MUSING WITH DARLENE: I AM ANGRY
I am going to vent today, to talk about the people and things that I’m not happy with at the moment. Not that you have asked for this, no. I simply need to get some stuff off my chest.
ANONY-MOUSE KUNLE
A heterosexual university classmate of mine called me today and asked if I gave his number to somebody who was harassing him. Apparently someone went through my Facebook profile, found a crush among former classmates of mine, somehow got his number and started to stalk him (my classmate) on the phone, proclaiming his love for him and when asked, telling my classmate that he got his number from me.
First and foremost, I seldom hook people up. It usually does not work out. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times I have set people up. Even if I do, I couldn’t possibly give to a gay guy a straight guy’s number. The stalker told my friend that his name is Kunle, and the only Kunle I have as a friend is not even gay. Who wants to end my career biko? Who has taken it upon himself to organize a coming out soiree for me? Who abeg? My closet has an Xbox game, flat screen TV, luxury furnishings and every other thing I need to be comfortable, so I do not want to come out at all. I am just fine where I am. After much pestering from this stalker, my friend out of frustration had to call me and ask if I was gay and why I gave his number to a gay friend.
What has a good child of God like me done to deserve this? I AM ANGRY!
THE FRIEND INDEED
I needed a place to stay not too long ago because of an accommodation challenge I had, and – MHEN! – that was when I knew I needed to reshuffle my friend list. Really! Most people are going to remain on the Facebook range from now on. Just the occasional exchange of pleasantries.
And of all the friends that turned down my request for brief accommodation, one was particularly painful. We have been close friends for four years and counting. He has a four-bedroom apartment to himself with no roommates. And I needed shelter for just 3 weeks, pending when my new apartment would be ready. Just 3 weeks of me going to work and returning home at 9pm and my regular weekend voyages. And my good friend said, ‘NO.’ He didn’t even bother with an excuse; he simply didn’t want me or anybody in his house. Apparently, it was a decision he made long ago. Quite rich coming from someone who’d come to crash at my place for the odd weekend or public holiday.
And that is how our longtime friendship has been thrown to the wind. No problem.
We are sha done! I AM ANGRY!
OLA THE LIAR
I loved him. Not for anything he did or didn’t do. I just loved him. It wasn’t a feeling I could explain. The sad part was that he led me on. He pretended he loved me too and so I was in a fool’s paradise for a bit. You see, when we started dating, when we decided to give a relationship a try, I made up my mind to give him all of me 100 percent, all the love and everything else in between to show that I was invested in our commitment.
And I did.
I invested myself in a guy who not only lied about how much he cared, but actively pandered to the lie. He would never call and would go on for days before returning mine. And then he’d have heartfelt reasons to give as to why he’d been incommunicado. He was going through a lot, he’d say, but baby, he’d make it up to me.
I stayed strong through it all, endured his lukewarm commitment to us with the hope that he would come around. But he didn’t.
I wasn’t blinded by love. Oh no, I wasn’t. I knew exactly what I was going into. I just didn’t know he was putting up an act. I was willing to consider that some men are not as expressive as one would want them to be or that love grows on some people. But this was not the case. Ola was just a liar.
What pains me especially is how he steadfastly continued to sell his commitment to me. Anytime I talked about his neglect, he would apologize profusely – very profusely – and promise to change. All this when he knew he wouldn’t! Why did he waste my bloody time and energy? Why did he promise what he knew he was going to give to the guy he met on Grindr a month ago? I am angry and heartbroken and alone, but I will survive. Now I’m back at the very beginning, spent and discouraged and wondering when all this games people play with hearts will end!
When they’ll just fucking stop with the pretence! I AM ANGRY!
There are so many other issues and people I am angry at, but bringing up the sour memory of Ola has got me all riled up. So I’ll pump the brakes here.
I do feel a little better though, believe it or not. Thanks for enduring.
I remain yours now and always:
Darlene Sirilo Johnson
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17 Comments
bruno
April 14, 06:36a lot of people have no friends. they just don’t know it yet.
Mandy
April 14, 07:04Wallai. All it takes is an extenuating circumstance like this for one to know just how alone he is.
Mandy
April 14, 07:08First of all, ‘Anony-mouse Kunle’? LMAO! That subheading killed me, serious.
And as for your anger over Ola, it’s justified biko. Nigerian gay men should know that there’s no time for those serious about relationships, no time for them to be played and messed around with. If you want sex, be clear about it. If you want something serious, let that be the case. Let a breakup happen becos it happened in the way that breakups happen, not becos your lying ass was too cowardly to be upfront in the first place.
Brian Collins
April 14, 07:29Kai!!!! I didn’t want this to end. Beautiful really. I am just thinking about all the ‘Ola the Liars’ we have here. Y’all know yourselves.
Pink Panther
April 14, 07:50*pouring a cuppa for Brian* I don’t know them o. Care to spill?
daleen
April 14, 11:05*comes between PP and Brian with sugar and honey for the tea* which do you prefere dear? spill away pls
Kenny
April 14, 07:32The Kunle matter is quite simple, get his number from your friend and find out who he is, as for the friendship matter I’m not surprised. Your friend that turned you down is gay right? I don’t want to generalize but it’s hard finding and keeping gay friends cos they mostly always want something from you and if that doesn’t work out or even after it does they move on. Gay men in Nigeria need to learn to be there for each other and be long term friends instead of looking for dl hook ups and deleting contacts thereafter.
ambivalentone
April 14, 08:49where is the ‘like’ button?
daleen
April 14, 11:07yes he is. Id rather long term friendship and meaningless sex too.
Delle
April 14, 10:18Lol…how I enjoyed this post!
Seriously, a 4-room apartment and he didn’t, couldn’t accommodate you? How heartless of him!
Ola the liars are shaa plenty. Lie about everything, preference in bed, marital status, love they have for you, financial disposition, sexual prowess…EVERYTHING! Mtcheew.
Pls vent more, I enjoyed the venting.
Brian Collins
April 14, 10:56Pinky, you may wanna pour Delle a cup too.
Kester
April 14, 14:45I agree! Seems he has a lot to say that he is not saying.
michael
April 14, 15:45Hmmm, I have one Ole right beside me here in bed. He keeps lying and lying. Sometimes he mixes up his lies. Me, am just here looking at him with odu anya while enjoying the sex till when his cup fills up.
daleen
April 14, 18:42no. pls do not do that. otherwise you will be an ‘Ola’. i urge you to come out and tell him how you feel. give him a chance to change. dont be another Ola
paul
April 14, 20:21Truly but sadly it’s rare finding friends amongst us. And one wonders hw d world is supposed to b a better place for a gay man. Straight guys offer d best friendships n den u jst feel u r nt being so fair to dem wen u cnt open up completely.
I agree Olas exist but 1month, Grindr,Love,Relationship… Dats not a good blend for a good soup. So I m nt surprised.
Pple have proven me wrong i know but watever starts online almost always goes offline!
Frank_Einstein
April 15, 15:44“…whatever starts online almost always goes offline” That got me!
daleen
April 15, 15:49got me too