I pulled up my sweatpants, put on my shirt, reached for my sport shoes and pulled them on. I put my phone in my pocket and picked up my keys.

I looked back at my random hookup partner in the dimly lit corner we both were and gave a small smile. He seemed spent and relieved. He didn’t see my smirk though; I’d looked away before he could see it.

I knew this would be the last time I’d be there, that I’d ever see him. I think he knew it too. At the gate, he muttered, “Thank you for coming.”

I turned to look back at him. I assumed the smile on his lips was a fake one, but one he had to wear as courtesy demands. I gave him one of mine and replied, “Yeah, sure.”

I walked to the end of the street, got into the car and drove off without looking back.

The sex was good. Really good. His strokes hit the spot. His moans were soundtrack-worthy. But I concluded in my mind, right there and then, that anal penetration was not for me anymore.

I asked myself on my way home, “Do you think this is who you’d eventually become? A Side? Are you prepared for the looks you’d get if you mentioned to anyone who took any interest in you that you’re a side? Do you think you’ll be accepted amongst your friends? Is there even such a thing as a Side?”

The week before that, I’d spoken to my good friend about these questions. He said he wasn’t sure if he was in the right position speak on the subject. I texted another friend to help with my dilemma and he said, “Being a side is as valid as any sexual roles anyone comes up with.”

I still wasn’t convinced.

And so, I decided to do an experiment – have sex with someone random and arrive at my own conclusion.

I did, and I realized that I had come to loathe penetrative sex.

But these questions still lingered. I was genuinely confused. I thought about seeing a sex therapist about it, but it seemed like it’d be an extreme chore.

When I got home and out of the car, I got a call from someone I’d recently reconnected with. Bayo and I attended the same university. He’d lived two streets from me off-campus. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time, but he did.

“Oh my god!” was the first immediate message he sent me the day he saw my picture online. “It’s you! It really is you.”

I drew back from my computer screen, startled by his message. I didn’t know him. I felt like I was at a disadvantage. I looked at his pictures again, but they were really those of a stranger, as far as I was concerned.

I told him this, and he gave me a blow-by-blow account of my life in school. A certain guy I moved with, how I held my hardcovers, my love for shorts, and most importantly, the name of my hostel (off campus) in school.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

Apparently, he’d admired me from the sidelines. When I asked why he didn’t make any attempt to talk to me, he said, “I had a boyfriend then. It’d be stupid of me to complicate things for myself.”

What I found really interesting was that his boyfriend wasn’t even in our school. He lived many miles away from us. Bayo could have had his way with me and his boyfriend wouldn’t be any the wiser. This made me respect him. Not crush on him. Not steer my cart in his direction. I simply respected him.

Then he asked me out on a date. I was not sure I was ready to go on a date with anyone. I mentioned this to him, and he said he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Fate brought me to him again, and he’d be damned if he didn’t seize the opportunity to be in my life, he said.

Halfway through our date, I told him about my decision to be a Side.

Bayo’s answer left me speechless.


Written by Vhar

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  1. Ian
    March 11, 07:27 Reply

    Ah! No no no, this suspense isn’t good at all.

  2. Delle
    March 11, 08:27 Reply

    Vhar, you sure love cliffhangers, don’t you? Even when it’s non-fiction! Lemme shaa wait for tomorrow.

    But then again, “The sex was good. Really good. His strokes hit the spot. His moans were soundtrack-worthy. But I concluded in my mind, right there and then, that anal penetration was not for me anymore.”

    I got a bit confused here. If the sex was as good as this, I quoted above, depicts, how do you then come to the conclusion that anal isn’t for you? I thought (still think) one only gets averse to the idea of anal penetration when it becomes a chore. It didn’t seem like it was from this write-up. I’ll like clarification though.

    • trystham
      March 11, 13:14 Reply

      maybe it was just oral and a few intense moments of salad toss

      • Delle
        March 11, 15:45 Reply

        I like to think when ‘strokes’ is used in a sexual context, it is reserved for dick. Not tongue

  3. Kenny
    March 11, 08:38 Reply

    Side to Side?? Looks like Bayo is also a side so why the cliffhanger? ??‍♂️

    • Mandy
      March 11, 09:08 Reply

      Knowing Vhar, I don’t think it’ll be that straightforward.

  4. Mandy
    March 11, 09:07 Reply

    Will it kill Vhar to serve us the entire story in one helping? What could Bayo have possibly said that should keep till tomorrow, eh? ??

  5. Jay
    March 11, 09:08 Reply

    I don’t understand what it means to be a side. I hope there’s another episode.

    Also, I’m as confused as Delle. Good sex and u think anal isn’t your thing? Pls clarify.

    • Malik
      March 11, 17:32 Reply

      To be a side is to be neither top nor bottom. Basically, foreplay and non-penetrative activities are your thing.

      You like activities like kissing, BJs, rimming, dry humping, hand jobs, cuddling, spooning, nipple play etc and you get off without any actual penetration.

  6. Delle
    March 11, 09:39 Reply

    A side is one who isn’t into penetration. Can do other sexual stuff except penetrating or getting penetrated.

    My confusion stems from the fact that he says the sex was good. So what happened?

    • Omiete
      March 11, 09:59 Reply

      First of I doubt that it was good seeing as they all had fake smiles and all and knew it was never happening again plus the awkward way he left, Good sex would make you happy. So I think he is being ironic but it’s just my opinion

      • Delle
        March 11, 16:38 Reply

        I can very much love sex with a person without having fondness for the person who brought me the satisfaction. So it could be the sex was actually good. Vhar should shaa come.

  7. Smart
    March 11, 09:45 Reply

    1. What is SIDE?

    2. How can you enjoy sex and at the same time not enjoy anal?

  8. Omiete
    March 11, 09:55 Reply

    Omg Vhar couldn’t you add one more sentence but I am glad to see another side!!!

  9. Beefar
    March 11, 12:29 Reply

    A couple of vibrating dildos later, I’m inches closer to being a side. Anal is fast becoming a fantasy only thing for me ?‍♂️. The prep work and pain involved doesn’t make one relax enough to enjoy it. ??

  10. Dreamdave
    March 11, 12:35 Reply

    Okay, Let’s think this way…. It could be that the guy doing the penetration and hitting all the right places with Vhar or the writer, was actually having a mental penetration with his side. The thing the writer didn’t tell us is if someone else was in the room enjoying the view and the sound making vhar feel Used ( making him feel as a sex object). He may be physically enjoying the sex but mentally the top is having sex with his side.

    Most side always give the top a sex free pass, since he don’t do penetration, he lets the top have penetrative sex to easy himself. But he is not allowed to fall or have emotional attachments, It’s pure basic sex.

    • Delle
      March 11, 15:44 Reply

      I’ve never read anything more confusing.

  11. Patrick
    March 11, 16:25 Reply

    Biko, side is life!
    All the sides in the house, please gather here for a group photo.??

    • Babe
      March 11, 16:57 Reply

      lol, I could be leaning towards being a side, but penetrative sex remains bae

      • Delle
        March 11, 21:54 Reply

        Then you’re not a side. Calm down, it’s not an aesthetic. You can very much still be amongst the Fabulous 5 if you’re not a Side.

        • Babe
          March 12, 09:12 Reply

          lol I think I’ve gotten my aesthetic figured out. I mean that I barely fancy penetrative sex, but I’m always up for being a side got it?

  12. Eddie
    March 11, 18:14 Reply

    You do you,boo!
    I don’t think I can date a side (though I don’t really date conventionally) because I love and enjoy being penetrated…
    But we could be great friends and I can engage in make-out sessions for our mutual benefit.

  13. Jay
    March 11, 18:50 Reply

    It is more than bae Babe, it’s everything!

    • Babe
      March 11, 19:08 Reply

      I once had a ‘side’ action that left me breathless and made me lose my feet coordination lol. So penetration isn’t really everything, I like to consider it as my anger/Dom kink thing

      • Higwe
        March 11, 21:08 Reply

        Does “side ” involve: fellatio, cunnilingus and anilingus?

        • Patrick
          March 11, 21:19 Reply

          I’m thinking it does. The Urban Dictionary says it involves every other aspect of intercourse with the exception of anal penetration.

  14. Malik
    March 12, 12:12 Reply

    Dear Vhar, Oya o. We been dey wait your sequel.

  15. CHUCK
    March 13, 11:33 Reply

    Whenever I come across someone who doesn’t do anal, I try to know why before I get involved with any issue.
    Some associate anal with disease. or tjink it’s unclean, or never prepared properly.
    I check before getting involved

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