51 responses

  1. Radiance
    May 31, 2019

    Sigh. This feeling sucks, and I’m so sorry that what seemed so blissful has come to this. Hopefully, you’ll heal from this and get to love again.
    See me sounding like I’m Tomi 😂
    But, mehn, with guys ehn, only god can safe us 😪

    Reply

  2. stimpex
    May 31, 2019

    I wonder who’s lying?
    Or was it just a case of initial miscommunication?
    If it was, how is it that Tomi never reminded Sworld of the initial ‘no sex’ agreement? Or is Sworld’s account shaving off Tomi’s initial position on sex?

    A man wonders.
    A man is slightly confused.

    Reply

    • Tomi
      May 31, 2019

      Neither of us is technically lying. But there are other aspects of this that you all that really know as well. Hopefully PP will release my full reaction soon.

      Reply

  3. Kelvin
    May 31, 2019

    Like they said, there are two sides to every story
    You will be fine sworld

    Reply

  4. Mitch
    May 31, 2019

    *sigh*

    The fact that he lied to you, cheated on you and took it further to lie to Pink Panther and the KD community, painting you in the light of an overbearing, inconsiderate boyfriend, tells you the kind of person he really is.

    I don’t think people like him are capable of love. Not because they don’t deserve it. But because love can’t exist in the midst of lies.

    That said, you also need to own up to your fault in this sad farce of a relationship. And that was your expectation. You don’t expect people to know what you want. You tell them to know if they want what you want.

    Every single time you planned to have sex with him, you made the plans in your head and simply expected him to go along with it. In my experience, this is not just foolhardy. It usually is disastrous in a relationship.

    Learn how to bring your needs and wants to the knowledge of your partner. If they don’t roll that way, good. At least, you know from the start and end her make a different plan or withdraw completely. The onus should be on you, after this blow to your psyche, to communicate more effectively so as to prevent things like this from happening to yourself.

    That said, I hope you heal fast.
    No one deserves the pain unrequited or ill-requited love brings. I hope you find peace soon.

    Reply

    • The trial of Tomi
      May 31, 2019

      So you just took his world for it and branded me a liar right?? Ok

      Reply

  5. Mandy
    May 31, 2019

    This kind of shitty situation is way too common in the gay community. People constantly falling for others and expecting too much from relationships that those others can’t give but won’t be honest about not giving. Tomi was wrong for this. Whether he is a Side (which seems doubtful from your telling) or not, the fact is that he did not go into this relationship with you with the same intent to commit like you did. He shouldn’t have encouraged a relationship with you. He went into a relationship with you for all the wrong reasons. Because you wanted it? Because he wanted to see what happens? No, no, no. You don’t date people based on these.

    Sworld, you were also wrong for this. You should always ALWAYS communicate your feelings and expectations. Especially in a young relationship that hasn’t lasted the length of time it takes for lovers to be intuitive about their partner’s feelings and intentions. You should have been frank and open about what expectations you had, and when Tomi won’t meet them, you take that as a red flag to check out of the relationship.

    COMMUNICATION cannot be over-exaggerated in a situationship between lovers. Someone might say: “But if I speak my mind, I might offend him and he will say i’m nagging him and leave me.” Well, to those, I say: “Then that’s how you know he is not the one for you.”

    Plus I get the feeling you two dived headlong into this thing without taking a beat to simply enjoy each other first. There is nothing with being friends who have sex. That is a privilege us gay people can enjoy without judgment that is attached to it when it comes to straight people. Just be friends who are getting to know each other through conversation and sex. this helps a long way in determining whether two people really want to be together.

    Reply

  6. KingB
    May 31, 2019

    Love wey me dey find, na him someone else dey throway.Irony of life. We shall be alright las las

    Reply

    • Cocent
      May 31, 2019

      I’m with you, sir. I read the story and was like “This life is such a paradox”!

      Reply

  7. Higwe
    May 31, 2019

    This is why I’m never quick to judge or castigate the other persons in all these stories submitted here.

    If you’ve dealt with humans long enough , you’ll know there is always a story behind a story.

    Hardly anyone presents a version that makes them look culpable .
    Reason every sensible person should tread with caution whilst riding that “moral ” high horse.

    Beware of the dangers of a single story – Chimamanda Adichie.
    ****************
    Funnily enough , the people that had so much to say there , will still have so much to say here 😂😂😂🤣

    “Fickle like leaves – dancing to every wind ” .

    Reply

    • Fred
      May 31, 2019

      This is exactly what I thought as I read this story through.
      We just don’t know it all.

      Reply

  8. Higwe
    May 31, 2019

    I hope other people follow suit and send their rebuttals.
    There are stories I’ve read here that just didn’t sit right with me….but having an opposing viewpoint here is synonymous to seeking attention.

    While we may never know for sure who is telling us the absolute truth between Sworld and the other guy ….one thing we do know for sure is that ….one of them is telling the truth or both are lying .

    So before liefly hitting your keypad…typing strongly worded ,derogatory, condemning epistles …..halt for a second and THINK …you might actually be hurling all these obscenities at the innocent party ….based on one person’s version …. the person you think you KNOW …who may or may not be telling the truth .🤦🏽‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️

    Reply

  9. saucebutton
    May 31, 2019

    Las las you’ll be fine. Be strong and communicate more to any one you would want to commit to.
    Enjoyed the fact that you aren’t given up on Love. It’s sweet but I wonder why one has to go through much stress to really find it.

    Reply

  10. PHOENIX
    May 31, 2019

    Anybody to direct me to the ‘prequel’ please. The title can do. I need to read Tomi’s side of the story

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      May 31, 2019

      The link to Tomi’s side of the story is in this story. Check the part where he talked about the post coming on Kito Diaries.

      Reply

      • PHOENIX
        May 31, 2019

        Thanks

        Reply

  11. The Kd trial of Tomi
    May 31, 2019

    Its maniacally bewildering that I have been painted to seem like a pathological liar here. In fact neither of us are technically “liars” here; (I genuinely felt backed into a corner about the pressure to have anal sex thing and only sort the advice of pink panther and a couple of other people’s aswell on how to resolve the issue, it was PP’s idea to bring it up here, believe it or not) his just given a more detailed account of what transpired on the entire relationship but comprehensively played the victim and absorbed himself of any blame whatsoever.. Let every one else carry on with my judgment though.

    Reply

    • Wayfaring stranger
      May 31, 2019

      Sigh. I can be your rebound if you want. 😪😍

      Reply

  12. demi
    May 31, 2019

    its hard for me to pick a side but I feel for sworld.. I think he genuinely cared for tomi and I kinda hope for them to fix this and be togeda but without kidding, I dont think tomi loves him enough..

    both should apologize to each other but because i think sworld cares more according to d story and tomi text to him about not feeling d whole relationship bar being a side or not, allow him to heal and I hope he comes around so y’all can be buddies…

    as for tomi, well I don’t understand d ‘side’ thing well enough but its something to make potential beaus really grab b4 anything to avoid such again.. I think ud prolly find someone for you eventually.. love yall

    Reply

    • PHOENIX
      May 31, 2019

      You penned my thoughts Demi except the friend zoning 😂.
      I hope they both find someone they are compatible with. The VOWS came too early with all these issues unresolved.

      One rhetorical question for Tomi though, never ever having anal sex or just not with Sworld?

      Sworld, for the latter part of your post, ☑️✔️✅💯

      Reply

      • Tomi
        May 31, 2019

        Never ever having it, even tried it and it just doesn’t work for me. And the truth is I told Sworld this on the first day I met him.. That’s the truth.

        Reply

    • Tomi
      May 31, 2019

      And I told him about (the not liking anal pen part) on the first day I met him, believe it or not…

      Reply

      • Temi
        June 5, 2019

        Tomi & Sworld I feel you guyz can settle this off social platform. Just be more open to each other and if you feel it won’t work out my dear come off it there is nothing like being friends with an ex.

        Reply

  13. Sworld
    May 31, 2019

    My friends still mock me that I was used as specimen for trail and error of Love, Maybe cos i had always talk proudly about you to them. I embrace it now before they could make fun of me.

    I just want to tell you I once truly loved you and I miss you cos the moment i had with you were really genuine to me.

    seeing this post here today ripped my heart off cos it has really been a long while I wrote this to PP and I have really moved on!.

    Reply

    • J
      May 31, 2019

      Forget about the sex part, this person obviously didn’t like you much… From your story, he has given you so many red flags, but you ignored them. Get rid of anyone that makes you the kind of exhausted that has nothing to do with sleep.

      Reading your story felt like watching an emotional abusive romantic movie. I didn’t believe there were guys who are looking for a stable gay relationship in Nigeria. Keep to yourself until you meet someone who understands you better.

      Reply

  14. Black Dynasty
    May 31, 2019

    *sighs* the importance of communication cannot be overstated tbh. Folks need to understand that people cannot understand you fully if you do not express yourself.

    Folks keep quiet and expect the other to understand how you feel and what you want… whilst silently getting upset and angry over what you haven’t communicated to each other. Just gathering unnecessary resentment and frustration tbh.

    I really do wish men would talk more openly, freely and honestly. If your honesty and genuine self scares the other person away, then they probably weren’t meant to be with you in the first place.

    Reply

  15. Patrick
    May 31, 2019

    I do have a lot in common with Tomi: A side and an Arsenal fan😉😉😉

    Reply

    • Tomi
      May 31, 2019

      Lol, oh yes tough time to be an arsenal fan though… Really tough.

      Reply

      • Patrick
        May 31, 2019

        I know right. I’av learned to compartmentalize. I’m hardly affected by their mediocrity these days.

        Reply

      • Tomi
        June 1, 2019

        But its not still easy to just feel absolutely “nothing” each time they fail again and again. This is the club if my life, I am stuck with them.. You don’t love somebody or something for 14 years+ and still not have some hope..

        Reply

      • Omiete
        June 1, 2019

        Oh my lawd!! We should have a side hangout. Just saying

        Reply

      • Tomi
        June 1, 2019

        Lol interesting..

        Reply

      • Rx
        June 1, 2019

        Yea lol, I feel so lonely

        Reply

      • Audrey
        June 1, 2019

        Odiegwu…

        suddenly everyone has become a side I cannot be left out Mbanu!
        Me I’m a Front abi Na Back I be which one I go choose.

        Do I have my type in the house?

        Reply

      • Tomi
        June 2, 2019

        Lol

        Reply

  16. Ryan
    May 31, 2019

    Hmmm…

    Relationship isn’t a day trip, it’s a house of many blocks. You don’t get a house from foundation in a day.

    Quite touching, stories from the two ends, something about Sworld caught Tomi’s attention that’s untold. Sworld couldn’t hide love at first sight but wanted more, he just wanted a house in a day!

    On the other hand, Tomi, keeps nuturing what about Sworld that got him…perhaps, Sworld’s colour, etc.

    Sworld, pick your pieces and move on, there’s someone out there who would love and cherish you more…

    Tomi, you mean friendship is all you wanted and couldn’t spelt it out at first?

    A part of the story got me…Tomi masturbate while Sworld still right beside him? That’s crazy and really an insult to Sworld!

    Notably, communication is key in all *-ships* including relationship.

    Love yourself more to heal faster Sworld…

    Tomi, how’s your ex in Ibadan, hope you’d move on with him…good luck!

    Reply

  17. Peace
    May 31, 2019

    Hmmmm.. I really deem myself unfit to give relationship advices cause I don’t know jack. But then I wish you guys had stayed together, because your love story is so inspiring and beautiful. I wish it had lasted forever. Reading your story today from the point before things went downhill, really increased my yearning for a good and stable relationship like you guys had, even though I’ve never been in one.

    Dear Sworld and Tomi, I hope you both heal from this pain , I hope you both find compatible people. Sending you both my love from this side of Abuja

    Reply

    • J
      May 31, 2019

      Tell them you want to get to know l them LOL Don’t be shy aunty! Which one is this side of Abuja? 😂

      Reply

      • Tomi
        May 31, 2019

        Lol

        Reply

      • Peace
        May 31, 2019

        Errrm hegzkuzz me…….

        Reply

      • J
        May 31, 2019

        See as ‘side’ matter dey cause wahala and you want to add your own side of Abuja 😉 😂

        Reply

      • Peace
        June 1, 2019

        Hahahahaha go away joor.

        Reply

      • J
        June 2, 2019

        😂😂😂

        Reply

  18. Magiccharlie
    June 1, 2019

    Being a side is really tough and I can relate…in every relationship communication is key…sometimes I wonder if sides can have a healthy relationship.

    Reply

    • Tomi
      June 1, 2019

      Why not? Mine ended but not necessarily because of being a “side”

      Reply

  19. McDuke
    June 1, 2019

    I don’t know why everyone is making this a communication issue. For me this was never a communication issue…the truth of the matter is that Tomi never loved Sworld the same way Sworld loved him. Tomi loved the idea of being in a relationship more than the person he is in the relationship with and seeing how much Sworld loved he feels he can get away with anything which to me is mean and cruel. How do you claim to be a side and your bf have no idea about it but you’re already on KD playing the victim and telling every other person that cares to listen claiming you told him initially (pls this is not sth you say just once…). And for the records, I don’t believe Tomi is a side…he’s just being manipulative and trust me Sworld, he doesn’t deserve you, you deserve much more better.

    Reply

    • Delle
      June 1, 2019

      This is quite an insensitive comment to drop. And very dismissive.

      If someone says he is something, you give the benefit of doubt. He says he is a Side, take his word for it.

      I do not think Sworld got cheated by Tomi, I think Sworld allowed his heart rule over his head and expected more than was available for the taking.

      Reply

  20. Lopez
    June 1, 2019

    Do you guys have to do this here? both of you playing the victim to strangers, how is that going to validate anything? you two exactly know what transpired between yourselves and talking about here is only going to make things worse. it’s over so move on, if you can’t, deal with it, you’re adults for God sake.

    Reply

    • stimpex
      June 2, 2019

      We call it washing thy dirty pant in the main road

      Reply

      • Seun
        June 5, 2019

        lol…really

        Reply

  21. Stretchy
    June 18, 2019

    We should have Side support group. Sides what do y’all think?

    Reply

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