THE AUDACITY OF THE HOMOSEXUAL

THE AUDACITY OF THE HOMOSEXUAL

That evening, I went to answer a booty call.

The guy was a friend – a fuck buddy, if you will – who I’d known for a long time. We had a good relationship that didn’t expect too much and at the same time afforded mutual respect. For the purpose of this story, I’ll call him Jeffrey.

When I got to Jeffrey’s house that evening, it was to find that he had a guest. That was not the first time I’d come to his house to meet him with friends. And Jeffrey isn’t that kind of person who expects you to make the acquaintance of his friends, whether you want to or not. And so, usually, whenever I meet him entertaining guests, I’d excuse myself to his bedroom where I’ll chill until he is done. That day was no different; in fact, he was the one who suggested I go relax in the bedroom, a suggestion which I didn’t need any prompting to heed, seeing as I am terrible at socializing with total strangers.

I was in the room, having divested myself of my clothes, lounging on the bed and tapping away at my phone. At some point, Jeffrey came into the bedroom to gist with me a bit about some new development in his career, and then he went back to the living room.

There was no light, and so, as the day waned, the room started getting dark, illuminated only by the light from my phone screen. The first time he entered the room, I had to turn the light of my phone on him to know who’d just come in. It was Jeffrey’s friend, the person he was hanging out with in the living room.

Using the light of his own phone, he made his way to a bag lying in the corner of the room, from which he retrieved something and then left the room.

He did this a few more times: enter the room, rummage through the bag (which I imagined was his, which meant he was also an overnight visitor), and then leave the room.

I didn’t give much thought to his comings and goings after the second time. I was now lying on the bed, on my side, engrossed with my phone –

Until I suddenly felt the weight of someone depress the bed beside me, and this someone reaching his arms around to cuddle me!

I was startled by this sudden invasion of my personal space because I could instantly tell that this person wasn’t Jeffrey. This person was sweaty, sticky and shirtless, and smelled nothing like Jeffrey. As those hands were pulling me close to that clammy chest, I turned my phone screen to their owner’s face.

And behold, it was Jeffrey’s friend!

Whaddafuck!

The startle I earlier felt was immediately short-circuited to fury. I shoved at him, and he recoiled. I sat up, ready to incinerate him with my anger, but he had already shuffled out of the bed and fled from the room back to the parlour.

I sat there, feeling both disgust and anger. Like, seriously, whaddafuck! What gave that guy the audacity? The only exchange I’d ever had with him was hello and hi, and somehow, he thought that was his access to me? No conversation, no sidelong glances, no come-hither looks, NOTHING – but sure, climb into bed and cuddle me! Like, who even does that! What kind of pervy nonsense was this!

I was supremely pissed. I had the mind of following him to the parlour and confronting him in front of Jeffrey. However, I decided to let our host deal with him. I texted Jeffrey on WhatsApp, telling him what his friend had just done, and moments after I saw my message read, I heard his voice explode in the living room as he began berating the guy.

The rest of the night went by uneventfully – well, except for the great sex between Jeffrey and I. Sex with him is always great, and that night, while we did our thing in the bedroom, the pervert slept in the living room.

The next morning, I was up very early in order to beat the traffic to get home. I also like to do my walk of shame as early as possible; it won’t do for the children of God to use their clear eye to see me coming back from my overnight business of sin. So, I was out of Jeffrey’s house as early as 5 AM and was soon inside a bus, homebound. When the driver began asking for his fare, I brought out my wallet; in it were supposed to be a one-thousand naira note and some five-hundred naira notes. However, as I rifled through the wallet, I saw that the one-thousand naira note was missing. Realizing this, I quickly counted the five-hundred naira notes, eventually noting that two notes were also missing.

I didn’t need to think too hard to know what happened to my money. Jeffrey’s guest was apparently not just a pervert. He was a petty thief too!

I texted Jeffrey at once, telling him what I suspected, even telling him the exact naira denominations that were missing. Some minutes later, he texted back. He was very dismayed. He said he’d checked the guy’s bag, that bag he kept in the bedroom, and he saw the exact amount of money I was missing tucked away inside. Jeffrey sounded mortified and kept apologizing to me. By the time I got home, he’d transferred the amount to my account. He later told me he had to kick the guy out of his house that same morning.

Human beings are a constant source of surprise to me, but it takes a certain level of entitlement – or insecurity – for someone to feel like they can not only help themself to your body but to your possessions as well, without your permission.

Men truly are scum.

Written by Durano

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  1. Lopez
    December 12, 07:46 Reply

    Our community 101. I guess everyone of us here can relate, either the invasion of the privacy or the thievery or both. Worst is people with these behaviors don’t even think they’re doing any wrong, especially the perverts. Men truly are scum.

  2. Mitch
    December 12, 09:04 Reply

    When we say “Men are scum” now, ine anụ ọhịa would come out to scream nOt ALl mEn!

    Just nekene the scummy behaviour!
    Tufiakwa!!!!!!!!!

  3. Mandy
    December 12, 09:06 Reply

    The stealing part, I can totally and easily relate with our community. But the cuddling part… I still struggle to understand how gay guys get this pervy and dare to take liberties with other guys, especially when they’ve gotten absolutely NO GREENLIGHT! Like, I dont get it.

    • Delle
      December 12, 11:14 Reply

      Ha! Please o Mandy, I refuse to associate stealing with our community 😂

    • trystham
      December 13, 10:00 Reply

      Speak for urself though. I have been very lucky to not have come across thieves in my interactions with queer folk. Entitled, yes. Thieves, no

      • Mandy
        December 13, 12:17 Reply

        That was literally what I was doing: speaking for myself. Nowhere in my comment did I say everyone in the community has encountered a thieving hookup.

        • trystham
          December 16, 09:16 Reply

          I don’t know what community you belong to, but I am gay and I am NOT a thief. If you are a thief, say u r a thief. Don’t use umbrella words like ‘our’ for specifics

  4. Francis
    December 12, 09:06 Reply

    Is a wowing something oh. This your Jeffery allowed the idiot to stay the night after he pulled that stunt with you? 🤔 🤔🤔

    • Delle
      December 12, 11:12 Reply

      Must have been really late. You can’t send someone out into the night like that na. What if something happens to him? Idiot or not, make person no die because e com my house abeg

      • Francis
        December 12, 15:15 Reply

        🤣😂🤣😂 Makes sense though person like me will have a hard time sleeping till he’s gone

  5. chubbylover
    December 12, 09:18 Reply

    *Some human beings are a constant source of surprise….
    **Some men are scum…..

  6. Mahliq
    December 12, 09:22 Reply

    It’s really baffling and tiring.

    Thankfully, your Jeffrey has sense and did not excuse any of the behaviours the dude exhibited for whatever reasons some people in our community would.

  7. Black Dynasty
    December 12, 09:44 Reply

    The nerve, the actual nerve!

    It always baffles me when i meet people who do not understand boundaries when it comes to other people.

  8. Delle
    December 12, 11:11 Reply

    What on earth? I hope that Jeffrey guy never let’s the sewage into his home again. This is behind repulsive! That guy has guts shaa! And to think he did that with a clammy body. I’d have killed someone’s son.

    Ugh!!!

    • Pink Panther
      December 12, 12:00 Reply

      🤣🤣🤣🤣 I somehow knew you’d latch on to that detail about the nature of the skin.

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