RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 26)
I was at a dinner party hosted by a female friend of mine who was of old money. So naturally, expensive wine and food flowed freely. Not to blow my trumpet, but I am quite the life of the party; so most of my friends who have parties always invite me because I will most likely stir several conversations, and with me, no topic is off limits.
So while we tackled grilled meat and sipped wine, the conversation was somehow steered to gay rights and the USA Supreme Court landmark ruling (I swear, I wasn’t the one who brought it up). I of course jumped on my pulpit and began to preach against homophobia; sweetly hacking down arguments being bandied about as to why being gay is a “bad choice”. Eventually one doctor (a female) said that normally she would say that homosexuality is between two consenting adults, so it was not her business, but that this is not the case, as there are externalities related to homosexuality. I asked her what these externalities were, and she said that gay men had the highest prevalence rates for HIV infections, and so, if this “lifestyle” was helping to spread diseases, she would take exception to it.
I took some time to steady my breathing and then laughed really hard in her face. I had previously told them that I worked with an NGO which does advocacy for HIV (which wasn’t completely a lie anyway). So I told them that I have interacted with several gay men’s groups and that Nigeria’s draconian laws make it difficult to reach them to access healthcare, seeing as they are a major high risk group. So if we leave them to their fates, they will still marry our daughters and sisters (seeing as most of them will still get married to women anyway), and the positive ones, which we have made difficult to be reached, will infect our women. I also told her that female sex workers are currently the highest risk group, so she should be more concerned about the men who go to Casablanca area in the evening to get some.
When one of them mentioned the bible, I shut her down immediately, telling her that the bible was not everybody’s moral compass, since the whole world doesn’t believe in it; therefore laws of State should not be based on the bible. Then I also said that only a virgin can talk to me about the bible, seeing as the bible is against pre-marital sex. Upon that premise, I asked for the virgins to speak up. I was greeted with silence.
Eventually one of the girls admitted that marrying a gay man is one of her biggest fears in life as “some of them are so manly that you won’t have any idea.” Then she turned to me and said, “Dennis love, if you see me ever with any man who has attended any of your NGO outreaches, please, please, I hope you will tell me…” I poured myself another glass of wine and sipped, not bothering to respond.
***
I noticed something else at that dinner table. The people there were open to listen to me and allow me marshal out my points against homophobia because they did not think I was gay. They believed my NGO story was the reason I knew so much about gay men and their lifestyle. Now research has shown that people will most likely listen to you if they believe you have no personal interest in a matter and therefore would most likely be logical. For instance, I always proclaim that I am a feminist and I believe men listen to me more as I advocate gender equality than they would listen to women, because what do I have to gain, right? Even women are more likely to listen to a man preach gender equality, but will flip the channel if it’s a woman doing the same, whom they will dismiss as just another Femi-Nazi (apologies to PP).
So what am I going on about, you may ask? I think MGMs may have a great role to play here if they can cast away their paranoia for a second and see what they can do. We may think of them as weak, succumbing to society, bla-bla-bla. But they can become great advocates for our cause.
MGMs already have the validation of marriage and people in the society will most likely listen to them. If the advocate at a dinner table for instance were to speak on why homophobia should be done away with, people are more likely to listen, than say when a single man of thirty-five is addressing the same gathering. It is a no-brainer really because the first instinct of a listening public wouldn’t be to suspect the gay-issues-speaking married man of being gay, no. They would be more inclined to think he is just making a logical argument, and some of them may listen, and who knows, a few hearts may be turned.
The MGMs reading this should give this very serious consideration. It could also be the lemonade you make out of your lemons. (Not sure if that’s an apt analogy, but you get my point). Here’s where I give a big shout-out to my boy Colossus, who has been hacking homophobes since 1880 lol
***
I haven’t been friends with so many lesbians for long enough. So feel free to disagree with me a bit. *waves at Django and Kacee*
You guys remember the lesbians I ran into at the store the other day? Well I have been spending time with some of them (while avoiding the one who wants to fuck me with a dildo), and I am seeing how different the journey is for gay men and gay women, especially in this obodo Nigeria. I go to bars with these women and their baes sit on their laps in public, nearly short of necking and kissing in public, and nobody bats an eyelid! And yet, I cannot even dance in close proximity with my date for the night? They also declare love for women on their social media accounts, telling the world how much they love the person, and no one reads any meaning into it. Meanwhile on my birthday, what my boyfriend at the time wrote on BBM was: ‘Happy birthday, bro’. These women wear male clothing (not just male inspired clothing), even jeans that I couldn’t possibly pull off, complete with timberland boots. But my short shorts still causes wahala at the tennis club? Is it fair?
The most intriguing one is when I asked one of the girls what her thoughts were on marriage and whether family puts her under pressure. She laughed and said that the good thing about the systems in place today is that a man is expected to propose to a woman and not vice versa. So if she ended up not getting married, her family would assume she just did not get any husband, and would even pity her, while she gets away with deceiving them lol. I thought about how many times my mom had called me about marriage in the last four months and really became jealous of the lesbians lol.
***
On a final note, here is a shout-out to all the people who have been hooking up behind the scenes on KD. I can see you but you cannot see me. And one day, I shall publish a roll call. Lol *tries to stir peak milk into my coffee, discovers the tin is already empty*
LOL
XOXO
DM
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76 Comments
#Chestnut
August 19, 07:35Chai! Dennis, amebo na ur work! I love the tea u spilled at d end…even tho it was without PEAK milk (hey Peak,how u doin’?hehe…)
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 08:41Hey boo boo
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 11:09Dropped the spoon for the pitchfork,I see
#Chestnut
August 19, 11:43Tiercel,why do u always accuse me falsely whenever I send an innocent shout-out to my friends on dis blog,ehn?
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 12:20Accuse you falsely kwa?.
Honey,I have never laid any accusation at your doorstep.
Your conscience seem under quite a load of guilt,it seems
Max
August 19, 08:01Lol. Yeah our lesbian sisters aren’t finding it as hard as we do. Lmfao @Happy birthday bro.. <I've been there. Its annoying as fuck . I add dear in my own…and write some heart warming stuff if I wanna show love to bae.
And oh yes about the stuff you said about people listening to you when your own interest isn't involved while speaking on issues.
I've noticed it while promoting my feminist stand.
And Thats why I don't listen to people who endorse hoesim here, because I believe they're hoes too and just trying to justify what they do.
Oh and about MGM's defending gay people publicly, not everyone will be like Colossus.
Most of them entered the marriage to shut ppl up, and wouldn't risk stiring the dust by defending gay people in public.
Nice entry.
Pink Panther
August 19, 08:09There’s nothing i find more frustrating than that bit where u can’t just simply update on your bbm on your bae’s birthday: ‘Happy birthday, darling.’ Or put up as your dp that picture of you two all cuddled up together. Those two things are something females can get away with. With the guy, more than a few eyebrows will be raised on your matter at once.
Max
August 19, 08:36Its depressing.
kacee
August 19, 09:14Max and PP i was on my way home one day (i think i’ve said this before) i saw this cute tomboy with dread locks *faints* holding a beautiful babe’s hand, people were just gwarking at them. That would have made me uncomfortable but if two feminines babes are doing that they wouldn’t get that type of attention.
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 08:44My dear! What I got was “HBD bro”
And a picture of us in the office together! Like is that fair?
Pink Panther
August 19, 08:51‘Bro’. Lmao. Chai! Such a diminishing of what truly is.
Francis
August 19, 08:21Oga Dennis, asking MGMs who are most probably wallowing in self-pity and depression to champion gay rights na tall order oh……unless they are married to lesbians. I may be wrong but selfless beings like that scarce die and like Max said, some would rather not attract attention from nosy Nigerians.
Maybe it’s just my mean self at play sha ’cause I see no reason why I should assist your “enjoyment” when I can’t partake in it.
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 11:15MGMs are wallowing in self-pity and depression……you know this how?.
You know,it’s this our know-it-all attitude and being quick to jump to unfounded conclusions that’s left us with no allies at all and continue to make our equality quest an uphill task.
Keep wallowing in your ignorance,you hear
Francis
August 19, 12:13You need glasses? Read that line again
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 12:23I did Fran,severally.
It still said the same thing over and over again
Francis
August 19, 12:35That line doesn’t say “All MGMs”. If I did say all MGMs then that would be ignorant on my part as I have no data to back it up so if the line offended you as a MGM no fex.
To be honest I just find it unbelievable that a full blooded, 200% gay man would be over the moon happy in a straight marriage.
Maybe Pinky should run an anonymous poll amongst the MGMs here then we go get small data to base our arguments on.
ambivalentone
August 19, 13:09In my mind, I just had the weird image of a man eating shit and then being asked if it were delicious. He answers that the ‘salt, maggi and pepper is just right’ to ‘spite’ the inquisitor all the time spoiling face.
Francis
August 19, 14:01Roflmao
Brian Collins
August 19, 17:22Tufiakwa Trys. How does one shorten ambivalentone anyways?
Colossus
August 19, 13:36Ha!
Hian!
Opinion poll kwa? What is next? MGM registration act?
Nna mehn, hapu ya like that.
Good Lord, what’s up with my nna bros accent today?
On a serious note though, not all MGM are depressed and if some are, it’s not because they are married to women. It’s not a right way of thinking for you, retrain your thought.
People are depressed for a whole lot of reasons and there might be some men out there whose wives are their reason for pulling out of the funk.
“MGM”! That acronym makes me cringe everytime.
Francis
August 19, 14:03E be like say you get data, please share cause I’m really interested in knowing what is depressing them if the marriage isn’t the culprit.
Max
August 19, 14:06@Colossus, stop it, just stop it.
Your alpha MGM status is becoming worrisome. Its almost as if you’re telling other gay men to follow your foot steps.
Colossus
August 19, 15:31Alpha MGM? Well this is new. OK ooo, I have stopped it ooo, I’ve switched back to the Beta male.
Don’t be vexation vex ejor.
Max
August 19, 16:32Hahahahahahaha..
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 13:44Hehehe,I’m not married Fran.Leastways,not that way.
“asking MGMs who are most probably wallowing in self-pity and depression…….”,that’s blanket a statement as any I’ve ever seen and you get no points trying to pull a yoruba on me.
We all really should have a care the kind of statement we make,statements that alienate potential allies.The fight we face is not such we can fight alone.That’s what I’m about
Colossus
August 19, 08:31*Cough cough* Dear Lawd, this tea is scalding hot.
Pink Panther
August 19, 08:34LOL. When did u start drinking tea, eh Colossus?
#Chestnut
August 19, 09:09@Colussus: no mind PP o; drink all d tea u can get…dis life na one o, don’t wait for ur tea to get cold b4 drinking; drink, drink, Drink (don’t forget to add PEAK milk)
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 08:42Oh my dear! Wait for the muffins Na, don’t drink only the tea
kacee
August 19, 08:51Omg Happy birthday, bro lmao, i know some guys on facebook who don’t give a f**k when they wish their bf’s happy birthday, one even uploaded a picture of two of them in a bedroom(one laying on the bed the other taking the picture) society is changing for the better(apart from PH) FYI DM i like D’s too…
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 08:54Hey bobo kitty
Pink Panther
August 19, 09:01Dennis, did u read that? Kacee is giving u a point of correction. lol
Colossus
August 19, 09:10a POINT of correction? *chokes on tea* Good gracious, I’m drinking this tea all wrong
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 09:12Wait Kayce likes preek too?
Hmmmmm interesting!
*dials PP*
kacee
August 19, 09:16Hehehehe Chai
ambivalentone
August 19, 09:13Oh well. MGM can be good for something. I’d av to reorientate myself on their usefulness. *rme
And on the Lesbian issue, I read my comment on Love, Sex and the City yesterday and realised it wasn’t AT ALL complimentary. I don’t think I sounded accepting of butch sisters. More derisive. I’m sorry about this. I think its cos y’all terrify me.
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 09:35I see what you did there
kacee
August 19, 09:44ambivalentone how do they terrify you? pls share
ambivalentone
August 19, 10:26when u see a ‘tomboy’ break bottle on her head when u still feel squeamish about opening a coke bottle with ur teeth OR see another one sweat and run after a soccer ball while you’d rather not watch OR use cuss words that will bleed your dainty ears, shocking ur sensibilities, u will understand what I’m talking about.
kacee
August 19, 10:54Lol, ambivalentone
that’s ur reason.
ambivalentone
August 19, 13:01It is not enough? Such hardiness in a supposed ‘weaker’ and ‘more frail’ sex should not terrify me? Ok o.
Django
August 19, 09:52Errrr, DM, our ship is not exactly sailing as smoothly as we make it look. We(lesbians in Nigeria) get away with PDA because people don’t see it as a big deal and even when evidence is glaring at them, they wave the issue of lesbianism aside, saying ‘they’re girls, all emotional and stuff, they may even be best friends and will all soon get married to their respective husbands’… which to me, this is worse than homophobia.
But have you asked those girls you envy so much about their personal struggle with homophobia? Have you read their minds or searched and found their lives to be as difficult as a gay man’s? Do you think they’re not worried the relationships they so hold on to right now may not be endorsed for marriage? Do you know how many of them have to put up with family members who sniff their lesbianism from afar even without a shred of evidence? Don’t you think these girls get away with PDA because they’re daring the world to give them their best shot of homophobia?
We have grown thick skins towards everyone that we rebel against constituted authority and cover it up with the excuse that females are naturally affectionate beings.
Everyone says ‘that’s girls, they call themselves sweet and endearing names, they’re just best of friends or mere roommates, they share a deep understanding about issues affecting them, girls are just like that…’ These are the most depressing statements carelessly made by everyone including gay men who think life is easy for us. For crying out loud, we are females who love other females! Why can’t people see and understand that? I am a lesbian and want to be known as such.
Its really painful that I can hold a girl in public up to the point of even planting a kiss on her lips for the world to see, but cannot really stand up tall and proud to say I am a lesbian.
I don’t know if you get my drift…
Pink Panther
August 19, 09:57WOW!
This is the most impassioned comment I’ve ever read in awhile.
Dennis Macaulay
August 19, 10:00I get your point sweetheart, I totally do
Diablo
August 19, 10:23Real lesbian opinion versus imaginary lesbian opinion on lesbian related issues. The difference is glaring
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 11:20Very clear,like 7Up of old
JustJames
August 19, 10:23Hmmmm.. I was just about to scoff at what you read but I realised what you were talking about.
It sucks that you can do all these things because people will count your love for another woman as nothing. Your affection holds no water cause it’s nothing special.. Just child’s play.
On the other hand for gay men people fear us because they feel a man loving another man is something substantial and to be worried about.
ambivalentone
August 19, 10:38But seriously, Django, not trying to downplay this touchy subject, but isn’t one’s declaration of love meant to be for and understood by the reciepient? EXCLUSIVE shouts and shows of love over roof tops don’t move me anymore. I am that jaded. Most times, stuff like that is just what it is. A show. Most times accompanied by ‘2-faced-ness’. Guys want a chance to exhibit that generic PDA y’all av access to sef
#Chestnut
August 19, 11:02@django: I understand that ultimately, lesbians and gay guys face the same issues and struggles for acceptance, but u can’t take away the fact that lesbians enjoy a small “privilege”,by way of public acceptance of PDA; it might seem like such a small thing,but when compared with the fact that gay guys (who would also really love to show PDA to d ones they love) aren’t allowed such er,…”benefits”, well,it’s not hard to envy y’all, even if it’s for that small,tiny privilege u get…I think that’s what Dennis was trying to point out. And truly,when it comes to d issue of marriage,it’s easier to blame a man for not “picking” a wife, than to blame a woman for not being “picked” by a man (yea,I know both genders get a rough deal for being unmarried at a certain age,but with men, it would appear that u voluntarily refused to make d move since the man is supposed to act. So ppl would think “oh she must want a husband,but no man has proposed”, as opposed to “why hasn’t he proposed to any woman? it’s as if he doesn’t want a wife”.
Mandy
August 19, 11:11And public judgment is harsher when you’re perceived as not wanting marriage as opposed to not getting any prospects. When your will is seen as going against society’s vs. When someone else’s will for you puts you against society.
Django
August 19, 09:56I can’t believe I just ranted on someone’s rant…
Random Gay Nigerian, whoever you are, no vex for me o
*dusts dunlop slippers and bolts into space*
Django
August 19, 10:14Oh, and my dear Kacee, how are you doing today?
kacee
August 19, 11:03Sweetie i’ve not seen ur message on whatsapp yet and u promised…
Diablo
August 19, 10:16There’s a reoccurring theme in your ranting, the one where you’re in a gathering and gay issues (always) come up, and you play devil’s advocate and save the day. Its becoming really jaded.
I find it hard to believe a lesbian wanted to do you with a strap on, cause last i checked, you do not have a vagina or boobs , or maybe you do? Or are lesbians that horny these days? . I dunno, but if i were a lesbian i’d be pissed by why you had to make that up
Iyke
August 19, 11:07Ah ah! Aunty Diablo! You can like to float shaa! Words has been flying around KD lane about DM tey tey naa! Dude is a very fine man, almost feminine, thus the idea of fucking him with a dildo by a butch lesbian shouldn’t b alien! Get in d program!
Diablo
August 19, 12:55Na, a feminine top who a butch lesbian wants to dominate with a strap on, isn’t the type of program i want to get into.
Mandy
August 19, 11:18Diablo, did u ever stop to think that the lesbian might indeed have said it to DM but in jest? I thought your DM-rabblerousing days were over. Lol
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 11:27Yeah,indeed it may have been said in jest,but to keep raising it at every opportunity……………..that deserves being called out on
Khaleesi
August 19, 12:17Aunty rest, your dislike for DM is starting to look old and haggard, go pick bones elsewhere or better still go hug transformer!
#Chestnut
August 19, 11:37Where’s Peak nau? I just wanna say “hi”…
Tiercel de Claron
August 19, 11:52When cat dey sleep,rat go bite him tail,na wetin he dey find for Lagos o…
Khaleesi
August 19, 12:13Great Piece DM!!! I trust your hacking skills, God have mercy on the homophobe who tries that crap near you. I have also resolved NOT to tolerate any homophobic foolishness around me yet I shall not out myself in speaking out against homophobia.
The women who end up unknowingly marrying gay men are a part and parcel of the oppressive and unbearable climate that society has created for gays, hence, i feel not a shred of pity for them!
As for your clarion call to MGM to “champion gay rights” nah … not gonna happen .. i wont go into the reasons why i say this, lest i be branded an MGM/MBM hater.
Society is generally more accepting of girl-on-girl affection, you should see how my colleagues in the office hug and caress each other – “hello honey, baby boo, sweety” …. makes me half dead with envy, wishing I could be as affectionate with a man.
lol, a lesbo i met a few years ago has also expressed a desire to fuck me hard with a strap on dick, its a truly unnerving and weird experience when a woman says that to you … lol….
According to our male dominated society, a man can marry whenever he wishes to as there are loads of women out there for the taking, while a woman is expected to wait meekly and demurely at home until a man comes and claims her as his wife – perhaps one of many wives. A lesbian can easily hide under this guise if she wishes not to marry a man, while a gay man has no hiding spot. He is viewed with disgust and suspicion if he doesnt at some point go out to bring back a wife …
Peak
August 19, 12:30**Drives by with my crew (JSU & Deola) in our newly acquired 2015 Bentley Continental GT **
Francis
August 19, 13:59Oh well, like I said make we run poll because e don tey wey I dey read and hear of depressed gay men in marriages and it seems to happen a lot. Check out most gay forums.
I’m not trying to alienate anyone sha. Maybe I’m just being selfish. UGMs should fight for themselves. You can’t be enjoying dick and expect someone that wants to enjoy it but can’t to be fighting ya battle.
E be like say I don talk too much today. Make I no display all fucked up thoughts in one afternoon.
Max
August 19, 14:14Forget those ppl @ Francis. Let’s forget all the political correctness that goes on around here lately.. Your statement is true.
Most MGM’s are depressed.. Yeah I have a couple of em as friends and the funny part is that I’m not sorry for them.. I just don’t feel it. When they start complaining, I just roll my eyes.
Think of a straight man settling down with another man, or a lady who loves 7 inch cock settling down with another lady and you’ll get the picture of what they’re going thru.
Let’s stop lying to ourselves and doing this “live and let live thing” its annoying as hell.
We’ve been marrying women for ages and Thats exactly the problem. Nothing will ever change if we dont see nothing wrong with it.
The msg we’re sending to the younger generation is a very depressing one, it says>>”whatever you do and no matter how hard you try, you’ll still end up with a woman”… We need to change that message, that narrative.
Let’s stop kidding ourselves.
Peak
August 19, 15:13As usual, we have decided to forego the issue under discuss and allow our distaste for a concept we refuse to understand, cloud or sense of reasoning. The day we start realising the same challenge straight ppl face when it comes to marriage, is equally applicable to us, is when we would start making leadway on MGM/MBM and marriage as a gay individual issues.
MGM/MBM are depressed in their marriage, and straight ppl aren’t? Anyone who is depressive would tell u that u don’t have to have a reason to be, ur mind always creates one. The only difference with married ppl, is that they have more triggering factors.
The same way straight ppl are getting into marriage just to satisfy society, is the same way gay/Bi ppl are struggling to do the same. The only difference is that we are overly conscious of the fact that we are different which heightens our yearning to fit in. All u have to do is observe the hustle of single girls to land a decent man like its oxygen and an announcement about its imminent scarcity has been declared. Ppl who have no business getting married in the 1st place, are equally in on the hustle “just to feel among”. If the younger generation has a lesson they should be learning now, it’s IF U KNOW U ARE NOT CUT OUT FOR MARRIAGE, DON’T MARRY. Its that simple instead of crucifying gay/bi ppl of the same crime that is applicable to the general population. Marriage is not meant for everyone, the sooner we understand this concept the better for us all. If a gay man decides not to marry a woman and opt for a man like a lot of u like to advertise here, what guarantee do we have that they would be completely happy and free from depression or simply live happy ever after?
Max
August 19, 16:37Well, when you put it like that, it makes sense.
But I still think its wrong to marry someone you’re not remotely attracted to. Basic Attraction is a prerequisite for marriage.
What you described above is the sham marriage which straight ppl engage in. I don’t think its something we should be trying to emulate as gay men.
Francis
August 19, 16:51Point taken and well understood but………………
P.S: I used to have a distaste for MGMs but not anymore since I started reading this blog. I’ve learnt to just be observing from afar without getting involved in their drama.
sensei
August 19, 15:04Good write up as usual, DM!
Oluwadamilare Okoro
August 19, 17:19Interesting read as always …
… And that shade at the end was life *highly missed your shades dm*
Brian Collins
August 19, 17:35As much as i would like to comment extensively/rant fear of failibg my Communications Engineering exams tomorrow will not let me. Lemme just say that as much as ‘fighting for oneself’ is what would be described as the real struggle, having people who are perceived as not directly affected join a cause is bound to help that cause.
Good one Dennis, i have a friend who ia also always the joy of every party..
ION who knows where Vhar is? I’ve been off and on a while now but whenever i try catch up on posts, i don’t notice his comments.
cho
August 19, 20:37Why is this labelled – rantings of a random “gay” Nigerian? Must the gay part be there? Is that your most prominent identity?
Francis
August 19, 20:39Opari. Another angul don land. LMAO
Brian Collins
August 20, 02:30And you ask this on a gay website, where the ‘ranter’ wants to be clearly and unmistakeably identified as a gay man?
And don’t even give the crap that because this is a gay site it isn’t necessary because we all know.
We’re here, we’re fab, we’re queer should tell you something.
Queen Mother
August 20, 08:05Cho darling, i was just passing and saw your comment. How market nah? Please, this is a gay blog, where we discusss matters affecting thw LGBT community, so we are proud to be addressed as gay, cos we are happier that way. We are a happy community with a diffrent mindset, questioning the dogmas and conventions of the society. So we are fabulous people. There is no High BP in this Kingdom. I may as well appreciate your being straight cos that’s who you are and would certainly as well like your appreciating my being gay for that’s who I am. live and let’s live. Just hang on in there, you’ll learn a lot here that would change your homophobic views. Maybe you can write a thesis on that. Who knows? You may even turn an activist for gay rights, using your ‘straightness’ at an advantage. Thanks darling, and welcome to our fabulous world. Mwah!
Geoffrey Kucharski
August 30, 22:04I have a question, Dennis. These gay men who went to the wedding aren t they outing themselves?