I’ve said it here before that I am an only child who, unfortunately for anyone adhering to societal norms, happens to be gay.
This episode of my series is about my parents.
My mother has had a very difficult life. She has lost a lot of time waiting for some things that her mates have. She lost her mother at a very tender age to divorce, a woman who left her marriage and her daughter to the mercy of two stepmothers, one who loved and treated her well and the other who was not so nice.
Mother didn’t acquire much formal education as a result, and soon after my father came calling as a prospective suitor, she was married off. More than a decade into her married life, she was childless. And then I reluctantly came along. Now, she is waiting for a lot things: a daughter in law, grand children, omugwo. The few times I’ve summoned some courage to look into her eyes, I saw beyond all the facade she puts up when issues of marriage as it concerns me is being discussed to a yearning and an expectation. Most times, i try not to think about it since there isn’t much I can do about it. I didn’t ask to be gay.
My father is also an only child, although he has two half-brothers. He lost his father (who had just one brother) when he was a baby. His mother raised him as a single parent. When he got to his mid-twenties, he married Mother and soon after began his sojourn into a childless marriage. I remember the last time we talked about the possibility of me getting a wife, and I told him my intention of not getting married. The following conversation ensued.
“How are you going to give me grand children?” he queried.
“We don’t have a big family, dad. You’re an only child whose father had just one brother and you’ve got just me as a child. What is the probability that when I get married, I’ll fill in the gaps of abundant procreation that you and your father left, eh?”
“You have to try, son. And please don’t ever think like that again. My fate, the fate of your grandfather, and yours are not the same. We are different people with different destinies.”
“One day, dad, I hope you’ll get to know why I have this sentiment.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing, dad, nothing”
I have made up my mind to stop thinking about marriage. I don’t know if I will take that walk down the aisle. I don’t even know if I’ll live long enough to get to that bridge. However, what I’ve decided on when the time comes is: I will do whatever will keep my sanity and mind intact. I am not going to be pressured into hasty decisions. I’m going to make sure that whatever decision I take will be a personal one. Even if I come off as a selfish brat, I am determined not to let anyone push me into a pit depression and nightmare.
Written by Michael