THAT FIRST TIME IN OCTOBER
FOREWORD: So, following that first time post, someone has sent in a non-fictional narration of his first sexual experience. He dedicates it to the dude who made it happen. Read and enjoy.
*
When we first met, you said, you didn’t know I was. I smile at that sentence: so Nigerian the way the auxiliary verb comes laden with unspoken meaning. Meaning worth fourteen years behind bars.
I’d been in your place that Saturday afternoon you referred to, going through your stack of photos. You said, later, that you’d wanted to kiss me. But weren’t sure.
Months later, while I hoped that the next item on the news about the ASUU strike would be its call-off, you asked me my role. It was past one a.m., in the days XtraCool was a thing.
Versatile, I said quickly. And slapped my arm – fucking mosquito. Did it matter that when I watched Diego and Paloma kiss back in the day, I actually saw myself as a kinda male version of Paloma, swooning but for Diego’s strong arm propping my spine? Uh, no. I didn’t think so.
I was versatile, I said again, in case you hadn’t heard the first time.
Nice, you said. You were versatile too.
I said, Oh nice. And thought that what was actually nice was how lucky I’d been to – only the Tuesday before – stumble on an article online about Tops, Bottoms and Versatiles. Imagine the naivety I would have displayed if you’d asked this question, say, Monday the previous week! Good pupil that I was, though, I listened when you taught me to measure my dick with a ruler and a piece of string.
Then came that October night. One week after school resumed. One week after I’d thrown away my nylon bag full of beans, because every grain had been poked through by weevils during the strike.
That October night, I stood in front of my hostel, waiting for the cab you were in to arrive. You’d been travelling all day from Lagos and I’d thought of you all day, from Mass to afterwards. Wondering what it’d be like to finally look into your eyes and say I loved you. Like I did over the phone throughout the strike. What would the words taste like on my tongue, with you physically present? What would you taste like?
At your place, we had dinner – spaghetti – by candlelight, because your part of campus had electricity problems.
When we lay down to sleep I was quiet, knowing what’d happen. Wondering how it’d happen. Who’d make the first move. Your roommate was asleep, dead as an unread book.
I reached a tentative hand across your tummy. Sighed. I had touched you now. One step done. I whispered something about my hostel to you. I doubt you heard. It didn’t even matter; I was just trying to still my pounding heart, talk the anxiety out.
Then I kissed you. A smack. No lingering. Like your lips burned. It was my first kiss.
And I waited to faint.
* * *
I’d turned twenty that year. Dad called it a “landmark birthday”. I smiled, not particularly keen on finding out what he meant by that. I guess two decades of life must be a big deal somehow.
It was a big deal. The kiss, I mean. Were I the crying type, I’d have held your face and cried into it, let my tears of release splash onto your lips. Cried for all those years in secondary school when I was always – always – afraid. Afraid to think It. Lest It showed in my eyes. Afraid to touch the boys I wanted to touch. Lest I got caught, like it happened once before. The years I counted down to JAMB, knowing that, one day, university would come and I would meet a guy and finally do It.
I had told you these things the night you asked me about roles. You sympathised, you’d had it easier, you’d had fun.
* * *
But I’m not the crying type.
I merely smiled in the darkness and, feeling your breath fan my nose, kissed you again, this time deep and toothless, hoping I was doing it right.
* * *
The chaplain in our church had been right. And I had lied at confession.
It happened the previous session. The week I paid my fees and got my matric number. After reciting my usual sins – masturbation and thoughts about boys – to the chaplain, he asked if I knew the second sin was an abomination.
Yes, I said.
Had I done it before?
Yes.
How many times?
Once, when I was twelve. And another time when I was fifteen. I didn’t tell him it’d just been my and the guy’s hips grinding. No clothes had come off. No kiss. No orgasm.
How old was I now? he continued.
Eighteen.
First Year?
Yes, Father, I said.
So you have come to university to continue practising your dirty acts?
No, Father—
Now you are free to do as you like—
No, Father, I sighed, knowing I was lying. Knowing ten Hail Marys and five Our Fathers would not stop this impending sin from meeting me at my point of need. Only a matter of time.
I genuflected at the church exit, determined not to wank for the next two weeks. Two weeks is my limit. After which I go crazy, feel so full I’m ready to burst – actually burst when I work myself vigorously, begging God to, please, not take my life before the next confession on Saturday.
* * *
Your roommate hadn’t stirred while we kissed and whispered in the dark.
I lay on my back, without thinking. I wanted your weight on me; it felt right that way – I didn’t know why. I didn’t know why I had refused your invitation when you turned around and asked me to fuck you.
And now, I didn’t know what next to do after lying down.
But you did. Your hands were steady as you raised my legs and pressed them back, until my knees touched my ears. It was a necessary evil, I’d learn later, this lifting of legs.
* * *
Years ago, one idle day in SS2, I’d locked myself in the toilet, reached behind and inserted a finger up there, down there. It burned. I quickly took out the finger, suddenly understanding why my classmates equated this kind of sex with breaking in; and why they figuratively installed burglar bars around their assholes, padlocked them, and wore “iron pant” for good measure.
You were pressing against me now. Trying to enter.
I waited, relaxed. Nobody had told me about relaxation, but I was fucking relaxed! Too relaxed, in fact. Until searing pain made me spring up from the bed. Like I was about to attack you. You caught me in the dark, our heads nestled against each other’s shoulders. Sweat tingling from my every pore.
It was okay, you said, sorry. We could stop now.
But I was who I was – ramrod-stubborn, unused to vulnerability; I lay back down and said: No. Try again.
It was over in minutes. I wanted to shit, the room was too hot, my hips ached, and inside – down there – I felt grated.
I was sorry for wasting your time, I whispered, feeling terribly inadequate.
You clamped my lips between your fingers. You needed me to shut up. It was o-kay. And we could switch, you didn’t mind. I said ok.
I pushed against your hole, the way I’d felt you do to mine. I pushed, really tried that night, willing my brain to cooperate with my blood flow down there. Collapsing on the bed when I finally had just my limpness in my hand.
* * *
I shuffled into my hostel the next morning, feeling changed, fluffy and possessed. Like you’d entered me and not come out. We – you and I – had spent the rest of last night kissing, licking, sucking, kissing some more and cuddling. We did not sleep.
I was grateful my roommate Geoffrey had filled my bucket; it was time saved, I thought, as I hurried to the bathroom. Our first lecture, like many of our lectures since we got into Second Year, was at 8.
While at your place the previous night, I’d told Geoffrey I was at my family friend’s – in the staff quarters. As we walked to class, he asked how my family friends were. I said they were fine, my attention on our faculty building beyond the stadium ahead. He didn’t ask any more questions, he didn’t seem to need any special answers.
Throughout classes, I floated between half-asleep and nonsensically happy. I do not remember anything that happened in class that day save that every two minutes, I lived the previous night all over again, grinned a lot, willed myself to control my emotions, grinned and grinned some more – and, in-between, feared that you were the beginning of my problems in school. I mean, it’s a common trope in Nollywood movies: lose your virginity, then lose your head, then fail half your courses in school, then become “useless” and give your parents hypertension.
During Conflict Resolution class, the lecturer caught my head bobbing intermittently.
You, stand up, he said. The class burst into giggles. I shrugged, eyes barely open. And chuckled. Right there in front of the lecturer. I’d lost my mind – who cared? – fuck this shit. I wasn’t there there, you know… That night, after evening Mass, I knew I’d see you again and we would go to your place and I’d hold you and we would kiss and I’d be naked in seconds, without feeling like it was a new thing anymore. Two days, twenty years – who was counting? I was getting used to this. ■
Written By Absalom, For M.
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37 Comments
shuga chocolata
December 24, 05:45Nicely composed, I read from start to finish thumbs up absalom.
B.A.D
December 24, 06:111st off, omg Abs ( can I call u Abs?) Ur rytn is A+mazing. Sooo gud!
U 1st had sex @ 20? Nna wat wr u waiting 4??
I’m catholic 2. Although I rarely go 2 church/confession. However, I decided a looong tym ago 2 stop confessing being gay as sin cuz it just isn’t.
Pls do tell us abt d time u got caught in sec. sch 🙂
PS. I do hope ur beta at bottoming now than u wr back then?
Sinnex
December 24, 12:06And what is wrong in not having sex? It is not all about sex. I am 25 and not had sex before. I really don’t think being gay is all about the sex, what about love and companionship?
pinkpanthertb
December 24, 12:39… And sex. Don’t kid yourself, Sinnex. At the end of the day, both love and companionship go hand in hand with sex. If any guy claims to love you and isn’t getting it from you, he’s getting it from someone else. Sooner you dump your naivete, the better for you
yours_truly
December 24, 06:15Is it weird that I don’t understand?
Lord II
December 24, 07:17A little yeah!!!! Coz you are supposed to boo….however seeing this as one of your early days u could just read and learn dear!
Lemuel
December 24, 06:36Beautifully patterned write up…buh how did you continue with him..how did become a slut afterwards
chestnut
December 24, 06:55Absalom…*sigh*
The part about d candlelight dinner got me,lol. I was goin to say ‘how romantic’ and ‘extra’, until I realised there was no light,hahaha…
Mr Kassy
December 24, 06:58Hmmmmm that confession thing mtchewwww! I thought I was the only one that did that.I decided never to confess being a gay to a priest as a sin again.no more! Absalom dear I love ur writeup,My own first time was kinda funny:WHEN I WAS IN THE SEMINARY*covers face hoping pinky wount request me to sent anything*
B.A.D
December 24, 07:47SEMINARY??
Pls tell us EVERYTHING.
Airdeecan
December 24, 09:37Yeah, start from how shower time is in der…….my priest fantasy hasn’t been fulfilled yet..
FKA Chizzie
December 24, 06:58*standing ovation* felt like I was reading a Chinamanda novel, especially the bit abt Mass and confession; This deserves a million Pulitzer’s btw.
Absalom you should write a book!
FKA Chizzie
December 24, 07:06That said, I know this is abit off but Pinky dearest can u put a disclaimer up? , one stating that married men who indulge in bareback orgies should refrain from evangelizing in gay forums or any forum for that matter.
Did anyone read Lord’s comments last night? The sheer ridiculousness of that man, he gave me a brain freeze. How can one person be so oblivous and dense. ?
Someone needs to have him euthanized, euthanized because like an animal, he acts accordingly.
pinkpanthertb
December 24, 07:12Chizzie, as long as he hasn’t insulted anyone, i believe he has a right to express himself. His views might not be popular but he has a right to say them. I seem to remember someone once lecturing me on this issue of freedom of expression.
FKA Chizzie
December 24, 07:15He’s just so irritating .
pinkpanthertb
December 24, 07:22Lol. That’s a sentiment we both share, trust me.
Khaleesi
December 24, 10:58@chizzie, however obnoxious and hare-brained Lord II’s views are, the sad reality is that he’s entitled to them, just as we all are entitled to our views … i know it’ll take a supreme effort, but just somehow try to accomodate his illogical and hypocritic views…. happily, we can team up and fire painful shots at him whenever it gets out of hand … lol
Lord II
December 24, 07:20Sweet read!!!! Wow!! Absalom apart from the story your writing was to never stop….wow!!! I loved it..kudos…and thanks for making me relive some others’ first times with me!!!
chestnut
December 24, 07:55King, I’m beginning to think that u have d most active and… “assorted” sex-life on this blog…
Lord II
December 24, 08:33Chesty luv U may not be very wrong there…..hehe!
But let’s not forget I am a bit grown and so maybe time and chance have happened to me…not necessarily any other reason.
#TeamKizito
December 24, 09:58Oh. Absie, bae.
I’m desperate to connect..
Max
December 24, 10:13I love this.. Captures how the first time feels.. Nicely written…
Chuck
December 24, 19:57Are you dark skinned? I know a dark skinned Max…
Brian Collins
December 24, 11:58Ohh God!!! *Stomps right foot*
I know I am totally going to be bitch slapped after this, but as the tintilating mother of dragons pointed out, we all are entitled to our opinion.
I thought he ‘tried’ too much with the writing. Some parts were nice and sometimes I got very lost and I have read Hamlet. It could have been written better, simpler. Punctuations were almost inexistent, it made it even more difficult to read.
This story was far from sensual for me.
I am just glad it wasn’t Kryss (where is he sef) or Max dat wrote this story I am saying I do not exactly dig.
Dennis Macauley
December 24, 13:02I went to a seminary and then a Federal government college too! I was a boarder at both
I was a good boy
***lips sealed***
Lord II
December 24, 13:33Hmm Dennis did you almost mean dat good boi…ok no..am sure dat was a typo…ok good am sure u wanted to type glory hole..no?
Lord II
December 24, 13:59Was just jesting ooo D…..!!! I mean we all dat went to boarding schools hmmm…Dats all I can mutter…hmm!
FKA Chizzie
December 24, 14:36shut up and go and attend to ur Wife and Children
Max
December 24, 14:55Chizzie dear, it’s Christmas eve.. Be nice. ☺
Brian Collins
December 24, 15:21Chizzie, all these bad bad things you’ve had to say to Lord/King/Debaucherylovingmarriedman, Diaris God o
Lord II
December 24, 16:25Awww Chizzie it’s Xmas…common spread some cheer!!!
Merry Xmas u all my beloved friends…hey don’t spare them turkeys and chicken biko…..have a blast jo on me…its my Lords BDAY tomao..hugs!
Mr Kassy
December 24, 23:42Dennis good boy indeed*Oduanya*
Kristopher B
December 24, 20:30Hmmm! Absolam, u school at UNN, i know. Don’t ask me how i found out ~smilez~ i know. Was it father Onoyima u confessed to? I knew quite a lot of Gay altar boys whilst i schooled there, tho i was more of a focused GP conscious bookie back then. Finally, come what may never abandon religion completely, it will kp you level headed once in a while!
DeadlyDarius
December 24, 23:37Yes….because all atheists all come unhinged every once in a while. Religion tho does wonder for the senses…the Yazidis would definitely agree with you
pinkpanthertb
December 25, 04:40It will keep you level headed…
Lmao!!! So its religion that does that for a person?! Oh dear
Wyt
December 26, 05:51Nice read! I just stumbled into this beautiful place and I ve had an amazinh time reading all the old posts.
Pinky you are a gem and and so are the rest of us. Can we let the not so popular ones be themselves at least sometimes?
Cheers and merry christmas
pinkpanthertb
December 26, 06:10By all means, Wyt. Welcome n be yourself all you want. 🙂