hatred inside. Smh

  23. Eddie
    March 19, 22:56 Reply

    Ray, your “pink” jab is rather condescending…you remind me of one dude I had a fling with…he dumped my ass cos I was “not acting man enough”…but boy,was he hot!!!…. Hymar hmmm I think he’s as confused as they come…on a scale of 1-10 on homophobia(yeah i’m scaling it) I think he’s a 5…he’s a loose cannon though and should be avoided….Question really is how many of us are really ready to take a stand and be at the forefront of this Us vs the World kinda war…it won’t be easy but it’s not impossible…it starts from each of us…how can they accept us when we can’t accept ourselves??? just saying

  24. z
    March 20, 10:12 Reply

    This “I don’t agree with their lifestyle but I will tolerate them ” is really condescending hypocritical bullshit. And to equate same sex attraction with a bad habit that can be stopped with adequate effort like drinking and smoking is just ignorant and erroneous. Homosexuality is more ingrained than that.it’s just like saying, “I dont support or believe in the black culture, or in igbo people, but I have them as friends and I tolerate their lifestyle”. That is condescending bullshit, someone who puts you in that kind of box is actually not your friend.that’s my two cents

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