What’s On Your Mind… VII
#LoveWins
Hi there, fabulous people of this gaybourhood,
In the last few weeks, the world via social media was set ablaze with the news that the US Supreme Court had extended marriage rights to Gay and Lesbian Couples who express a desire to be joined together in matrimony. If you have paid any attention to your social media channels – Facebook, Twitter etc – it would have been utterly impossible to miss the vast outpourings of venom from the populace of homophobes hasty to condemn the US as well as the entire LGBT Community. They argue that the Supreme Court is forcing an entire nation to recognize same sex marriage. This is obviously a hateful lie! The Supreme Court is simply extending the same rights and privileges that have always been enjoyed by everyone else to the Gay and Lesbian Community in a society where they are seen as equal in the eyes of the Law.
In the days following the ruling in the Obergefell case that #LoveWins, I have had intense discussions on this topic with many people all over the world. I have tried to figure out how the legalization of same sex marriage in any way affects opposite sex couples. In many quarters, there’s a recurring question: “So now does it mean that it’s legal to be gay all over America?”
I have answered several times, and I shall do so again, at least for the enlightenment of those who should know but do not know. In many parts of the Western world (and beyond), laws banning or criminalizing homosexuality have been repealed for over two decades. This means that even before same sex marriage was made the Law of the land, gay rights were fully protected and hate crimes driven by homophobia were deemed to be punishable crimes. Indeed, in several US states (as well as several European Countries), before same sex marriage was recognized by law, Civil Unions and Civil Partnerships between same sex couples were recognized and upheld by the State in order to give legal recognition but not full marriage rights to same sex relationships.
To put it more simply, for a very long time, in the US and in several other countries, it has been legal and socially acceptable (to a large extent); to be gay. The #LoveWins ruling is simply the final piece of a process that has been several years in the making. Remember that prior to the ruling which gave birth to #LoveWins, several European Countries as well as a few Latin American Countries and South Africa have recognized same sex marriage. #LoveWins caused such a huge stir because of America’s dominant position on the global scene.
The ruling on same sex marriages has several implications which are not immediately apparent but which nevertheless have far reaching consequences. Consequences such as:
TAXATION
Same sex couples will now be able to JOINTLY file their taxes as opposed to the previous situation where each individual was required to file separate tax returns, which in turn meant higher taxes overall as well as considerably more paperwork/time consumed. A major argument of proponents of same sex marriage was that as equal citizens of the state, it was discriminatory to continue to impose a higher tax burden on them simply because of the same sex nature of their relationships.
TRANSFER OF ASSETS/EXEMPTION FROM GIFT TAXES
Heterosexual spouses are able to “gift” stocks/shares, bank accounts, or property either while living or through a will to a spouse without incurring a state tax. Because same-sex spouses are considered legal strangers, they are required to pay a state tax on these gifts and inheritances as if they were income. A similar situation is encountered during transfer of property. However, with the recent ruling on the Obergefell case, Same sex Couples will now be able to transfer assets, cash etc to one another without having a “gift tax” imposed on the transfer of cash or assets, as was previously the situation.
GRATUITIES, PENSIONS, DEATH ALLOWANCES
We all know that when an individual passes away, his gratuity as well as other benefits pass on to his surviving spouse. Previously, when one partner in a same sex relationship passed away, his surviving partner was usually unable to receive this benefits or could receive them only after passing through very difficult and stringent requirements (think discrimination once again). The Supreme Court’s ruling has therefore ensured that upon the death of a gay or lesbian individual, his surviving spouse is FULLY entitled to all rights and privileges as would be enjoyed by a surviving spouse in a heterosexual marriage.
MAJOR HEALTHCARE DECISIONS
Ill health and death are a fact of human existence. When an individual is incapacitated due to ill health, perhaps rendered comatose and/or unconscious, major decisions regarding his treatment or termination or alteration of treatment fall on his/her spouse. Before the Supreme Court decision in the Obergefell case, a same sex partner’s hospital visitation rights were severely restricted as he/she was deemed to be nothing more than a “fuck buddy” who had no rights whatsoever to make any major decisions regarding the treatment of his/her partner. This resulted in absurd situations where a couple who had been together for several years suddenly found themselves excluded from their sick or dying partner’s bedside. The US Supreme Court’s decision has done away with this weirdness.
ADOPTION
This is by far the most controversial issue surrounding the legalization of same sex marriages. I must confess that I am torn on this issue. I have so far not had the opportunity to meet a family with children being raised by a same sex couple. As expected, the homophobes on this side of the world screamed till they are red in their black faces that children raised by same sex couples would turn out weird, crazy, gay, bestial. They conveniently ignored the fact that the vast majority (if not all) of the gays alive today were raised by heterosexual couples. This remains a contentious issue for me; I shall continue to ponder and think deeply about it. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. But bear in mind that it has been repeatedly proven that children are not born homophobic. Homophobia is acquired through society and its nurturing influence. Also, it is common knowledge that children need nothing more than a safe, loving and nurturing environment to grow, thrive and reach their full potential.
IMMIGRATION
As a citizen of a country, you are entitled to apply that your spouse, if he/she is a foreign citizen, be granted full legal rights to move to and reside lawfully in your country. This is why for instance, a US citizen can marry a Nigerian citizen and apply for his/her spouse to obtain legal residency papers (a Green card). This entitlement was formerly denied to Gay and Lesbian Couples despite their being full law abiding and taxpaying citizens. It resorted to the ugly situation where a gay man was unable to apply for his spouse to move to the US and reside with him. There are documented cases of Americans having to abandon their homes and livelihoods to move to other countries in order to live with their spouses. Thankfully, the US Supreme Court has done the right thing.
#LookingFranticallyforAnAmericanHubbyOnline #PackingBags
Finally, the Supreme Court’s decision is an unmistakable affirmation of the changing views of American society as regards same sex relationships, that same sex relationships and the families that they produce are in the eyes of the State equal and at par in all regards to opposite sex marriages despite their differences.
While browsing through a popular online blog, I came across several hate-filled comments, but a few grabbed my attention.
“I know there are gays in this country, you faggots should know that what happened in America will never happen in Nigeria even 1000 years from now. We are a Country of upright Christians who value our culture and morality.”
Niggah puhleeze!
The mere fact that it grabbed you homophobic lot’s attention so completely and will remain in your hearts is a triumph in itself. Each time you flock to the US embassies (have y’all ever seen the insane crowd there?) to apply for visas, each time you fill out the US Diversity Visa Lottery forms and then embark on a regimen of fasting and prayers, each time you give testimonies in church about how God touched the hearts of the Visa officer and he approved your visa application, each time you log onto Facebook (Facebook joyfully celebrated the Supreme Court’s Ruling as did Twitter, Instagram by rolling out glorious rainbow flags); I hope a small part of you turns and twists and slowly dies a shameful death as you remember their tolerance towards the gays and lesbians whom you have vowed to hate so blindly.
But on the one hand, this commenter’s assertion about the non-actualization of equal rights of the Nigerian LGBT is something I can’t help but agree with. I know friends like Pink Panther and Dennis Macaulay who hold on to the optimism that change will come to Nigeria on this issue. The way I see it, homophobia has been etched deeply and indelibly in the average Nigerian’s DNA. And for decades to come, it will remain alive and kicking vigorously. The past few weeks have been interesting, during which I have been able to once again observe the raw hate and homophobia displayed willfully before the world. I hate to sound dark and pessimistic, but to those anticipating the change in Nigeria, wake up and smell the coffee. It’s a rich, thick, dark brew made pungent with the repulsive and cloying smell of homophobia.
I’m out.
Written by Khaleesi
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46 Comments
pete
July 17, 06:10khalessi has spoken.
shuga chocolata
July 17, 06:23Thanks for the enlightenment Mother of Dragon
R.A
July 17, 06:25All I could see was Green Card lol I tend to shut Christians around me by asking them a question “If you’re Christian like you say, why are you doing God’s Job ‘judging others’ even after warning against it? Embrace love like he has taught and let him do his Job himself”. I usually don’t mind the silence and stare I get after that. Some Christians could be so annoying.
Pink Panther
July 17, 06:30Those around you shut up when u say that? Some of the ones I meet go on ahead to prove to you why it’s their god-given right to judge you for your transgressions. lol
Max
July 17, 07:57Yes oh, they’re perfectly happy to play judge when it comes to homosexuality. And they can prove to you why..
Max
July 17, 07:58Omg my emojis aren’t showing up..**hot tears**
R.A
July 17, 17:45God-given right to judge? Chai I pray to meet someone like that soon. Na physical blow go end am
enKayced
July 17, 07:27Finally!
Here I am on this pinked-out all-new tear-rubber site!
Congrats dear Pinkie!
For the life of me, I don’t understand how and why I’m not on your whatsapp mailing list. #ok
Khaleesi I love what you did with this article. Although I already knew most of the points highlighted here, it never hurts to broaden our ken every once in a while.
Also gotta stress that I missed this blog… Dang! I missed the old blog!
Special thanks to Dennis Macaulay; he was the only KDrian who remembered my birthday which was last Saturday.
My New mixtape is out as well so feel free to check it out: Party All Night XL: http://tayotv.net/2015/07/mixtape-dj-kayce-party-all-night-xl-mix/
Have a great weekend y’all!
kacee
July 17, 07:58Awwww that’s not true my brother i sent u a happy birthday on facebook, it hurts when u say only DM remembered it.
enKayced
July 17, 08:57Sorry bro but it would be difficult to tell that it was you. Did you introduce yourself on my TL with ‘Kacee from Kitodiaries’?
Looool forgive my oversight.
kacee
July 17, 09:50Lmao my nnewi brother i’m a girl o,but u can call me bro if u like no wahala.lol
pete
July 17, 08:33how come nobody told me it was my crush’s birthday? happy birthday in arrears. as for the mixtape,i downloaded it immediately it hit twitter.
enKayced
July 17, 08:58Thanks Pete. Hope you enjoyed it!
Feedback always appreciated!
pete
July 17, 09:06why won’t I enjoy something coming from you? lemme stop before I break Pinky’s house rule.
kacee
July 17, 07:48Thanks Khaleesi, homophobia in this country is so scary. One mumu guy on facebook posted a comment saying it’s better for his son to die than to be gay, My God which reasonable father says that..wtf…..Nigeria really has a long way to go.
Pink Panther
July 17, 08:03He said its better for his son to die? Hmm. The one my friend told me was of a guy who said he’d kill his son if he found out he’s gay
kacee
July 17, 08:55I saw it on facebook and was shocked because no sensible parent should say that(preferring his son’s death)
Khaleesi
July 17, 09:06Lol you never see anything, a few years ago, a straight friend of mine said several times ‘if my son ever turns gay, I’ll kill him with my own bare hands, I’ll slowly and painfully squeeze the disgusting gay life out of him’ ….
kacee
July 17, 09:46JESUS oooooh that is so bad, but we are human i don’t think parent can actually kill their offspring because they are gay.
Max
July 17, 07:54I have a few American sweethearts. Now I have to make that proposal sharp sharp. 🙂
@Khallie, many people don’t even know why the law was signed, they’re just ignorant, uneducated and misinformed. I’m tired of educating people, they’ll never change, so its counterproductive to even try. I kent deal with their sh*t anymore.
Tiercel de Claron
July 17, 08:41Erm…..it wasn’t a law that was signed,it was a court ruling based on constitutional provisions.
Talk about being misinformed/uneducated
Khaleesi
July 17, 09:07@TDC, was there any reason you had to throw up your tattered shade this early in the morning?
Tiercel de Claron
July 17, 09:24There you go again.
You are not Max by any chance,are you?.
And I don’t throw shades,tattered or otherwise.
Happy Eid-el Fitr
Masked Man
July 17, 10:25Happy Eid, TDC.
Good morning.
Max
July 17, 10:38@Clarice, I can call it whatever I like. Eat your heart out..I know how laws are signed and I know what a ruling is. If you wanna start up something, go meet the market women you’re use to. You’re one of those ppl I kent deal with pls.
Tiercel de Claron
July 17, 11:11Really don’t have your time Maxine,but as one who supposedly “know better”,you should have known there’s a world of difference between the two and you can’t rightly use them interchangeably.Unlike the “ignorant/uneducated/misinformed” ones,of course.
Tiercel de Claron
July 17, 11:13But then,we all know you’re so full of fluff……and hot air.
Max
July 17, 11:30So now you don’t have my time?
Bye Felicia!
Mandy
July 17, 16:45Lol. There’s always someone trying to out-bitch someone else on KD. Oh chim.
Tiercel de Claron
July 17, 11:06Morning MM,how have you been?.
Happy Eid to you too.
#TeamKizito
July 17, 08:25Ah, my eyes. Warrisit? Oh, bright pink. Ah, too bright…
Lol.
ambivalentone
July 17, 08:34Y’all didn’t see that meme (or was it nairaland)? The dude be like “America don help my visa application. My brother fit to be my husband now. We kuku answer the same surname”.
Thanks for shedding light on this Khaleesi.
Peak
July 17, 09:01Khalie this is really informative, I never looked at the ruling and its gains from this angle, except for adoption.
Good work.
Tiercel de Claron
July 17, 09:28That’s majorly what the advocacy for marriage equality had been for,Peak.The benefits derivable therefrom.
Unlike our clime where there’s no economic benefit attached to marriage
Diablo
July 17, 09:49True!!
Masked Man
July 17, 09:32Homophobic things we see online.
“Before it was 50 shades of Grey,
Now it’s 50 states of Gay”
I cannot laugh abeg.
King
July 17, 09:36Thanks dear for this flash of knowledge…..I am moved to comment on this…..america has basically provided an enabling environment which will enable lGBTs embark on a positive willed, productive and purpose driven relationships with each other….all the limitation on the path of LGBTs has been broken and now they are free to approach the alter of love, fulfillment and wholeness…..now they are free to express the desires and yellings of their spirits and lead a satisfied life..
This reminds me of the occurrence in the bible…when the veil that covered the alter of God was torn into pieces when Christ died on the cross. This represents that man despite his natural weaknesses and vulnerabilities, despite his race, tribe, sexuality or any other natural classification ; can approach that alter of love and fulfillment because the condemnation and limitation brought about by these weaknesses has been attoned and paid for in full. No wonder Christ gave us a one and only new law..LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOURSELF!!! This revealed that America is trully the ones doing God’s will . They have not allowed natural classification and divides to hinder the drive of the spirit. America originally is a conglomeration of different races united by purpose…this reveales why they are most successful and influential….they know the truth and they have the courage to follow the truth. America has, by this decision stepped into a higher horizon….imagine the wealth of human potential that will be released ;the tremendous works that will be achieved by synergistic relationships amongst the LGBTs….AMERICA IS GETTING RICHER!!! WHETHER THE BLIND MINDS WANT TO SEE IT OR NOT!!!.
In Nigeria, because of our strict adherence to natural classifications and divides(the same divides christ rendered insignificant by his death) in the name of culture and religion, we cannot approach the alter of love and fulfillment. Our spirits and his yellings are caged,bottled up and straighjacketed..we are forced to follow routine and be ordinary. We also have accepted this position by believing in what religion and culture says about us instead of believing in freedom and salvation christ has given us and we go on believing and acting and living as condemned people…this is why we hardly find a positive willed, purpose driven and productive relationship amongst the LGBTs in Nigeria. We have limited our minds to believe that who we are is abnormal and whatever we do is not right..so we go on making it all about sex and selfish interests with the mentality that since loving in this manner is a crime, maybe we could use it to provide ourselves with things we want….sex, money etc..and this is the order of the day in the gaybourhood today…just because we and our society havnt accepted the freedom christ has given us to love and pursue purpose despite natural classifications and divides.
This is a clarion call to my brothers and sisters in nigeria….if only we could stop believing the erroneous teachings of some preachers and the customs of tradition and believe in the freedom that christ paid with his life to give us,we would experience the bliss of a fulfilled life in our own uniqueness. We don’t need the society to change first. We have to change ourselves first. Change our orientation about ourselves…stop believing that we are condemned but rather we have freedom to pursue worthy course in genuine loving relationships. Christ loves us and wants us to experience peace, love fulfillment and satisfaction on earth….LETS FREE OURSELVES TODAY AND MAKE IT ALL ABOUT LOVE.. ONE DAY IN THE APPOINTED TIME, THE SOCIETY WILL CHANGE!!!
Could someone tell me the protocols for publishing on this blog…I’ve got loads of stuffs in stock for kitodiariesians….
Mandy
July 17, 16:50Heavens! Is this the King of Kings? I have to ask, because the true KING of KD would know better than to ask how to publish on this blog. 🙂
Diablo
July 17, 09:48Standing ovation. Very enlightening. I wish all of Nigeria could read this, maybe post it on that cyst pit of ignorance called LIB?. Same sex rights are LEGAL rights not Religious rights. I wish Nigerians would think with their heads not with their Bibles
Khaleesi
July 17, 10:25Thanks Diablo, gay rights are human rights. Nigerians never paused for even a micro second to look into any other aspect of gay marriage. Their major obsession is with screaming out bible verses till they are blue in the face, its heartbreaking the depth of ignorance in this part of the world!
Diablo
July 17, 11:03Nigerians make me sick. And yes, i happen to be Nigerian
Pink Panther
July 17, 14:26Diablo, if you put it on LIB, the rabid lot there will still question why gay people even want to partner with same sex at all. To them, marriage equality isn’t the answer. Binding and casting away the gay demons is.
Bias knows no reason.
kacee
July 17, 09:50Lmao my nnewi brother i’m a girl o,but u can call me bro if u like no wahala.lol
Sinnex
July 17, 10:53OK.
Django
July 17, 12:35*already searching for one fine American spouse shaa*
Chuck
July 18, 08:17Khaleesi,
Do you mind sharing why you are conflicted about same sex couples raising children?