Would You Mind It If Your Child Was Gay?
I recently came across an online conversation on Nigerian Gay Twitter where the topic of parenting a gay child was being discussed. A netizen with the handle @Grizz_nomad retweet-commented on a tweet where someone expressed their fear of having their future child grow up to be gay. @Grizz_nomad went on to make a thread where he expressed his own reservations about having a child who would turn out to be gay, his concerns based on the difficulty that comes with living gay in Nigeria.
“I honestly wouldn’t want my son to be gay,” he says. “I’d love him…and I’d die protecting and supporting him, but I really would rather not have my son go through life with the added troubles and pressures that come with being gay.”
Responding to his tweets however were varying opinions. Someone pointed out that the sentiment behind not wanting a gay child is rarely sincere and quite homophobic. “These convos about not wanting your kid to be gay, because suffering, are rarely honest. Hiding behind the suffering of gays to state that gayness is an existence to be rejected is anti-gay.”
He also questioned how any gay person would expect love and support from their heterosexual environment, and yet be unwilling to create such an environment for his own future gay child.
Another tweep questioned the logic behind not wanting a gay child because of oppression by wondering if the same is expected of other marginalized groups such as black people and women. Is the girl child and the black child not supposed to be exist simply because the world is misogynistic and racist? “Trauma is trauma. Girls are scared of walking down dark roads alone, black children are told what to do if they come in contact with the police. There’s no real rehabilitation of black criminals with a system that spits and swallows them in and out of prisons. So how do you decide that of all these marginalizations with their unique issues, it’s being gay that crosses the line?”
Check out the conversations below and let us know in the comments if you would mind having your (future) child grow up to be gay, and what your reasons are for or against this.
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19 Comments
Mitch
November 16, 07:33I like and totally agree with what Chiedozié said. The entirety of Grizzly’s tweet smacks deeply of homophobia-lite.
slender
November 16, 17:42in this shithole country, ill rather have a straight child then teach him/her to be open-minded and make the world a better place than a gay child judging by what i have been through bcos of my sexuality, i wont even think it twice.
Mike
November 17, 08:58I don’t understand this logic, why would you want to teach your straight kid to be open-minded ?. My kid bro is straight, I can’t imagine teaching him any other thing than being straight, which he kills at own his own by the way.
Black Dynasty
November 17, 10:05I think open minded in this context was meant to be acceptance of all sorts of people different to him/her. Not an open minded sexuality.
slender
November 18, 20:38@ Black Dysnaty, exactly what i meant, thanks.
Higwe
November 16, 08:26I’d love my child regardless and give him / her all the support in this world.
But honestly – after everything I’ve been through as a gay man .
* The prejudice *
* Deceit *
* Pretence*
*Discrimination *
I’d definitely want my child to be straight .
No offense to anyone – but straight people have it relatively easier in this world .
And I can’t think of any well meaning parent who wouldn’t want their kid’s path to be a lot less arduous than theirs .
****************
The tweep did raise a lot of salient points… however he or she didn’t point out that even races and colours who are also being discriminated against also treat their LGBT communities vilipendly.
Call it internalized homophobia or whatever fancy word you can come up with , but I don’t want my child in a world where he’ll spend most of his life trying to justify who and what he is.
******************
Then again I don’t plan on having a child till 2030 , so maybe , just maybe there might be real changes then .
But you asked for my opinion on Nov 16th 2019 … and for now , this is it .?
Ken
November 16, 08:55@higwe
2030?? Really?? Aren’t we being a tad bit extreme
Ken
November 16, 08:52If my child was gay I will just start saving to relocate the entire family abroad. It’s a legitimate scare. We already know what gay men face in Nigeria, this has nothing to do with homophobia. Nobody wants to bring your flesh n blood into the world knowing fully will their torture and suffering will be inevitable.
Bottom line: we ain’t Jesus!
trystham
November 16, 09:28Wanting better living conditions for your yet unborn children is not being homophobic abeg. He is just being factual. It would be easier for camels to saunter thru needle eyes than the world over, rules, laws or not, to be accepting of homosexuality IF the mainstream sexuality is still heterosexuality
I don’t want to be gay, but I am gay. After a lot of struggles, I have accepted myself and my fabulousness, but do I wish all that struggle on someone else??? No way
trystham
November 16, 09:29Except maybe on the children of those people who have tormented me. Let me see if you will use them with your own hand
Mike
November 17, 09:12Meaning the struggles are purely environmental that ?, Isn’t that the exact reason why you’d be a kick ass dad to a gay kid ?. Cause you’ve been there, you understand survival in this jungle vias you’re the best person to create a safe haven. You should know it’s the conditioning that is wrong when it comes to the sexual notion, your parents think you’re a sinner, your neighbors say you’re going to hell. What your neighbors say have very little weight compared to your what your family thinks, and where you’re coming from. Cause your background determines your outlook on life.
Truth is wether or not your kid is gay, the world is still going to be a shitty place, this days sexuality is the least thing on anybody’s mind.
But picture a kid, who doesn’t have a negative outlook or aversion to the word gay or homo ?, The perception, the response is what makes the difference.
How long did it take you to accept yourself, that’s exactly how long you’ve been dealing with negative that stems from the notion of being gay. That long enough it’s now a habit, even when you know you’re not a sin, you didn’t do anything wrong, yet you still hide, your still ashame, why ?, That negativity is a habit already. Now imagine a kid with non of those habits, negativity, he’d be the best person to take over the world.
trystham
November 17, 21:58The struggles are not just internal as you have noted. I can only create a safe space within the jungle that is the real world. I can prepare my child for the hate, the bullying, teasing and physical attacks they gon face, but the actual experience of the reality of those things is a totally different ball game.
Plus, the question is about whether you would want your child gay. Teaching my straight kid to be tolerant wouldn’t be the problem.
Rudy
November 18, 10:19I stand with you Mike. As the saying goes if there’s no enemy within, the enemies outside can do no harm. Family matters the most, and if one is lucky to come from an accepting family, neighbours and the society at large could have minimal effect on you because you’d have grown to accept yourself and be accepted by the people that matters the most to you. The rest could fold their mat and sleep under the Udada tree for all you care.
Gay or straight I wouldn’t make a choice but I will love my child just as beautiful as he was created. We will figure things out together and it will be much easier on my kid cos guess what, Daddy has been there before.
RichieMichie
November 16, 10:30We just claimed our rightful title as the no.1 most homophobic nation, you can’t seriously be expecting me to be wanting my child to be gay in this clime?
Let’s forget all the love and support I would give to him, society still won’t be lenient on him.
J
November 16, 14:18I don’t want to have a gay child periods ??? Anyone that wants their child to be gay in a country like Nigeria or anywhere is wicked. Being gay is not easy, it’s one of the worse things that can happen to anyone that wants to live a happy and chaos free life.
Black Dynasty
November 16, 17:07I definitely wouldn’t want my child to be gay if we lived in Nigeria or anywhere with similar levels of homophobia. If we lived anywhere else, then i have no qualms. If the child is gay, then we would be leaving Nigeria as soon as we can tbh as I will be ready to die for that child.
I agree with grizzly as he’s obviously looking at it from a Nigerian perspective. We know how ridiculously hard it is mentally and emotionally to thrive as a gay man in such toxicity within the country. I do not believe it is homophobic, one doesn’t always have to be politically correct when discussing reality. Life is hard enough in naija, being gay increases that exponentially.
Haiku
November 16, 20:01Why do some people think gays only need “acceptance” by the society to thrive?You don’t feed nor dress nor shelter under acceptance… If your child or you find it easy to work and sustain self in an African country you better stay.let’s drop this nonsense of dreaming of other countries as if there’s any free thing there…bottom line.. To each it’s own dears
Lyanna
November 16, 21:18Apologies…off topic but guys, watch this dance
https://youtu.be/zOVPlw_QC1o
Bee
November 18, 14:14Lol. Apologies too dear, ‘cos we fitn’t do that lmao. At least, not me. ??♂