Tape recorder clicks on.

PP: Can you tell me your name…basic things about you?

Well, my name is Moira Udo, without the ‘H’. I have a slimy obnoxious twin brother, Charles, and the love of my life, who also happens to be his girlfriend, Ifunanya Williams.

Charles and I were both born on June 21, 1986. Although I love him very much, we are fraternal twins and I am eternally grateful for that.

I am 5”10 with beautiful dark skin, average boobs and killer legs. I work as an OAP in some big radio house on the Island, where everyone sleeps with everyone else.

I’m working on my first book. It’s about gender roles. I am also very, very gay…or very, very lesbian, whatever label rocks your boat.

I’m also in a relationship with Beeko, Charles’ best friend.

PP: What happened the day you walked – stormed in on your brother and your girlfriend?


Earlier that day, during our text message exchange, Naya and I agreed to hook-up. And as soon as I signed off on air, I drove straight to her apartment.

PP: And where does Naya live?

Somewhere around Northern Foreshore, Lekki.

PP: Go on.

Charles’ car was parked in my spot. That got me upset first of all. I got to her door and practically screamed, “Naya, Naya!”

I shouted and banged on the door. I could hear muffled voices inside. I looked for her spare key, and with my righteous and justified anger, I barged in and got the shock of my life.

Not that I have not seen the both of them naked before, but because of the position I caught them in. And I was in a fragile state when I saw them. I had white fumes coming out my ears. My girlfriend and my twin brother were stark naked and tangled together like reptiles in heat.

“What the –” I gasp, before schooling my face into the appropriate amount of shock and embarrassment while my brother tried to hide his weenie. It’s quite big, you know, but as his sister, I am not supposed to notice that kind of thing. That would be weird, even for me. And Naya, in all her glory looked like some primordial goddess on the duvet.

I walked loose-limped into the room, half listening to Charles rant about how I spoilt his “parole”, blah and blah and even more blah. I smoldered him, silently wondering if it was just my brother or if all straight guys are naturally obnoxious.

“Hush, will you?” I said. “Last I checked, this is my friend’s room. It’s not like you pay the rent.”

At this, Naya looked at both of us and began laughing, so hard she looked like some mad hatter. I looked at her carefully to check for signs of insanity. Then I realised she was enjoying our obvious discomfort. The cruel vixen!

After much dilly-dallying on Charles’ part and the chuckling sounds coming from Naya, I got pissed and said, “Get up! Get dressed! Get out! We ladies need the room.”

I had a hunger I needed to scratch.

“For what?” Charles asked.

I shook my head and thought to myself: You have like no idea!

“Just go away, Charles,” I said with feigned exasperation, “or do you want to hear about tampons, menstrual blood and the size of boy’s dicks? I know how much you like big black cocks.” There was now a tinge of sarcasm in my voice. I really needed him to get out and I knew the perfect thing to drive him away. Desperate times, desperate measures and all that.

At the mention of cocks, his face changed to the perfect shade of disgust because, he, my dear brother, is the perfect homophobe. Every- and anything related to another man’s nether regions disgusts him. Especially with the rumours of criminalization of homosexuality in Nigeria floating around, it was like he was handed an early Christmas present. If only he knew how much his sister craves veejayjay.

“This business isn’t over,” he said, pointing to Naya.

“I know,” she replied. “Meet me at the usual around 9pm. I’m out of condoms.”

And the fool strutted towards her, having dressed up under the duvet, planted a wet kiss on her lips and smacks my head on his way out.

At this point I was already boiling.

Charles had not stepped out through the door for more than five seconds before I turned on Naya, all pretence gone went with him. My voice brimmed with anger.

“How dare you?” It was barely above a whisper because I could not trust myself to speak. “How dare you bring –”

And before I knew it, Naya had moved swiftly to me and was kissing me, touching my already engorged nipples through my blouse, hard from seeing her naked for the past twenty minutes and not doing anything about it. She popped my buttons with frenzy and ripped my blouse off me.

“Hey,” I protested feebly, “that costs –”

“Shhh,” she said as she dragged me to her bed.

Like a willing lamb, I followed, to be slaughtered at her altar of ecstasy.

PP: How did the text come about?

Can I describe in details how we fucked each other?

PP: No, thank you.

You’re such a bore.

PP: So, I’ve been told. You were going to tell me about the sex – sorry, text?

After the rumble in the sheets, I went back to my apartment to catch up with a little on my book. I couldn’t concentrate much, because images of Charles and Naya popped in every once minutes. I picked up my phone and tried calling her. When that did not work, I sent her a text.

‘Hey pretty, your number isn’t going. I can’t do this anymore. It’s either you break it off with Chuck or I move on. I can’t share you with anyone. I love you too much bae.

PS: Next time you both do the dirty, don’t text me to come and eat your pussy. I’m not one to make up for his incompetence in bed. M.’

A bit overboard but it would have to do. I hit the send button, not really looking at my phone screen as I did. Then I went to bed and slept off.

PP: What happened the following morning?

At about five in the morning, I was up already, getting ready for work. My phone beeped. ‘Your message has been delivered.’

I picked up my phone to delete the notification. It was then I realised my grave mistake. My phone slipped off my fingers and fell to the floor. I began to tremble as my pulse quickened. Then with shaky hands, I picked the phone back up and called Beeko. The cow didn’t pick up. Before I knew it, I was hyperventilating.

How could you be so stupid? Of all people, your brother?! I berated myself.

Now he knows! I thought to myself. Now he knows his sister enjoys pussy. He will report you to your parents and you will never speak to him again. Mummy will weep and wail about how you have ruined her and father will look on you with disappointment. All your friends will abandon you because no one wants to associate with an abomination.

Pretty sloppy of me, right?

PP: Hmm.

Yeah, I thought so too.

Anyway, the panic attack was full blown. Calm down, girl, I finally whispered to myself through choked breaths. Calm down and don’t die now. Don’t give mummy another reason to blame the witches from some village.

After a few minutes, I settled down a bit. Then there was a knock. It was loud, and in my panicked haze, my mind made up the monsters behind the door. I refused to go to the door. The knock came again, louder this time.

Then my phone rang. Charles. I panicked again, this time far worse than before.

And like a hapless maiden in some fairytale, I collapsed.

The last coherent thought I had before blackness overcame me was: Moira 0, village witches 50!

PP: Quite dramatic, I must say.

Just then, a soft rap on the door interrupts the session. Charles walks in, sees Moira, and his expression tightens. He calmly walks up to her and sends her flying across the room with a slap!

Written by Vhar & Eros

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SIX – 8

“No, you didn’t,” I said before laughing out loud. “I did o,” Kareem maintained. “I excused myself from the locker room and jogged to the parking lot reserved for players

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As he stepped into the car parked in the parking lot of Ikeja City Mall, Ehis took a moment to appreciate the golden-brown hue of the sun rays that bathed


    • Pink Panther
      December 10, 06:53 Reply

      And a change of name too? My, my, we’re getting an update of Max 2.0, yes?

    • Pink Panther
      December 10, 07:28 Reply

      Adonknow what you’re talking about! I’m a blogger not a therapist.

  1. Delle
    December 10, 07:43 Reply

    No no no no! *stomping feet heavily*. It cannot end o, please mooorrreee! This was so hilarious and fun to read. But I’m so confused, is this story a real incident or is it fictional?

    The girl fucked up badly. How would you be so pissed with someone, for a good enough reason, and you let your boiling hormones rule the day?
    Another lesbian series, nice!

  2. kacee
    December 10, 08:04 Reply

    Yay i love this, @PP sorry she couldn’t tell you about the SEX hahahahaha. hmmmm I was just imagining the rough sex between both of them. Chai *wipes sweaty face*

    • Brian Collins
      December 10, 09:34 Reply

      Here I thought whorish behaviour was exclusive to gay men.

  3. Sinnex
    December 10, 08:49 Reply


    As usual, too short to comment on.

  4. Django
    December 10, 08:50 Reply

    Charles slapped his sister?

    So, Vhar and Eros couldn’t come up with something else other than Misogyny?

    Clap your hands for yourselves, men of KD.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      December 10, 09:03 Reply

      I don’t look at it as promoting misogyny! There are men who physically abuse women aren’t they?

      Literature or fiction if you like mirrors what happens in the society!

      • Brian Collins
        December 10, 09:39 Reply

        Django, you don’t think his action was even remotely justified. A homophobic guy’s sister is the lover of his cherished girlfriend? People kill for less.

    • Terra
      December 10, 09:20 Reply

      Remain calm. Sister may get up and knee him in the nads in the next entry

    • Pink Panther
      December 10, 10:03 Reply

      Django, you know I love you and we agree on most things that have to do with women. But you’re wrong in slamming this episode and the writer’s as misogynistic. They are merely mirroring exactly what happens in the society plagued with homophobia. Men even assault women for way less perceived offences, let alone when they believe their sister and girlfriend are gay lovers.
      You need to calm down and not dismiss the writers’ intent before they’ve fully fleshed out what they have in mind, dear.

  5. Chizzie
    December 10, 09:27 Reply

    Its beginning to fall in place but these cliffhangers seem so unnecessary and forced. And I don’t think its cool for a man to hit a woman, neither do I want to read about stuff like that.

    This was a slight improvement from the previous two entries that were disappointing but it still doesn’t live up to its hype, yet.

    • Pink Panther
      December 10, 10:04 Reply

      Lol. Chizzie, you won’t ever have praise for this series, no matter the offering, as long as it has Vhar’s name on it. Leave that one.

  6. A-non
    December 10, 09:33 Reply

    Good one!

    Pls PP, how do I find the initial two installments of this series, haven’t gotten my way round this new site when I use my phone.

    • Pink Panther
      December 10, 09:56 Reply

      Anon, simply click on the ‘Series Fiction’ category. Or type and search for ‘Twists and Stones’.

  7. Brian Collins
    December 10, 09:45 Reply

    “I work as an OAP in some big radio house on the Island, where everyone sleeps with everyone else.”
    Vhar, so this is what you do abi? Well done o.
    Nice entry today. Pls make it longer.
    I am just wondering out loud here. Is this the only thing Vhar and Eros do together? Or is there something else going on here? You people should confess o.

    ION is there going to be a KD get together anytime soon?

  8. Ruby
    December 10, 11:42 Reply

    Amazing but Short!!!

  9. Dennis Macaulay
    December 10, 15:16 Reply

    KD get together?


    Acid is real abeg!

    Dr Francis, kee De way?

  10. lafeyatte
    December 11, 01:06 Reply

    And why am I reading eps1 all over again?

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