On that day of October, I was horny as fuck. I logged in to Grindr to see who was available and close by. I’d already made it a rule to never to go for any hookup that’d involve going to places that will cost me more than 200 naira to and fro.

After registering my presence on Grindr, I exited to go through Facebook. And then, my phone vibrated with the notification of a message from the yellow app. I was saying a quick prayer to Rainbow Jesus for this to be something good as I returned to Grindr to respond to the message that I’d just received.

I checked out the profile; the picture I saw there was the fine photo of a young, ruggedly handsome and well-built man wearing his hair in plaits. I was immediately in lust.

After pleasantries were exchanged, we got down to business. As though the Fates were working in my favour, it turned out that we were indeed close to each other. We agreed to meet that evening and then I logged out from Grindr. Mission was accomplished.

I immediately called a friend of mine. We are a clique, and there are four of us besties in the clique. Segun was the one I called.

Me: Hey guy, what’s up na?

Segun: Baba, I dey o. Wetin dey shele?

Me: Mehn, I don get jackpot o.

Segun: Which kain jackpot?

Me: Fuck don show. Better fuck.

Segun: Fuck from where?

Me: From Grindr o.

Segun: Better person dey Grindr? Abeg, talk something else, make I hear. Besides, since when you start to dey find fuck? We been think say you don dey consider seminary as you dey bounce sex requests upandan.

I was amused by this. It was true that I hadn’t been into random hookups in awhile. But that day, I was possessed by the Hoely Spirit. And the guy I’d just connected with on Grindr was going to deliver me.

Segun was still talking. He asked me where I was. I told him I was at a friend’s shop, charging my phone. I also filled him in on the gist about my intended hookup.

Segun: Oya, go house go baff well. In fact, you see that side wey cobwebs don full ehn, you go fumigate am well-well, come use air-freshener. After that, we go come pick you for your estate gate. Then we go discuss strategy.

My friends and I had this long-standing plan where whenever a hookup comes each person’s way that the rest of us cannot verify, then we serve as the person’s wingmen in case the hookup turns out to be kito. And these guys have parents who are senior military people, so they got access to manpower and guns, should we need extreme force to deal with the kito situation.

I went home quickly to get ready, and thereafter, I dashed out to meet my buddies who were already waiting in a car. It was two hours ahead of the time I was supposed to meet Deji (my hookup), and so we spent that time driving over to survey the place he had asked me to come see him, and making plans. As we went about this, my friends kept making fun of me over my naivety when it comes to sex, giving me tips on how to do this and do that.

When it was time, we pulled up in the guy’s neighbourhood and I called from the car to let him know I was around. Ten minutes later, I saw him walking down the road. It was really him in the picture; I said a quick prayer of thanks to Rainbow Jesus for not making this a catfish situation.

Emerging from the car, I left my friends to go meet him. We greeted each other and exchanged pleasantries, before he began leading me toward his house. Walking slightly behind him, I couldn’t help but admire his butt which I was already envisioning myself grab while he fucked me.

We were soon settled inside his house and started chitchatting. The interior of the house was fantastic. He told me it was a steady rental for movies, and since he was an upcoming actor, he had a spare key.

As we talked, he brought out weed and started wrapping it up. I asked him who was going to smoke the weed, and with a laugh, he said the both of us. I’d never smoked weed, but I had a quick recall of a friend who once said that weed-induced sex is the best. So, I figured: Why the hell not! A few drags wouldn’t hurt.

I asked him how many rounds he can go. He said that the highest he’d ever fucked a guy was five rounds. Upon hearing this, my bussy was practically clapping for joy. May the gods be praised! After all the 41-seconds and 7-minute guys I’d had in my dating history, a miracle was finally here!

We were still talking, when he asked to check out the music in my phone. He put on a Sam Smith song, and soon, we were talking about musicians like Smith himself and Bruno Mars. As we listened to the music, he lit the weed and started taking a drag. He passed me the blunt and I proceeded to take a drag myself. I have breathing issues, so I found myself struggling to breathe properly as I inhaled the smoke. And then, I was coughing. He laughed and proceeded to show me how to do it. But I was done with the weed. That was enough bad habit for one evening. Well, actually for my lifetime. I had tried weed and I had ruled it out as something I’d ever do again in my life.

The song from my phone was still playing when he drew close to me and began caressing my shoulder with his hand. And before I could say “Seduce me”, he had taken my mouth in his.

The move took me by surprise – especially, because now, I had to endure the stink of weed in his breath and the taste of it in his mouth. The kiss quickly became such an off-putting experience, but I stayed on it. I wasn’t about to turn down his kiss and risk offending him.

Five rounds! Just think about the five rounds! I kept telling myself. Because, only God knows when another miracle like this would come around, should I chicken out of this hookup.

I kissed him back and was caressing him. Then I pushed him onto his back to the bed, and he gave me a smile, his eyes lusty and full of desire. I climbed onto him like the hoe my friends would like to think no longer exists and settled down to work on him.

I traced my tongue from his chin to his chest, while my hand reached for his boxers, which were almost off him because of his hard-on. I started stroking the erection through the boxers while sucking his nipples. I knew I was doing great because of how aggressively he was moaning. I started going down to his navel, sucking my way to his groin. I parted his legs and after planting tiny, teasing kisses all around his crotch, I pulled off his boxers completely, revealing his dick.

Omo! This one was a veiny something o. Muscled. Angrily pulsating as though it couldn’t wait to go five rounds on my bugaina. I could see his precum oozing from the slit on the top and I worked that little piece of cum around his dick cap for a short while, before I went down and took him in my mouth. He gasped and his hips surged forward, as he welcomed the warm wetness of my mouth. His hands were on my head, holding me steady as he started face-fucking me.

Then I raised his legs high to reveal his shaved asshole, my favorite part of a man’s ass.

Except this asshole had some particles that made me stop short of what I’d wanted to do there. I quickly looked away so I wouldn’t lose my horniness over what I’d just seen. Obviously, this Uncle no dey wash nyash well despite how clean he looked.

I climbed properly into the bed and he started returning the favour with his mouth and tongue. He left my mouth, skirted over my ears, and then descended to my nipple. And it was all I could do not to scream. My God! Who uses teeth on such sensitive body parts as the nipples? This guy took my nipple, one after the other, and was chewing them like they were the biscuit bone his mama never gave him.

I was trying to push him off, but this seemed to send the wrong message to him – the message of aggression. He became aggressive. His kisses were aggressive. Everything was aggressive, until he slid inside me and started thrusting. Slowly at first, then a bit faster. Just the way I liked it. I was finally starting to enjoy the groove of the sex and began matching his movements while my hands grabbed his ass. At some point, he tried to wank me as he thrust into me, but I removed his hand from my dick. I didn’t want to release until he was done, because if I came first, then it’d all be over for me.

All of a sudden, Uncle started increasing his pace and then groaned out loud. I froze in shock, and didn’t even know when I blurted out, “Wait o, are you done?” Even as I waited for his answer, I fervently hoped this wasn’t true.

He responded, “Round One.”

Hmm, thank God o. I couldn’t have my hopes dashed abeg.

He took another drag of weed, and when he was done, he pulled me aggressively to him and we kissed for a bit before he shoved me to the bed. I smiled inwardly, going in my mind like: Yes! That’s the spirit!

But the rainbow gods who I thought were advocating on my behalf had left the courtroom. First of all, without warning, this Uncle slid inside me so forcefully, I yelped in pain. My bugaina was still sore from the first round, and I would have appreciated a lot more tenderness with his reentry.

Then he began with his aggressive pounding. None of that graduation from slow to fast that I enjoyed with the first round.

Then he took hold of my dick and began to wank me. I tried to remove his hand, but he wouldn’t budge. He just tightened his grip and went on wanking me. The inevitability rushed headlong in my direction as he wanked me until I came.

And then, the full force of the pain from his pounding descended on me, igniting the nerve endings of the bussy skin he was plowing through so aggressively. I started to push him away. For where? Uncle no gree o! I tried to ignore the pain and endure his pounding. But mehn! What had been pleasurable before had now become pure hell, with my ass feeling like someone was sticking a fire poker through it with each thrust.

At some point, he leaned forward and took my mouth in his in a kiss. And all of a sudden, I could feel saliva pooling into my mouth. Ohmaigod! This Uncle was downloading saliva in torrents into my mouth, depositing it like the bank transfer corrupt politicians use to steal Nigeria’s treasury. I was in my mind like: Shey eleyi ti yawere abi kini?!

I moved my mouth away from the kiss and surreptitiously spat it all out into my palm, which I then lifted and rubbed all over the back of his head, as I clutched him close to me. Shebi he wants to be mad, we will be mad together.

Uncle sha continued fucking me roughly, so aggressively that I was internally crying for my mummy and praying fervently for him to reach climax already. I wanted to end this pain, but you see that passage in the Bible that says that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak… That was when I understood that passage. By God, I wanted this to stop, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to forcefully communicate that message to him.

Eventually and mercifully, he finally came. Then he rose and went into the bathroom, leaving me on the bed. I lay there like that for what seemed to be a long time, feeling the breeze caressing my butt and back. Then I stood up – as he returned into the room – and went into the bathroom to wash up. As I was bathing, I noticed that I was bleeding. I took my time with cleaning myself before I came out and got dressed. Then I limped my way downstairs to meet him.

We stepped out into the evening, and he asked me if I had fun. I looked at him, making an effort to smile, and told him yes – all the while, cussing the idiot in my head. We got to the bus stop and he offered to wait till I get a bus. I told him not to bother. He didn’t need to be told a second time; he crossed the road to the other side, boarded a bike and left.

Seconds later, my friends drove up to me and I got into the car.

As I settled in, they were eager to hear the story of my conquest.

But what I told them was a story of defeat. That I came to fuck, but this Uncle came to unload his generational problems on me through sex, what with the saliva dump and the extra-long, aggressive sex. When they pointed out how I’d always craved lengthy, rough sex, I told them I’d finally had my brain reset on that matter. As in, e no go better for porn industry that made it seem all good and exciting.

That hookup with Deji disabused my mind of the appeal in lengthy, rough sex. I had no intention of ever fucking with someone like him again. If I see any 41-second man, ma n’owo soke, thanking God for him o.

As we drove on homeward, I rolled down the window and kept spitting out, because I could still taste the Uncle’s saliva in my mouth. Then I got home and blocked him.

Written by Dillish

Previous How Would You Know If You’ve Never Tried It?
Next Armond Rizzo Calls Out Porn Studio For Underpaying Bottoms

About author

You might also like

Series (Non-Fiction) 48 Comments


Lamar. Remember Lamar? That pretty boy that kept me waiting for three hours and thirty minutes… Well, he had me on his bitch-you-are-mine hook. I liked him so much, but

Series (Non-Fiction) 3 Comments

THE NEW NORMAL (Struggling Designer)

“…and then, make a quick selection and click enter. You should now have a red mask around the areas of the image that you want to keep,” said the tutor.

Series (Non-Fiction) 55 Comments

What’s On Your Mind… IX

Tim is my friend. He’s heterosexual and soon-to-be married to his long time girlfriend with whom he has a three-year-old son. I am out to him and our friendship is


  1. Net
    January 27, 08:18 Reply

    Good to know I’m not the only one that hates the taste of weed in the breath while kissing

  2. Loki
    January 27, 08:33 Reply

    Cnt stop laffing. An adage says bcareful wat u wish for, d rainbow gods don teach u lesson. Bt still, i like my sex lengthy nd a bit rough bt definately witout d weed.

  3. Dead_User
    January 27, 11:44 Reply

    lolzz, whoever put this great piece together deserves a thousand kisses from me lolzxxx….. So much humour and a great lesson .. hehehehe.. I done laff tire. I love this blog

  4. Black Dynasty
    January 27, 13:23 Reply

    ?? as soon as i read the weed part, i cracked up as i had good idea of what was to follow…. well, i was wrong, this was even funnier.

    At least you now know rough sex isn’t for everyone definitely not for me…. pele for your ?.

  5. Tristan
    January 27, 13:25 Reply

    Lmao…This was a funny read.

    You met one hell of a crazy dude: weed, dirty ass and pool of spittle. Haha. Weed-whacking before fucking can make you do unimaginably crazy things in bed. You would crave and savour that smelly ass and armpit even?

    You wished for it — rugged, masc and lasts in bed, but then, nothing’s perfect.

    January 27, 17:14 Reply


    You are a survivor. All these hookup gone bad stories.
    Chai doh

    • Terra
      January 28, 10:45 Reply

      You love to see it (assuming it’s true, of course)

  7. Mandy
    January 28, 08:55 Reply

    “And all of a sudden, I could feel saliva pooling into my mouth. Ohmaigod! This Uncle was downloading saliva in torrents into my mouth, depositing it like the bank transfer corrupt politicians use to steal Nigeria’s treasury. I was in my mind like: Shey eleyi ti yawere abi kini?!”

    ???????? I just collapsed from laughter here. My God. What a disgusting thing. As he fine finish, with all his fine packaging, this is what he does during sex? Forget the rough pounding and weed-smelling breath, THIS is when I will end the sex immediately and run.

  8. Shadow
    January 28, 17:04 Reply

    Please go to the hospital for check up because bleeding after sex ain’t a good thing. Stay safe.

  9. Ashawo
    January 31, 18:31 Reply

    Okurrrrr, I’m speechless ‘rainow’

Leave a Reply