Before going ahead with what I have to say, I would like to first pay homage to whom it’s due: to Sensei for being an endless stream of wisdom; to Delle, Mandy and Mitch for proving that you are never fully gay without a mouth as sharp as blades that slices through the physical layers of homophobia and reaches into the souls of those who wear all that hate; to the younger ones like Mitch’s Biggest Fan, for representing a new generation of gays who will stand in the authenticity of their truth; and finally to the Mother, Pink Panther, whose love has brought us together. Words are not enough to express how much impact you people and this community have made in my life, but I will still say it: Thank you.

Now that that has been done, moving on: I recently became friends with an Instagram influencer. I would just like to note that I do not have many gay friends; I mean, I have a lot of community members as acquaintances but very few as friends. My contact list is overflowing with heterosexual folks; however I live my truth to the view of everyone around me. It’s not like I go about telling people that I am gay, but I refuse to let the fabulousness inside me be silenced, if that makes any sense.

So, this Instagram influencer friend of mine (let’s call her Danielle) reacted to a status I updated. I’d posted a video of a popular drag queen, Plastique Tiara, and Danielle commented on the video.

Danielle: Ru’s girl.

Me: Which one is Ru’s again?

Danielle: RuPaul.

Me: Ewo! Cheezuz! She knows RuPaul.

Danielle: I have watched every season.

Me: I love you! Let’s be best friends.

Danielle: It’s almost a family ritual. My mum, sis and I watch the show. My mum is amazed at how men can do so well as women. My sis is obsessed with the queens and follows them up on socials. While I just love a good show.

So I asked her, “Does the fact that the queens might be gay not disturb you?”

She replied, “Should it? Well, having seen almost every season – if not all – of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I have seen the queens from different angles, their struggles, the racism, the fights – you know, basically everyday struggles, and I have come to realize that they are human and that’s what is most important. So no, I’m not disturbed.”

When I read her reply, I felt chills run through my body. She had put in words exactly what I wished everyone would recognise about people they’d like to discriminate against for being different.

I have heard members of the LGBT community say things like, “We preach tolerance and acceptance…” And I think that that is bullshit. You shouldn’t tolerate or accept me for being, for living and loving who I choose to love. I don’t see anyone choosing whether to tolerate or accept aspects of the lives of heterosexual people, the sex they have, the lives they lead, the decisions they make about those lives. Society simply recognizes those as a norm and reacts to them based on their merits or demerits. Terms like “tolerance” and “acceptance” make homosexuality sound abnormal, like alien circumstances that need the benevolence of humanity to exist in our world.

Not once have I heard a homophobic person give a good reason (if there is or ever will be) for being prejudiced against the happiness of gay people. Sure, I believe that everyone has a right to their opinion, but if my choices have no negative effect on you, then it shouldn’t be your problem. It is my life, not yours. So you should drink a lot of water, take a seat in the back and stay bitter. Rather than just make conclusions based on what everyone around you believes, be informed. And when you don’t understand, ask questions and be educated. To dislike is okay, to critique is human, and to judge is God’s prerogative. So, until you are able to create a human being and breathe life into your human creation, don’t come for me.

So instead of tolerance and acceptance, how about you try to look at the human factor, understand that there is so much more to a person than their sexuality, and RESPECT that. Respect me, is what I say. You should respect me. for as much respect as you have for yourself and your right to live, extend that same regard to the person next to you.

Don’t tolerate me – I mean, eww!

Don’t accept me, if that is too much for you.

Just respect me.

PS: So, here’s a quick plug-in. I am single, not searching but open to possibilities. And so, if you’re at least 6 ft tall, good looking, working class, fashion forward, outgoing, kind and open-minded, feel free to step this way please. Tenkiu.

Written by The Opinionist


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  1. Black Dynasty
    February 26, 09:39 Reply

    I like your perspective, i didn’t understand why people living their lives need to be tolerate but alas, we live in a messed up world.

    Respect is the bare minimum i would accept from anyone i came out to, acceptance is a welcome bonus.
    When I look back @ close friends or family i came out to, I remember an intentional running theme which one of my friends pointed out. It was never posed as a question, it was moreso this is me and your only options are to take it or leave it.

    • Francis
      February 26, 12:21 Reply

      this is me and your only options are to take it or leave it. ❤️❤️

      Definitely the stance I’m taking when I come out

  2. Mitch P. O
    February 26, 10:08 Reply

    A round of applause for this!

  3. Delle
    February 26, 15:57 Reply

    A good one!

    J deserve your respect. That’s all.

  4. Denzy
    February 27, 05:01 Reply

    Your perspective is admirable but the sad reality is that, we are in no utopia and we live in a world where ‘the majority’ forces societal norms, so words like “tolerance” & “acceptance” will continue to be used. You don’t swim against the tide if you don’t wanna drown, but with tact and finesse you can safely navigate to shore.

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