40 responses

  1. Di-Navy
    March 24, 2017

    Awwwwwwww . Family will always be family . They will never desert their own .
    I feel your pain.

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      March 24, 2017

      Are you sure about that? Lol

      Reply

      • DI-NAVY
        March 24, 2017

        I rather have my family know than the whole world seriously. They will basically know about our orientration but they will secretly pray you don’t wear kito and shame them. That is their only fear.

        Reply

    • Johnny
      March 24, 2017

      I don’t think my family will do. Even at slight things , they threaten to report me at church. My mum wouldn’t be able to take it.

      Reply

    • Mandy
      March 24, 2017

      Family will never desert you? Lol. Arabian Princess will beg to differ. Let’s not place too much faith on blood abeg.

      Reply

      • Colossus
        March 24, 2017

        I think it depends on blood. Some are so sure of their families while others are not. Different families for different folks

        Reply

  2. Opal
    March 24, 2017

    Hi Freeman. I kinda understand what you feel. I was expelled from secondary school and that’s how my mum and siblings found out. It was a scar I lived with for years and I wish it never happened. However, I’ve come to realize that as the monk said… life goes on. So my dear, just remain calm and take it one day at a time.

    Reply

  3. Simba
    March 24, 2017

    Freeman I’ll like to know you. I shall be needing ur advice on the family thing..

    Reply

  4. Johnny
    March 24, 2017

    I couldn’t imagine if this should happen to me, what will I do?
    I felt your pain but it has helped you. Just take life as it comes, they will still love you and the scars will heal.
    This is Cold

    Reply

  5. Mandy
    March 24, 2017

    You truly have a family that loves you. You’ve been given a rare opportunity to be yourself in a family that’s not judging you. Make good use of it.

    Reply

  6. beejay
    March 24, 2017

    Sometimes you don’t plan on facing your demons, sometimes they force you to face them. I can’t even begin to imagine all of that horror… How do you come back from all that? How do you push through it?

    Reply

  7. Queen Blue Fox
    March 24, 2017

    Hmmmm family never gini? I am scared by the outting notion

    Reply

  8. y
    March 24, 2017

    Freeman thank you for sharing..
    You are a warrior.
    And really the worst is over. No way but up from here on out.

    Reply

  9. Amon
    March 24, 2017

    I appreciate your strength brother and indeed its not an easy road to travel and as odd as it sounds, we are our own worst enemies (refering to jerry).
    We should be strong and stand for each other. Most especially, we should believe in love and trust it enough to build a relationship.

    Reply

  10. Nuel
    March 24, 2017

    hmmmm. I’m glad u back to ur old self…. at least u’ve got an edge over us that is ( the fear of nt being outed) . everything will definitely return to normal just strive to be a better person and this time be wary of those creeping creatures called Jerry* But wait o, who asked him??

    Reply

  11. Khaleesi
    March 24, 2017

    Dear Freeman,
    You have been through a life – changing experience, coming out/being outed is always a deeply changing experience. Some good has however come from the horror, You now know that you are lucky to have a family that loves you unconditionally – trust me, after the initial shock, even your homophobic eldest brother will comes to terms – in the same stroke you have changed the minds of a few homophobes who will start to drop their homophobia each time they remember that their amazing, talented little brother/son is GAY.
    You have also crossed the dreaded line for most gay men – being outed to family; once its done, its done and can never be undone, all that can be done is to move on. So shake off the depression and keep being the amazing achiever you always set out to be; and please what became of Samuel and those other subhuman scoundrels – their fathers should have used condoms, mtchwwww …

    Reply

  12. KryxxX
    March 24, 2017

    “The irrational that my secret was open for everyone to see and judge me with kept me in the house and in my room”.

    This thought.. ….it’s a killer. But that is the only thought that one that goes through such a kito situation always carry about.
    Actually locked up myself in my room in the hostel for 3days without food, seeing that all my roomies had gone for Salah break. And when they came back, I feigned sickness and missed lectures like mad. For one that never misses, that was very hard. Paid and is still paying for it tho.

    As for the people we call “friends” who end up stabbing us in the back e.g Jerry…. ….I wonder if they were ever our friends in the first place. Some ppl just give friendship a bad tag.

    On a brighter side, At least your family knows about you now and are not taking it so badly even if they wont talk about it. That’s a start. Patiently waiting for the day mine would explode. I ga adikwa kpo-kpo!

    Reply

  13. Recovery
    March 24, 2017

    This story could relate to me, except for the fact that I wasn’t beaten up or sorts. My family is really a spiritual one, my mother was once a Catholic Charismatic leader in the zone and all that. Sometime last year, my dad came to Lagos on a mission and asked me this question “Are u gay?” Said he went to church and they gave him a revelation that one of his sons is gay. I was shocked that my answer was I know about it and I have gay friends. He said if u are, please stop it, it’s not good and all the fatherly advice. Some weeks later, my mum sent me a text message asking if I was gay, I gave same answer as I gave my dad. And of course she started preaching to me, telling me about my background and all that. Two weeks later, my elder sister called me to her house to come repair her laptop, not knowing she called me to ask same question. I gave her same answer as I gave my parents but of course she wasn’t buying it. She called my name and said, “Mike u are gay”… and u play the female part. She asked me why and all that, I gave her the I was raped story and I was telling her, tears rolled down her cheeks. I told her I would stop, but before I knew it tears rolled down my cheeks too. She walked out of the room and the house was just very quiet. The next day, my aunt in the UK which they know I would listen to called me and started crying and asked me why didn’t I tell her about all these when she was still in Nigeria. I told her that I would stop and I didn’t want her to look at me somehow. She said, Mike, I love u and I want the best for u. I want you to open up to me, if it’s me to come back and listen to u, I would. To cut the story short, things finally became normal when I told my aunt everything and nobody talks about it no more. Don’t know if I’m out or not. But my aunt knows all and all about me and I am happy with the way things are. ????

    Reply

  14. Bryce
    March 24, 2017

    Nigerian families can practice Daddytee for Africa.
    Whether one comes out to them or not,they always know.They only apprehensively wait for the day something would break and it comes out in the open

    Reply

  15. Mazi
    March 24, 2017

    “And that – I remember thinking – was the point. I was not only driven to be good at everything I did because I wanted to look good for my family; I strived to be the best because I wanted it to be said, should I one day come out of the closet, that I was able to be great while being gay. I didn’t want anyone to blame any failures I might have on my homosexuality.”

    This! ?.
    .
    Too many people are blinded with this notion that homosexuality is unforgivable. And by God, they believe those engaged in such an abominable act would have things going badly for them.
    Such grotesque and fanciful way of reasoning.
    Hey dear, this too shall pass.

    Reply

  16. Vhar.
    March 24, 2017

    Life goes on.

    Be happy, man. Be happy.

    Reply

  17. Canis VY Majoris
    March 24, 2017

    Give it a few years, everything will reset itself. Also, you’ve crossed a line dreaded by most of us, although not by choice, it’ll be for the best, you’d see.

    Just make sure you put more effort into making the best of yourself, even more so now that they know.

    You’d be fine.

    Reply

    • Freeman
      March 28, 2017

      Thank you Canis for this. The spirit is alive already.

      Reply

  18. Dickson’ clement
    March 24, 2017

    Expect that one day one of your sibling will call you ‘faggot’ or any other hurtful homosexual slur!
    Just get ready, it may not be today.. or tomorrow..Or next year…Or the one after. Certainly one day it will happen either by inference or in pure undiluted words.

    Reply

  19. Mitch
    March 24, 2017

    Live, brother! This isn’t the end

    Reply

  20. Ivory Child
    March 24, 2017

    I admire your fortitude and resolve, you’re a real victor ???…….. As for that Jerry guy……. May karma bite him in the ass and NEVER let go! ???

    Reply

  21. INDIGENE
    March 24, 2017

    I would suggest you hear from jerry first. You don’t know what transpired between him and your sibling’s. Listen to him and then draw you conclusion’s.

    You did great in the whole situation. You would be fine bro!

    Reply

  22. .•*Sugaar.•*
    March 24, 2017

    Hmmm my thanks is to God you’re alive to face all the good and the bad experiences o…
    they said, experience is tha_______
    When you fill the gap, then go back to Ikotun area and the rest that has been over emphasized here in the house.
    It’s not over yet!
    God bless your family and everything you do from now hence forth…

    Reply

  23. Houston Scholar
    March 25, 2017

    For over two years since I left Nigeria for higher education abroad, I have voraciously consumed all the posts and online altercations on kitoDiaries. This is the first time I will be dropping a comment on this website. Freeman, your story brought back all the untold memories that reside in me. The ephemeral mood of my convivial, halcyon and jocund state, the soliloquy, the disportments, the long nights of insomnia, the doughty period of resilience, the feeling to exhume my lifeless progenitor for catechism, the loud scream in silence, the rejection, betrayal, ostracism and the need to cloak that enigmatic and kinky cachexia in the most furtive part of my bone marrow, the famish period of exorcism and asceticism in the purgatory, the facetious banter with my shadow and my best friend (my books) in the bucolic and pulchritude garden, the goosebumps, the hypochondria, the grin, the dawn of the reality that I have to be my own best friend, the thought of euthanasia and the JOY OF SURVIVAL and the BLISS OF EMBRACING MY INNER-SELF

    Freeman, I wish you all the best in your new odyssey. I could not hold back my tears reading through your story. This story touched the deepest part of my heart. Let me also use this medium to shootouts to Pink Panther (your platform provided me with a virtual family and it has become a great source of antidote for my morbid moments), our two doctors Francis and Simba (your columns taught me those nitty-gritty lessons that are imperative for sexual health and I also think I share your ‘Francis’ sense of paranoia), DM (aside the avuncular role you play on this platform, your column speaks directly to my heart) and lest I forget our stunning IBK, Delle, Mandy, Mitch, Poshe, and others whose comments and quibble kept me glued to this platform. Keep smiling and inspiring the world. Our scrolls of today we eventually be read and appreciated by the generation yet unborn.

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      March 26, 2017

      Thanks a lot, Houston. We much appreciate whatever roles we play to make Kito Diaries a place you can identify with.

      Reply

  24. Pjay
    March 26, 2017

    I really want to know why Jerry did what he did. Confirmed gay? Seriously? ??

    Reply

  25. Chizzie
    March 26, 2017

    Just read the entire story including the first part and I must say Freeman, really must commend you for having the courage to tell your story. As pageanty as that might sound, it takes courage to relive those memories. I should know cause I have been there and even though mine had a “happy ending” and was not as severe as yours ; Months later and I am still so traumatized to recount what happened. Infact I wish I could never remember it.

    The only thing is, you would’ve vehemently denied you were gay after u were released to your family. I don’t know but, u would’ve been insistent that u weren’t. It’s how I dealt with mine seeing as I was practically outed to my entire family worldwide and on social media.

    Maybe when I’m brave enough I’d tell my story just like u have.

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      March 26, 2017

      Well he didn’t vehemently deny and his life is still good. Sometimes, it pays to simply own the truth.

      Reply

  26. FJ
    March 27, 2017

    Had a similar experience but not so unlucky. Foolishly led on by a covert gay guy who for reasons am yet to understand, decided to kito me. I got mobbed and handed over to the police right in front of a media house in a broad day light. I was so lucky i wasnt hurled into d front page of the dailies. At d police station i refused to admit to d gay tainted accusations. D investigating officer in charge of my case tried to cajole me into “owning up” seeing dat my side of the story wasn’t adding up. I agreed after so much persuasions. D police guy tried to be friendly, put me in d mildest place in d cell and gave me some preferential treatment like allowing me av access to my phone and all dat). He asked me to confide in him and promised to look for a way to let me off d hook. I eventually agreed on a condition dat i wouldnt write my verbal confession down as statement. So i narrated how myself and d guy dat kitoed me met via a third party and d event dat culminated into turning d table against me. This same story was relayed to d family of d kito guy who had initially vowed to press a charge in court. When it was so obvious dat der own child too might not come out of d case unscathed, they gave in. Dis same officer didn’t divulge d gay story to my family members who came to secure my release at d station all thru their visits , not even d gay accusations. He covered me up from d beginning till my release. Shockingly d only money i parted with was for bail.

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      March 27, 2017

      Can we have this story please? 😀

      Reply

      • FJ
        March 27, 2017

        Sure PP

        Reply

    • OMG!!! It’s HYPO
      March 28, 2017

      Sorry for the distress but be thankful for being this fortunate

      Reply

  27. HUMAN
    March 29, 2017

    so sorry.
    something similar happened to but I wasn’t too unlucky, it didn’t get to police station or anybody knew, I went to visit a guy, after all sha he told me to go n clean up, b4 I came out of d toilet he already locked his door nd left meanwhile my new phone I just bought worthing close to 50k was inside, at first I thought he went to buy something, not until wen I saw my shirt hanged outside b4 I came to my senses that he had stolen my fone. (he stay in a house that uses general toilet).
    so I had small phone with me, then I called him with the number in it, at first I didn’t know what to say cos I don’t want him to know that is me, then I started forming a lie that his friend said I should give him a phone, that he should come to bus stop(d one of where he stays), he later came with 2 guys, when I saw him I put d phone on silent. I confronted him, he was forming hard guy nd I didn’t want to shout in other not to cos two problems (I noticed he had already dumped d phone somewhere). then he said if I want my phone that I should follow him that he had given it to d BOYS that they are watching the porn on it, I said I have password on it, he said they are using USB cord to watch it.
    so I followed him, he nd one of his friends took one bike, d other one left, so I also took a bike and followed them. they were at the front while I followed, there was a little traffic @ a round about so he had highlighted @ another street b4 his living d other guy on bike, after we made our way out of the traffic I only saw that other guy, I paid the bikeman off sha, so it was left with only me n his friend, I begged his friend to tell me where he went he said he don’t know, so I told his friend that he should help me check d house maybe my phone his there cos he had d key ( tho I know a theif can’t be so daft to leave the phone, but I just told him to check) the phone wasn’t there.
    I begged that he should call him nd beg on my behalf, then he started threatening me will BOYS that they will beat me up, the guy I call his friend later opened up to me that he his brother, that he knows him that’s how he behave that he won’t give me d phone, I had leave.
    on getting home I lied to my parents that phone was hijacked cos there’s this habit of hijacking in Lagos. I became traumatized cos I barely used d phone for 2months.
    it’s was later someone told he had been stealing from people

    Reply

  28. Thanos
    April 1, 2017

    Of course everyone wants to relate to this story. Thank you Freeman for sharing your story. There’s so much pain it. From the ambush to the cunning nature of the police then Jerry outing you like that without your consent and then the depression. I’m happy you’ve decided to move on with life, that’s what matters. Strive to be better.

    My parents knew for a while and decided to let me know In 2015, my siblings have always known. One is Donald trump about it and the other is quite Obama about it.

    Please, take @Dickson’ Clement’s advice, one of your siblings will someday say something hurtful, trust. Also, y’all should try to be realistic with whatever advice you give so that someone doesn’t make a serious mistake he or she will regret someday.

    Reply

  29. aAYaAH
    April 7, 2017

    Wow. Nice.
    It’s hard to find love these days from anywhere at all.

    Reply

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