NO HOMO

NO HOMO

This year has been shitty for me relationship-wise. Really shitty!

It usually goes thus: Bain meet’s boy. Boy is straight. Boy knows Bain is gay. Boy doesn’t have a problem with it. There is friendship. Some fuckery happens. Bain ends friendship.

That has been the pattern since this year. Nine beautiful friendships fucked because of…

I’m beating about the bush too much. Let me just tell you what happened.

Abiodun is my intensely hot co-worker. Sexy fine specimen of a perfect man, he is.

Before I came out to him, I actually thought he was gay. Stereotypes sha…fuck!

He was cool with me, almost too cool. But he made it super-clear that he doesn’t do men.

Bummer!

I respected that and maintained my distance. But here’s the thing: Abiodun was homophobic, that subtle kind of homophobia. But this attitude was never directed at me. He always made it known to me that I was too nice to hate.

In fact, I was so above his prejudice that I was in the zone where I got all the nice compliments.

“You are looking hot today, bro. No homo…”

“Come let me hug you joor. No homo…”

“You fine die, no homo…”

No homo – that quickly became his favorite word combo.

I initially thought he said that to kill any idea that may be dancing around in my head concerning him and me, since I’m openly gay and stuff. I took no issue with that. He was my friend, the closest person to me at my work place. It was all good.

Abiodun was that kind of straight friend who liked to talk about his sexcapades with women. He’d always find the time to give me the hot gist on what he’d been up to with various girls. Always interesting gist, I must say. Enough to hammer into my head the truth of his heterosexuality.

All that changed soon enough.

That evening, we settled on closing at a later time because we had too much work to fit into frames, wrap and prepare for delivery the next day. The workload was crazy. Abiodun and I were the only ones who did those kinds of tasks. So it was sealed that we would be going home late that day.

It was just the both of us left. Everyone else had left.

As we worked, he started with another one of his tales about his sexual conquests, a story which I half-listened to. Then he stopped at some point and asked me to tell him about my boyfriend because I barely talked about queer stuff to him. I basically had nothing to tell him because I had no boyfriend or casual hookup story to talk about.

So I shrugged in response, an indication that I had nothing to say. and we went back to working in silence.

Then he paused midway from finishing what he was doing, and the next thing he did was so swift, it left me too startled to react. He turned to me, grabbed the back of my neck and planted a kiss on my mouth. It was so unexpected that in the first few seconds, I didn’t react. I didn’t pull away or kiss him back. But his lips claimed mine insistently, urging me to respond. And so, I did. We kissed for about fifteen minutes, and all the while, my mind was racing frantically for answers as I tried to figure out what to do about this. Slap him? No, too dramatic. Push him away? No, I liked the kiss. Don’t kiss him back? Well, too late for that.

Eventually, he broke the kiss and then looked intensely into my eyes for a few seconds, before saying in a low tone, “No Homo. I just wanted to know whether it tastes better than kissing a girl.” He waited a beat and added, “It does.”

And this was the ninth time this year that a supposedly straight friend would kiss me or try to have sex with me.

And frankly I was tired of it!

People just tend to drag me into their mess. It’s almost like I attract straight men. And I’ve had it with that. Knowing who you are is a very important step to having sanity, and then accepting yourself is another. But hating on others and turning around to do to them the same thing for which you hate them for is wickedness that I can’t deal with. Abiodun was homophobic, however subtle it was, and yet he’d kissed me. I couldn’t deal with that.

And because of that, I stopped being friends with him. The warmth I used to interact with him vanished after that evening. My responses to his questions became clipped and monosyllabic, and I endeavored to end any casual conversations between us. Straight, gay, bicurious, testing-testing – whatever he was or was dealing with should have nothing to do with me, and by my actions after he kissed me, I was sure I’d passed the message across.

Written by Bain

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37 Comments

  1. beejay
    September 22, 07:53 Reply

    There you go! Can I just say, that I absolutely abhor that phrase, “no homo”.
    Another thing that irks, is this Neanderthal notion that just coz you’re gay, you’d wanna shag anything that passes for the male specimen. I think a punch in the face woulda been befitting, remind homeboy of his manners.

    • Bain
      September 22, 09:52 Reply

      😂😂😂😂😂😂

  2. Mandy
    September 22, 08:00 Reply

    You know what I find distasteful about this Abiodun character? It’s the whole ‘no homo’ nonsense! I can’t quantify how much I hate hearing guys use those two words. There’s nothing wrong with being bicurious. It’s the no homo journey he took from saying he doesn’t do men to kissing a guy that I find really annoying. Okay so you don’t do men. Good. Can we just leave it at that, instead of you trying to validate your heterosexuality at every turn.
    No homo ko, homo erectus ni! Mscheewwww!

    • Bain
      September 22, 09:54 Reply

      That’s exactly why I’m keeping my distance. no homo this,no homo that,yet you homo and lie that you don’t want to homo. leave me and my “yes homo” alone.

      • Pink Panther
        September 22, 10:55 Reply

        😂😂😂😂😂😂
        That should be a trending hashtag. #YesHomo

  3. Eddir
    September 22, 08:24 Reply

    You keep classifying him as a straight dude…. I disagree
    That nigga ain’t ” straight “

  4. Foxydevil
    September 22, 08:51 Reply

    Story summary…
    “you’ve been attracting closeted gay men ”
    Next!

    • Bain
      September 22, 09:55 Reply

      Closeted gay men with serious IH.

  5. Ola
    September 22, 09:13 Reply

    Please send me Abiodun number lol
    Seems like the kind of DL I want

      • Pink Panther
        September 22, 09:28 Reply

        Lol. Why you sighing, Delle? One gay man’s reject is another gay man’s appeal na

        • Delle
          September 22, 15:08 Reply

          It’s the DL thing that irks me. Someone wee just be proud of being invisible.

          🚶🚶🚶

  6. doe eyed monster
    September 22, 09:15 Reply

    Hmmm… Nice write up… While i understand that this sort of things happen to you a lot, hence you getting tired and reacting cold to it, i will like you to understand that people are different.

    It was easy for you to accept yourself, but for some other people, it takes a lot of time, denial and maybe experimenting…thats why we have the LGBTQ.. Q for Questioning..

    Now i am not saying you should keep allowing yourself to be used for experiment, but i am saying you could help him with his journey. If truly he is your friend, then i feel you should discuss everything that went on in your head with him. He took a bold step by kissing you, but then tell me what will be going on in his head with your reaction.. The confusion, the further questions and what not…

    So my point is this… Communicate all you feel to him… Let him know how him saying “no homo” repeatedly makes you think… Ask him the real reason for kissing you and how he felt after, ask him what he intends to happen in future, maybe he might just explore his bisexuality (not with you, you have to be clear on this) , but most importantly, talk. (you assumed a lot in your story)

    If he doesn’t seem to want to open up… Then you can know “i did my best in trying to help you, this is where i can’t go further” …he is your friend.

    • Pablo ™
      September 22, 14:34 Reply

      IH fools.. I run for my life once I smell them from afar. Awon eleribu

  7. Delle
    September 22, 09:20 Reply

    No hun. It’s not nine straight men you kissed or that tried to have sex with you.

    It’s nine BI-CURIOUS guys. And as it so happens, a lot of guys out there are curious.

    I have always said it that any guy who feels the need to add “nohomo” after any “suggestive” quip actually isn’t telling all the truth. And I’m still waiting to be proved wrong.

    As for shutting him down Bain, like I already told you, it was not the best step. The closeness you both had already pre-established should be enough for you to at least tolerate him and not just push him off like that. At this stage, this point of curiosity, he is very fragile in his thoughts. Can easily be swayed to the positive or negative side of his curious path and I truly believe your pushing him away, like he’s vermin, would damage his already shaken ego.

    Oh well…

    • Pink Panther
      September 22, 09:29 Reply

      Abiodun needed enlightenment. You hear that, Bain? You need to go back and fetch that dude back into our community 😀😀

      • Delle
        September 22, 15:11 Reply

        You know what, PP? I think I’ll take the reins from here.

        I have a soul to save! 💅💅💅

    • Bain
      September 22, 10:00 Reply

      I totally understand this. But this boy has serious internal homophobia and you know my runnings with those. something’s he does that I can’t really translate in this gist. I avoid that kind of Drama,And Believe me,his ego ain’t damaged or bruised.

  8. Mandy
    September 22, 09:27 Reply

    If it were me, as that kiss is going on, I’d be going for his zipper, unzipping him and diving into his boxers. Shey you want to experiment with my lips. Well how about I experiment with your dick 😐😒😒

  9. Troy
    September 22, 10:42 Reply

    I used to be this way. Still am sha.

    • Delle
      September 22, 15:10 Reply

      Oh you used to be like Abiodun, huh? You should be so proud of yourself. 😊😊😊

  10. Sens8
    September 22, 13:16 Reply

    Had a friend who made ‘straight’ guys want to do him. We’d talk about it and I’ll always tell him to ease them in so they are sure they want to do it even if it was temporary. Sometimes, all they need is a little nudge to put them right on the side of the fence where they truly belong. But the ‘No Homo’ shit, that is some weak tea he’s brewing.

    • trystham
      September 22, 16:50 Reply

      Pjay!!! comman and carry ur broda o. All ye ‘nudgers’

      • Sens8
        September 23, 16:21 Reply

        😂😂😂😂. Abeg oh.

  11. Canis VY Majoris
    September 22, 18:11 Reply

    9 straight men you said? No hunny…there’s a more appropriate classification for these type of men. Starts with a B, ends with a S.

    And just maybe a tint of IH somewhere inbetween.

    • Bain
      September 24, 09:48 Reply

      “Supposedly straight”.

  12. Muscleblaq
    September 24, 05:58 Reply

    I love the way you reacted to the kiss, the whole “no homo” thing is just silly and very annoying

  13. quinn
    September 25, 13:40 Reply

    Well can’t blame a boy for trying. I can relate to dealing with supposedly hetero guys trying to get a piece of it, asin i just can’t anymore. This one guy keeps tapping my bum (not that I’m complaining), I’m not even ready to test those waters

  14. Sheun
    October 07, 22:49 Reply

    Being a silent follower of the blog for years, and this story got me, there is a guy in office, also touches me any how, supposedly invited me over, I refused. I keep my distance. I don’t won’t trouble. Nice write up.

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