Dear Future Husband,

I’m slowly coming to the sad realization that you may neither be Alhaji nor Jackson.

This past week was a very hectic one. I had several virtual and face-to-face business meetings. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate, there is Alhaji refusing to take no for an answer. All of a sudden, everyone we knew as a couple was calling me, asking me why I wasn’t giving him a second chance. (Hello! I thought he wanted us to go to a wedding together!) Some went on to talk about how much they’ve missed my company at their gatherings and would do anything to see me in Minna for the wedding. It seemed as though Alhaji had come clean to these mutual friends over the condition of our break-up, because they did not call to ask what went wrong. They were all preaching forgiveness and trying to impress on me how great a couple we were. To be honest though, the memories aren’t bad. Alhaji was a great boyfriend and with him, there was much of life to enjoy. Life with him was lavish and sophisticated, and ever since we broke up, I’d been unconsciously comparing everyone else I’d been with with him.

Under the pressure of these friends, I have continued to stay firm in my decision not to get drawn back in. if they don’t stop though, I do not know how much longer I can hold strong. Jackson, on his own part, isn’t being much of a help. He is mounting some pressure of his own. His solution to our long distance relationship is for me to relocate to Uyo. He wants me to leave broadcasting for oil and construction, which is something I would do in a heartbeat – except the attachment of being his boyfriend just stirs doubts and “what ifs” in me. I told him I would date him for a probationary period of six months. He was sure I was the one for him. Well, I like him, a lot. I like waking up by his side. I like how he’s fond and protective of me. I like his confidence and how he means what he says. But I’m worried about having a voice I our relationship. I’m worried my opinions won’t ever matter. I have brought this concern up during a phone conversation, and he laughed it off, saying that as his boyfriend, I wouldn’t need to worry. In his words: “…I will be thinking for us. You just support me.”

See what I’m dealing with?! That’s such a heteronormative cliché!

I resisted and argued, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He got so infuriated that he cut off the connection.

So there – hot tempered, controlling and possessive. When we were together, Alhaji teased me over my need for attention. I’m guilty as charged. But Jackson’s kind of attention is almost disturbing.

And then, Enyinnaya called. Remember Enyinnaya? Jackson’s friend and our tour guide from our honeymoon trip to Owerri Town. Well, some days after that heated argument I had with Jackson, he – Enyinnaya – called under the guise of apologizing for his friend. And then, he followed up with a twist. He told me I would be better off with him instead of with Jackson.

Seriously – WTF!

Seriously, Future Hubby, are you here, in any of these three men? Or are you still out there?

Royally Confused and Earnestly Yours


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  1. Jidenna
    June 14, 05:53 Reply

    Hmmmm. Awele you do really have an interesting life. Many people would want to have what you have but I understand your confusion. Here is one thing you should know. Nothing is certain and I doubt the existence of a perfect man who has no fault. Talk with these men and let them know what you want, understand what they want too and create a synergy the make a fluid relationship.See if you can manage their weakness. Just try, give it a try

    • Awele
      June 14, 06:12 Reply

      Talking is my Forte, I should probably get my voice insured too. Just a joke but seriously I did talk with Jackson, he heard but I doubt if he listened or understood a word that left my lips. Alhaji never really believed that we are done because at the slightest opportunity he would remind me that whom ever am with is temporal, that whenever he’s ready that he is coming back for me, honestly I thought it was one of his numerous jokes but recent happening is proving otherwise. As for Enyinaaya, No comment

  2. ambivalentone
    June 14, 07:08 Reply

    Eyinnaya is definitely a no-no. You cannot av a slumber party with ur pals and be having heart attack anytime one goes to take a leak. Bad for friendship and bad for boyfriendship.
    Weird isn’t it? How we like to cling but hate to be stifled. I don’t think you like Jackson, and I’m not sure u can forgive Alhaji. These ppl are not beau material #IMO

  3. pankar
    June 14, 07:37 Reply

    Your boyfriends response about “thinking for us..support me” is so me with my gf”.. is it that bad? Well, I’ ll be trying to learn

    • Mandy
      June 14, 07:45 Reply

      You’re telling another human being with thinking faculties that becos she’s in a relationship with you, you’ll think for her, and all she has to do is agree with, whether you’re thinking erroneously or not.

      And you’re asking if that’s bad.

      Lol. Human beings sha.

      • Pankar
        July 19, 08:21 Reply

        Cool a lil. Some people are passive. Where do you think subs originated from?

    • iAmNotAPerv
      June 14, 09:32 Reply

      Sweetheart, it is bad. I’m not saying leave, i’m just saying bullshit you will not take from a man DO NOT take it from a woman.
      Will you let a man tell you not to think, to just sit still and look pretty, will you let a man tell you that he is the head, that you should ‘submit’? Will you let a man demean your intellect and worth?
      so why should you take it from a woman? Have a conversation with your lover and let her know that your brain is still functioning and you can think for yourself. I bid you goodluck, Pankar. Do let me know how it works out.

      P.S I’m still shocked that you’re a girl 😀

      P.P.S Awele, same goes for you. Do not take bullshit from any man, sit him down next time you are together and tell him your brain and intellect exist and you refuse to let him demean you.

        • iAmNotAPerv
          June 14, 09:40 Reply

          My dear, i shock too o! I wonder who else is lowkey female… hmm aye le o

        • Pankar
          July 19, 08:52 Reply

          Ahah Pp aka Mr W.. I send u mails naa. Ok you didnt pick that up that I’m female. I am. Refer also to topic: connundrum abt tops and bottoms (something like that) I said I rep the ‘L’ in LGBT.

      • Pankar
        July 19, 08:27 Reply

        Dearie, its not that bad. I mean she prefers me make our decisions. I picked up on that cue early in our rship. At one point, I suggested she decide on something about some plans we had and she said I wasnt willing at the plan anymore? so? But some other times, her word is law to me! Pari passu

        • iAmNotAPerv
          July 19, 11:02 Reply

          Alright then. It’s your relationship, you know what you can handle. Iyawo knows that me i bristle at any sign of anyone trying to lord power over me but then sometimes when she speaks with authority…goddammit *fans self*
          I have missed KD sha

  4. Mandy
    June 14, 07:48 Reply

    I was going to ask why you’re even including a disloyal jerk like Enyinnaya into the possible future hubby question…

    Then I remembered that Stella Damascus stole her man, and is living happily ever after with him lol

  5. Francis
    June 14, 08:11 Reply

    Jackson is a massive NO-NO. Time to move man. If I dey your shoes, i fit drift back to Alhaji. That cheatation aside he seems like a nice person but then again he could still fuck up ?

  6. Foxydevil
    June 14, 09:28 Reply

    I don’t know if this falls under fiction ,there is definitely something off about the names, Jackson, Alhaji and Enyinnaya, the fact the three borrowed their names from varied ethnicities makes this letter sound fictional to me, but just incase I am wrong ( I know I have been numerous times) here is an advice, there is no future husband among the three.

    Jackson will in time start being physical with you. Once they have your mind and your will, the next thing is to bend your body to their will. That relationship is toxic, dissolve it now.

    The igbo guy might just be looking for a free ride, he thinks you are gullible(which you are) , downcast and vulnerable and he might just be on the hunt for casual sex…. If he is hot and you fancy him and you can hook up with him without expecting emotional commitment, then by all means dive in. But given the kind of person I already perceive you are, don’t!

    The Muslim or Hausa one might be my best choice here. He seems like a laid out, chill kind of guy, if you are seeking for momentary fun and an adventurous life, then continue with him, make sure you protect yourself to avoid contracting a disease though.Such guy might end up marrying a woman someday and still expect you to be his booty call, try not to fall for him, concentrate on what you can get out of the relationship which can be money or other beneficial things.

    And last but not the least……Gay relationships is a complicated situation. Very few people have their happily ever after. Most people don’t, some of us have set ourselves up for a life of loneliness and strings of causal sex, perhaps children of the future permits, some others (I find despicable) get married to women but still engage in hook ups putting their wives and children at risk and others like you are looking for true love, family, happy ending. I really wish you do find it, but just in case…. So as not to get severely disappointed, lower your expectations .Trust me, it really helps. OK sweetie.

    For those already salivating to type a huge epistle on my reply box , I won’t be reading and I won’t be replying either.knock yourselves out.

  7. Yazz soltana
    July 26, 20:46 Reply

    I hope this is not too late but I can bet my money Jackson told Eyinnaya to try and test you or Eyinnaya wants to use you to get to Jackson..
    P. S. Don’t they read kito ni…

  8. Kaycee
    July 29, 08:48 Reply

    You gat to be more careful.

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