KD’s Fashion Police: MTV Africa Music Awards 2015

KD’s Fashion Police: MTV Africa Music Awards 2015

Hi, it’s John Ocean again.

First of all, let me state that I was disappointed with the fashion at the MAMAs. Granted, it wasn’t the Golden Globes, but I expected African stars to bring their A-game. What was with that American comedian hosting it? So, no African could host the show? Lupita? Agbani? Oluchi? Charlize Theron? The list is endless, if they had to go the Americanah route. Instead, they brought an (African) American comedian – who did a shoddy job of hosting. Oh well, what do I know? Let me dive into the fashion biko!

THE FABULOUS

1 MAMAs Sharon MundiaSharon Mundia
I don’t know who this girl is, but she leaves me nodding in approval. This is how you show skin while still keeping things tasteful. It’s about strategically-placed cut-outs that reveal just enough skin. Her smile and side swept hair are winners. I only wish she’d popped in some color to the look.

2 MAMAs LynxxxLynxxx
I am in love! *cocks gun at thirsty hoes, Pinky et al* This quirky look is a total winner. The shoes are the icing on the cake. I really wish he skipped the tie though! Lynxxx knocked it out of the park!

3 MAMAs PatorankingPatoranking
The color is perfect. The cut is perfect. Plus there was minimal use of accessories and no overkill. This guy was easily one of the best-dressed guys at this event! That bowleg? *drops to knees to give blow job*

4 MAMAs IyanyaIyanya
Number one Akpan sure looks good in red. I love when men wear color on the red carpet, and a red look on a red carpet is often difficult to wear, because if the shades are not right, you could blend into the carpet.
This guy go sweet to chop sha. *waves at Dennis*

5 MAMAs Emmanuel IkubeseEmmanuel Ikubese
Nice suit, nice cut, even though he kinda looks uncomfortable.

6 MAMAs Taje PrestTaje Prest
She broke all the rules about dressing up while being plus-sized. And she nailed it one hundred percent! The color is amazing and her shoes add a bit of whimsy to her look. Ordinarily the embellishments on the bust area would not have worked because she is busty, but the cut-outs distort the proportions and make it work. I also loved that she skipped jewelry because the dress was already doing all the talking. She should marry her stylist biko, even if it’s a woman!

 

 

7 MAMAs Ifeoma WilliamsIfeoma Williams
This lady understands the concept of less is more. She always exudes understated elegance right from her days as Miss Lux. However she is gaining weight fast o, and it is very disturbing to me! Nne, CWO hands no go fit you o.

8 MAMAs Dotun KayodeDotun Kayode
I don’t know this dude, but I love rule breakers, and he smashed all the rules with a fashion hammer. And he sure looks good. Quirky guys get me all hot and flustered, and does it get any quirkier than kente and sneaks? I am in love!
PP, I need a full report on this guy by tomorrow.

9 MAMAs Adora OlehAdora Oleh
Dress be banging!
Body be banging!
Hair be banging!
One word – SLAY!

10 MAMAs Vimbai MutinhiriVimbai Mutinhiri
I love this dress; it takes years off her, leaving her looking twenty-one. Dressing for a music award show is tricky, because you could easily look over-dressed or too casual, but I think this dress straddles that line perfectly. I especially loved that the crop was covered with sheer lace; very sexy and feminine! Good one, Vimbai.

THE HMMM, OYA LET’S MANAGE

11 MAMAs Yemi AladeYemi Alade
This is a beautiful and stunning dress, but unfortunately it does nothing for her body type. The dress is very busy and it is wearing her. I think this dress will work on someone lean and tall, who can bring proportion to it. Yemi is a bit too short and kinda stocky for this look. I wasn’t impressed.

12 MAMAs Jessica NkosiJessica Nkosi
She looks like she will be in the screen adaptation of Poison Ivy. The (obioma) tailor that made this dress was confused and left her looking like a statue in a flower garden.

13 MAMAs Stephanie CokerStephanie Coker
This dress is confusing, very confusing. Was she going for Bikini-Inspired? Or One-Shoulder-Inspired? And don’t you need a flat tummy to rock sheer? Odiegwu o!

14 MAMAs ZainaZaina
The hair, the dress, the lace, the tulle… One word – TACKY!

15 MAMAs NeyoNe-Yo
Uh-uh, too many trends at the same time. Sort out your pant lengths too.

16 MAMAs D’banjD’banj
His jacket looks like it’s made out of wrapping paper used for wedding presents. The cut is amazing, but I cannot get over the Broadway-ness of it; it looks like a costume. And get rid of that chain, please!

17 MAMAs OC UkejeOC Ukeje
He tried so hard to appear quirky. He failed miserably.

18 MAMAs Seyi ShaySeyi Shay
Was she going to bed? Looks like a night slip!

19 MAMAs Stephanie EzeStephanie Eze
Beautiful dress, wrong color! The color washes her out and makes her look too pale.

20 MAMAs Miss SA 2015 Liesl LaurietakesMiss South Africa 2015 Liesl Laurietakes
Of course, she had to come with her sash! I thought it was only that runs babe that won Miss Unilag that wakas upandan with her sash? This SA babe follow kwa… *smh*

21 MAMAs Diamond PlatinumDiamond Platinum
Wear a belt, oga! It holds your pants in and prevents your shirt from spilling out! Your shirt cuffs should not extend that long over your jacket biko!

22 MAMAs Noble IgweNoble Igwe
The fit is hideous. The waist coat clearly doesn’t fit. And what is going on with the seams of the pants? Was this made by a tailor or a carpenter?

23 MAMAs Joselyn DumasJoselyn Dumas
She is the “ukwu sara mbara” of Africa, and she does look good. However she has done this look way too many times, so much so that it’s gotten old.

24 MAMAs Jhene AikoJhene Aiko
She looks good…
If she were picking her kids from school and not going to the MAMAs.

25 MAMAs FlavourFlavour
Too much money + too little style.

THE DEAR-GOD-IN-HEAVEN

26 MAMAs CyprianCyprian
You people should not laugh joor. I know what happened here. His madam sent him on an errand to the market to buy fufu, but he stole somebody’s clothes and decided to branch to the MAMAs in all his Akpan glory. He looks like someone an Oba of Lagos would be buried with. And how does one have big belle and six packs at the same time bikonu?
Oga Cy, next time, before you steal clothes, at least make sure the person wears same size as you!

27 MAMAs Yvonne EkwerreYvonne Ekwerre
It does look like a beautiful dress, but when she turns her back, you see the terrible tailoring and stitching going on there. She even had the presence of mind to twirl around and show this horrible tailoring. Obioma tailors are clearly smiling to the bank.

28 MAMAs Bonang MathebaBonang Matheba
For a moment, during the show, I expected her to fly away with a league of bats. This mortician Adams inspired crap is a no-no biko!

29 MAMAs Casper NyovestCasper Nyovest
He ripped out his curtains and sent them to a tailor to make a jacket. Mbanu, this does not work. A floral jacket on a man never comes out well, except of course, you are EJ.

30 MAMAs SolidstarSolidstar
It’s great that an undertaker was invited to the show, because Davido would have died if Wizkid had won that award. The organizers would have needed an undertaker to take him out.

31 MAMAs PsquarePSquare
These are the worst dressed twins since the beginning of mankind. They never ever get it right. Tufia! They’re always decked out in expensive, gaudy crap. They need to hire a stylist like yesterday.
You know, I am very nice, so I will be offering to style them in exchange for a threesome.

32 MAMAs SHiiKaneSHiiKane
Sisterhood of the suffering dress!
And ladies, if you are going to rock ab cut-outs, try staying away from fufu for a while!

33 MAMAs 2face IdibiaTuface
Where do I even start? I feel like Eniola Badmus’ cosmetic surgeon…where do I start? Tuface has an amazing body, but he always wears crap. Who buys his clothes biko? An ex-girlfriend? Dude did not even bother to iron his shirt. And what’s up with those shoes? Is he under house arrest?

34 MAMAs Vanessa MdeeVanessa Mdee
*dials Uselu Psychiatric Hospital* Yes, the escaped patient has been spotted and she looks dangerous. Please send a team immediately, thank you!

My best dressed for the night is Vimbai, but she is clearly a one-eyed man in the land of blind men. And my worst dressed is Yvonne Ekwerre for wearing a horribly-stitched dress!
I would like to hear your thoughts, guys!

Photo credit: Bellanaija.com

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19 Comments

  1. Façade
    July 22, 06:44 Reply

    That part about flying away in a league of bats n the escaped patient? I died ROTFLMFAO gawd, John Ocean u r dropdead hilarious

    • kacee
      July 22, 08:41 Reply

      Lol, yeah that was hilarious.

  2. Mandy
    July 22, 07:02 Reply

    Dotun Kayode… is he not an OAP for one of these radio stations?

  3. Iyke
    July 22, 07:16 Reply

    ! Dude is mean! Lmaoooooo! Lynxx shoes r a huge no for me! And is it d lighting? Iyanya(who looks so good ) is wearing orange nd not red……. I think. Kinda love Yemi ‘s dress but she is getting fat oh!
    But nwanna John Ocean, e dikwa mean oh! Bats, Unilag runs babe, psychia! Choi! I died!

  4. Max
    July 22, 07:54 Reply

    You allowed your thirst for lynxx and some other guys blind you about their horrible dressing. Lynxx’s shoes are a NO NO.

  5. Dennis Macaulay
    July 22, 08:35 Reply

    Inyanya? Lemme look at hot young things! Please who is this Patoranking guy? That body delights my soul and groin

  6. kacee
    July 22, 09:05 Reply

    Sharon Mundia dahum, girl she looks good, those exposed thighs are killing.
    Taje Prest, love her dress hate the shoes.
    Adora oleh damn gurl *blows kiss*
    Seyi shay she looks like….what the fuck is she putting on, words can’t even explain how she looks, wth she dresses nice in her music videos and dresses like a house girl for an awards (i give up).
    Miss South Africa 2015 Liesl Laurietakes-Nooooooo one word “Weirdful” (not a word)
    Solidstar should should please change his name to Starsolid tht name suits his outfit.
    SHiiKane they look like witches.
    Vanessa Mdee what the hell gurl, no comment.

    • Pink Panther
      July 22, 10:35 Reply

      Lmao. Shiikane, witches. Aswear. And they’re 3 in number. Isn’t that the going rate for witches? 🙂

  7. enKayced
    July 22, 10:55 Reply

    Ocean, the dude in Kente and Sneakers with a back-facing baseball cap is Do2DTun( Dotun) of 96.9 Cool fm Lagos.
    Happens to be a friend as well.
    He’s a happily married man, And a father of a sweet girl called Fifemayo.
    Please take your Hoe-Losho to Iyanya, Patoranking or Probably Flavour.

  8. DRizzle
    July 22, 11:08 Reply

    Everything seemed okay until Lynx made the well dressed and Dbanj didn’t, seriously? Am I the only one that really zoomed in to see Lynx’s suit?
    TERRIBLE..

  9. Ruby
    July 22, 12:25 Reply

    Hmmmmmmmmmm…
    Where do I start…
    Sharon Mundia *Gorgeous*
    Lynxxx *i almost fell completely 4 him xcept d shoes n tie*
    Patoranking *Perfection* *can I cheat on Bae with u?*
    Iyanya *Burnt Orange n Tan Brown perfection, sai eyen owot mi*
    Emmanuel *looks like a stuffed turkey*
    Taje Breast… I mean Prest *another reason to loooooove midi dresses*
    Ifeoma Williams *monochrome perfect with dat subtle hint of colour on her wrist. Mmmmm*
    Dotun *nice twist* *wouldnt dare it tho*
    Adora Oleh *Oleh! Where did u steal that body from guuuuuurl*
    Vimbai *nice! Just wipe dat smirk of your face*
    Yemi *my tangerine baby! I gotta be honest, I’m still trying to understand this dress but a shorter hemline in front (above the knees),one solid colour on top or just killer beading plus d embroidery around the bust would have changed the entire look considerably*
    Jessica Nkosi *okosisi algae couture*
    Stephanie Coker *madam wardrobe diaries, what happened to ur own wardrobe diary? Did it catch fire*
    Zaina *Maleficent Couture*
    Ne-Yo *who do you? Nice shoes n Tux tho*
    D’banj *avant garde, wrapping paper, nna mehn couture*
    OC Ukeje *Divorce that ur wife, she’s killed your fashion sense*
    Seyi Shay * Candy Crush Lingerie. Beautiful shoes sha*
    Stephanie Eze *Faded Nutri- C, Lovely Dress*
    Ms SA *dont care what her name is* *organza dress??? Really??? Its just hanging on her*
    Diamond Platinum * Lavender gone wrong*
    Noble Igwe * there’s nothing noble about ur look*
    Joselyn Dumas *more like joselyn Dumbass outfit*
    Jhene Aiko *trying to make the pj trend on the red carpet are we???*
    Flavour *haba! Add some flavour to your wardrobe bikonu. U look like those aria aria boiz that try to package wen they travel to the village 4 christmas/ easter*
    Cyprian *akpu/ muscle/ spyrogyra couture*
    Yvonne Ekwerre * why did u even think of showing us your back. That’s the worst finishing I’ve seen in years*
    Bonang Matheba *mkpokporo*
    Casper Nyovest *did the other Casper style u? I mean Casper the friendly Ghost*
    Solidstar *he looks like a malnourished member of an abandoned drumline squad.
    P Square *i hate to say this but guys! What the Hell!. Peter I can manage but Paul… Hot mess*
    ShiiKane *Macbeth, the Odyssey Witches*
    Tuface *speechless due to my disgust*
    Vanessa Mdee *Xena meets Rock star meets Cuckoo Rasta meets Expelled Witch*
    Whew!!!!!
    That’s my personal round up.

  10. ambivalentone
    July 22, 13:25 Reply

    Ok. U weren’t too off with ur comments, dearest John, but I lost the will to say anything after I saw the Iyanya pic. Looks like his hands in the pocket is doing nothing to hide a growing erection…or am I simply horny?

  11. Diablo
    July 22, 19:20 Reply

    This was really funny, the more reason why im worried about the abysmal number of comments. A mobile platform will really come in handy, ive had to type my comment else where then copy and paste it in the comment box. Because typing directly is too herculean of a task, and some will rather not go through the stress, which might explain why i was MIA yst

  12. iamcoy
    July 23, 22:02 Reply

    Oh mehn.. John u made me laugh till I had a headache..
    well I thought ankle length pants are vogue?
    And pls O.C Ukeje can do no wrong! !

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