UP AND DOWN MEMORY LANE (Episode 4)
I don’t think I will ever come out. Ever! Except if someone yanks my well-padlocked closet door open, like my cousin did the other day. I don’t think I’d ever come out on my own volition. Firstly, my mother would not react well to the news. The thought of her only child not being interested in women would just kill her; I mean, such a development would bring to her the reality of no daughter-in-law, possibly no grand children, no omugwo, none of the circumstances that having a traditional family brings about. My mother is too female; she’d think that her enemies are working overtime on her. I wouldn’t blame her though, given the kind of childhood and adulthood she has had. My father on the other would be a bit more liberal, not entirely welcoming though. The continuation of his lineage is very important to him. If I had a brother or sister, I’m sure my coming out would be a bitter pill they’d be able to swallow.
So, coming out is not in the cards for me. I’d rather let them wonder and possibly figure it out themselves. However, even if I am not inclined to coming out, I will not lie about me. So, if perchance they ask me that question, I would like to believe that I will give them an honest answer. And if the consequence of my honesty is emotional manipulation, I will run far away, so far they will be the ones begging me to return.
Anyway, I mentioned something about my cousin walking into my closet. Well, this happened a few weeks ago. She had just gotten a new Infinix phone, and as is the norm when one acquires a new gadget, she wanted to have apps and games installed in the phone. Since I was the one who could get those to her, she came to see me in the morning I was headed out to school. I told her I’d do it when I return from school. Upon my return, I went straight to bed, I was very exhausted. All my brain cells were acknowledging at that moment was sleep. However, just as I was about to drift off, she came calling again. Since I was in no disposition to do anything even faintly physically tasking, I simply handed her my phone to do it herself.
Now, I have porn in my phone, gay and straight. As I handed her my phone, a synapse in my brain fired that reminder at me. But I tuned it off with the reasoning that she wouldn’t find the stash since I’d hidden them in my ES File Explorer. Going through my media gallery won’t reveal the porn. They can only be accessed through my flash share –
Which I suddenly realized was the app she’d need to transfer whatever games she wanted from my phone. But heck! I was too darn tired to dwell on that alarming thought. I ignored the warning and went ahead of sleep.
When I woke up a few hours later and went to her room to retrieve my phone, she had this to say to me: “Hmm, Michael, so this is the kind of videos you have in your phone, eh? If that is what you go to school to do every day, oku ga-agbakwa gi o.” (Fire will burn you o)
My heart began to palpitate faster than usual when my mess dawned on me.
A few hours later, I woke up and went to her room to get my phone back. I jejely took my phone and left, with a silent prayer that she’d be a good girl and keep her silence over her discovery. I got to my room and began a belated damage control; I hurriedly wiped off all the gay porn, leaving the straight videos.
But then, God wasn’t listening to my prayer. My cousin didn’t keep her trap shut. She went on to tell her immediate younger sister, who, a couple of days later, came to confront me with what she’d heard. “I hear you now chase after boys. It’s really terrible. So if I go after boys, you too will follow me and do too?”
I didn’t respond. I had no response for her. I simply walked away.
In the evening, I was on my own, seated outside and coming to terms that breeze was slowly blowing and opening my nyash. I was also working on a good lie to counteract the story should it get to my uncle and possibly my parents. Then, my cousin stepped and came to sit beside me.
Okay, Michael, I began telling myself, here it comes. Here’s your chance. Stay calm and tell the lie you have packaged for them.
But she was not there to have another peek at the content of my closet. She simply wanted some problem involving her internet connection solved. I breathed easy as I fixed her phone’s configuration and watched her leave without saying anything about what she now knew.
But I wouldn’t remain so lucky. In the following weeks, she began relentlessly throwing jabs at me, like saying that I pay guys to fuck me, or how hooking up with boys was sapping my vitality. Also predictably, she began to cast her suspicion about on the guys who came to see me, talking to me about how she suspects this one and that one.
The jabs persisted, until I got angry enough to want to admonish her to stop. But I didn’t. What good would my admonition do? It may only end up antagonizing her to retaliate in God-knows-how. I persevered in doing what I know best to do; I weathered the storm and prayed it’d pass. After all, I brought this upon myself.
Written by Michael
About author
You might also like
RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 5)
By the grace of God – This is my least favorite (Nigerian) expression right after “Manage it”. My aversion to this phrase has nothing to do with my faith or
Chizzie’s Jukebox (Episode 3)
Do you ever hear a song and go, “If only Tunde could give that a listen!” because it perfectly conveys how you feel about Tunde and what you think about
RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 47)
My mom and I are close. My dad would always say that my mom and I could plan and overthrow a sitting government and nobody would hear about it. There
){kind=link}
50 Comments
thatinyvoice
March 19, 06:08Your cousins sha, maybe they don’t like you. You thought about all the possible side effects of her having your phone and did nothing, you really brought this upon yourself. Just wait it out
Ray
March 19, 06:17Rule 101: Always have a secure lock on your media and apps.
Rule 102: Bitch get Dropbox fking installed on your phone.
Rule 103: Never download gay porn. Just stream the damn thing n’ clean your catche. Infact Google chrome got this private browsing shit going now.
You save if u do these things mate…. Works well for me.
Now stop worrying and get a girlfriend quick, and watch more straight porn in the open (atleast around her). Just do nasty things to bae in her presence, and she’ll tire out.
If me was you, i’d be on damage control now rather than sitting down and let her eat you out slowly till voila Mama comes bashing in through your door… And pops follows with a cutlass ?
Eggsy
March 19, 07:47Niggur! You just shot yourself so far up your honey trap. Get a girlfriend and do nasty things in front of his cousin, huh?
Pink Panther
March 19, 07:48Honestly, I had no words.
Ace
March 19, 08:29Rule 101: Always have a secure lock on your media and apps.
Rule 102: Bitch get Dropbox fking installed on your phone.
Rule 103: Never download gay porn. Just stream the damn thing n’ clean your catche. Infact Google chrome got this private browsing shit going now.
#GoldenRules
Mitch
March 19, 12:45Wow! Your stupidity is amazing! Just amazing!
Max 2.1
March 19, 20:45Just reading this now
You’re despicable @Ray.. I actually think I know who you are …Tueh!
Kenny
March 19, 07:25Michael, use file hide expert instead of Es Explorer. As for your cousins, you are what you allow. If you don’t put a stop to it this will keep going. Since you wanna stay in the closet, find an excuse for why the gay porn was in your phone (or don’t cos it’s not her business). Tell her you’re not gay and that she should never speak of it again. If not, find something on her so you can blackmail her with. If you don’t stop this, it’s only a matter of time before your parents find out.
Brian Collins
March 19, 07:43Well I got outted to my really close pals too only that they didnt see the video on my phone. It was on my flash drive. Sheesh. What a night it was for the three of us.
ambivalentone
March 19, 07:46You should av snapped at her. In this case, your silence means consent. Nothing cud be more damning.
PS Its not the ‘what is the meaning of all this rubbish ehn?’ kind of anger o. The REAL one. Thunder booming, lightning flashing, house shaking kind
Francis
March 19, 07:50Did I hear anyone say paranoia is bad for the soul? The very minute that thought crossed my mind, sleep for don vanish and I goan retrieve the damn phone. *chuckles*
No one and I repeat, no one manipulates my phone unless I’m right there with them or I’m sure I have zero incriminating evidence on it.
Francis
March 19, 07:52Even my laptop sef. You ask for it and I tell you clearly, sorry i can’t give it out. I’ve got porn and other private stuff on it. #Bye
Terra
March 19, 08:16This guy gets it. No porn on the phone, ever. Don’t give people your phone. Learn the inner workings of your computer. Hide folders with porn and hide them within hiddens system folders where nobody in their right mind would go. And just don’t lend people your stuff, period. They may complain, but weigh that against someone jacking open the padlock on your closet door. It’s worth it
Terra
March 19, 08:19*hidden
Also, deny! Deny!! Deny!!! When people don’t want to believe something, they will even ignore damming evidence as long as you say it’s not true. If not that, then give them an alternative that they are more willing to accept.
SIMPLE
March 19, 08:14Dude you did a very huge mistake. My phone is my secret. I mean no human being tampers with it, even my mother unless bae wanna have it, then he can. For crying out loud, i have bae’s pics and he’s my wall paper.
You better not keep calm about this cos she’ll continue to taunt you with every hurtful words she can lay her hands on. Stand your ground and shut her trap once and for all. I remember when my brother was always making me feel bad with words like ‘when homo people go catch you, see as you fine like woman and you’re always hoarding your phone’ I was always on a mute mode till November 2012 he tried such shades on me and i read him to filth in front of my dad. He’s 6’2 and i humbled him with a confident rant, i almost gave him a fist and after that day, he knew his boundaries with me, even if he wants to speculate anything, he does it with caution. Sweedy, she just saw a GAY porn, she didn’t catch you on top of a man naked neither did she see you kissing a guy. Confront her sorry ass when next she comes with her manipulative games, you can even deny it cos right now, the videos have been deleted. Don’t let anybody cage you oh. Don’t.
Ace
March 19, 08:49You should have put us on the notice that you were writing a text book. I didn’t read it in full, but the sense made was the need for Pink la Panther to stand up to his cousin n’ give stern warning on privacy.
Ray made a point tho, get more female friends around. It may help shift the cousin’s focus. A girlfriend is not a bad idea if he does not intend on coming out soon.
#TwoCents
Pink Panther
March 19, 08:52‘Pink la Panther to stand up to his cousin’? Ace, this isn’t my story, i hope you know.
Francis
March 19, 08:54Things that happun when you read one paragraph and draw conclusions ?
Been there before ??
Ace
March 19, 08:56Oh it isn’t!
You can edit it ba!
Mandy
March 19, 08:36If you were independent and not living with your uncle, this would have been the perfect time to jsut let things flow, let the coming out process go as it may.
Francis
March 19, 08:42How do you pipul find streaming porn enjoyable oh? Waste of data and buffering mess no dey gree me abeg. I’d rather have it offline for when I’m without internet access.
Pink Panther
March 19, 08:46My brother, I wanted to ask the same thing. how on earth is streaming porn online enjoyed biko? Abeg, I download and keep. I’m even past the stage of hiding and counter-hiding my stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I keep them out of sight in my hard drive. But if you, as the person who wants to use my hard drive, decides to go poking and find something, God help you if you then want to turn your discovery into a Federal issue with me. That’d be the day I’ll show that there’s a little bit of Max in all of us.
Francis
March 19, 08:51?????
michael
March 20, 13:22A swear…
JoshDeity
March 19, 08:44Fellow Gaylanders, if you must have porn on your ANDROID device, use “Downloader & Private Browser by Mirmay Limited”. It saves the videos on your phone in a format that CANNOT be opened ordinarily via any file explorer app. Even when viewed through Windows File Explorer, the video file is just unreadable. Oh, and the app can either be PIN or Pattern locked. I’m sure we all know what to do with PINs, right?
On the other hand, Michael, do not let anyone cage you! You’re the one who can and will shut her up…
Ray
March 19, 09:08Streaming in d fast paced environment we live in today is a better option to downloading GAY PORN for the closeted dl fellow. There’s probbly no time to look after a stach of secrets stored somewhere in a phone and laptop that can be hacked into, or carelessly left unlocked or unsecured.
There’s always a dependant or a friend needing your phone. You can’t always say no to come out not wanting to help, or giving them the idea to wanting to find out what you hiding in your phone.
But if you are on a pink rampage. Its ok to download and play via your TV in the living room, after all they know its another michaelXmark! ?
Pink Panther
March 19, 09:11You keep mentioning ‘pink’ like we’re supposed to be insulted by the word. smh.
Francis
March 19, 09:17Shit is getting exhausting
Ace
March 19, 09:12???????
I love this guy!
Mitch
March 19, 12:50Who the hell are you? ‘Cause the Ace I know wouldn’t condone this shit, least of all from a flaming fool like this Ray character.
Kritzmoritz
March 19, 09:29“However, even if I am not inclined to coming out, I will not lie about me. So, if perchance they ask me that question, I would like to believe that I will give them an honest answer”
Yet when confronted by a”friendly” cousin, he prayed for the ground to open. Lol… I like this story. So much hope and personal dishonesty all tied together.
Pink Panther
March 19, 09:44Lol. Touche.
Ichie RedEyes
March 19, 09:30sorry bro but you outed yourself on this one. all she saw was gay porn. how does watching gay porn equate to being gay?
ogbenii
Pink Panther
March 19, 09:45Lol. Ichie, are you serious?
bruno
March 19, 09:48do you really need to explain to a gay person in nigeria to always have his phone password-protected and never give his phone to someone else?… you people.
anyways, now that shit has hit the fan you need to put your foot with your cousins and stop letting them talk smack with you. also prepare your story in case they decide to run their mouth and stick with it. i strongly believe in coming out but i also think it should be done at your own time on your own terms. cheers.
Wayfaring Stranger
March 19, 10:16I once gave a classmate my phone so he could send himself some videos; somehow he was able to access the porn videos I saved on my phone and watched all four of them in the class. Then he handed my phone back to me and said “interesting.”
He’s straight but open-minded.
Ray
March 19, 11:25Really Stranger, Straight but open minded…need to buy that nigga a drink so i could see how open he be. ?
Wayfaring Stranger
March 19, 13:42Open to what?
Delle
March 19, 14:06To IQ reduction of course!
Wayfaring Stranger
March 19, 16:59Haha!
Khaleesi
March 19, 10:24No one! Touches my phone, i guess it helps that i have no close relatives living in close proximity to me. What can i say? As a student you’re very vulnerable and dependent, if you were outta school and maybe had a job, trust me, this incident would have been far less bothersome to you. So i think at this stage you should just deny and ignore till its existence is doubtful to its creators … Work hard hustle fast and by the time you’re more independent, issues such as this will be of far less consequence to you … You’ll be too busy raking in the $$$$$ and living your fabulous life …
Delle
March 19, 10:51Michael, you need to confront them on the issue. There’s always an escape route even if not honesty. Don’t let them taunt you and make you recoil, that’s a weakness they’d so capitalise on. A mistake you made there, huge one.
OAN, can someone sieve this Ray of Stupidity outta this place already?! He’s been noticed, oya commot!
Francis
March 19, 11:17??
Ray
March 19, 11:27Kilon she e, se ti je were ni abi idi on jo!
Oniranu.
Delle
March 19, 12:07You don’t even know to speak your language. This reeks of only one person who could be this idiotic…Tef pls unveil urself!
Francis
March 19, 15:21?? so some of una still carry Tef for mind.
Mitch
March 19, 12:43Jesus! What kind of weakling are you, Michael? If it were your parents, I’d have had different advice for you but cousins? What the hell happened to putting people in their places? One slap and she’ll shut her trap for life. What the hell do you have balls for, decoration?
PETROVICH
March 19, 13:03Once upon a time, a closeted Nigerian gay guy downloaded VAULT…and he lived happily ever after….
BTW…it’s available on google play store…and it’s just about 3mb…..
TheMagnus
March 20, 14:03So far, the only trusted app I use to lock my app and stash away stuff is still Applock! It is so secure that even if you connect my phone to a PC, nothing shows. You can’t even force stop the app to make it unveil anything.
All my browsers are incognito mode. I could be careless like that.
Concerning Michael’s issue: I really don’t know what to advice sef. You shouldn’t have walked away at her first confrontation. You could have pretended she was referring to the straight porn, and If she emphasized it was the gay porn, then you could have lied about collecting a whole stash of porn from one dude at school, and you sincerely didn’t know it was there.
Danger
March 11, 02:55First of all, we are name-sakes.
And i know Michaels aint that loosed up. So i doubt.
Lemme coman go.