6 responses

  1. Delle
    May 27, 2020

    I just hope there’s a scriptwriter around to put all this into a movie script because Lord knows what a blockbuster it will be.

    This is such a rollercoaster of events and to think it’s nonfiction gives me the chills. Woah!

    P. S: I’m actually serious about the script thing. Won’t mind being featured in it sef.

    Reply

  2. trystham
    May 27, 2020

    You and James should meet up for coffee and compare notes. I have never seen this kind of mental abuse from mothers.
    PLUS, did the expensive bracelet have YOUR name on it? I dont know why ppl won’t leave well enough alone.
    At this rate, I’m tired of all those forced affirmations for you. I’d rather just look at you in silence and allow u think what u will. Ki lo kan mi?
    Do u/Have u get/gotten in touch with Jon?

    Reply

  3. Ken
    May 27, 2020

    Omg! The second paragraph described my exact same experience in boarding school. Except that in my case we were never caught. I can still smell the thick heavy scent of pure unadulterated teenage cum. Good times, good times..lol

    Back to reality, I think the biggest motivation for homophobia is religion. Religion forces people to live in denial with lies and fake lives. Nigeria takes it up a notch, adding Stark ignorance plus hypocrisy to the mix. Same daddy that will be secretly pursuing anything on skirt, will still be preaching for his gay sons repentance. Smh

    Reply

  4. Harold
    May 27, 2020

    Reading this reminded me of my own experience in secondary school, maybe I’ll share it here soon

    Dimeji after reading everything so far I think everyone here can agree with me when I say you’re a very strong person, not everyone can tolerate everything you’ve been put through honestly I dont think I could and I hope there’s a happy ending to this everyone deserves happiness and I hope you find it

    Reply

  5. IBK
    May 28, 2020

    That feeling of exhaustion when your mother speaks to you about your orientation. I know it so well. I’m sorry this happened.

    Reply

  6. Dunder
    May 29, 2020

    Dimeji. The more you’ve explained, the more I see that you were in a really dark place just a while ago and the more I reconsider my earlier perception of you. You write very well and I am sure this is cathartic for you.

    You are not stupid and you are smart- these are not fuzzy affirmations but an objective statement. It is your passive acceptance of these lies, due to your internalising of your parent’s statements, actions and approach that is causing your subconscious to revolt by rebelling in ways that hurt you.

    Keep writing, keep a journal, keep pouring out the bile BUT, please seek professional therapy and map out a freedom plan. 5 years, how and where you need to be in life to be safe and sure-footed.

    Your parents may be willing to pay for therapy or buy books like that by Shahroo Izadi titled The Kindness Method . That way, you can build the emotional resilience to survive your present situation without deep scars, pursue life goals, earn your freedom and create the life that you desire.

    I know I’m sounding like a broken record but you need to hold your nose and finish school. I speak from experience, personal and of otherwise. You need a certificate that would open the doors of buildings and organisations in which your skills and talents would shine through. You won’t gain anything by revolting against your parent’s control and coercion by self-sabotage. That puts you further in the hole. If you thought you could create a safe space in northern Nigeria, bro, you can bone everything and obtain a degree you don’t give two shits about.

    It is much easier to obtain a “Pali” and rely on the contacts you have in your church or family etc to earn a decent living from a stable well paying job. That way, you’d earn and save enough to finance your path to freedom.

    Think of it this way: earning minimally and saving peanuts would take longer and make it harder to find your own place, compete professionally, improve your CV or buy a flight ticket. You don’t have the luxury of following your passion and hoping to blow. You’ve burned out most if not all your “fuck it”. You can’t even rely on grit forever- as it is, you are breaking down and the seams are showing. This is why you are back to lying against yourself, saying you are stupid.

    Bro, you’ve fought hard and dared greatly. You’ve endured a heavy burden, you’ve opened up and been filled with manipulation. You’ve put up walls and have been beaten down. Your only salvation comes with YOUR FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE. Would your trip have been cut short if you really did pay your way? Would your phone and laptop be seized if they were truly yours? Would you be squatting in your parent’s room to type assignments if you could drive your car to your own one bedroom castle and tell the mai-guard not to let anyone in? Had you relocated to saner climes, won’t they just see your bracelet on Facebook and send you an additional one via DHL? Your sanity and freedom is sure if you just fulfill all righteousness and earn this flimsy degree. Up to 95 percent of people go to school and finish in courses they’re tired of. They do a 9-5 that helps them do a master’s degree they are better suited for and online courses that lead to their dream job. They save to finance their business or create a network that would help build a bullet proof CV. It’s not a bad thing accepting the present reality then using it to create the one you want.

    Akinwunmi Adeshina started off with a degree in agriculture but now heads the Africa Development Bank. Chuma Nwokolo is a lawyer, author and publisher. Folorunsho alakija does not have a degree in petrochemical engineering. Beautiful Nubia is a vet doctor. Abba Kyari started with sociology then bagged a law degree, had a stint in journalism then became a banker and then worked for an oil company. Mr Bean (Rowan Atkinson) has both a Bsc and Msc in electrical engineering- a degree is no dictator of your career path. If the Nigerian (and truly, even the international) hiring system requires the damn latin-garnished paper, give them so you can get what you want.

    Imagine if Fela had given up on himself at secondary school- he would have been a hungry and frustrated reverend or civil servant, having songs in him he couldn’t write. Pushing himself to pass courses he hated got him to UK where he was able to form his band and finish an even harder music degree. That education set him apart from all other African contemporaries because he learned to write music and therefore create a genre even if he hated the kind of music he was taught. Your parents won’t have any other excuse to keep you caged and monitor your personal and private life as a graduate, corper or worker.

    The guy who wrote these submissions we have been blessed with, turning his pain into something beautiful, is more than cerebrally capable of obtaining a degree in astrophysics. The jobs you’ve been offered won’t go away if you get this one degree. You’ll be able to make your own choices and get your parents off your neck with your certificate. There’s the chance that your earnings can go up with time and that you can finance the CV and life that you want. Please do it before those lying voices you entertain that call you stupid and lie about your not being smart get louder. Dimeji, you are too gifted to give up. You’ve fought too hard not to claim your prize. You are too close to freedom to love your chains. Please set yourself free. I’m rooting for you.

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