Kito Diaries Public Announcement II

Kito Diaries Public Announcement II

So a KDian who goes by the moniker Diii’Okpara is looking for a housemate, and below is his placement for the ad. Anyone who’s interested can send me a mail to pantherptb@yahoo.com indicating his interest.

*

Diii’Okpara speaks: “I want to share my two-room BQ in Ikeja Lagos with a young, working class guy starting July.

“The BQ is all tiled with running bore-hole water, and light available in a secured estate.

“The budget of the lucky fellow should be NGN150,000 only/annum and this sum excludes monthly service charges.

“Desired fellow should be a guy (age range 24 – 29), working class, MUST be decent and a Christian (no fanatics please). I am 28 years old, working class with a new job restructuring that requires that I travel on projects once in a while.

“I am a bit introverted, and I’m bisexual, and it is my desire that my intended flatmate be ultra straight-acting and have an eye for chicks. (Ask me why in private).

“Thank You.”

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous Photo: What Bachelor Are You?
Next David Ferguson: ‘Too Gay For TV? Get Used To It, Honey!’

About author

You might also like

Editor's Desk 40 Comments

28 Pictures You Will Relate With As A KDian

DISCLAIMER: The following is not to be taken seriously. Things have obviously been exaggerated for comic effect. ITS ALL BANTZ. We will not be held responsible for whatever offense you

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
The Happenings 32 Comments

For Our Brothers With Wives And Girlfriends

I happened upon this post titled ‘5 Signs That Says He Is Gay’ and I decided to share for our MGM and MBM, you know, things you should or shouldn’t

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Editor's Desk 43 Comments

Tweet Of The Day VIII

LMAO!!! iDied! I simply died!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

87 Comments

  1. Francis
    May 27, 06:18 Reply

    *hustles front row seat with watermelon in hand*

    • Kenny
      May 27, 06:24 Reply

      Biko shift small make I sit down. I have popcorn and lemonade.

    • KryxxX
      May 27, 09:02 Reply

      The kind of things you like! You, amebo and trouble………..always flocking together. Lol!

      • Francis
        May 28, 05:57 Reply

        You never hear say na them be the new blood tonic? Siddon there ??

  2. Queen Blue Fox
    May 27, 06:31 Reply

    This should be interesting *walks in with my Ultra padded Chair, with my Ultra Vodka and Ultra popcorn*

  3. bruno
    May 27, 06:49 Reply

    ultra straight acting with an eye for chicks. it’s not just a house you’ll be getting. you’ll also get your very own steel reinforced closet. ??

  4. Dennis Macaulay
    May 27, 07:24 Reply

    I love this! This is one of the purposes this site will serve! Maybe I should ask for a twink flat mate!

    Just that the other Macaulay will kee me first ???

    • Dennis Macaulay
      May 27, 07:39 Reply

      1. Admin must have done due diligence before posting it here.

      2. I think they are splitting the rent, so 150k seems okay to me

  5. Mandy
    May 27, 07:53 Reply

    So if I’m straight acting but with no eye for females, I’m not a suitable candidate for presiden — sorry, housemate?

  6. Max 10
    May 27, 08:21 Reply

    ???? you’re looking for a live-in fuck buddy. Well, most KDians fit your profile.

    Good luck.

    • Kenny
      May 27, 08:52 Reply

      Most KDians fit his profile? You know this how?

  7. Chizzie
    May 27, 08:24 Reply

    Rolled my eyes at “ultra straight acting”.. For someone who claims to be an introvert and with a lot of rubbish requirements, you should be able to afford to live by your self. Especially in a” “flat” which after being split two ways still goes for the said amount in IKEJA or anywhere in Lagos for that matter.

    Mr Eye for chicks.
    Eye of the Tiger,
    Eye of the Storm,
    Mr I’ve got my eyes on you,
    Mr an eye for an eye.

    Hiss.

    • Kenny
      May 27, 08:43 Reply

      Chizzie has killed me this morning ???

    • ambivalentone
      May 27, 11:13 Reply

      This dude cud av not av put it any better. I sneered alongside rolling my eye sef. U for put tribal requirements as well, seeing as u av done the religious angle, with specifics on the type of ‘christian from KD’ u want. Nonsense. U never see flat mate.

    • Duke
      May 27, 14:03 Reply

      I. AM. FUCKING. DEAD! Chizzie evil boy, just evil. LMAOOO!

  8. KryxxX
    May 27, 08:58 Reply

    Dii’Okpara!!

    Onye ziri gi oru kwanu! Who send you work! Chai!

    I hope you have a thick skin shaa! Akpukpa ahu gi dikwa ka nke enyi! Cos when Kdians(waiting 4 dat very sarcastic fellow to show up) r done analysing your ad, a flatmate would b d last thing on your mind!

    Hmmn! Ultra Straight acting…..? Smh! I’m still surprised that non haff thrown IH in d mix.

    O di ok!

  9. Dennis Macaulay
    May 27, 09:00 Reply

    But on a serious note let’s be sensible please. Why not just say masculine rather than Straight acting? Tf does straight acting even mean? All the work KD has done to educate some of you, you still talk like Ekiti boys!

    Tsk Tsk

    • Kenny
      May 27, 09:11 Reply

      Dennis ??? wetin ekiti boys do you?

      Don’t Anambra boys also say straight acting?

        • ambivalentone
          May 27, 11:56 Reply

          Ekiti ppl are not their governor SIR, though it is obvious Obiano is a true representative of his ppl. Empty show-offs

  10. Max 10
    May 27, 09:17 Reply

    Wait oh, I didn’t see that last part..

    “ULTRA-GINI?” ????

    Anyone who’s foolish enough to respond to this ridiculousness would have themselves to blame.

    @PP, maybe everyone else is blind, but I saw what you did there. Continu.. You’ll have a special reservation in hell right next to Belial. ?

    #IH
    #MOFO
    #SOAB
    #CHEAPO
    #DONTLETITREPRODUCE

  11. Andy Blueheart
    May 27, 09:18 Reply

    Oooh chimo!. Reading this, it felt like I was applying for a job at a seminary or maybe deeper life’s HQ.
    The requirements sha!
    MUST BE DECENT, onto which level? (biko who will agree that he’s not decent?)
    MUST BE A CHRISTIAN- ndi uka kwenu!!.
    ULTRA STRAIGHT-ACTING? I had no idea we had ultra straight acting guys.
    Finally ..eye for chicks… Mmmm Ok o.
    Goodluck in finding ya flatmate.

  12. Terra
    May 27, 09:32 Reply

    I read the post and I was like ??
    Then I read the comments and it became ???

  13. Teju
    May 27, 09:41 Reply

    Eye for chicks?? Nonsense.

  14. Teju
    May 27, 09:44 Reply

    The kind of guy that would out you on his bad day. Rubbish. Kito alert!

  15. philips
    May 27, 09:49 Reply

    I’m totally ultra speechless
    Goodluck finfing that ultra right person

  16. michael
    May 27, 10:01 Reply

    Emm.. Where is keredim? Come and see oo

  17. michael
    May 27, 10:02 Reply

    *folds hands and waiting for Keredim to say something*

    • Peak
      May 27, 10:30 Reply

      Me I am here paitently waiting for Chuck.

  18. posh6666
    May 27, 10:12 Reply

    Ultra straight acting ko superman ni.Pls which one is ultra straight acting again?cant you just say straight acting and leave us in peace.

  19. posh6666
    May 27, 10:16 Reply

    And madam Pinky you are very shady!You had the power to correct some of the things he wrote but you just wanted to humiliate the poor guy lmao.

  20. Peak
    May 27, 10:26 Reply

    *turns the volume all the way up on #DontHurtYourSelf*

  21. Sinnex
    May 27, 10:29 Reply

    LMAO…

    Goodluck finding that flatmate…

    Although I kinda get what he was trying to say, but he didn’t pass the information well.

    Knowing Nigerian guys, I am very sure that the guy would get nothing less than 10 mails today. It is easy for some people to say something here, but they would be the first to send messages to the guy. 150k for rent in Ikeja! Who no wan better thing?

    • Dennis Macaulay
      May 27, 10:48 Reply

      I swear down! 150k in Ikeja is a good deal and KDians will speak oyibo finish here and still mail the guy!

      Free preeq/nyash for men dem ???

    • Peak
      May 27, 11:32 Reply

      It’s beyond a good deal. It’s a GREAT deal!

      -You save urself the hassle of house hunting.
      -You get to pocket the fortune you would have been charged for Agent and Agreement, Damages etc
      -You are spared the cost of renovation that comes with a new apartment (you get 2 share that as well as other live-in bills/charges)
      -He gets to be away on trips, so have days to let ur hair down and act a fool.

      But all that requirements is enough red flag for any sensible humanbeing. All I see and smell is drama. You would be living like a prisoner all in the name of cutting cost. Living with a flat mate is no joke, A bisexual on is one is a bigger task. Not only will u be dealing with boyfriends, fuckbuddies, exposure to people you wouldn’t want to expose urself to, making by force friends and acquaintanceship, and possibly sharing and trading sex partners, you will occassionally have madam incharge (s) to deal with. We haven’t added the list of people he might not like and not want u 2 bring around. Its just a lot to deal with. Besides, experience has thought me to look at so called “I am an introvert” people with a side eye (myself included). It just means my crazy is canned somewhere.

      The way I see it, only a Nwa Jesu can live under such strict conditions (“MUST be decent and a Christian”). Goodluck to our potential flatmate, he would be needing it.

  22. Xavier
    May 27, 10:47 Reply

    A halfway house is still far from destination and makes the journey costlier

  23. 'Diii Okpara
    May 27, 11:49 Reply

    O Chi muo…*falls from bitter leaf stem: @Pinky is this what you face every day on here? Uv gats balls + nerve combined, bruv i swear it!

    Some men here ain’t gats chill sam sam. We may all be lgbt, but we are still individuals with preferences.

    Yes, @Chizzie i’d be dammed to get a mansion in Ikorodu or Badagry @ 150k or 200k/annum – but at what cost? Stress, traffic, distance to work? Face me i face you with Iya Basira? or Mama Biliki? Which you prefer?

    Unfortunately, i will not send pics of my flat on here to convince nobody that i coughed 400k therein, damn it: gats my keys and paper work to boot – So, no pressures fellas, no darn prehnYurr.

    I,m a simple fellow and would be delighted to talk with someone like me who wouldn’t mind sharing, let’s have our backs and help ourselves, at least the few kd guys av met can testify

    • Dennis Macaulay
      May 27, 11:57 Reply

      Its your language that I have problems with; ultra straight acting is just wrong

    • #TeamKizito
      May 27, 13:07 Reply

      Sorry, does Uv stand for Ultra- hello? Bae? You need me at Ikeja now? OK, I’m coming.

      . .

    • posh6666
      May 27, 13:56 Reply

      You are a simple fellow yet you just announced your hatred for muslims? And then you dont need a straight acting guy you need an ultra straight acting one.lool indeed u are a simple minded fellow.

      • 'Diii Okpara
        May 27, 15:53 Reply

        Errrm bros @posh6666 are you equating Islam to fanaticism? Are you aware that there are fanatical ‘Christians’ too? So why use fanaticism and Islam side by side? Heck, do you realize that i may be a Moslem or of any other faith? Why automatically assume I’m Christian? Na wa to una sha

        • Francis
          May 27, 18:56 Reply

          My dear this your defense is weak as fuck. Na your type dey classify all muslims and ndi hausa as boko haram that need to be avoided like a plague and this (Errrm bros @posh6666 are you equating Islam to fanaticism?) confirms it.

          Anyhow good luck finding that ultra straight flatmate (fuck buddy) with whom you can be passing around plenty fine gals as beards.

  24. façade
    May 27, 12:04 Reply

    Why do I feel like this ad was purposely made just to rile some people up and not to find a roommate? Ulta straight acting (that’s a new one), has an eye for ladies, etc…these are like major strings to pull if u want KD drama

  25. Keredim
    May 27, 13:03 Reply

    Not too sure what the issue with the ad is?

    Is the rent too high or low for Ikeja?

    Is it the use of the phrase “ultra straight acting”?

    All i see in the ad, is someone who knows what he wants and has unambigiously stated his requirements..

    He knows the type of person he can get on with and has put it out there in no uncertain terms.

    Him saying “ultra straight acting”, well we have all heard the saying “reach for the stars and you might hit the moon”

    I guess he is hoping to get a “straight acting” guy.

    Dii’ Okpara, good luck ojare. ????

    • Peak
      May 27, 17:39 Reply

      Keredim, this ur comment left me scratching my head.

      The advertiser can be forgiven and overlooked on grounds the he might not be an ardent KD reader and ignorant of the major issues we battle here on a daily basis. But i find it puzzling for you(keredim) to say you find nothing wrong with it. You have always advocated for the effeminate guys, imagine how discriminated against they would feel with seeing not just “straight” but “ULTRA” straight acting**gives PP the side eye**. Add the ” MUST be a Christian” part and you have more feathers ruffled. Don’t even get me started on the “and have an eye for chicks. (Ask me why in private).” Part.

      The whole ad is just a simple case of poor choice of words and you know how KDians and their sensitive selves are always blood thirsty. The advertiser has the right to dictate who he feels he can peacefully coexist with, but to use offensive and somewhat exclusive terms (unintentionally) is what a lot of people are frowning against. If this ad was being passed amongst close friends, one can overlook the excesses but on a platform where everybody and anybody can stumble on it, then expect a backlash. Nothing against the advertiser. Fantastic deal, but the ad…**glaring at PP**

      • Francis
        May 27, 18:49 Reply

        Allow Keredim oh. As if he doesn’t see enough of this crap on that his Grindr.

      • Keredim
        May 28, 00:22 Reply

        Exactly @Francis, i see enough of this “crap” on Grindr to see this as trivial. You state what you want on your profile and hopefully people read it and compatible people contact you.

        The thing is @Peak no matter how he phrases his preferences, the “blood thirsty sensitive KDians” will find offense (even when its not there – as you well know?).

        Yes he said “Ultra straight acting” He could have said “no femmes”??
        He could have said “no muslims”, instead he said he wants a Christian. Still the only vocal muslim on here accused him of hating muslims.

        Its a case of “Damned if you do, damned if you don’t”

        Diii’okpara – who FYI has been around almost as long as KD has, is just frugal and on point with his words, (he doesn’t comment everyday). A characteristic he has exhibited in his ad.

        You can scratch your head all you want (hope you don’t have dry scalp, that can be a bitch) but you can’t fault his pragmatism. He has stated his preferences that way he doesn’t waste people’s time and vice-versa.

        Oh and Peak this post is not like the post about bullying of effeminate guys that i spoke out against. Please note the difference.??

  26. Khaleesi
    May 27, 13:14 Reply

    heuuuuu … am late to this ‘rip apart’ party ooooo!!! Madam Pinky!!!! (pulls your eear 3x), bikonu fix the problem with Kd that’s been making it impossible to access it on a mobile, its not always that I have access to a laptop … sigh …
    Ok, this here’s a great deal, hopefully its in a decent and accessible part of Ikeja, am sure there’ll be plenty of takers. It woulda been nice if you’d given an estimate of the average monthly service charge.
    so what if your potential roommate is not a christian, after all, he’ll be having his own separate room where he can worship whatever he believes or does not believe in … you’re narrowmindedness is too glaring to be veiled, **spits in disgust not caring whether the phlegm strikes you***
    and … Ultra straight acting with an eye for females!! what exactly does this line of crap mean? I take it you’re educated, does this line of baloney make sense to you? ***ReceiveBrain – lots of it**** Oga, you’re a heavily hijabed/veiled and closeted homophobe with an incurable case of internalized homophobia; hopefully you’ll find someone who’s just like you and you both can spend your days in a blissful haze of self – loathing ….. mtchwwwwww

    • Max 10
      May 27, 22:43 Reply

      There are plenty of them brain dead KDians here.
      ???

  27. 'Diii Okpara
    May 27, 16:57 Reply

    Errrm bros @posh6666 why are you equating Islam to fanaticism? Are you aware that there are fanatical ‘Christians’ too? So why use fanaticism and Islam side by side? Heck, do you realize that i may be a Moslem or of any other faith? Why automatically assume I’m Christian? Na wa to una sha

  28. Masonkz
    May 27, 17:27 Reply

    Why not justget a straight guy that knows about you?

    Wouldn’t that be better?

    And maybe you should have emphasised why you asked for a Christian. I’m agnostic and curious as to this.

  29. Django
    May 27, 17:51 Reply

    I can’t even begin to say how much this thread angered me. I’m just glad to read the soothing comments.

    And I thought we were getting somewhere with all the education.

    Anyways, good luck finding “that” roommate that fits your specification.

  30. Brian Collins
    May 27, 18:14 Reply

    I weak for this ad abeg.
    I would never live with someone like this. Imagine say this one na my roommate for school, I go don shoot you tey tey. Uncle just live alone. Whenever you need to travel, just lock your door and pocket the key to your IH oozing closet please.

    • Max 10
      May 27, 22:47 Reply

      If he was the last hope on earth for me, I’d rather live under the bridge .

      *spits all over*

  31. GAG
    May 27, 23:59 Reply

    Instead of using “ultra straight acting” and “eye for chicks”, you could have just opted for a straight person who loves chicks and also doesnt care about your sexuality or a fellow Bisexual.

  32. IBK
    May 28, 00:20 Reply

    Lmao.. kdians came for the guy.
    I’d like to believe this was just poorly worded tho.
    Still had fun reading the comments.

  33. Dimkpa
    May 28, 03:56 Reply

    Someone just got a job and thinks he has finally arrived. In this tiny advert ‘working class’ was used 3 times and we got the added bonus of a description of his job.
    We also learn that whoever gets to live with him will be ‘lucky’, I guess because he gets to sleep under the same roof with a working class fellow or probably because he gets to experience the 21st century innovations of electricity, running water and wait for it… tiles!!! All these while living with a working class fellow. What more can you ask for?

    His person specifications might as well have been
    “For this privilege you must pay lip service to your religion, i.e. be a Christian but not a good one. You must also be gay but not totally so, in other words be gay but have an attraction for women. You must be willing to conform to what society expects of you and not have a personality. You must be narrow minded, not try to challenge the status quo or dream of being anything different from an average Joe.”

    To whoever gets to win this prize and become the flatmate, I do hope you are actually a lucky fellow, you will need all the luck you can get, except of course you fit the bill in which case you probably deserve each other.

  34. Dimkpa
    May 28, 04:34 Reply

    Try this one

    “I am a 28 year old guy looking for a flatmate. The flat is a 2 room BQ in Ikeja with good facilities in a secure estate and has good access to transportation.
    Rent will be 150,000 per annum excluding monthly service charges.
    I travel a lot for work and would like a guy who keeps a tidy house. I would also like someone who shares my interests which include…
    I am bisexual and would prefer to live with a gay, bisexual or open minded fellow. Who knows, we might get to be buddies and a wingman on nights out is not a bad idea.
    If interested please contact me at…”

    Who wouldn’t want to live with this guy? Same information conveyed without sounding like a guy walking around with a stick up his backside.

  35. Francis
    May 28, 05:56 Reply

    This Dimkpa sha ??????????????????????

  36. Chris
    May 28, 06:32 Reply

    No big deal about the advert, in my opinion. Freedom of choice and association remember. Diii’Okpara is straight to the point. Aint faulting this advert at all.
    I could see myself placing such advert, ultra straight to the point. No messing about.
    Caveat: anyway this advert is posted, some people will be offended.

  37. KingBey
    May 28, 06:46 Reply

    This guy simply means he wants a Housemate who’s not femme, yeah he probably has people living in the main building who has their eyes on him…..and someone who has eyes for chicks. I bet he doesn’t want a gay guy who will only be seen with guys…..I just feel he has had a bad experience before regarding kito things…..so he’s just trying to be very careful. This is his house in question, not some gay bar or gathering so Nigga has to keep it on checks. If they remove him tomorrow, none of you here ranting will come out to take him in so calm your titties and park well. I’m sure he will get a sensible and serious Housemate soon. All these noisemaking here and some of you are already inboxing him. Lol.

  38. Prince
    May 28, 14:01 Reply

    Personally, I see no faults with that ad. He knows what he wants and what works perfectly for him. Dese bitter and sadistic comments smirks like one being angry and cursing a company for pegging their minimum qualification @ 2.1 wen all u have is just 2.2 or probably 3rd class. If you ain’t satisfied with MTN biko look the other way and try GLO. Life is dat simple!

Leave a Reply