#PrEPUp: A Case For Why You Should Be On PrEP
I recently got the following email/story from a KDian looking to expose the treachery of someone who he’d hooked up with.
This is what he had to say:
***
Good evening.
I want to report someone to you. We met on Grindr in September, and at the time, he was in Agbor visiting family. We got to chatting but because of time, we weren’t able to meet and he went back to Lagos. So, we began planning to meet based on the plan that I would come to Lagos to stay a while with him. The plan was that I would pay for my trip to Lagos and he would pay for my trip back home.
However, due to an experience I had with Themba Okoye (a kito case that was posted on this page), I was hesitant over the idea of traveling all that way just to hook up.
After much talking and persuasion, he finally got me to agree to come see him. Especially because at the time, I was on holiday.
I left Ekpoma for Lagos on November 7th and when I arrived, the first thing this oga asked me was for me to help him complete the money he would need to fill his gas cylinder. Which I did.
We got to his house at Ikorodu, Igbogbo Axis, and it was a mess. But he said he had just come back from Ibadan, so I didn’t fret too much about the untidiness. But I would soon find out that this guy was really very slovenly. A couple of days passed and he made no effort to clean his house, not even in the face of the fact that he had a visitor. I did my best to clean up the house a bit.
It didn’t stop there. He would go out for long periods of time, leaving me alone at home with no food, and he would still borrow money from me, promising to pay back.
So, there was a day he left me at home and because I was bored, I began looking through his stuff. That was when I found a drug bottle. I’d seen this particular kind of bottle before, but didn’t think anything of it. But then, I saw some medical forms, and because I’m a medical student (500L of Medical Laboratory Science), I knew what I was looking at.
This guy had HIV!
And he had gone along with us having sex twice without condom! But that was on me. I was trying to please him both times, and didn’t think to protect myself.
After my discovery, I wanted to confront him but I decided to wait until I got back home. Per our initial agreement, he was supposed to pay for my fare back home, but (of course) he said he didn’t have money, that he’d been expecting something from his parents, which wasn’t coming through. Because I don’t trust these arrangements when it comes to hookups, I had booked a bus trip in Yaba ahead of time. A Plan B, just incase. So, I was able to go on home without any hitch.
When I got to Benin, I called him and confronted him about his status, wanting to know why he didn’t tell me and why he hadn’t used a condom with me. And he was like: he didn’t have to tell me anything and that it was my fault for not insisting on condoms. He later apologized though and said I should go get tested. As if I wasn’t already considering that.
The next day, I went to a pharmacy and I got every test strip for STD available. I was negative in all counts, but I’ll still run them again in February, just to be certain. By the way, this guy’s name is . . .
***
I decided to opt for the discretion of not posting his identity. But for the sake of any other person who may hook up with him and be none the wiser, please ensure you use a condom if you are having sex with anybody living in Ikorodu, Igbogbo Axis.
And while you’re at it, because of all the unsafe sex y’all intend to have, why not simply #PrEPUp?
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8 Comments
McDuke
November 23, 07:13I don’t understand why people still have unprotected sex in this 21st century esp for a gay man, it baffles me. Not to sound insensitive to your plight, even with your level of education, I’m disappointed.
Wiffey
November 23, 07:41Tell him to shut the fuck up. He is indeed very stupid to think he is justified to sleep with anyone, even your boyfriend of 10 years without a condom in this community we’ve over emphasized over and over and over again about it being the most highly susceptible and at risk to HIV.
You remembered to make plan A B C on your excape home, saving money for fair but you didn’t consider insisting on a 50 Naira condom when hooking up with a total stranger you know nothing about?
See ehn, in this Nigeria, consider every gay man positive until proven Negative and then still consider every other STI out there he could be infected with that isn’t HIV.
Blame yourself for not protecting yourself, because your life is your own responsibility, no one else.
Mandy
November 23, 07:55Both this guy and his Ikorodu lover are just nonsense people. How can you be a medical student, and not have a full awareness of your sexual health? You were trying to please him? Are you sure? I find that highly doubtful for a hookup that’s this random, with a guy who you were clearly disillusioned with. Only love and deep infatuation would make someone have unprotected sex because they’re trying to please their partner.
Anyway, thanks for the heads-up about the Ikorodu lover. Lol. PrEP Up, guys!!!
Mitch
November 23, 08:52I know it’s very easy to tell the writer that he was a major part of the problem, which he truly was as a matter of fact.
However, coming from the spot where I’m a +ve man, I’ve got to say that the behaviour of the person he went to hook up with was beyond callous.
The first thing that’s done in any ARV centre after you’re given your meds is to ask you about your sex life, your partner/s, people you’ve hooked up with – whether casually or not. The reason this information is necessary is to ensure that they get tested and started on meds if they’re poz too. This way, the cycle of exposure is reduced drastically.
At the same time, you’re taught to ALWAYS use a condom, no matter who you’re hooking up with. Whether it’s an exclusive relationship or a hookup, you’re meant to use a condom.
Not just for the protection of your partner, but also for your protection from other STIs, opportunistic infections as well as a different strain of the virus.
This is like the basics you’re taught once you’re started on ARVs. So, how a poz man can callously disregard all of this for the few minutes of feeling skin against skin is beyond me.
Let me not even go into how there’s something inherently duplicitous about a +ve man acquiescing to a request by a hookup partner for them to forgo condoms. All while having not told the person about his status.
Wahnsinn!
Das ist wahnsinn!!
Pure, unadulterated madness!!!
And, as for the author, unless he has a death wish or is borderline suicidal, he needs to take his sexual health more seriously. What the fuck is a medical student doing asking/acquiescing to bareback with a total stranger?
Wó, some people need slaps in this life. Some kinds of madness can be instantly corrected by dishing out one very hot slap.
Persimmon
November 23, 16:12You could have tried getting a PEP… However, it is already too late now. Just wait and check again in February. Transmission through sex is not as easy as it seems. It may depend on his viral load, if he bursted inside you and some other trivial factors… Just maintain a clean mindset.
Sworld
November 23, 17:19The only problem I have is you been +ve and you choosing to spread the virus to anyone who falls your Victim.
I know (not personally) n heard of someone here in ABUJA . He would purposely tell his hook up sex without condom to give them STD unknowing to them.
Recently he appeared like an angel to a friend of mine who just arrived in town. I had to tell him to open his eye not to have sex without condom if at all he’s deceived he was truly an angel. But the motherfucker proof us Right.
Spoke with some friends about him, before I even mentioned his name to them. They were like his news is everywhere and they will One day treat his fuck up.
HIV is no big deal in this 21st century, NGO, govt hospital everywhere helping at zero kobo. Do your own path of what you had to do to come out of it.
Don’t infect others cos you are infected out of carelessness.
Cedar
November 24, 09:30No amount of ‘horniness’ or ‘love’ should make you have unprotected sex with anyone next time, inugo? I don’t know what else to say to you.
As for the motherfucker, it was beyond wicked for him to have unprotected sex with you, and twice for that matter, knowing fully that he is +ve.
How does one get those STDs test stripes again?
Marvey
November 24, 19:40Okay before we start throwing bricks at them..is a good thing the guy is on drug so the possibility of him transmitting whatsoever is very low if his VL is low too not forgetting the risk of STDs though. There is a very low risk of HIV transmission once the person is on treatment and the virus suppressed.I won’t judge the young lad cos is better to have sex with someone that knws his status and is on drugs than someone who doesn’t. But better still let’s think condom always and let’s talk about these things,use of condom , Status etc with our hook ups before meeting them to avoid all this 11th hour surprises..we all learn gradually..