RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 65)

Compliments of the season, guys. This is of course going to be my last entry for 2016 (isn’t it amazing that 2016 has ended already?) and I thought I should share a few nuggets of wisdom for the New Year. I do believe – or rather, I want to believe that 2017 will hold a lot of promise for all of us. But it’s essentially up to us to reach out and grab it.

So here are my tips on making the best out of the coming year:

Reach For Happiness By Any Means Necessary:

I keep telling myself when I am going through dark days that happiness is a choice. It is not the absence of problems, but a choice in spite of the problems. Do the things that make you happy. Make the right choices. Set boundaries with family, coworkers, neighbors and anyone who likes to suck away your happiness. Set up ‘me’ times; when you play some Beyoncé (or whatever pop icon gets you grooving) and dance around naked in your room. Or pour a glass of your favorite poison, fry some chicken and watch Annalise Keating slay some people.

My brothers and sisters, life is short. So please make it count. Make every minute count and remember that you are responsible for your own happiness.

Take Care Of Yourself:

And by this, I mean your health. Far too many people die carelessly when it could have been avoided. As much as you can, endeavour to live. Go for that health check you have been putting off for years. Get tested for HIV and others STIs. Check your blood pressure, blood sugar level, pack cell volume etc. In the event that you had caught something, get on treatment immediately. When dealing with an ailment like HIV, the earlier you start treatment, the better for you. Stop eating unwholesome foods that expose you to pathogens. Drink clean water, and drink lots of it daily. Eat your fruits and vegetables (they will help your bowel movement, which comes in handy for bottoming *wink*). Just generally take care of yourself.

And please, please, awon power bottoms, sex is not wrestling. It’s not a challenge to be undertaken either. Always listen to your body. If you feel a dick is too big for you, then it probably is. Just let the owner go; you will not die.

Make 2017 Your Year Of Exercise:

Don’t roll your eyes please. Whenever we talk of exercise, people always imagine lifting heavy metal rods and get tired easily. But that’s not necessarily what exercise is all about. I always say work around what you enjoy and the options are limitless; from walking to swimming to dancing to running. There are so many forms of exercise to choose from. Just be consistent, that’s all. Yoga is really good too; you don’t even need to go to any fancy yoga studio to engage in it. Just skedaddle over to YouTube and search the channels. You don’t also need to pay for gym membership; buy running shoes and hit the roads in the morning at your pace. There is also Zumba, which I absolutely love and which Nigerian music is great for. Just head over to YouTube and search Nigerian Zumba, connect the computer to the TV like I do, rearrange your furniture, and voila, your living room is a studio. You can even get a few friends to join you and make it more fun. Please take this very seriously. It can actually save your life; plus you get to look better, and it will pepper your ex when he sees you.

Play Safe:

My brothers in the Lord (lol), let 2017 be the year that you stop barebacking. I beg you with whatever you hold sacred. Even if you are on Truvada, there are many other things you can still catch from barebacking. No matter how sumptuous the dick looks or invitingly the ass beckons, ‘no strap, no enter’ should be your motto. Now, to even have peace of mind, please get vaccinated against Hepatitis B and C; thankfully vaccines are available. Go get a shot of those so you can have peace of mind.

Get Rid of Negative Friendships:

You know those people who pretend to be your friend but they don’t actually like you and always like putting you down at every chance they get? Get rid of them in 2017. There is absolutely no reason to continue to put up with their crap. Cut them away from your life and stick with your true friends. People always ask me how to identify real friends and I always say: if something bad happens to you and you can tell someone without being afraid that he/she will laugh at you or talk about it behind you, then that person is a real friend. Please throw out all the snakes in your life and roll with human beings.

Better Yourself Professionally In 2017:

Get an additional degree. Acquire a new professional skill. Get a new certification. Get something that will help you move ahead professionally. See eh, this New Year, there is going to be a lot of alignment and re-alignment professionally, and we all have to be prepared to grab opportunities. Economic recession is sadly cutting jobs, but it is also opening opportunities for those with the right skill set. So now is the time to prepare yourself. A lot is happening online, and with e-commerce, graphic designing and coding, for instance, is the future. If you can learn these two things, do so. They will come in handy.

Say NO To Unrequited Love:

In 2017, you should learn to say no to unrequited love; you know, those prisons you put yourself in, hoping some boy – or girl – will finally see how amazing you are and love you back? News flash: HE WILL NOT! Set yourself free and get out of that prison. Open up your heart to find people who will value and appreciate you. I have been there myself – with a married man even (*covers face in shame*). Then I got a grip and left. You can too! Life is too short to be waiting for that one who will never come around or who continues to manipulate your emotions. Get up and walk.

Set Targets For Yourself:

I am not a fan of resolutions, but you can set targets for 2017, and from time to time, monitor your progress and reward yourself when you have achieved some of them. Just make them realistic and achievable (like finally getting into Korede baby’s bed, lol). Anyway it’s important to have a small diary where you write your targets down and review them from time to time.

Develop A Hobby:

Develop a new hobby; learn how to paint, start reading fiction, write poetry, learn how to cook or how to play a musical instrument – anything that isn’t what you already do. Just learn something new and you will be surprised how much value it adds to your life and makes it even more enjoyable. Get as much information as you can; the world is already full of stupid people, we don’t need more of that. Do not use Twitter for porn alone; read articles, read the news, participate in conversations, better your brain.

Enjoy Your Friendships:

On a final note, always make time for friendship and as much as possible get together with your boys (or girls) to make things happen. Laugh with them. Love them. Cherish them.

Have a Happy New Year, guys!

XOXO

DM