Originally published as ‘Bad Sex Does Not Equal A Bad Relationship on agaytekeeperiam.blogspot.com

“Ever been with a guy who seemed to have everything that you’re looking for, but the sex is just blah?”

A good friend of mine asked me this question the other day in regards to his current situation with a certain potential mister. After thinking about it and bragging about how sex with me is never boring, I could tell that he was serious. I really did not know how I could counsel him. Some guys feel that if they are not sexually happy, then the relationship cannot flourish. I, personally, have not had to encounter bad sex with someone I was dating, but we have all experienced that one guy who just did not quite measure up to our expectations. I went on to tell my friend that even if I had encountered a guy of some sort, I would not let that one factor be the end of what could possibly be great. A relationship is so much more than sex and I guess, as we become older, we realize that the small things are what truly make us happy with one another.

My friend and I carried on back in forth, deliberating between a healthy sex life versus a healthy relationship, before concluding that different men have different priorities. Sex – although a factor, but not a main factor – is definitely what you make it out to be. People enter into relationships and do not have sex for months. Yet, again, every relationship is different and so are people. I know that every relationship that I have been in has been more orally satisfying than penetratingly humored. Now, this is not to say that I do not enjoy a nice piece of warm flesh around the circumference of my penis every now and then, but there is nothing like a wet mouth to give me a Kool-Aid smile. Okay… I had a moment.  Anyhoo, sex is great but should not be the quality that would make you pull the plug.

When I asked him what about the sex was so boring, he replied, “He just lies there. And I know that I’m giving my best. I just don’t know what the problem is.”  I responded that something could be on the guy’s mind. Maybe you are not doing enough to satisfy him and he feels disconnected.  Even I have been there before. We must remember that sex is a two-way street, and in this day and age, it is very rare to find a bottom who just likes to suck and get penetrated without any reciprocation. You have to “lick it before you stick it” and bottoms get theirs too. Again, I am getting off topic; the point is, satisfaction should be mutual.

I asked him if he was verbal in bed; I have learned throughout my experience that a lot of men like to be told what to do. I, for one, am not one of them but I love giving direction. Stimulate my mind and make me feel, if only for those great 20-30 minutes, that I am the only man that matters to you. “Put your leg up right there.” “Arch your back just a lil bit more.” “Who’s it for?” “Tell daddy…”

You catch my drift? You can use those lines, I have more.

Sex is so much more than “insert something utopia brings about here.”  There has to be a connection deeper than the physical if you want it to be good. Whisper in my ear, rub on my chest, lick on my earlobe and call me daddy, damnit! Communication is key both in and outside of the bedroom and from both parties. It is all about teamwork.

If asked to list five qualities that you would look for in a mate, I am sure that close to 75 percent of you would have sex listed in your top three. Not saying that it is a bad thing. But is it indeed a deal breaker?  Nowadays, I am more concerned about if a guy has a job with benefits and a 401k rather than how good his sex is.

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