The Gay Man In 2017
The Nigerian Gaybourhood bewilders me plenty these days. I find myself of the opinion that Nigerian gay men are uniquely unbelievable. This short story will demonstrate what I mean.
About a week or two ago, a random dude – let’s call him Samuel – started a chat with me on the Facebook Messenger. After exchanging pleasantries, I decided to play the nice guy and keep the conversation going. It turned out Samuel is a Corp member. He went on to tell me that he was at his home (let’s say Benin) but is serving in my town (call it Owerri). And after some brief trivial banter, he popped THE QUESTION – you know, the one every gay acquaintance likes to get out of the way.
“What’s your role?”
I laughed and replied simply: “T”
He responded that he is “T” too, and I typed back, “That’s cool.”
It soon became clear we didn’t have much to talk about – or at least, he wasn’t making any attempt to keep the conversation going, so I let go of the chat.
We didn’t chat again until that good afternoon almost two weeks after the first day we connected, when he dropped a “Hi” into my inbox again. We exchanged the usual banter of “how are you” and “how is your day going?”
And then he said, “I am bored.”
I told him “Too bad.”
And then he said, “I’ll be leaving Owerri soon.”
I revisited our chat history and refreshed my memory on when he said he’d be coming to Owerri soon. Clearly he’d been back and was about to leave again. After some more chatting, I told him that perhaps we could hang out the following afternoon and have a couple drinks since he was so bored (I assumed that was what he had been alluding to, you know, a meet, but I hadn’t wanted to presume).
He agreed that we should chill. And then moments later, he typed, “I hope the bill is on you?”
I answered, “No. I’ll foot my bills and you’ll take care of yours. After all, I’m not toasting you.”
And that was it. This young man then retorted: “Same gist with all Igbo guys…Greedy.”
Chineke m! I was astonished! How did being Igbo become the subject of this conversation and how was I greedy? How did we get from me clarifying our bill-paying status to my ethnicity getting judged?
I asked him what he meant by what he said, and he typed “Never mind.”
And that was the end of the conversation.
I can’t with some gay men in this country, honestly! In this feminist 2017, a young man who I don’t owe anything and who I didn’t ask anything from is acting like a child.
These are the things that tire me about the gay community.
Written by Bradley
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25 Comments
Ken George
September 11, 09:28I am always disgusted with silly gays that think its another persons job to take of them. I actually feel collecting money from someone u just had sex with makes you no better than a prostitute. Dont come to me with tales of your t-fare or stories that touch with how poor or lowly u are. Get a grip already! If you cant pay your own bills, then pls stay at home.
Ólay
September 14, 15:28exactly!
trystham
September 11, 10:05While this may be fb chat, most of the time, all that rubbish stems from not reading thru profiles.
Foxydevil
September 12, 09:43You sound really dumb.
What does reading a facebook profile have to do with this?
You act like people put up on their profile…
“hello, I’m a broke ass man, that would ask you to pay if we go out on a date…. And one more thing, I despise igbo men, because I think they are greedy, too tricky and too manipulative ”
Get it together and borrow yourself some sense.
Sheesh .?
Delle
September 11, 10:46It’s an annoying episode you had there, no doubt. But I have an issue with us always tagging “the gay community”.
It’s a personality thing. What he displayed, that outright daftness of bringing ones ethnicity just because he didn’t feed your greed, is his crass persona and has nothing to do with the community.
Personality and sexuality are very distinct. Biko.
Foxydevil
September 11, 11:01You suggested the drinking, so he assumed you were the one going to pay, I don’t see anything he did wrong here.
If there is anyone that was presumptuous here, it was you that assumed taking him out for a drink was the only way to make him not feel bored. An interesting chat would have done the job as well and it wouldn’t cost you guys anything (especially if you are on free mode)
Bringing your ethnicity into it was cheap and tacky though.
Mandy
September 11, 11:29Dude said he was bored. Bradley said OK let’s go out for drinks. It is absolutely wrong that the dude made the assumption that Bradley was going to pay. Especially with that question: “Hope the bill is on you.” Like he has had a lifetime of expecting others to foot the bill whenever he is taken out. Because somebody suggested an outing doesn’t automatically put the burden of payment on him and no one should assume anything.
Bringing up the ethnicity just goes to prove that he has that entitlement of being catered to whenever he is part f an outing. And clearly, Igbo boys haven’t made it easy for him. lol
Mandy
September 11, 11:32But you’re right about one thing though. One thing I’ve just learned from this writeup. Next time a guy texts me that he’s bored or some such issue, I will not even suggest something that we can do to help alleviate his boredom. If you’re not going to follow up your “I am bored” with a suggestion, then OYO is your case.
Foxydevil
September 11, 11:21And there is absolutely nothing in giving a hook up money after sex.
Though I don’t condone random hook ups…. I know a lot of young men that have been pressured due to immediate financial situations to exchange their body for sex, if you are buoyant enough to part with a little money after sex, then please help them out and if you are thrifty or broke and would rather have sex for free with sub-par specimens, then by all means do go ahead.
Asking for money after sex doesn’t make one a prostitute, you’d need to do it with multiple people before you can get that tag.
I feel people set standards with their own expectations and understanding and pass it off as the ideal.
Not asking for money after sex does not in anyway make you better than someone who does, it only means you are giving out for free what the other person would rather charge for.
The world would be so much easier if we lived and let others live as well.
Shessh ?.
Mandy
September 11, 11:34???? ????
Indeed.
Jo
September 11, 18:34Gbam!
Leo
September 11, 11:30???. I’m 21 and literally every gay older than me is shocked when I insist on paying for myself ( although I always try not to insist too strongly ?). You just can’t buy that respect you get when people know you’re not one of those idiots who ask for transport fare and for you to pick up the tab even when all you order is a glass of water, especially when it’s someone you just met.
trystham
September 11, 18:16You deserve an ovation for self worth knowledge and appreciation. Unlike some money-grubbing cheapskate, u most definitely are the kinda person that offers more than sex, dependable and bankable. Washere omo yi
Foxydevil
September 12, 09:35I’m curious to know though ….
What do you offer?
Seeing as you can’t keep a man…..it seems you’ve not been bringing anything of worth to the table.
Instead of commending him, learn from him.
goodbye
September 11, 13:13I’ve had several tops tell me it’s embarrassing having a bottom to pay for anything, they even offer cash and money later. of course i collect, wetin concern me?
i Also don’t blame bottoms that ask for money for sex, let’s face it, we don’t like back a lot of people that like us, you push them away, they refuse to go, you say the only way I’ll do anything with you is if you give me 20k.
Also Nigeria is hard, anyway to survive, at least it’s not Yahoo or stealing.
Francis
September 11, 14:06Tops with African values. SMH
Francis
September 11, 14:18Personally if I suggest we go out and see a movie or eat or whatever, I’m automatically footing the bill. You can’t be inviting people out without taking into consideration whether they have the money for such outing or not. If we get there and you insist on paying for your own expenses, no wahala.???
If you’re inviting me out though, I’m footing my own bills. Some people find that annoying and it will take me a while to adjust. Too many stories that touch, have me paranoid enough to get me paying for own meals to avoid insults down the line. I can’t be owing anybody anything.
The guy did the right thing by asking if you’re paying. He fucked up by dragging ethnicity into it.
ION, thou shalt not do mistake and take out someone that will order the entire menu because he greedy like that or hasn’t eaten in like 1 month.
Pink Panther
September 11, 16:26?????
trystham
September 11, 18:12Unfortunately, one cannot even tell those ones. They look like well-fed posh ppl but are infact bottomless chasms. Elebi united. Disgracing themselves since forever
Francis
September 12, 10:15????
CHUCK
September 11, 18:37Prostitution everywhere. To your tents O Israel
Canis VY Majoris
September 11, 20:00Nigerian Gay Men are mentally exhausting, all the suppressed homosexuality gotta do some damage to the mind…??
cedar
September 11, 20:56Dude really needs some loose wires to be fixed upstairs. So he already knew Igbo guys are stingy and still chose to try his luck with you. Anyways, eji akpata atufuo abu ogaranya?
Ojukwu Jeff
September 11, 22:58Nwanne m n’ebe kwanu…he should at least be thankful he wasn’t told the whole bill will be on him.
Black Dynasty
September 12, 12:08Lol why folks entertain such men or rather boys is beyond me. When did it become your job or responsibility to alleviate someone’s boredom? I almost feel like you invited the insult.
Next time, if the brother doesn’t have much to say and says he bored, let him go find his entertainment 🙂