UP AND DOWN MEMORY LANE (Episode 11)
I’ve said it here before that I am an only child who, unfortunately for anyone adhering to societal norms, happens to be gay.
This episode of my series is about my parents.
My mother has had a very difficult life. She has lost a lot of time waiting for some things that her mates have. She lost her mother at a very tender age to divorce, a woman who left her marriage and her daughter to the mercy of two stepmothers, one who loved and treated her well and the other who was not so nice.
Mother didn’t acquire much formal education as a result, and soon after my father came calling as a prospective suitor, she was married off. More than a decade into her married life, she was childless. And then I reluctantly came along. Now, she is waiting for a lot things: a daughter in law, grand children, omugwo. The few times I’ve summoned some courage to look into her eyes, I saw beyond all the facade she puts up when issues of marriage as it concerns me is being discussed to a yearning and an expectation. Most times, i try not to think about it since there isn’t much I can do about it. I didn’t ask to be gay.
My father is also an only child, although he has two half-brothers. He lost his father (who had just one brother) when he was a baby. His mother raised him as a single parent. When he got to his mid-twenties, he married Mother and soon after began his sojourn into a childless marriage. I remember the last time we talked about the possibility of me getting a wife, and I told him my intention of not getting married. The following conversation ensued.
“How are you going to give me grand children?” he queried.
“We don’t have a big family, dad. You’re an only child whose father had just one brother and you’ve got just me as a child. What is the probability that when I get married, I’ll fill in the gaps of abundant procreation that you and your father left, eh?”
“You have to try, son. And please don’t ever think like that again. My fate, the fate of your grandfather, and yours are not the same. We are different people with different destinies.”
“One day, dad, I hope you’ll get to know why I have this sentiment.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing, dad, nothing”
I have made up my mind to stop thinking about marriage. I don’t know if I will take that walk down the aisle. I don’t even know if I’ll live long enough to get to that bridge. However, what I’ve decided on when the time comes is: I will do whatever will keep my sanity and mind intact. I am not going to be pressured into hasty decisions. I’m going to make sure that whatever decision I take will be a personal one. Even if I come off as a selfish brat, I am determined not to let anyone push me into a pit depression and nightmare.
Written by Michael
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15 Comments
Gaya
February 23, 08:10“What is the probability that when I get married, I’ll fill in the gaps of abundant procreation that you and your father left, eh?”….. Seriously, your case might even be worse (as in…. no child at all). lolz
Mandy
February 23, 08:13No gay man has it tougher than the one who’s an only child or only son with parents who have grandchildren expectations.
Seems to me you’re jejely gearing yourself up for a fight, Michael. Whatever decision you make about your future, I do hope it’s one you’d learn to be happy with for the rest of your life.
ambivalentone
February 23, 09:33This is some depressingly sad story. The trials your parents had to face. Thought they’d av grown thicker skins to societal demands by now. On the flip side, I see a drive to want to make ‘successes’ according to societal demands too
pete
February 23, 09:36“I’m going to make sure that whatever decision I take will be a PERSONAL one”.
That’s all.
Khaleesi
February 23, 10:58Wow … Dear Michael, i can only wish you strength and resilience, you need lots of it for the horrors and battles ahead … Do you, but dont be averse to sacrifices and compromises; within reason of course …
Delle
February 23, 11:29This entry just made my day. I can only hope you continue to have such thoughts. Do not be phased by the ways of society and do that which you want.
You mustn’t get married but you could have children (if you like them and just to be sure you aren’t impotent…lol).
That being said, I love your mind. You are my kind of gay man.
Duke
February 23, 16:53“I will do whatever will keep my sanity and mind intact. I am not going to be pressured into hasty decisions. I’m going to make sure that whatever decision I take will be a personal one.”
This part.
Honestly, i feel people who are to quick to criticize MGM should try and walking in their shoes sometimes. People have different backgrounds, stories and challenges. Mine is quite similar to this and the quote above is going to be my new mantra.
Hilanzok
February 23, 19:01my dear, you can still be gay and grant your parents desired of an abundance of grandchildren. How? You come out to them as gay(I don’t know what their reaction could be, but that is discussion for another day). Then you marry your partner and employ a surrogate. yes you heard me right, a surrogate. This surrogate won’t be the conventional surrogate you know about. This time you employ the services of a woman whom would be fertilised with your sperm. The process of fertilisation will involve you jerking off and the sperm injected into the womb of the employed surrogate or through a test tube fertilisation that is then planted into the womb of the surrogate. my dear, you can have children of your dreams without marrying a woman or sleeping with man. science has defied nature.
Zemocrush
February 23, 19:32i thought by now everyone is aware of this, but the conventional African parent would fight against him being gay not to talk of this surrogate thing.
Jide
February 24, 22:42What’s with the whole “my dear” thing you’re doing? Even if you’re both friends, please. Keep it for private conversations. Ugh
BTW, nothing you just said was new.
Pink Panther
February 24, 23:40I don’t think how he chooses to address Michael is any of your business. If you don’t like being overly affectionate in public, do not make that any other person’s business.
Zemocrush
February 23, 19:42Michael, I can relate with this, and I live in constant fear of how this can tear my family apart when it comes to their notice, and when I think of all my mum has gone through, I feel she doesn’t deserve the heartache I would cause her in the long run, OAN, I’ve been more inclined to self gratification with my decisions, but then I’m torn between many walls.
Bain
February 23, 20:34I’m out to my folks…yet they bring this up all the time…I don’t even see myself marrying a man or woman…but as for children, I go get them plenty.
Pink Panther
February 23, 20:47Do we have that coming out story here On KD? ??
Bain
February 23, 20:58no,I’m not much of a writer.