The L Word
I don’t know if I’m alone on this, but the ease with which guys fall for the person they’re romantically or sexually linked with is beyond ridiculous to me. Reading Kito Diaries, I often come across such expressions like “he was nice to me, so I started falling for him” and “we had great sex, I think I’m in love” – and then, there’s the guy who said to me earlier this year, “You’re so handsome and I’m beginning to fall in love with you.”
All this comes across to me as a trivialization of the weight of the word, Love.
I get creeped out when guys with who I’ve just made an acquaintance start with the words of endearment like “my love”, “boo”, “hello boyfriend.” I don’t know, but it just makes me uneasy. I mean, come on! Is it that easy to fall in love with someone you’ve not even met? You can really claim to develop strong feelings for someone who you’ve only been chatting with or have just spent a day with? LGBT Americans have this joke they tell about lesbians: “What do lesbians bring to a second date? A U-Haul (a property moving truck).” Meaning they move too fast into relationships. And I find that this joke applies to gay men in Nigeria. Everywhere I look, guys are falling in love with everyone from their best friends to straight guys.
I am someone who would complain about the lack of quality sex from a lover when all he has to offer is no kissing, no foreplay, and an anal-obsessed sex. So, when I met Cheta, who was the first guy I met who had a sexual love of the male body as much as I do, I was overjoyed. He would lick me and kiss me so ravenously, it felt like he wanted to suck my soul out from my mouth. He had a full beard that I loved to stroke and chest hair that drove me wild when we grinded our bodies together. He also had a plump hairy ass which I loved to caress. Cheta gave me as much as I gave him. So it should have been easy for me to fall in love with him, right?
Wrong, because the second time we met to have sex, we had a little conversation which revealed some things about who he was, like how he thought homosexuality was an affliction we had to bear and all sorts of chauvinistic thoughts of how women aren’t equal to men. I couldn’t have that, so I had sex with him one last time (don’t judge me, the sex was bomb) and sent him on his merry way.
Then I met Fred, a D-list celeb, who was physically the hottest guy I’d ever been with, with his rippling muscles, chest hair, and well-defined abs. He was a model who’d featured in some waka-pass roles in some Nollywood flicks: the entire package – a regular dreamboat who I could potentially fall in love with. But he was sexually selfish and wouldn’t even so much as kiss me. And even though I kept on having sex with him because my paranoia about getting kitoed wouldn’t let me step away from him to look for another fuck buddy, I was never under any illusion that I could date him, let alone love him.
Then there was George, who was the first and only guy I could actually see myself thinking of as my boyfriend, because when we first met, we talked so effortlessly for nearly two hours before we had sex. We had a ton of things in common, including being both born in February and being introverts. And I never thought throughout our acquaintanceship: “OMG, we are soul mates and are meant to be.”
I am emotionally stoic. I’ve never been in love or even had a boyfriend, so I might just be talking out of my ass. But I believe that love has to mean something real for it to be love. I believe that love should carry a deeper meaning than how I see it represented all around me. Love should come with knowledge, going in with all the information, knowing his flaws, weaknesses, strengths, ambitions, worldviews, principles and all such. Someone said in a movie I once saw: “I like because, but I love despite.”
So Uncle, don’t come and tell me you love me when you don’t know what sets me off, what kinds of food I like, what I studied in school, how many siblings I have, what my likes are. If you want to fuck me, just say so; there’s no need to blow smoke up my ass.
Written by Flexsterous
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21 Comments
Black Dynasty
May 08, 07:57You echo my sentiments on the matter.
“Lust feels like love until it’s time to make sacrifices”, basically hormone driven and not much else.
Infatuation is often mistaken for love until you finally see who they are and realise you’re not compatible… i.e. the honey moon, lovey dovey phase is over and the scales fall of your eyes. It is fleeting and lasts typically a few days to weeks.
To love is to know them completely, know the flaws, the awesomeness, the good, the bad, the ugly and still choose to love them. It is a choice you make willingly each day through the ups and downs.
Until we thoroughly understand the differences between, lust, infatuation and love for ourselves as well as in potential interests…it will continue to end in tears ?
DkD
May 08, 08:12Some of the Nigerian guys are very bad in bed, they need to upgrade their sexual skills.
As for their fake love thing, my Dear, na them go tire.
#fake people.
ken
May 08, 13:48Easy to say that till the table turns and you are the one in love
Mandy
May 08, 08:14I think this situation of cataloguing lust as love is as a result of the handicap we gay people suffer in the society when it comes to dating and relationships. Sex education is not targeted at us. Conversations about sex and love do not include us. Seminars and talk shows that deal with the hows of relationships and marriage do not recognise us. There is no societal consciousness that takes care of our emotional needs.
Add to that society’s persistent denial of our right to love, and you have a damaged community that generally turns what should be patient into something they have to have to-go. You feel it in your loins, then it has to be love. You get great sex, then that is husband material. You two click on the first date, then it’s time to get married. Most relationships don’t even start with a conversation being had first. People just fall in love and into relationships.
Because we have no education on these issues that deal with love, sex and emotions.
Peace
May 08, 09:46This!!!!!!!!!
Amaka Creme
May 08, 08:55Is that a bad thing though?
I mean some of us with obi okwute who will know the origin of the first man in your village before allowing cupid’s arrow to touch us sometimes over think things. Which is okay.
Some people are light hearted and it’s okay too.
Mwaniki
May 08, 10:33I have come to accept that love is like gold; some jewellery is pure gold and far more common are the trinkets which have only a thin coat of it or even a coat resembling but isn’t it.
All fit for purpose.
If I can afford to wait until I can afford pure gold jewellery to wear any jewellery, that’s fine. Most will wear the trinkets.Many will settle for them too and never aspire for true gold jewellery.Just as long as the gold coating stays unchipped.
The only mistake is to sell me a trinket at the price of the pure, or me buying trinkets at the price of the pure. In the end it’s upon me to know how to tell them apart.
Higwe
May 08, 14:34This is a beautiful comment .
I love how descriptive it is. ??
Ebube
May 08, 11:05The day we stop confusing love with lust and infatuation then we would make so much progress.
However,
Fondness can lead to likeness and eventually lowering of guards and then falling in love and it picks up from there.
To be entirely honest, these process can happen in less than one week (and it would be as genuine as a dove’s innocence) or as much as months and years.
It all depends on you, the person in question and the atmosphere you both create when in or out of contact with each other.
It is well with thee las las.
Let me continue my “God when…” prayer point
ken
May 08, 13:47When you have been lonely for so long. When your parents, family, society and the whole world really is against the human being you are, and by chance you find someone with similar interests whom u fancy and who fancies you too, its easy to fall (or think youre) in love. As for me i find that word love unrealistic. People say they love you but never raise to go down that road of sacrifice. Love to is meaningless. Trust, loyalty and sacrifice worth a thousand times more
But then again its easy to criticize others when you are the object of everyones affection. Its easy to snub and thing others are fools when your applause is loudest. In this game of affections, you just have to have a poker face. You blink and you are out
Higwe
May 08, 14:33I had a mind blowing sex with this guy in 2017.
He’s very muscular but he bottoms .
He had one of the best asses I’ve ever seen on a Nigerian guy ( still does BTW)
I visited him in his school then , bought him lots and lots of drinks ( I wonder how he drinks so much with that eight packs ), and chicken Pepper soup.
We were meant to go to his lodge but he took me to his friend’s instead apparently his girlfriend was in his room. ?
What we agreed on was just oral sex but somehow , someway …I maneuvered my John Thomas into his Virgina and we ended up having a mind blowing fuck.
The risk of being caught by his friend who was playing PS at the living room made it even more exciting. ?
The sex was so good , I confused my head that I felt something deeper for him .
I used to call him every morning and evening to check up on him till he eventually started ignoring my calls and WhatsApp conversations …
Though I didn’t try to contact him further but the thought of him never left my head.
Fast forward to April 2020 …..I did a cement business with my brother in law and I got a huge profit .
I was looking for a way to splurge and then the thought of the boy crossed my head .
I searched for him on IG and he’s now an IG yeyebrity …his wall just like mine is filled with thirst trap pictures for gays , while we only reply females publicly .??
I immediately contacted him …Corona has done her thing in his life and he is broke as fuck.
I left for his place in Enugu immediately.
I’ve been fucking him since last week Sunday .??
Morning , afternoon , night … I’m pretty sure his asshole will be crying by now. ?
I can’t even count the number of positions I’ve had him in .?
I’ll be leaving tomorrow but I’ll make sure I fuck him at least thrice this night. ?
Yup , I may have lost a bit of money ( his demand is insatiable ??♂️ and I don’t know how to say no to requests ) but he’s made me realize what I’ve always known …that the only man I love genuinely is my father and maybe , *a big maybe* …my boyfriend .
**************
Kings stop confusing infatuation and lust for love. ??♂️
I was penis deep in our 10th fuck session when I finally realized , I couldn’t have ever felt anything for this nigga. ???♂️
It was all in the hole ….the hole which I’ve dug now to my over satisfaction confused me then.?
A little knowledge is dangerous ……
Tariq
May 08, 19:18Chineke abiallamo’ o
Mehnnnnnn!
Ken
May 09, 06:15Obvious u don’t love your boyfriend
I think this is the other extreme or opposite of the false love syndrome. The “I can never fall in love” syndrome. People will just be wasting their time with u. Smh
Biodun
May 09, 09:12See what Corona has caused !!!?
Flexsterous
May 09, 12:01What the freaking fuck did I just read, Lol.
Coffee
May 11, 07:44Is that penis glorification I see?
I do not like you.
Captain Hook
May 11, 09:20Like how can you be this annoying every time you fucking comment? Jesus
Tariq
May 08, 19:20Piece is on point…
We’ve all been that gullible at one point or the other… It’s so easy to use the L word…..
But deep down, we know it’s hardly meant…
Delle
May 09, 09:35This write-up!!!
❤
Denzy
May 09, 14:23That we haven’t experienced a certain phenomenon doesn’t in any way deny its existence.
And who are we to dictate a method on how love should or shouldn’t happen.
True, there’s beauty that enchants with curves, tone and muscles yet fades, but that which remains when frames are withered, lies beneath the skin.
Love happens in different ways and circumstances, even though it isn’t mutual, still, it was love.
There’s no known law that states love must be mutually felt for it to be recognized, if you weren’t loved back, you just move on, there’s alway ‘someone’ out there for everyone.
Methinks..
Coffee
May 11, 07:51Well, I don’t think this is exclusive to gay men. I believe it is a general thing. I thought about it and I came to the conclusion that people are so fucked up that even the basic acts of human kindness are taken to represent love or affection.
I once had a girl over for you know, I cooked and tended to her needs, like I would do that to anyone, and girl thought I was in love.