The Ways Grindr Has Ruined Everything About Dating In The Gay Community

The Ways Grindr Has Ruined Everything About Dating In The Gay Community

Originally published on

I am a queer single male in NYC. You would think dating would be easy because there are thousands of queer guys all around me.

Well, if you think that, you are WRONG.

We live in a technology-driven world now, which is often amazing. Technology has also taken over the dating scene. There are dating apps such as Tinder, Surge, OkCupid and so many more.

Yet, apps such as Grindr, Scruff and Hornet are wildly more used.

I use Tinder, and I would say I’ve actually met up with only about two people from there. On the other hand, I couldn’t even count the people I’ve met off Grindr. The difference is (well, supposed to be), Tinder is meant for dating and getting to know someone. Whereas Grindr is meant for getting to know someone for an hour or so (depending on your availability).

I’m just going to go ahead and say it: Grindr has RUINED dating. Here are three reasons why:

1. Why date one person when there are hundreds around you who want to have sex?

If you think about this, we can all somewhat rationalize this thinking. When you’re dating one person and only having sex with that one person, things can get old or stale.

When you log on to Grindr, you have minimum of 50 horny thumbnails waiting to literally do just about anything you could think of. You could have a threesome or an orgy, and you could experience spanking, cosplay or even a blow-n-go.

Honestly, the options are limitless. Doesn’t that sound more interesting than having sex with the same person twice a week?

I knew by the end of this first reason, you’d already be rethinking your relationship. And that’s the problem.

2. The way we speak to each other has changed.

On Grindr, you can have an entire conversation simply by using only two words at once.

Sup? Looking? Into? You host? Send location?

BAM, there you go. Then, you’re on your way to a good time.

Well, in person, you have to actually use a little more effort. Hell, you might actually have to ask me personal questions. Scary, huh? No, that’s what normal life is like. You’re just a lazy bastard who doesn’t want to put in the effort.

Also, on Grindr, sending a dick pic or an ass pic has become pretty norm. When dating me, I absolutely do not want to see a pic of any part of your body within the first few messages. A cute pic of you with a mullet in elementary school is much better.

3. It’s all about time.

I think this is the most important thing. When it comes to dating, it takes time, which is something most of us do not have a lot of. You have to take the time to get to know someone, set up a date when you’re both free and then actually go on the date.

When using Grindr, you’re both on at the same time, which generally means you’re both available now and then.

I understand these three reasons make Grindr sound much more glamorous than dating.

Sex is great. Trust me, I know that, but don’t you want more? Don’t you want someone to be there for you at the end of the night? Someone to talk to about real things and not just sex?

These are all things I want, and they’re things I would assume most people want.

But, most gay guys are really all about convenience. Oh, and sex, too.

So, why not just use Grindr where you can intermix convenience and sex? Where you can sit at home, eat Chinese food, watch “The Golden Girls” and set up a hookup at the same time?

So, I’ll say it again. Grindr has ruined dating, and you either have to embrace it or decide to be different.

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  1. Mandy
    August 14, 07:11 Reply

    Grindr and all these dating apps aren’t causing anything that already isn’t there. Any gay community that thrives on the quick pleasures obtainable on Grindr is inherently just that. Grindr only helped them actualize their casual-sex potential. What I’m saying is: someone who wants to date will date despite Grindr, and someone who wants to have sex will seek sex, even if Grindr goes obsolete. Ya can’t blame these tech media for the proclivities of humans. I know of some people who go on Grindr hoping, just hoping, to find someone who wants more than just the casual hookup.

  2. Kenny
    August 14, 07:26 Reply

    The problem isn’t grindr, the problem is the people that use grindr. There are many men looking for meaningful relationships on grindr as there are those looking for casual sex. If we don’t go on grindr where else will we go? ?

    • bruno
      August 14, 09:55 Reply

      that last line though. I’m actually considering working on an app that is a non-hookup alternative to grindr

      • Pink Panther
        August 14, 10:01 Reply

        Ok, now this is intriguing. How would that work? 🙂

        • Truth
          August 15, 17:17 Reply

          I’m sure you won’t be needing it, you got all you need in grindr

  3. BeeJay
    August 14, 08:11 Reply

    Imagine a naïve, inexperienced young lad, who has never met any other gay guys before, trying to get out there; you know put the good ‘ol feelers out, so he gets on grindr, ‘coz well he’s gotta find his prince. Horror of horrors though ‘coz instead of noble princes he finds horny ogres waiting to pounce. Reality checks, grindr serves its ‘purpose’ albeit to the detriment of the ‘insignificant’ few who are searching for ‘more’, but have no other means of reaching out. That said, I do agree, grindr has indeed ruined dating.

  4. Canis VY Majoris
    August 14, 08:39 Reply

    Despite it all, those that will be together will be. So it’s really about the people instead.

    • ambivalentone
      August 14, 08:49 Reply

      sugar bun, with grinde, the only chance u have getting back together in a solid relationship is if the 1st sex is good. God help u if its ur ‘off-day-but-I-just-wantu-av-sex’ and the other guy is ur chosen one.

      • Canis VY Majoris
        August 14, 10:19 Reply

        But great sex isn’t always a requisite for a good relationship otherwise we won’t be having this conversation.

      • bain
        August 14, 22:11 Reply

        Sex is the worst item to lay as a foundation for a relationship………ask wilson n ciara.

  5. bain
    August 14, 11:50 Reply

    Many people are closeted and in fear of rejection in the real world,so I think people go to these apps for…..well to get past first base with a willing person.

  6. Delle
    August 14, 13:43 Reply

    Fourth reason: Grindr in association with Badoo have increased the Kito rate and kito potentials in Nigeria.

    I totally agree with the post. TOTALLY.
    I don’t use Grindr (don’t even know what the app looks like) but with what I’ve heard, it’s like a glorified 2go. It’s true there are those, especially in this country where many call being gay a game “until we get married” blah blah, that do not want a relationship but Grindr cuts down the slim chances of those that do. It’s sad.

    However, being in a country such as this, I doubt anyone here would pay any positive attention. How would the hook-ups happen? To many, sex still overrides relationships.

  7. Dimkpa
    August 15, 06:02 Reply

    This is just a whiny article written by a self righteous, “I don’t have casual sex” person.

    Before grindr there were cruising grounds where people met total strangers hanging about in dark corners, public toilets, wooded areas or dark rooms in sex shops for hook ups. Grindr just took it online and now it is everything that is wrong with the world.
    Grindr didn’t ruin anything, it has helped things along by giving the opportunity to see the goods before buying.
    It is so popular because it meets a need and it should be celebrated in my opinion.
    There are dating apps and there are hook up apps. I think the writer should define what he wants and stick with it.

  8. peaches
    August 16, 12:13 Reply

    And here I am thinking I would be considered morose if I dared out grindr. you. what about the fake profiles and impersonators. I went on that Devil’s app at one time and saw my picture, My OWN PICTURE on someone else’s grinder page. who does that bikonu?. The cow did not do me the favour of cropping my face, he put it there like thanksgiving tubers on a cathedral’s alter.

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