Writer’s Note: This story is inspired by true events.
You loved him and he loved you too. At least you thought he did.
He could pass as your shortest relationship yet, but he remains undoubtedly the love of your life.
You met online, as most hook ups and relationships these days start up. He was totally your type – quite tall, slim and obviously intelligent. Plus he wore glasses. By the time you two finally met, you were already on your way to falling for him. Through the many chatversations you’d had, you knew you loved him. And upon meeting him, you tried not to be obvious with your affections, but it was an effort in futility. Maybe you didn’t try hard enough because he made you feel special, the way he looked at you making you feel like the only person in the world he’d ever want to be with.
It wasn’t very long before you started dating. You were happy. He made you happy. You would go over to his place, tidying and fixing like the contented boyfriend you were. And he’d often come to your hostel to take you out to eat or just to visit. The moments you spent with him made the world seem a beautiful place.
And then, a few months passed. The school went on a break. And your world, that beautiful world you knew, began to fall apart. The love of your life slowly grew distant. He stopped calling, texting and eventually stopped caring altogether. You cried. You grieved. You hated yourself. You wondered what you’d done wrong and you blamed yourself for whatever it was. You called and texted, and hated him when he wasn’t responsive.
Eventually, you did the most crushing thing you’d ever done in your life. You officially broke up with him and tried to move on, even though somewhere in your heart, you constantly hoped he’d come running back to you.
Well, he didn’t.
School resumed and he had moved on. He’d gone back to hooking up or dating his ex, whom he had told me with so much certainty just weeks ago that they were definitely done. This development wounded you badly when you knew and you cried to yourself in the privacy of your darkness.
Your friends were supportive. They rallied round you. But you didn’t want their pity, so you put up a brave face whenever they were around, even though your insides hurt badly. Slowly, the days dragged into weeks, and the weeks into months. Still you loved him. The passage of time did little to salve the wounds your yearning heart was subjecting itself to. You loved him. And you hated him.
And you wanted him back. But sadly, it would seem he didn’t want to have anything to do with you. He began to avoid you as best as he could in the small community of your school. And he proved that post-breakup, he wasn’t a very nice ex-boyfriend. You got to know about the things he said, the hurtful things he said about you – that you were dragging his name through the mud over a relationship that never happened, that you’d made things up, that you two had never been together.
You heard and your mind, that sturdy part of you that had stood guardedly over your fragile heart began to disintegrate too. Your grief began to turn to madness. You began to wonder if he was right, if it had truly all been in your head. You replayed those months of the happiest times of your life in your head, wondering if his kisses hadn’t promised forever and his touch been fulfilling. How could he say that what you’d felt, known and desired was not real, had all been imagined? How could he take away the beauty of your world and then turn around to say it had never existed?
You dwelled on these thoughts and you cried to yourself. With the tears came the unshakeable feeling of loneliness, thoughts that plagued you that you weren’t worth loving.
Eventually you stopped crying. You stopped feeling helpless. And you strived to be strong. You didn’t believe you were strong, but you had to believe you were. You picked up the pieces and turned them into a wall. You loved to love, but you couldn’t love anymore.
And three years and that failed relationship later, you have been unable to love again.
You still think of him sometimes, wondering where he might be, what he might be doing, whose heart he was breaking at the moment. But you never know. And you never bother to find out. For he may be the love of your life, but he was the love you never want to go back to. You have come so far and you have learned so much. That it is possible to love and not be loved back. That you can give so much love and get so much scorn in return. That the world isn’t always a beautiful place.
You learned all this because you loved.
Written by Bradley