The Boyfriends Who Love Each Other So Much They Don’t Ever Want To Have Sex
A guy on Reddit says he and his boyfriend have never had sex and maybe never will, but they’re still head over heels for one another.
“Alright,” the post begins, “so my boyfriend of 3+ months and I have not had sex. I’m 23, he’s 22. I’m his first, and I haven’t dated since high school and I barely consider that a relationship so I would say he’s my first too.”
Young love. Cute.
“About a month into it he tried to initiate but I stopped him because I felt it was too soon,” the guy explains. “He told me that meant a lot to him because it showed that I truly love and care about him.”
Awwww.
“I’ve had my share of hooking up, so it’s not like I’m repulsed by [it] or not experienced,” he continues, “I think the difference between him, and the guys I’ve hooked up with, is that we actually share an emotional intimacy that extends beyond physicality.”
So what’s the problem? Well, the guys, says, “because I feel so close to him at that level, I feel like sex would or could possibly damage our relationship.”
Wait… What?
“I guess that may also be due to the fact that I’ve never experienced [it] as an act of love,” he adds, “and all it’s left me feeling is empty and used at times.”
He goes on to explain that they do kiss and cuddle and hold hands, but that’s it.
“I see him as my best friend,” he writes, “and quite frankly I don’t want to ‘f*ck’ my best friend.”
About a month ago, he brought the issue up with his boyfriend. Specifically, he says he asked him: “Do you think it’s weird that as a gay couple we haven’t had sex, and are you okay with that?”
A “philosophical discussion” ensued, and ended with both guys agreeing that they did not want to have sex with one another, nor did they want to have sex with anyone else. In other words, they have agreed to a sexless and monogamous yet still very loving relationship.
“Maybe someday we will, maybe we won’t,” the guy continues. “But right now, what matters most to me is continuing to get to know him and build a solid foundation with him. He means so much to me, and I’ve never felt more loved and cared for.”
“To me,” he says, “being gay isn’t all about sex.”
He concludes: “I don’t know why I’m writing this, I guess I’m just venting because it hurts me like hell when I’m told I don’t love him or he doesn’t love me because we don’t f*ck.”
Naturally, other Reddit users had lots to say about this.
“To be honest, it sounds like you have ‘ruined’ sex for yourself,” one person responds. “Many gays don’t even realize that having casual hookups will ruin what sex means for them. Give it time. Real, intimate sex is amazing.”
“For me sex is the least important in a relationship,” another person adds. “There are so much more important things.”
“I’m asexual so that’s exactly what I want,” a third person says, “a relationship with no sex. … You do you.”
“I’ve been with my guy for 2.5 years and we still haven’t had sex,” a fourth person confesses.
What do you think of this couple’s decision not to have sex with one another or anyone else? How would do you in that sort of situation? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
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36 Comments
DI-NAVY
July 20, 06:18Abegy.lol
What are they doing ? Sex is the spice of every relationship pls. I don’t get it but this seems awkward really .lol
Johnny
July 20, 06:48You say what? sex is not. when you think Sex is, soon you ll be tired of it. Even when I go to see boo, sex is the least of it, just happiness is what we need.
Pink Panther
July 20, 06:49You don’t say. 😀
Mandy
July 20, 06:51Unless you are asexual, sex (to me) is a major ingredient in a relationship o. In your own case, Johnny, you guys do have sex. Even though it’s not as important.
But these dudes up there have never had sex! Wow! Boggles my mind to think about biko.
DI-NAVY
July 20, 07:08How can I be with someone I love and attracted to and I won’t have sex with the person . Sex is an ingredient oh thats not why I am in a relationship . Its a spice to the relationship.
There are other things to do in a relationship other than sex. I know that. But there have to be love making between two lovers who claim to be in love shikina.
Jaiice
July 20, 06:51I might be forced to agree with them.. I was with my ex for 2years, A year and 5months without sex.. Had sex on the 6th month, broke up the 9th Month.
And yes, Gay relationships are more than sex.
Mandy
July 20, 06:52So having sex broke you guys up? #AskingForMyPeaceOfMind
Jaiice
July 20, 06:54I can’t put it up all on here, but that played a part in the break-up.
Pink Panther
July 20, 06:56Perhaps in a story then? 😀
Jaiice
July 20, 06:58Not so good a writer but maybe.
Pink Panther
July 20, 07:06You don’t have to be a good writer, hon. Just put your thoughts down and send it along. 🙂
michael
July 20, 10:18And you’d do justice to it.
#Chestnut
July 20, 11:46@jaiice: maybe it’s because at that point, having sex with him would have kind of been like having sex with ur best friend. if for some reason, I “accidentally” had sex with me bestie, I know we would be so uncomfortable afterwards and we would avoid each other like a plague… maybe forever!
Kenny
July 20, 07:18All the very best to the both of them. Hopefully he’ll give us a sequel when his boyfriend finds sex somewhere else.
Pink Panther
July 20, 07:41Hehehee why so cynical?
Silver Cat
July 20, 07:40I think I’ll tow the path of Just-Do-U. Sex is this, sex is that… needless nitpicking if U ask me. All we are looking for is happiness and if this duo have found it in a sexless relationship, good for them and for all others too who aren’t as sexual like mua. Betting on their break up, unu dikwa mean sha.
BeeJay
July 20, 07:57Progressive gays, I say. We need more so-minded gays this side of the globe!
Too clean
July 20, 08:25I kinda like the idea!
I have been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years without sex ,not even anything close to it….
Yet we were in love!
I know such relationship will work with my kinda person…
There’s something about anal sex that gives me Paranoia…..
maybe its just me…..
Ouch!…Not even with one guy sef….i just remembered one way back university…we were the talk of the hostel and beyond way back…because of our closeness but despite the closeness and all,we never had sex O yet we were so in love as well…
**Looks@Duke***
You know these persons!
Lol
ambivalentone
July 20, 10:43Oh brother!!! *rolls eyes + face-palm + snorts*
Pink Panther
July 20, 11:24Hehehee.
Absalom
July 20, 08:36The human mind is a mysterious place and the older we get, the more open we should be to experiences that are unconventional and which may not be our own truths.
Three months isn’t that long. And, barring the hook-ups the OP had had before this BF, the both of them aren’t exactly veterans in the dating field. Their lives and the relationship just started. Things could change, or not, along the line – what does it matter?
Perhaps the BF needs a bit more time to adjust – being that this is his first relationship. (It’s not clear if he’s had sex prior.)
Or maybe they are still figuring out what they mean to each other across the smudged friends-lovers divide. Again, what does it matter? They are not committing a crime or harming themselves or anyone else.
And I think it’s disrespectful to write off a relationship simply because it doesn’t look like what you are used to.
Delle
July 20, 09:17Hmm…this is something.
Well, it’s nice to break the norm of all gay relationships are sex spurred. But this: “I guess that may also be due to the fact that I’ve never experienced [it] as an act of love,”
Therapy is needed here. Apparently, he was conditioned this way and as a result, his boyfriend, due to the love they share, is buying it. It’s all good if that’s what they want but sex doesn’t mar relationships. Good sex.
To every mallam, his kettle though. If they believe having sex would soil their intimacy, then they shouldn’t.
Personally, I envy their self-control.
Pjay
July 20, 10:45I think a clear definition of what people consider sex might be in order here. Some people kiss, smooch, cuddle and fondle etcetera etcetera and consider all these sex whether it culminates in an orgasm or not. Others do not consider these activities as sex. Still yet, some believe that you have not had sex until u cum. This is directed at all the people claiming to have been in sexless relationships for years. The truth is you had some form of sexual contact which was satisfying to you at that time. And, Jaiice, have u considered that maybe you broke up because the sex was horrible and your boyfriend and you were mortified to discover you had waited for that long for nothing? #just saying
Pink Panther
July 20, 11:23THIS!
*applause*
Jaiice
July 20, 19:14Well… I can’t consider that cos it’s clearly not the case. Maybe if you read to understand, you’d figure I never mentioned we waited that long to have sex and hunnay, I know how to satisfy my man (and he did too). We still had 3months of great sex before I called off the relationship and he still wants to have sex with me.
I did say earlier that I can’t put it all up here. So you might just have to wait for the “story”.
ambivalentone
July 20, 10:45Its cute, but not for me.
Pink Panther
July 20, 11:23How can it be when you’re a certified ham lover? 😀
ambivalentone
July 20, 14:08What can I do na? And we are supposed to be in a relationship??? Ordinary KNOWING he has a dick wud get me flustered. Wo, celibacy kent werk. He should just change tbe whole thing to Just Friends WITHOUT Benefits
Pink Panther
July 20, 14:34Hahahahahahahahaa!!!
Jo
July 20, 11:32odiegwu… in this harmattan?
#Chestnut
July 20, 11:40wait, what? no gbenshing keh? what will they now be doing all day? (just kidding, lol). but seriously though, see una, see friend zone o! when u’re not sexually intimate with someone u care about for a long time, the relationship could morph into a brotherhood. take me for instance, one of my best friends started out as a major crush; like, “dream-about-you-at-night” kinda crush! but we became so close for so long without any intimacy, that I started to see him as a brother. now if I were to imagine sex with him, it would be like “eeewww!” (this is someone I used to fantasize about licking from head to toe o, lol). abeg if u don’t strike while the iron is hot, it gets cold… and ain’t nothing bringing the heat back, I tell ya!
DI-NAVY
July 20, 11:49GBAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL EM>>> It will enter ‘bro bro’ thing .
Sex should not be an everyday thing, but once in a while, there should be an intimate love making. it grows the bond. For me not to have sex anymore with someone i claim to call a bf, hunnay i have friend zoned him. seriously.
Brian Collins
July 20, 19:38This happened to me and my bestie. We had some sort of connection and dragged it out for over a year and now 8years later our friendship is rock solid. Thinking about doing anything with him gives me the creeps. We joke about it sometimes even
Kainene
July 20, 16:49*looks up* hmm K for them *goes back to sleep*
Delle
July 20, 21:29“Maybe if you read to understand, you’d figure
I never mentioned we…”
I don’t know why we are always so quick to get catty on this blog even when the recipient meant no harm…smh.
YCJ
January 03, 13:43Although I believe sex helps bond well in a relationship i respect their decision.